Gallery of the Absurd

An Entertaining Twist For Mel Gibson's Movie, The Beaver

Mel Gibson is starring in a movie called The Beaver. It's a film about a "guy who walks around with a puppet of a beaver on his hand and treats it as a living creature."  Mel Gibson plays Walter Black, a depressed man who finds a beaver puppet in the trash and believes it's real and is able to give him advice.  When I saw the disconcerting photos of Mel running around yelling with the beaver puppet on his arm scattered across the internet, I was instantly hooked. 

However, I wondered if the film would become a tad more interesting if it was the Beaver who found the Mel Gibson puppet in the trash and once sliding his arm inside the filthy and threadbare puppet, he could never get it off. To make it more improbable, perhaps the Beaver could be a recently unemployed, but highly educated and distinguished butler from London. Since there's no way to remove the Mel Gibson puppet from his arm, he has no choice but to be in service to it. The film follows the life of the tortured Beaver as he gracefully endures the tequila-guzzling exploits of the trash talking Mel Gibson puppet as it wreaks havoc across Malibu. 

I even took a stab at revising the script, but apparently Kyle Killen's screenplay is brilliant and my version will never see the light of day. Oh well, back to the ole drawing board. Medium: Graphite on paper, digital color. An explanation of the artistic process is posted here.

Ted Kennedy Still a Major Player in Health Care Reform

Ted Kennedy may finally be at peace, but certain members of Congress and certain media outlets refuse to let him die when it comes to pushing Obamacare, err, I mean Kennedycare. It's not just the Democrats exploiting his death, Republicans are dragging him around to help their cause too.  

One is reminded of the 1989 hit comedy Weekend at Bernie's in which two vacationing executives discover their boss has died and must attempt to convince people he's still alive. Medium: digital illustration, idea for Weekend at Teddie's sent to me by Red.

Celebrity Elves: The Olsen Twins

It's time to debut my 2007 Holiday Greeting Card Collection: Celebrity Elves. The Olsen Twin elves are at times, adorable little imps with large lemur-like eyes and messy tangled hair. Draping themselves in blankets, shawls and furs, they are often spotted teetering about the streets of NY wearing impossible shoes and carrying expensive bags twice their size. Most of the time they look harmless, but occasionally you'll catch a photo of them that sends chills down your spine. An icy glare, an unsmiling face, bright, yet empty eyes. If I was riding my bike down a creepy hotel corridor, say The Overlook from The Shining for example, and the twins suddenly appeared in front of me, I'd become gripped by fear.

Janice Dickinson is The Re-Animator

Janice Dickinson stars in the Hollywood remake of the gory 1985 horror classic, Re-Animator. Janice will portray herself as the basement-dwelling mad scientist who continuously injects herself with questionable youth-preserving serums until she begins to suffer horrific side-effects. In one of the more gory scenes, Janice cuts off her own head and miraculously grows a newer, younger one. Her older, disembodied head rolls around on the floor begging for a boob job and tummy tuck until Janice grows impatient with it and kicks it across the room. Medium: acrylic on paper, digital color/text. Happy Halloween!

Clay Aiken Is Hungry For Blood....and Twinkies

The following spoof of this Child's Play trailer was written by Candy of Holy Candy: It all started with a big sing-off. I was just your average, everyday college student till a little encouragement from an evil man named Simon made me what I am today: Chunky. See, y'all, after the "Velvet Teddy Bear" robbed me of a life as an American Idol winner, I went on a rampage, killing the Bear on the Billboard charts, and stealing the hearts of housewives and men's chorus members nationwide. That's right -- my "aw, shucks" Howdy Doody exterior belies an inner savage beast. Nobody is safe in my path. Just ask Kelly Ripa, airplane passengers, teenage fans, and that snack aisle I just pillaged. Bwahahaha! Oh, and while I'm unleashing my beast on those pesky gossip bloggers, be sure to check out my CD, All is Well (Till You Ask Me If I'm Gay), flying off the shelves at a Wal-Mart near you! Medium: a little too much fun with my wacom tablet, movie tagline written by Candy.

