According to a report in the UK Sun, some Scientology leaders believe Tom Cruise is the "Christ of Scientology". Flabbergasted after reading such a claim, we decided to send a group of undercover agents to investigate the dark recesses of the Los Angeles Church of Scientology in order to seek clues. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence and we obtained it! Our wily agents gained entrance into the fortress by feigning interest in being "audited" and were quickly able to escape unnoticed into the darkness of the church basement. Prying open the safe, our agents were shocked to discover Leopold Da Vinnie's famous painting, "The Scientologist's Last Supper". It clearly shows Tom Cruise as Christ, but leaves several other questions unanswered. For instance, who is the mysterious woman seated to His left and why is she smiling like that? Could she be his...gasp...wife? Is that a Jenny Craig-approved cupcake Kirstie Alley is grabbing? John Travolta is wearing loafers and he's floating - what does this mean? How did Will Smith get mixed up with this bunch? So many questions, so few answers. Medium: Acrylic on board, unfinished. Thanks Holly for the brainstorm.
While snooping through the safe, our investigators also obtained this photo of what appears to be an image of Christ burned into a piece of toast. It's a miracle!
Based on our dangerous, yet thorough investigation, we conclude that Tom Cruise is indeed the Scientology Christ. Just take a look at these t-shirts we found in the basement.
mysterious woman is katie couric in disguise with dyed hair or Julia Louis Dreyfuss with a ton of plastic surgery to remove her chin.
Kirstie Alley is clearly holding a strawberry ice cream cone regardless of clearance from Jenny Craig
John Travolta, light in the loafers, only if he wants to be...
Judging from the alien in the background, Will Smith probably got sucked into that mess by Tommy Lee Jones -- why did the young woman at the grocery store say Will and Jada are into Swingles?
Posted by: Rebecca | February 14, 2009 at 05:07 AM
Messiah or not...he shoudl have at least sent out thank-you's for the wedding by now...I mean, REALLY!
Posted by: Ms. Cards Etiquette | October 08, 2007 at 01:59 PM
Luke...you do realise that 14 is merely poking fun at the very idea that some folks view Tom as the Messiah of THEIR religion, right? 'Jealousey' of Mr. Cruise's mega-star status plays no role here.
Posted by: Peta | July 03, 2007 at 09:36 PM
WWJD...
ho ho ho...
Posted by: hhkdkk | June 19, 2007 at 10:27 AM
Tom, Tom, Tom, a word to the wise, try pandeism. No evil alien overlords, no souls invading our bodies and making us unclear. Just a straightforward relationship with a sensible God.
Posted by: paca | April 18, 2007 at 02:20 AM
he's gay...and kate's desperate
Posted by: SARA | February 25, 2007 at 09:07 AM
Where can I get one of those shirts?!!!
Posted by: Bethany Sweet | February 24, 2007 at 01:20 PM
jesus christ is the only messiah not movie stars i think your just jealouse because
your not going to be one!
Posted by: Luke | February 22, 2007 at 07:52 AM
I WANT THAT SHIRT!!!
Posted by: mwhosthat | February 08, 2007 at 08:53 AM
Haha great artwork! With all this ridiculous talk of him being a Messiah, I fear that Mr. Cruise's already over-enflated ego may soon burst and splatter bullshit all over the place! LOVE the T-shirts!
Posted by: Jane Montague | February 06, 2007 at 02:03 PM
And, hey, everyone quit picking on Vincent! He used an umlaut in his comment so he must be real smart-like.
Hey, I never actually told you how fucking amazing this piece is. This piece is fucking amazing. There, I feel better now.
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | February 02, 2007 at 03:17 PM
Ah, Tom Cruise and Monkey Brains go together like a NASCAR Rally and chili-cheese Fritos.
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | February 02, 2007 at 03:12 PM
Check out Tom's cloven hooves!!!
Posted by: Victoria | February 02, 2007 at 10:22 AM
I've started visiting Gallery of the Absurd not long after it first appeared. I'm never disappointed, and I think your art is fantastic.
Posted by: Mz. Mercury | February 01, 2007 at 11:49 PM
Thou sayest mine Lord's propensitee to smite--ahem, sue--unbelievers such as thyself smacks of non-messianic behaviour, Sinner Girle?
Thee Holy One's Sacred Suits of Law are but ye olde moderne equivalents of overturning thee tables and huts of ye olde treacherous usurerererses (thou try spelling that word) and merchants running roughshod in Ye House of Thee Lord in yon New Testament Days. This be Tom's Galaxy, wench: Ye just liveth in it.
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | February 01, 2007 at 05:24 PM
Awesome, it's just great. Thanks to you, whenever I see Cruises strained, forced, over exaggerated grin, I just start cracking up. I really love the flying saucer.
Katie Holmes, in this picture anyways, looks a lot like Katie Couric... but I think that's just me. Great Job on the entire thing.
Posted by: Karen | February 01, 2007 at 12:14 AM
Oh Demon Kitty, I just love you to bits. There's nothing better than when you go on a good PMS rant at some idiot. I wish you lots of chocolatey goodness.
