I've always enjoyed creating comic strips. In fact, one of the reasons I started this blog was to find humor in our culture's obsessive worship of the cult of celebrity. Most of the time celebrity gossip can be amusing, but lately some of it has become downright cruel. I've been working on a comic book over the past few weeks and decided to take a break from it to create a few tragics based on some of the more unscrupulous stories that caught my eye.
Tragic ONE: Madonna The Daily Mail ran a story of no news value except to point out the current state of Madonna's hands. The headline screamed "She's so vein...Madonna's hands look worse than ever." Of course there appeared the inevitable close-up shot of her "ravaged" hands, and as expected, the photo was enhanced to make her hands look even worse than they really are.
It must have been a slow week for Star magazine back in May. Melanie Griffith made the grave error of running errands on a warm summer day while wearing shorts which exposed the wrinkles on her knees. Some paps caught her and the photo appeared in Star along with, yep you guessed it, a close-up shot of the scandalous wrinkled knee. "Melanie Griffith isn't looking as toned and taut as usual. What's up?" asked Star. Oh, and it gets worse. A full-page photo of Melanie's age-spotted and sagging face is shown along with a plastic surgeon's recommendation for her to get face lift, eye job and chemical peel to "bring her face back to life." Hasn't she had enough cosmetic surgery? Don't encourage her.
Father Time has magically erased all the $500,000 work Demi Moore had done on her face and now she looks like a 44 year old woman. Oh yeah, she is 44. I suppose the recent Daily Mail article pointing out Demi's "complexion marked heavily with wrinkles" serves as bitter pill to those hoping to fight off the aging process. The brutal truth is, there's nothing you can do to stop it. Sure, you can get a nip and tuck here and there to freshen up, but gravity takes no prisoners.
The Daily Mail enjoys poking barbs at female celebrities over 40, but isn't it interesting how they find old geezer male celebrities to look "fresh faced"? Does "fresh faced" mean having so much plastic surgery that you end up looking like a cross between the Joker and Mickey Rourke like poor old Billy Crystal here? Didn't they happen to notice his hair looks like a dandelion? Well, I sure did. They point out Madonna's veins and Demi's crow's feet, so why not dish on Billy Crystal's see-thru hair? And Clint Eastwood? I like both these guys, but I would hardly call them "fresh faced". Clint's face may have undergone industrial-strength plastic surgery, but he still can't escape the fact he looks like the crypt keeper. Lesson of The Day: Women showing signs of aging should be ashamed of themselves. Men over 60 with clownish plastic surgery should be celebrated for their fresh faces. Medium: ink and graphite on paper, digital text.
Alcohol and drugs are just like rubbing anti-youth onto and into your body, plus you usually have to spend money on both~to destroy your looks.
Pretty dumb, ay?
Drink more water, and keep away from booze and smokes. Also, buy my CD at CD Baby and laugh. It is full of fun youth-rejuvinating music and you can hear free samples of the songs here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/mollysonnyboy2
Posted by: Molly Siesta | November 23, 2007 at 08:48 AM
That Billy Crystal sent a genuine shiver up my spine. You're very talented.
Posted by: hermione_q | November 08, 2007 at 07:35 PM
...I too am tiring of the misogynistic beating down of the over 35 women celebrities. What about the f****ing men in hollywood that are over 35??? What about those pot-bellied, egostical, balding, impetent freaks? Please take note that Demi and Madonna were hot enough to marry men 10 yrs their senior. F**** the Daily Mail!
Posted by: StaunchFeminist | October 14, 2007 at 10:51 PM
Demi Moore is still gorgeous, though. :]
Posted by: Artemis | October 14, 2007 at 12:51 PM
I'm late to crash this party (picked up a flyer in the yard over at Feminist Law Professors') and apologize for that.
14, love the drawings and commentary. And from this day forward, I'll remember to always keep my knees bent so as not to allow the flesh on them to form wrinkles.
