If Montgomery Clift Were Alive Today...

Montogomery

(click image to enlarge)

I'm participating in The Montgomery Clift Blog-a-thon over at Film Experience today. To honor what would have been Monty's 87th birthday, several bloggers are posting various perspectives on this legendary, yet tragic actor. Montgomery Clift was nominated for 4 Academy Awards and was considered a screen idol of his time. He was also a closeted homosexual. At first, he kept his lifestyle discreet. He knew if the studios and the public knew the truth, his leading-man image would be forever tarnished. I wondered how Montgomery Clift's homosexuality would be handled in today's celeb-obsessed world. Even if he had chosen to remain "in the closet", would Perez Hilton out him on his blog? Would he write "gay" over Montgomery's photo and add the ubiquitous drips of white coming out of his mouth? One reason Perez generates so much controversy is his insistence on outing gay celebrities. He was instrumental in outing Neil Patrick Harris and Lance Bass and has appointed himself to pulpit status by loudly preaching "The closet no longer exists if you are a celebrity or a politician!...Society will no longer be able to marginalize us!...Please stand up! We are talking to you Anderson Cooper, Jodie Foster, Kevin Spacey, Clay Aiken, Queen Latifah....and the rest of you!" Yep, I think if Montgomery Clift were alive today, he'd be roped into Perez Hilton's crusade whether he wanted it or not. I made this parody of Hilton's website to show how it might play out.

Photoshop in a Can: Perez Hilton Edition

Perezba

Photoshop in a Can is potent enough to transform these images (be sure to click the link, it's worth it) of Perez Hilton into the vision of beckoning, hard-bodied male perfection you see above. Employees of the Sunset Boulevard Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (Perez's "office") claimed they hadn't seen Perez the past few days, but they did notice a gorgeous male model sitting where Perez usually sits. Apparently this guy sprays himself with Photoshop in a Can while eating muffins and working on his laptop - could it be Perez himself?

Perezb4

Medium: oil pastel, acrylic on paper.

Perezwow

Medium: Photoshop chop up of images consisting of Google image search terms "hot gay male model in swimsuit" and "Perez Hilton".

Gossip-Created Monsters?

Perezsays

Perez Hilton and Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis have gained notoriety simply because the celebrity gossip machine exists. Perez gained infamy soon after he launched "Hollywood's Most Hated Blog" back in 2005. His puerile, and often cruel approach to celebrity gossip reporting began to attract millions of visitors a day, and within months, Perez was rolling in cash and being invited to star-studded Hollywood events. Simply because he scribbles juvenile captions across celebrity photos and makes snarky comments about them, he is now a millionaire and will soon star in his very own TV show on VH1. Although Perez has made countless enemies and is involved in all sorts of celebrity feuds, the one that seems most appropriate for him is the schoolyard taunts he's exchanged with Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis via TMZ video. Back in the old days, kids used to settle their differences out in the playground sandbox....now they use TMZ. Medium: graphite, acrylic on paper, digital color.

Gummiick

If you have no idea who this Jason Davis/Gummi Bear person is, then you haven't been reading TMZ. Jason Davis is an uneducated, uninteresting layabout set to inherit billions in oil money from his late grandfather. His only, and I mean ONLY claim to fame is because TMZ has so much damn fun teasing him. TMZ cameramen delight in filming the "portly pontificator" as he gets denied from nightclubs or waddles about on dark Hollywood sidewalks. They are single-handedly responsible for knighting him with his Gummi Bear moniker, thus creating a cartoon gossip monster who will soon likely get his own TV show. Medium: ink on paper, digital color.


My site was nominated for Best Gossip Blog!


Gallery of the Absurd has been nominated for Best Gossip Blog, Best Entertainment Blog, Best Pop Culture Blog, and Freakiest Blogger. Of course I'm most fond of the Freaky Blogger category, but all votes are welcome. At the time of this writing, the Best Gossip Blog is being led by, yep you guessed it, Perez Hilton, but the girls over at Go Fug Yourself are quickly gaining. On a different note, posts have been slow due to the large amount of freelance work I've been assigned, but I'm almost done with it all and will be back to regular posting soon. Thank you for your support and encouragement.

The Perez Hilton Dart Board

Perezdb_1
The best selling holiday gift in Hollywood is the Perez Hilton Dart Board. Stores can't keep it in stock! The "Queen of All Media" boasts to be "Hollywood's Most-Hated Web Site" and proudly lives up to this claim. Perez is known for feuding with Tara Reid, pissing off Jennifer Aniston, harping on Beyonce, insulting Rachel Zoe....oh the list goes on and on. The Perez Hilton Dart Board can be found at Walgreens and is made of high-quality materials imported from China. Due to the size of Perez's head, extra bolts and bracing are included so that your walls won't collapse under its weight. Hurry, get your dart board before the photo agencies buy them all up. Medium: Gouache on paper.