Posted by: Jenn F. | January 31, 2007 at 03:14 PM
Great stuff!
Posted by: Fritz | January 31, 2007 at 03:25 AM
i want to get one of those t-shirts and wear it everywhere! it is perfection.
Posted by: fragglegirl | January 30, 2007 at 08:41 PM
Maybe it's just me, but the Katie Holmes character looks more like Melissa Rivers than she does Katie. I'm thinking it's the forehead or the eyes, I can't put my finger on it.
Posted by: Hippo | January 30, 2007 at 06:37 PM
Haha!
I lurve the vulcano in the window!
Posted by: Yetused | January 30, 2007 at 05:44 PM
Zol, it's because he is a merry man.
Posted by: Blurgle | January 30, 2007 at 01:45 PM
why is Robin Hood looking at Him like that?
Posted by: Zol | January 30, 2007 at 10:40 AM
A great picture! I love it and represents so well what those nuts actually believe!
I've been reading a thread on a forum which has pages of pictures and write up about this that is listed as my url you have got to see also! There are so many places on the internet a buzz about this that the scientologist can't keep up with them all and they never will. Oh what fun we lowly wogs are having at belief of a deluded rich midget who wont come out of the closet
Keep up the great work!
Posted by: Fred | January 30, 2007 at 10:32 AM
love the monkey brains!
Posted by: lmj | January 30, 2007 at 09:43 AM
Instead of WWJD? - maybe we'll start seeing WWTCD? shirts.
Posted by: dude | January 30, 2007 at 08:42 AM
You nailed it!! I can't stop laughing,so true
Thanks ;)
Posted by: hollywood hater | January 30, 2007 at 08:23 AM
Social experiment haha….I’d like to see a painting of Demon Kitty shoving The Sun up Vincent’s arse…that might be something to marvel at…you could have fun making up the faces. We are all ‘crazies!!!’ and I find no end to the fascination with our celebridom fascination. I guess there is a paradox contained in everything. I for one loathe myself a bit for succumbing to the delicious satisfaction of celebrity deprecation, but man, it’s fun… But I must say there is a side of me which grieves for my dashing, oh so sane looking Top Gun Tom and somewhere deep down I hope…faintly….that it’s all a media fabricated circus, and that TomKat is truly, genuinely in love…Ahhh…it’s harder to believe it every day.
Brilliant job 14.
Posted by: mm | January 30, 2007 at 08:13 AM
That's not a cupcake! It's an icecream cone! I love the random alien hands coming in from different sides of the canvas.
Posted by: Chapatikid | January 30, 2007 at 07:57 AM
I seriously want one of these shirts...and one of those "Scientology is gay, reall gay!"
14, I can never express my love for thee!
:-)
Posted by: Chantelle | January 30, 2007 at 05:11 AM
Hippo,
Nah, I'll keep "Vincent's" post up. It provides fodder for the social experiment I've been conducting here on GoTA and is a real gem of a comment. My favorite part is at the end: Crazies!!! God, I loved that.
xoxo
14
Posted by: 14 | January 29, 2007 at 10:00 PM
For crying out loud demon kitty you're going to scare off all the crazies if you don't settle down. :0)
what's a gossip site without the normal run of the mill crazies who every monday forget to take their olanzapine? cnn? headline news maybe?
it's so darling to see how sir 666 teeny tiny feet dangle so mightily from his booster seat. a real symbol of power and awesomeness.
and the monkey brains for dinner... so 14, you're a fan of the hit series faces of death? only the crazies know about faces of death...sorry vincent. you may need to sell reality checks elsewhere cause this bunch ain't got the closet space for it.
and for the love of crazy is as crazy does, what is up with the toes on mrs. sir 666? I think the only thing wider than her crazy grin is gap in her flippers. now see, rachael ray would've fit in perfectly next to mrs. sir 666 to offset her self inflicted crazy grin. maybe two crazy grins would've been too over powering and thus distract from sir 666 superior and almighty crazy grin, thus creating a danger for post traumatic stress disorder for the viewer not expecting this amount of crazy grinning all at once from this outfit. see, see this is why i'm not the artist. zenu bless 14 for guading our fragile mental status from these damn grining fools.
geez i must say i love the crazy grinning toast in the cheesy brown fame. priceless.
Posted by: deanna | January 29, 2007 at 09:39 PM
I'm afraid that "Vincent" may be my fault. I pointed this picture out to my fellow posters at FreeKatie.com, one of whom posts under another name, Zohelene. She is a huge Tom Cruise fan and sometimes attacks the Cruise-haters on FreeKatie. When I mentioned Gallery of the Absurd, some of the posters came over to take a look. I believe that Zohelene and Vincent are the same person and that I may have inadvertently caused this problem. I apologize. You might want to consider removing my post as well as Vincent's.
Posted by: Hippo | January 29, 2007 at 09:34 PM
Sigh ...... in the words of Dr. Hannibal Lecter, "I am taking the chocolate." I can't believe I am going to do this, but I am going through PMS and well, I feel like being a fucking bitch.
