Cisco Adler's Christmas Balls Aren't Selling

Adding to our list of the Worst Celebrity Endorsed Gift Items of the Season are these festive holiday tree ornaments. Cisco Adler (who? I know, I didn't know who he was either) gained notoriety the Hollywood way when a nude photograph of him and his, ahem...certain pendulous body parts were posted all over the internet. As every scandal-torn celeb knows, cashing in on your notoriety will only make you more famous - especially if nudity is involved. I have to hand it to him, the Christmas balls were a good idea..however, people found them too heavy. Who wants tree ornaments that drag on the floor? Not me. Medium: graphite and ink on paper, digital color, and a wily imp.

Comments

[pun_inpended]

To Moonmaid's comment, Whew- I bet they smell bad too. old mushrooms."

Then I guess that would make them of the "Portoballo" specimen.

Maybe he can't see past them to cut his toe nails, being that they hang so low.

I haven't ever seen anything like them either and hope to never do so again. Hope everyone, especially 14 had/has a very happy holidays and that your New Years start off with a bang!

Jessica / pun_inpendid

[moonmaid]

"He doesn't even cut his toe nails. I wish he would go away."

I am choking with laughter - first at the painting and the description, and then at the comments.

I'm not a dyke, and trust me, I've never seen balls that even come close to them low-hangin' wonders!

Whew- I bet they smell bad too. old mushrooms.

[Jenna]

I threw up in my mouth.

[mockazine]

Dangle balls,
Dangle balls,
Dangle all the way.

Oh what fun
they are to swing
between the knees all day.

[June Bug]

EEWWWWWW! That is so gross yet so funny! Actually, they should make a pair of his balls for the tailgate of people's cars. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? LOL They'd be dragging on the road!

If anyone wants to make some money online doing free surveys go here: http://cashcrate.com/368781

[paulapoo]

If you scented the balls with the typical holiday candle scents like "Christmas Cookie", "Gingerbread Man", and other happy shit like that, the soccer moms would buy them by the bushels.

[Kamala]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[Me]

Cisco is hot. and sooo nice.

[Demon Kitty]

I did something I have been avoiding for awhile. I looked at his balls.

What the hell is wrong with his balls anyway? I have never seen balls on a man that hung that LOW. But, I am a dyke and my experiences with those of the Y chromosome are VERY limited and happened a long, long, time ago.

The only time I ever saw a pair of balls that hung that low took place on a hot summer's day when my German Shepherd, "Buddy" looked like his balls were hanging from a thread. I freaked out and wanted to take him to the vet. My mom and I got into a screaming match about Buddy's balls. She was such a bitch. I really thought Buddy's balls were in danger of falling off. I guess this is normal on dogs and men. My mother could have given a shit less about Buddy's balls. A vet bill would have prevented her from buying more jewelry. She was so inhuman. Luckily, Buddy was OK.

I can't believe Lydia Hearst and Mischa Barton fucked this man. He is sooo nasty. His genitalia is ugly as Paris Hilton's and his face is nasty too. He doesn't even cut his toe nails. I wish he would go away.

[pun_inpendid]

Touche! to both Midevil and 14.

[pun_inpendid]

Addendum to my previous comment: Holy Ow!!! - Yes, left off the "c" intentionally. I just looked at the "real deal" and I think I may be sick for a week. 14's version is practically pretty compared to the Cisco Adler in the buff. It's more than enuf (mispell intended, too) - YECH! I'm female and I don't care that much for myself naked, so I probably have no room to talk (though nothing on me stands out that much) - but his whole self au naturel is very unappealing. That man is just not a prize in the looks department - his "beaver cleaver" and lumpy logs appear to be the most developed thing on him. And yet, even he manages to find people to date. Bet he doesn't find himself at singles dances ... Go figure : )

[pun_inpended]

AAAAHHHH - my eyes, my eyes!!! You know, it is really a shame that we can't also post music on your site. As I have a tune that goes so well with the "Hung on or by the christmas trees without a care (on his part, or would that be, ahem ... parts) depiction of Adlers Atrocious Appendages.