Kiki and FairladyZ, that Madonna, Griffith and Moore aren't nice, polite and kind (as women are supposed to be, you know) has abso-fucking-lutely nothing to do with whether or not they have wrinkles or look their ages. Insulting women's looks simply because we don't like those women is a practice taught to us by the patriarchy as part of the strategy to keep us too busy ripping on one another to even think of banding together against those who will oppress us. It's also a practice that patriarchs enjoy participating in, which is proven by examples such as the never-ending insults and criticisms of Hillary Clinton's looks that flow continously from Republicans and other conservatives (as well as more than a few librul menz).
And Kiki, you have this:
"It has penetrated the collective psyche of this goddamn country in ways that no one notices. It influences our attitudes about love, sex, relationships, aging, being single, being alone, even our fucking health!!!!!"
following this:
"I was shopping one day and found myself next to this brunette bombshell with a collagen injected pout. She had perky D sized rack that stood up nice and straight. The posture of her tits was awesome. Then I saw her arms and her bulging abdomen and totally freaked!!! Her arms were that of someone in their 70s! It was soooo weird!"
and then you finish it all with a comment about beauty being on skin deep.
Start noticing first how your psyche and atttitudes have been affected by the beauty/fashion industry. When you've done that, you may actually believe it when you say (or post) that beauty is only skin deep. Today, however, your comments insulting the looks of other women reveal that you believe their beauty or lack thereof to be very important, perhaps even the measure of their worth. Further, your comments about other women's looks are similar to those of misogynists, and are identical to those of other misogynists who are also women. No matter how good or bad you look, your words reveal you to be a hater of women.
Posted by: CoolAunt | October 12, 2007 at 10:16 PM
Clint doesn't look like the crypt keeper, but like a mummy!
Posted by: German | October 09, 2007 at 04:38 AM
Tell 'em, sister!
You are so right.
Posted by: idontknowyet | October 08, 2007 at 07:59 PM
yeah, no shit-- what's the point in pointing out someone's wrinkles, anyway? it's like doing an article titled "Celebrities who aren't as young as they were 10 years ago".
Posted by: Javelin | October 08, 2007 at 07:56 PM
You're absolutely right about the disturbing double standard and once again your artwork is masterful, but...
Damn, Melanie Griffith's legs look awful! I'm the same age and I swear my skin doesn't sag like that. Brrrr!
Posted by: trilbynhiss | October 08, 2007 at 01:44 PM
14, great point about aging male stars. Hey, if tabloids choose to be misogynist, then jolly good for you for pointing out that sixty, seventy, eighty, 104-year-old men who are trying to turn back time themselves run into a few roadblocks. Listen, in the case of Stallone (as he was shown in your link) you did him a huge favor by not drawing him.
As far as Demi Moore, she looks beautiful with her wrinkles! I’d say she looks better with them than without. The way they are situated suggests that they may have resulted from sun damage, but they give her a timeless more approachable quality and I for one hope that she does not attempt to alter them.
Posted by: midwestocean | October 08, 2007 at 09:20 AM
A day without Deanna is a day without sunshine.
Posted by: Charlene | October 07, 2007 at 08:56 PM
I get it, but Madonna's hands *are* really scary.
Posted by: Liza | October 07, 2007 at 01:04 PM
Bravo, 14, you're always right not the spot!
Posted by: salmonella | October 07, 2007 at 06:40 AM
you know who billy crystal looks like? Have you ever seen The Department of Acceptable Media's cartoon "Mr. Sprinkles"? Because if you haven't, you should.
Posted by: amory | October 07, 2007 at 03:22 AM
Old men always think other old men are hot don't they? LOL Great work :D
Posted by: sugarbear | October 06, 2007 at 10:18 PM
Funny
Funny & True!!
Posted by: TheReallyJamesBond | October 06, 2007 at 04:46 PM
Dandelion hair? LMAO at the little dandelion puffs floating around Billy Crystal's head. Ageism is a sad thing indeed -- we all get our turn.