Vincent, don't you realize the gossip always has a bit of truth to it? "Oh to hell with it!!!! Fuck it!!!!! Look, you smug little twat, if you are so above "shit" like the "fucking Sun paper shit" then how the fuck did you find this goddamn site? This, like the "fucking Sun paper shit" is gossip and apparently it has some appeal to you otherwise you wouldn't have come here. So you know Tom Cruise personally and know for a fact that all the hype surrounding his insane couch jumping- alien- misogynistic drama is nothing more than a bunch of stories fabricated by us dumbass crazies? Eat merde Vincent! Gloat over your pseudo- superiority in hell bitch! I hope someone shoves "The Sun" so far up your ass that you can never get it out.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | January 29, 2007 at 08:03 PM
Seems like Tom the Messiah paintings are all the rage. I like this one.
http://www.payallin.com/media/tomchrist.jpg
Posted by: Kitchen | January 29, 2007 at 06:43 PM
Oh my non-$cio God is this funny as hell.
Seriously I HATE GMD but I would totally wear that T-Shirt.
Poor Leah does the dirty work getting J.Lo and yet JT & Kirstie get all the "fame".
BTW--Don't be fooled Will is already converted.
Posted by: WTF | January 29, 2007 at 05:41 PM
You're all full of shit
Brainwashed tabloïds drones
Dumbass taking The fucking Sun paper shit for granted
I'm glad Tom don't even acknowledge this shit
How funny you are so addicted to cruise that you need to create stories, drawings to talk about him
Crazies!!!
Posted by: Vincent | January 29, 2007 at 04:17 PM
Ummm yeah. Want a shirt!
Posted by: Which came first...the puff or the crunch? | January 29, 2007 at 03:55 PM
Ooh gosh! This topic is funny and Ridiculous, but you make this brilliant ;)
Saluditos 14!
Posted by: azuka | January 29, 2007 at 02:54 PM
Bwahahahahahaha!!!! 14, you have made my Monday. Nasty case of blues and you took them away!!!! Love you, girl.
I love the platform shoes peeking out from under the table. And Katie, well, she's...as lost as last years Easter egg.
Save for Will Smith. They're truly out of their minds. I'm quite sure Will Smith is smart enough not to get trapped into such a joke such as $cientology.
Thanks again for the loud laugh!
Posted by: Chansmom | January 29, 2007 at 02:41 PM
Damien,
Don't overlook the baby alien Suri emerging from the "V".
Posted by: Sage | January 29, 2007 at 02:33 PM
He always looks terrified to me. I think like the scared-er he is, the harder he smiles, and crinkles. And LAUGHS that big, weird, bursting, cuckoo-sounding laugh of his.....And you know what? I never liked him!! EVER, ever, ever. Even back in the day, when he was tongue kissing that Kelly Mcgillis in Top Gun..he didn't do it for me a'tall.(I feel rather smug) He overacts,(think Eyes Wide Shut) and is not sexy in the slightest. He has crazy eyes, which he hopes we mistake for intense.
He makes me wretch.
Love you tons!!!!
Posted by: andrea | January 29, 2007 at 02:17 PM
I think Tommy is living out a real world Da Vinci code, well you know but with more aliens and stuff. Kick'n pick, nice to see his lift shoes are in the pic to, and that 'V' shape
formed by Katie and Toms arms, hmmmm.
Posted by: Damien | January 29, 2007 at 01:58 PM
Who knew he would grow up to look just like his character in Legend?
This is awesome, funny and scary all at the same time!
Posted by: Erik | January 29, 2007 at 01:20 PM
You are so brilliant! I love you.
Posted by: mrbigboy | January 29, 2007 at 12:26 PM
Thanks for the comments!
Let me tell you, I wish I could make and sell these Tom Cruise t-shirts, but He would most certainly sue me if I tried. He likes suing people....not very Christlike if you ask me.
to anonymous: Yes, the painting is only about 70% finished. There's much more detail to add, more tones to flesh out, and several more glazes before I call this thing finished. Will Smith's shoes aren't even painted yet! Thanks for asking though.
xoxo
14
Posted by: 14 | January 29, 2007 at 11:31 AM
The devil is in the details, so they say, and if that's the case, this piece is pure, unadulterated EVIL. I LOVE IT!
P.S.: Where can I buy one of those "WORSHIP ME" t-shirts?
Posted by: Karin | January 29, 2007 at 10:58 AM
As always, you've nailed this one right on the head...hilarious! I read about this a few days ago, and wondered if it would be given the 14 treatment it so richly deserves. I wasn't disappointed! Honestly, do the Scientology leaders who make this preposterous claim realize what a mockery they are making of their religion, such as it is?
Posted by: Katie V. | January 29, 2007 at 10:46 AM
John Travolta is LIGHT IN THE LOAFERS.
Posted by: Undead Ed | January 29, 2007 at 09:43 AM
Ooh, that mean we can crucify him? Or "Cruise-ify," ho ho, eh, I'll just leave the humor to you :)
Posted by: karenology | January 29, 2007 at 08:26 AM