Gallery of the Absurd

Behold Ye, The Obama Meerkat Messiah

The Meerkat Messiah
Barack Obama Holyus Presidentia

The Barack Obama Meerkat Messiah is a lanky, big-eared mammal of the rare political species holyus presidentia.  It inhabits the Left-Wing regions of Oahu, Chicago and, as of January 20th, the White House.

Origin of Name and Predators

"Meerkat" is a loanword from Afrikaans, while “messiah” refers to the curious deity-like status of the animal.  According to liberal folklore, the Meerkat is also known as “The Savior,” as it saves the United States from Dubya’s clutches while perched atop its ever-rising pedestal.  Although predators include Fox News and Ann Coulter, the Meerkat Messiah is largely immune to the usual media skepticism and venom, especially in the MSNBC and Huffington Post regions, unlike other presidents-elect and candidates.   Reports attribute the origins of that immunity to what experts call the “Oprah Effect.”

Anatomy, Diet and Foraging Behavior

The Meerkat Messiah has indicated it enjoys feasting upon delicious, caloric delicacies at Italian Fiesta Pizzeria in Hyde Park.  However, due to a daily exercise regimen and hunger-reducing smoking habit, the Meerkat is able to maintain its long and lean figure, so surprisingly eye-pleasing topless paparazzi shots on the beach are plentiful.

Meerkat Messiahs forage for solutions to economic and international crises in a group composed of former foes and predators, including a bulldog that is now Secretary of State.  The Meerkat dances on “Ellen” and cheers “yes, we can” when all is well.  If the Meerkat spots danger, it simply asks Congress to bail out the situation.

Behavior

Meerkats are very social and likable, extending a much-needed feeling of hope to many Americans who flock to him like Amy Winehouse to Jack Daniels.  A record-breaking two million people are expected to attend the Meerkat’s Inauguration, a testament to its staggering level of popularity and worship.

Illustration by 14, ink on paper, digital color. Post and description written by Candy Kirby.

The Joe Biden "Loose Cannon" Talking Doll

Heavenly Handfuls®
Miniature Loose Cannon Doll Collection

$69.99 (+ raised tax for those making more than $250,000/year)

Behold the most precious member of the Talking Vice Presidential Candidate Doll® collection!  This Amtrak-riding senator is a real handful, from threatening his own running mate about gun control issues, to admitting Hillary Clinton would have made a better vice presidential candidate, to displaying an embarrassing lack of knowledge about the Franklin D. Roosevelt years.

He sticks his foot in his mouth over and over again!

Pull the Joe Biden Doll’s string, then sit back and watch as he repeatedly inserts his foot into his own mouth:

"A man I'm proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States — Barack America !"

"Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya" (to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair)

"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy" (re: Barack Obama)

Experience an astounding level of cringe-worthy gaffes with this Talking Vice Presidential Candidate® Doll!  Available exclusively from the U.S. Department of Toys and Doll Services, the lifelike Joe doll is a remarkable addition to the collection, which also includes the adorable Obama, McCain and Palin talking dolls. Joe arrives in a blue suit, and even comes with FREE hair plugs, Botox needle and extra veneers. Don't wait, strong demand for this loose cannon is expected -- order now!  Medium: ink on paper, digital color.  Concept created by GOTA and Holy Candy. Text and post written by Candy Kirby. 

Fun Time: Check out Doodlebama 08, a series of celebrity Obama endorsements by Doodlewhore.

By Popular Demand, The Sarah Palin Talking Doll

Political Miracles™
Lifelike Beauty Queen-Turned-Vice Presidential Candidate

Doll only: $59.99
With change of clothes: $150,059.99

This Talking Vice Presidential Candidate Doll™ is truly a political miracle! Plucked from the relatively obscure shelves of Alaska , the Sarah Palin doll has been repackaged in fancy new clothes and is now being marketed to millions of fascinated Americans.

Snuggling comfortably in the palm of hard-core conservatives, she looks like a relatable hockey mom. Be prepared to be endeared by this self-proclaimed down-to-earth moose hunter; when you pull her string, she will distract you from her lack of knowledge with confident winks and chirps of “you betcha,” “darn tootin’,” “doggonit” and “let me talk about energy policy instead…”

At first glance, the Palin doll appears to be a work of modest craftsmanship. But spend hour after hour with this lifelike doll in the national spotlight and watch those humble, of-the-people details unravel to reveal expensive Kawasaki frames, Manolo Blahnik pumps and an increasingly heavy lead core that can be used to sink certain presidential candidates.

Available exclusively from the U.S. Department of Toys and Doll Services, this beautiful, lifelike Talking Vice Presidential Candidate Doll arrives with a FREE gun and drill – the perfect accessory for an Alaskan governor who resolutely supports drilling for oil in the pristine Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

Weakening demand is expected; however, you still won’t want to miss out on this doll, which has made the U.S. presidential election truly unique and entertaining. So order now! Joe Biden Doll being offered soon.
Medium: ink on paper, digital color. Concept created by GOTA and Holy Candy. Text and post written by Candy Kirby.

Get Your Barack Obama and John McCain Talking Dolls Today!

 

Talking Presidential Candidate Dolls: So Truly Real

Available for Express Ship
Available in 2 installments of $30.00 US

Now this is definitely the most adorable talking presidential candidate doll collection around this election season! Sure to bring a giddy smile to the faces of both liberals and conservatives – at least until November 4 – this first-ever collection of Talking Presidential Candidate Dolls® features lifelike vinyl replicas of Democratic candidate Senator Barack Obama and Republican candidate Senator John McCain.   You’ll be amazed by their expressive little faces, animated limbs and so much more.

They ramble and mislead like a real politician!