Posted by: ILSA | October 06, 2007 at 11:19 AM
Stuck in AL,
that's okay. I respond to 13, as well as 5, 9 and 23.
8
Posted by: 14 | October 06, 2007 at 10:26 AM
Ah Deanna, how I've missed you.
I can't take credit for the crypt comment... that belongs to 14's usual genius. I was merely showing appreciation from the peanut gallery.
Regardless, my loyalty to you is like Linlo's to the bottle. Nothing can shake it.
Posted by: Jenn F. | October 06, 2007 at 09:05 AM
oops, typo, 14! I meant 14! Geez...
Posted by: Stuck in AL | October 06, 2007 at 08:33 AM
Fairlady Z,
It's not an unknown reason, it's called the Boyz Club, double standard, sexism, misogyny...
Posted by: midevil | October 06, 2007 at 06:42 AM
To quote Mammy from Gone With the Wind, "It just ain't fittin, it just ain't fittin, it just ain't fittin." Or at least I think that's what she said, but those men shouldn't have gone under the knife. It just ain't fittin.
I love your perspective, 13. Thank you for putting it out there to keep things in check. I would love to see your vision of Hulk Hogan and his family. Especially after his son's quote of his passenger's health status (while being in a coma) as being "perfect" and just having a "bump" on his head. Thanks to Nic's speeding and his parents turning a blind eye to all of his traffic tickets.
Posted by: Stuck in AL | October 06, 2007 at 06:07 AM
Well 14, you have finally done it. You crossed the line so far as i am concerned. HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU accuse or allege my baby daddy, my lover of long time, the man who i have known as a lover, father, grandaddy, of having surgery and succumbing to hollywood. you got some skunk nerve to be posting that. Clint Eastwood is my hero. that jacked-up white man dorothy hamill afro-like hairdo you illustrated on my husband is unforgiveable!!!!! jesus christ isn't anyone sacred round here? i feel blindsided by this. i never thought i'd see the day my boo would be the subject of commentary on this site. family is sacred damn it.
AND YOU JENN F....
how DARE YOU COMPARE my uncle clint to the crypt keeper. HOW DARE YOU!!! i would drag you to court and litigate your insides out for that remark if it were possible. why dontcha just talk shit bout spam while you're at it? surely you got something nasty to say bout porkrinds and hotsauce as well.. whether or not our friendship can survive these times jenn f. is a question on time can answer..... i'm sorry what did you say TIME? you said our friendship will survive. well that's just dandy. Amen to that.
i did find it very troubling that clint would be in the company of sylvester stallone and his facelift. I will certainly speak to clint about the company he's keeping as it may negatively impact his social standing and reputation. thank you 14 for bringing this to my immediate attention. i'll be sure to bring this to his attention tonite after i ride him like a $12 trick pony.
yeah and screw madonna and up melanie's with a scapel as well. oh yeah and screw demi who cares that her face looks badly ironed or that melanie's knees look like clothes that just came out of the rough dry laundry. i just wish britt would hurry herself back into the knews to distract me from this uneasiness.
Posted by: deanna1104 | October 05, 2007 at 10:07 PM
Good lord, Billy Crystal looks like such a ridiculous caricature of himself. And not just in 14's hilarious art, but in real life. Wow.
The media needs to grow up and realize that yes Virginia, people do age and it ain't pretty. Oh well, it'll happen to them one day too. At least the ladies look half-way human... can't really say as much for the guys there, yet they get all the slack for some unknown reason.
Posted by: Fairlady Z | October 05, 2007 at 06:35 PM
Blame Hollywood for all that double standard bullshit. I don't feel sorry for Madonna though - not in the least. Madonna is notorious for being extremely rude to her fans and other people. Fuck Madonna. Let the evil press go to town on her nasty hands. I still can't believe the man who directed "Snatch" married her. According to Boy George, she hunted peasants. Fuck Madonna! Fuck her!
