Gallery of the Absurd

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West as Booty And The Beast

A delightful storybook romance staring Kim Kardashian as Booty, Kanye West as The Ego Beast, Bruce Jenner as Taut Teacup, Kris Jenner as Leaky Teapot, Khloe Kardashian as The Khlock, and tragic Kris Humphries as Old Flame:

"When Booty’s magical 72-day marriage tragically dissolves, her mother warns that she must find a famous suitor to keep her name in the tabloids, lest she fade from public memory like her old friend Paris Hilton. 

“Think of the family,” her mother implores.  “Mama’s Bentley is not going to pay for itself.”

Despite her uncertainty about the exact meaning of “suitor,” Booty bravely scrolls through the contacts on her phone to see if there is somebody…anybody…in the Greater Los Angeles and New York areas she has not yet dated – all in the name of keeping the Kardashian Kollection alive at Sears for another day. 

Suddenly, Booty stops on a name and gasps. 

“No.  Not him.  I couldn’t…”

But it is too late.  When Booty’s mother sees The Beast’s unsmiling face appear on the screen, she insists on making the union happen.

“To Nobu, it is!  I will alert TMZ.”

At first Booty is apprehensive about a boyfriend who doesn’t play a professional sport, and whose “greatest pain in life” is that he “will never be able to see himself perform live,” but soon the paparazzi’s tremendous interest in them puts her at ease.

One of the most ego-filled romances of all time, Booty and the Beast appeals to a horrifically large number of people who have made Ryan Seacrest an even richer man."

A preview of some of the pages included in the Booty and The Beast fairy tale: 

His face stretched beyond recognition, Bruce Jenner is Taut Teacup.

Kris Jenner will do anything for money. If she's not allegedly selling Booty's sex tape to porn sites, she's yammering on and on about her incontinence problem, plus other TMI subjects we don't want to hear about.

Khloe Kardashian is The Clock that ticks louder and louder with each passing day.

Once a dim flame who lit Booty's fire in make-believe land, Kris Humphries' blaze was quickly stomped out by a whiny herd of stilleto-wearing Kardashians. Medium: ink and digital color. Character design and illustration by 14, concept, rhymes and story written by Candy Kirby of The Laughing Stork.

Angelina Jolie As The Little Engine That Could

Angelina Jolie and her brood star in the celebrity version of The Little Engine That Could, a classic children's tale about determined optimism and courageous intent. Angelina and Brad Pitt are planning on adopting up to 14 kids (such a fortuitous number!) and while that may seem daunting, they claim they're up to the challenge. She thinks she can, she thinks she can... Medium: graphite sketch, digital color.

Here's a sneak peak at one of the pages scanned from the book. Lavishly illustrated, this modern hero's tale is sure to inspire today's celebrity-obsessed generation. Written by Candy Kirby, illustrated by 14. Medium: scanned page from Little Golden Book version of The Little Engine That Could, photo collage.

TomKat's Fairy Tale Wedding

Jack Tom and the Beanstalk. Congratulations Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and little Suri. Medium: Graphite, ink, digital color. Thanks Tony and Kerri. UPDATE:  Congrats on the divorce!