Pedro Almodovar Poses With His Oscars

A few months ago, Spanish newspaper El Mundo commissioned me to paint a portrait of Pedro Almodovar, Penelope Cruz and Antonio Banderas for their weekly magazine. Most of the work that appears on this absurd blog is inspired by gossip, but occasionally I feel like posting illustrations of artists I admire. I tried to find some gossip about Mr. Almodovar, but all I could dig up were friendly barbs about his impressive head of hair. Sources from El Mundo tell me Pedro lives his life to the fullest and can often be found holding court in nightclubs and restaurants while surrounded by adoring friends and fans. Pedro grew up poor and without means to pursue his dream of film directing, but despite his limitations, he never allowed himself to be knocked off course. He worked several odd jobs and even spent 12 years working as an adminstrative assistant for Spain's national telephone company while he created experimental short films during after hours. In 1980, he made his first feature film using his friends as volunteers and later went on to win his first Oscar (Best Foreign Language Film) in 1999. Today, Mr. Almodovar has receieved over 83 film awards and dozens of nominations. I'm told his home country of Spain considers him a national treasure. Medium: acrylic and ink on board. THANK YOU: Bitch magazine featured Gallery of the Absurd in their quarterly "Bitch List". They said my paintbrush is "skilled in grotesquery and doused with verve" and I couldn't be more flattered. Also, much thanks to the arty Italian street magazine Stirato for using my work in their 7 Deadly Celebrity Sinners feature. Stirato unfolds from a magazine into a giant, visually saturated poster. Put your glasses on and take a look here.

Victoria "Posh" Beckham Invades Los Angeles

 

Victoria "Posh" Beckham has been staging a shameless media blitz so everyone will know without a doubt that she and David have officially arrived in Los Angeles. Instead of choosing a private jet and making a discreet arrival, they made their journey on a commercial jet and flew into LAX with hoards of photographers standing by. Victoria also starred in her own reality TV show, "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America", but critics were quick to savage it. The New York Post described Victoria's "vapid, condescending behavior" and called the show "an orgy of self-indulgence". Oh, and let's not forget the W cover. Victoria is often compared to a robot due to her inabilty to crack a smile and show emotion. Not only is she filthy rich, she sleeps next to David Beckham at night...if I were her, I'd be smiling all time. I've chosen to portray Ms. Beckham as Futura, the icy fembot from the 1927 silent film masterpiece Metropolis. I found the resemblance to be astounding. Medium: acrylic and gouache on board, quantum entanglement, digital color.

 

The Graceful Flight of Paula Abdul

Last week I was asked to participate in the Film Experience Blog's Action Heroine Blog-a-Thon. My entry is a week late, but better late than never. Since I'm a fan of Chinese martial arts films, I chose Ziyi Zhang as my action heroine, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon as my film and then substituted Paula Abdul as my star. The wuxia genre of Chinese cinema typically features beautifully choreographed fighting scenes in which the heroes fly through treetops and over roofs as if they possess magical powers. Bold color and stunning scenery add poetic spectacle to the heart-pounding action. When I read about Paula Abdul breaking her nose after tripping over her chihuahua, I imagined her flying magically through the sky while wearing one of her strange ruffled frocks. Luckily for Paula, she thought she was going on a slow motion magic carpet ride with the fairies and had no idea she had even hurt herself until hours later. Oh that crazy Paula..I just love her. Medium: Ink on paper, digital color.

Rocky Balboa in Twenty Years

Rocky Balboa is the neverending story of the underdog prize fighter who always manages to win. In the sixth installment of the series, the 60 year old Sylvester Stallone shows he's still got what it takes despite the fact he's often compared to looking like his mother or poked fun of in a newspaper headline calling him "...more stocky than Rocky". Rocky Balboa has received favorable reviews from the Hollywood Reporter and Variety, but it's going to be nothing compared to the future greatness of Rocky 7: Nursing Home Rumble. Slated for release on December 20, 2026, Stallone will once again prove that he can still throw a bloody punch. Watch with unabashed glee as the 80-year old Rocky pummels his geriatric neighbors Arnold Shwarzenegger and Steven Seagal. Medium: Acrylic and charcol on paper with wine spilled on it. Much thanks to clever Kipling for the brainstorm.

We predict Sylvester Stallone will continue to sport his current pointy black eyebrows and poorly-fitted jet black toupee well into his eighties. If he's not careful, he'll also destroy his charming hangdog expression with gallons of botox resulting in an epic battle between droopy and puffy. This could be the subject of Rocky 8: Gravity vs. Excessive Cosmetic Surgery.

Interview With The Antoinette

It's always fun to replace a slick promotional photo of an actor/entertainer with the occasional unfortunate paparazzi photo. In the treacherous territory of celebrity gossip blogs, much ado has been made over Kirsten Dunst's odd little "vampire bat teeth". Ms. Dunst feels her imperfect teeth are "sexy" and refuses to tread the well-worn path toward the Hollywood standard of perfection. We can't help but applaud her for taking such a daring risk. Still, those teeth make for an opportunity we couldn't refuse to pass up: blending Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette with a little bit of Interview With The Vampire. Medium: Acrylic on board, Illustrator. Post title suggested by Kipling West.