Those of us who are a tad older, and a bit stranger, may have been thinking what I was (though am only 36). With major apologies to the writer of the song "Do Your Ears Hang Low". Here is the link if you'd like to hear the music to this little ditty.
http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/lyrics/doyourears.htm

This would have to be the adult version of the children's ditty. You know, having listened to the song several times while purloining (yes, of course, pun intended!!!!!) the lyrics, I will now not get it out of my head for a long time, but I still suspect it will take much longer for me to get this hellacious "him"age of the boys out of my head. Some of this song is more apropos than other parts, but had to include most all of it for. Sorry such a long post! But the song at the end is worth it ; ).

Well, 14, at least you didn't make them blue as well - would give a whole other meaning to "I'll have a blue, blue Christmas without you..."

I hope it isn't copyright infringement to print the lyrics with a word substitution...

Do your balls hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder
like a continental soldier?
Do your balls hang low?

Do your balls hang high?
Do they reach up to the sky?
Do they droop when they are wet?
Do they stiffen when they're dry?
Can you semaphore your neighbour
with a minimum of labour?
Do your ears balls high?

Do your balls flip-flop?
Can you use them for a mop?
Are they stringy at the bottom?
Are they curly at the top?
Can you use them for a swatter?
Can you use them for a blotter?
Do your balls flip-flop?

Do your balls hang out?
Can you waggle them about?
Can you flip them up and down
as you fly around the town?

[Jenn F.]

Oh my God that is the most revolting, fantastic, disgusting, hilarious, gag-inducing thing I think I've ever seen. You are SO FREAKING FUNNY!!!!! You must have been retching and giggling at the same time as you worked on this one.

[MK]

14, coming to your site is like being alive when James Brown was putting out new singles all the time.

[Mallamar Berracci]

[QUOTE]Maybe these can double as earrings for Paris Hilton.[/QUOTE]

No, she'd eat those--and that would be the only thing she'll eat.

[moldyfig]

No one ever seems to realize that he was posing like Captain Morgan, the "rum pirate" or whatever the hell his "character" is.

[TheReallyJamesBond]

You're sooooo consistantly halarious! checked dat link, and "Hey!,... The wrong part of his junk has the major hangage,.... just like in your drawing!!!"

[PoorBritney.com]

Those will be hanging from Britney's rear view mirror soon enough! Grossly fantastic 14!

[Annie]

This is both revolting and fascinating. And, as usual, a work of genius.

Happy Holidays!

[Jennifer]

This one tops them all!
Love it! You freakin' rock!

[Demon Kitty]

Ew ...

The man is disgusting. I don't know why any woman or man would want to see his genitalia. Barf!

[anonymous]

brilliantly foul and disgusting, but less so than the original

[Chansmom]

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! LOL! Pure genius! I don't know why that guy is so proud of his sack being larger than his willy. He's just, nasty. LOL! I love you, 14!

[ZeldaD]

You are wonderful. Just wonderful. I don't know you personally, but I wish I did. I imagine that you and I would be great friends. But, then again, I'm sure that's how Jennifer Jason Leigh felt in "SWF." ;-)

I don't usually gush over my bloggers. but something about this one put me over the edge. It solidified your status in my mind as something of a rock star. Rock on, girl! And thanks for the laughs.

[gman]

I love the fact that you got one ball hanging lower than the other.....f'ing hilarious reality.

[mellen]

Um, I know. When I originally saw the photo a few months ago, I got physically ill. Gross. The hair "tufts" on the top are...well...just horrific. Great job.

[gilmore]

Is it wrong that those kinda turn me on? I like those balls so much better removed from him.

Happy Holidays 14!

[14]

Mockazine:
That's not hair, it's Christmas straw! No worries.

Knox:
yep. When I get a cold my work takes on a frightening patina.

Javelin:
you nut. Thanks for the laugh.

xoxo
14

[mockazine]

I don't know how to laugh and throw-up at the same time. The hair really put this over the top.

[Marie]

You are so funny! It's the little hairs coming out of the hook hangers that kill me!!

keep up the good work!

[Knox Bronson]

i think the benadryl is warping your mind, mx. mzltplqk ...

[Exyank]

O. M. G. That took cajones! ;)

[gn]

Gross... lol

[Javelin]

Maybe these can double as earrings for Paris Hilton.

[Madame M]

Ew! Too realistic!

[Candy]

Hairy Christmas!

[midevil]

Gross, but genius!