Jenna Jameson has announced the launch of a branded line of nursery and baby accessories inspired by her days in the adult entertainment industry. The ex-porn superstar says, "After I learned of my pregnancy, I wanted to create a collection of baby gear I'd like to see in my own nursery. It's no secret that porn has gone mainstream these days, just take a look at that racy Gossip Girls show or the huge popularity of those slutty Bratz Dolls." The Jenna Jameson Baby Nursery Collection fills a gaping niche in a sizable swelling market. Medium: Photo composite, digital paint.
You and your baby will love Jenna's tasteful "twosies" from her baby apparel collection, "I'm a Porn Star, Baby." Made from 100% cozy nylon and polyester, each piece features an adorable lace top with plunging neckline and matching lace-up panties with attached thigh-high booties. Medium: ink on paper, digital color.
Jenna's favorite item from her collection is the Dual Action Feeding Bottle made with genuine lifelike silicone. "It's going to be a big hit in Los Angeles because the bottle is designed to more closely resemble the body type of the average Beverly Hills woman", says Jenna. "It's also a smart solution for all the twins being born these days. I've already sent a case to Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, and the countless other celebrities with twins." Medium: digital illustration.
Jenna's official commissioned portrait. Medium: Digital illustration. Idea for nursery collection came from a witty GOTA commenter. UPDATE: Gallery of the Absurd and It's Candy TV will collaborate occasionally on the newly launched Celebrity Crap Network (CCN), the leading interactive multi-channel peddler of useless merchandise endorsed by already-rich celebrities. We guarantee that all items sold on CCN are unoriginal and of shoddy construction -- and that the associated celebrities have little to nothing to do with the actual planning, design or creation of these items. First up, the Olsen Twins Jewelry Collection.
Shouldn't the pacifier be penis-shaped?
Posted by: Tessie | September 14, 2008 at 09:28 AM
14, this is just sheer genius and hilarity. You skewer the "celebs" who truly deserve it, and you do it so very well. You also perfectly captured Jenna's white trash face. Oops, did I write that out loud?
Posted by: Julia | September 03, 2008 at 02:13 PM
oh sweet collard greens with pigfeet. what have we here?!! that is the funniest damn thing i've seen in a long time. i love that pic of jenna. you capture this creature so wonderfully. the crib, bottle, weinerfier...what a lucky kid.
Posted by: deanna | August 26, 2008 at 11:01 PM
This goes perfectly with the Playboy make up for your high school graduation collection I recently saw at the drugstore. Get your little bitches ready for the porny sex toy life!
Posted by: Cassie | August 21, 2008 at 02:40 PM
Oh I love this! I've been away for so long, and now I get to have fun catching up. I like how the crib has platform stilettos on the bottom and big dildos at the top. Every thing about this is perfect. And Jenna's portrait... classic!
Ooh, Mid, that's an amazing idea... the g-string diaper...
Posted by: Jenn F. | August 21, 2008 at 08:51 AM
I hope the twosies come in different colors!
My favorite is the crib! I love it. Can I get that with lucite heels?
Kim aka ~Queen Diva~
Posted by: Kim | August 20, 2008 at 12:59 PM
Oh, this is disturbing. And brilliant.
Posted by: alisa | August 20, 2008 at 07:56 AM
Ummm, This is so brilliant, but, it gave me a nightmare. You are doing your job, 14.
Leslie
Posted by: Dr. L. | August 20, 2008 at 02:49 AM
I love the platform crib! Be careful, though, 14, after the preteen thongs, this may not be too far in the future...
Jenna Jameson always seems so sad in her recent pictures. At least she has Tito to listen to her and give her the caring and sensitivity she needs. I am sure he isn't dating her just because of her past. Not at all. Not one bit.
*cough*
Posted by: Michael Ian | August 19, 2008 at 02:02 PM
Is that. . .is that. . .A PEEN PACIFIER?????!!!!!1111?!?!??? Also, loves the hooker boots on the crib. omg I really don't think it would be a stretch if those were actual quotes in the first paragraph. This was so funny I forgot for a minute that the world is going completely to pot. Thanx 14!!!
Posted by: jerkygirl | August 19, 2008 at 07:01 AM
If my throat didn't feel like it had been gassed and set ablaze, I'd be laughing so hard right now.
Posted by: Peta | August 18, 2008 at 10:44 PM
I love the baby bottle. I needed a good laugh. You are right. She does look like a duck.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | August 18, 2008 at 06:08 PM
Sweet baby Jesus! LOL! Rubber duckie's with boobs! Ack! LOL! Love it!
Posted by: Chansmom | August 18, 2008 at 01:32 PM
Vern! Thanks for noticing the special bottle design.
xoxo
14
Posted by: cornwall wallcorn | August 18, 2008 at 01:00 PM
Jeebus!
If you turn the bottle upside down it looks like a scary dildo and the little duckies have tities!
I have the feeling we're not in Kansas anymore!
Posted by: vern | August 18, 2008 at 12:18 PM
Gives a new meaning to the phrase "ugly duckling" :D
Posted by: Rebecca | August 18, 2008 at 11:19 AM
please please please never do a caricature of me! you are brutal ... i'm glad all the fresh air and sunshine has not dulled your pen. dual-action feeding from lifelike silicone ... LOVE it! thank you, 14, for making this overcast monday morning a lot brighter ... GOTA and Resplendent Chaos are my happy place.
Posted by: Knox Bronson | August 18, 2008 at 10:34 AM
*first*LOL
Posted by: Lee | August 18, 2008 at 09:12 AM
"YOU STILL GOT IT!!!!!"
Posted by: Chuck | August 18, 2008 at 09:04 AM
Genius work! Um, where's the g-string diaper?
Posted by: midevil | August 18, 2008 at 08:50 AM