When I lived in Houston, I saw tons of plastic surgery from Hell. I was shopping one day and found myself next to this brunette bombshell with a collagen injected pout. She had perky D sized rack that stood up nice and straight. The posture of her tits was awesome. Then I saw her arms and her bulging abdomen and totally freaked!!! Her arms were that of someone in their 70s! It was soooo weird! I remember seeing this French documentary about sex and lifestyle. This young French guy was smoking a cigarette and sitting next to his grandmother. He kept going on and on about how beautiful she was. I thought my grandmother was beautiful. She was in her 80s!!!!!! We need to French up here in the U.S. Viva la France!!!!
Hollywood has control over the fashion and cosmetic industry. It has penetrated the collective psyche of this goddamn country in ways that no one notices. It influences our attitudes about love, sex, relationships, aging, being single, being alone, even our fucking health!!!!!
Beauty is skin deep. I think Naomi Campbell is a perfect example of that.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | October 05, 2007 at 05:35 PM
And yet again, the patriarchy rears its ugly head.
Posted by: kiki | October 05, 2007 at 05:22 PM
I imagine everyone has their own "kryptonite". I've just realized mine is your picture of Billy Crystal! I am so awed by your talent that I keep looking even though it scares the bejeemus out of me and weakens me.
I want to get all dk and rage about how insidious and sexist this agist crap is but I've got a song stuck in my brain (and yes, it's lonely, thanks for asking) and I feel like sharing some of it:
"All the people,
in the pictures,
all the people made of tiki taki,
and they're all made out of tiki taki
and they all look just the same."
It goes on but I'm sure you all get the point.
Posted by: just wonderin | October 05, 2007 at 05:06 PM
This is scary message that we girls BETTER enjoy our youth while we can; we're only good for maybe 20-30 years and after that we are slowly reduced to ugly old hags for the rest of our natural lives.
And we better live with it, too.:(
Posted by: Becca | October 05, 2007 at 04:27 PM
Let's bring back the Spice Girls now!!!
Posted by: Jujupiter | October 05, 2007 at 04:24 PM
I love your drawings; not only do they give me a good guffle, they're pretty damn insightful too :)
Posted by: Zey | October 05, 2007 at 04:19 PM
Best. commentary. EVER.
Posted by: hmmmm | October 05, 2007 at 04:09 PM
You are my hero.
Posted by: Narcissus | October 05, 2007 at 03:45 PM
Oh man, your Melanie Griffith lips are awesome! Man, you score bonus points for the uberly fantastic Clint Eastwood presentation!
Ayup, our society conditions us to throw away women who have the slightest signs of age, while, well, uh, ancients like Hugh Hefner still get to break in the fresh-bodied. Yik.
Posted by: midevil | October 05, 2007 at 02:57 PM
Oh your illustration of Billy Crystal is hilarious! And Clint Eastwood being compared to "the crypt keeper"... Jesus, 14, you crack me up.
It's so nasty how the tabloids attack celebs (particularly those who've passed their twenties) and hold the natural process of aging against them. What kind of message does this send to the rest of us? Why can't we age gracefully? There's nothing nastier than seeing a 50 year-old woman trying to look 20. I plan to not only earn every line on my face and body, but to be proud of each one as well. After all, do you look at your own mother and think, "Ewww... you look disgusting!"? No? Me either. So I won't do it in my own mirror either.
Madonna looks fantastic. So does Demi Moore, despite the plastic surgery. Besides, that shit just makes you look worse later. Nobody ages well with a face-lift... it's like crack. Once you start, you can't stop. You're forced to continue injecting poly-fil into the lines in your face for ever more.
Posted by: Jenn F. | October 05, 2007 at 02:53 PM
One word: Brilliant.
Posted by: gilmore | October 05, 2007 at 02:03 PM
agist.
Posted by: eh | October 05, 2007 at 01:41 PM
Yep, that's the double-standard. They also didn't point out that Demi is actually making a facial expression in the more recent pic. In the Haarper's pic she looks like she's trying to not even breathe.
Posted by: netter | October 05, 2007 at 01:01 PM