Pull Barack Obama’s string, and he will awe and inspire you with his heaven-sent baritone voice, which makes his vague, oft-repeated promises of “hope” and “change” sound like angels singing in divine harmony.  And watch as Obama politely, yet frequently, raises his hand to interrupt his opponent!   Just don’t pull the string too hard, or Obama doll will hem and haw with unintelligible fillers such as “uh” or confuse you by encoding his promises in the inviolable language of math. Sample mind-numbing mathematical phrases include:

"Fifty percent tax credit!”

"Cut taxes for 95 percent of workers!”

"If you make $250,000 a year or less..."

“Ninety-eight make less than $250,000…”

Don’t bother shaking the lanky, lovable doll to make him stop.  The Barack Obama doll is so unflappable, you can throw him against the wall and he still smiles from ear to ear! 

When you pull the McCain doll’s string, watch out for the cloud of dust!  He will pump his adorable fists of fury as he spends more time bashing his opponent than trumpeting his own ideas.  Listen as McCain growls eye-roll-worthy rhetoric over and over again:

"Who is the real Barack Obama?"

"The fundamentals of our economy are strong!"

"My friends…"

"I know how to fix the entire world!"

Handcrafted by master artisans and available exclusively from the U.S. Department of Toys and Doll Services, each of the collectible dolls in this Talking Presidential Candidate® collection is more appealing than the puppet currently in the White House. Don't delay! Intense demand is expected for these little charmers, so order now.

Medium: ink on paper, digital color. Concept created by GOTA and Holy Candy. Text and post written by Candy Kirby.

 

Sarah Palin Product Endorsement Ideas - Part 1

Now anyone can gain valuable foreign policy experience when they gaze through these highly sophisticated Sarah Palin Foreign Policy Binoculars. The patented Moose Boost technology allows laser focus on most any country outside the US. Joe Six Pack of Minnesota says, "I stood out in my front yard and used my Sarah Palin Foreign Policy Binoculars to get a close up view of the Chinese restaurant up the street and now I know everything there is to know about Chinese policy. I'm gonna quit my job at the tire factory and become a diplomat. Thanks Sarah!"

Even President Bush has been seen using the Sarah Palin Foreign Policy Binoculars, however, he forgot to take the lens cap off.

Sarah Palin Product Endorsement Ideas - Part 2

With all the media frenzy over Sarah Palin's "lipstick quip" and Obama's subsequent "lipstick on a pig" comment, it's only a matter of time before Covergirl offers the former beauty queen her own line of lipstick. If not Covergirl, then some other company specializing in cheap novelty items will try and make a quick buck off the idea. Keep your eyes peeled next time you visit the dollar store.

John McCain & Sarah Palin: Rocky and Bullwinkle

The past few weeks of the McCain/Palin media coverage has resembled a cartoon parody more than an actual presidential campaign. I'd love to be able to expound on McPalin's policy, but all I can recall is a blur of lipstick, moose hunting, "drill baby drill" chanting, hockey, a pregnant teen, guns, war, Charles Gibson's Bush Doctrine theater, and foreign policy experience based on geographic proximity. Just this morning a story broke claiming Sarah Palin's association with a Kenyan witch hunter. What is this, a Simpson's episode??

This silly dog and pony show the mainstream media is fixated upon reminds me of Rocky and Bullwinkle, an animated cartoon about a dimwitted moose (Bullwinkle) and his flying squirrel sidekick (Rocky). Since Palin is so closely associated with "moose" and ex-aviator McCain just flat out resembles an old gray squirrel, the characters practically draw themselves. In this episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle Campaign for President, Bullwinkle/Palin shows Rocky/McCain her dazzling magic trick of pulling a tiny mouse out of a large hat...which represents the magnitude of her foreign policy experience. Laughs ensue. Medium: ink on paper, digital color. The idea of McCain/Palin as Rocky/Bullwinkle was suggested by my clever pal, Holly Aguirre. Thank you Holly.

Barack Obama's New Anti-McCain Political Poster

In response to John McCain's controversial celebrity ad, Barack Obama's campaign released this Heidi Montag endorsed poster today. Insiders claim Senator McCain thought his own campaign was responsible for the poster and after viewing it, proudly informed reporters his campaign is striving to attract younger voters by using "talented actresses" such as Montag. Campaign officials quickly ushered the stuttering McCain away from the microphones and explained that Obama's camp was responsible for the ad. Witnesses say McCain began pumping his fists as he burst into a fit of Hulk-like fury and berated his cowering employees for not coming up with the idea themselves. Medium: Graphite on paper, digital color.

UPDATE: I find it amusing a pro McCain ad magically showed up on my blog next to the drawing of McCain looking like a half-dead angry chipmunk. Readers are emailing me to have it removed, but I take sick pleasure in it being there and even grabbed a screen shot of it. And no, I'm not a McCain supporter.

John McCain's New Anti-Obama Political Poster

After Barack Obama hit back at John McCain's political ad (see below), McCain's campaign released this anti-Obama poster. Barack Obama's anti-McCain poster coming up soon. Medium: graphite on paper, digital color.

George Bush Part II: Drink The Kool Aid

This is the second image that came to mind after reading this article. Introducing the newest bottled water product, Tears of Bush. Each bottle contains the actual tears of President George W. Bush, gathered as they drip off the shoulder of God. He cries every day, so there's an unlimited supply. Pick up a case of Tears of Bush sparkling water today! Available exclusively at Wal-Mart. Supplies may be scarce in the Red States, but Washington and California are said to have excess supplies sitting around gathering dust in warehouses. Enjoy Tears of Bush in moderation as studies show drinking excess amounts may produce hallucinations such as ghost sightings or bumbling confusion when speaking to dignitaries in foreign countries. Medium: graphite sketch, digital color/text.