Gallery of the Absurd

Happy New Year From Stinkerbell and Crabby

I'm a little late in posting this, but Gallery of the Absurd, Stinkerbell and Crabby would like to wish everyone a very peaceful and happy 2009. Multiple requests came in to draw the Paris Hilton Tinkerbell controversy, so I went ahead and gave it a shot. I don't know about you, but I'd love to see Paris Hilton cast as a gangly oversized Tinkerbell in a bad Disney movie. Now that's entertainment. Medium: ink on paper, digital color.

Paris Responds To McCain's Ad - What It Means For Us

By now I'm sure you all have seen Funny or Die's witty response to McCain's infamous "Celebrity" ad. So far, all McCain's stupid ad has achieved is to further thrust Paris Hilton into the spotlight and shower even more media attention on her. Nice going McCain. Medium: messy ink sketch done while on treadmill, digital color.

John McCain's New Anti-Obama Political Poster

After Barack Obama hit back at John McCain's political ad (see below), McCain's campaign released this anti-Obama poster. Barack Obama's anti-McCain poster coming up soon. Medium: graphite on paper, digital color.

Paris Hilton Collection Turns Heads, Beaks During Fashion Week

PARIS HILTON COLLECTION: REVIEW
Monday, February 25, 2008

Fashion Week Correspondent: Candy Kirby

Paris may be renowned for its springtime, but it’s in the last weeks of February that fashion blossoms here, and what more appropriate way to kick off the celebration than with a show from a “designer” with the same name, Paris Hilton.

The debut of Hilton’s footwear collection, greatly anticipated by drag queens, basketball players and circus clowns, made a splash in the City of Lights — quite literally, as the models escaped at one point to bathe themselves in a fountain on the Place de la Concorde. In a move questioned by many industry insiders, Hilton employed a flock of lookalikes to model the shoes because, as she put it, “What could be hotter than me?”

After the show, Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour grumbled something about a “slow, painful death” for her assistant and the models’ “disgustingly chunky” legs, while the models were seen violently kicking off the shoes and screeching that they could have used them to cross the Seine.

Medium: photo/art collage. Written by Candy Kirby

Paris Hilton's Dainty Hands Now on Display

Poor Paris Hilton, when will the unforgiving public start noticing her vast talent, her selfless contributions to society, her important brand status of “like, a businesswoman”….anything other than the fact she has huge hands, hypertrophied feet, a low dull hum of a personality, an oddly shaped behind (and we all know every unfortunate inch of her intimate parts thanks to the Internet) and her charming little wonk eye? She’s a brand, folks. Don’t you understand? She’s one of America’s most recognizable exports! We should be proud of our national treasure, our American princess, our box office Goliath. Medium: Gouache on paper.

Happy New Year From Paris Hilton

I'd like to wish everyone a very healthy, happy, inspired, and successful 2008. Be careful when celebrating your New Years Eve festivities - don't drink too much of that Paris Hilton champagne in a can or else you might find yourself naked, covered in gold paint, and slithering across an arid Martian landscape as you pine for your lost inheritance. Not a good way to start the year. Medium: graphite, watercolor and gouache in sketchbook.

UPDATE: Posting will resume on January 7. I'll also be announcing the Jamie Lynn Spears contest winner next week. There's more exciting news to share with you, but I must keep mum for now...and it's driving me crazy. Enjoy your weekend!

Paris Hilton Involved in Drunk Elephant Scandal

It was reported Paris Hilton made a heart-wrenching plea to save the drunken elephants of India, but Hilton claims she never said such a thing and the story was quickly retracted. That's too bad, because Candy and I refuse to accept the retraction and began working diligently to immortalize this gem of a story. First Paris tells us she's going to visit Rwanda to corrupt help the starving children, but that ended up not happening. Paris did say she wanted to devote more time to charity, so she's founded SADE (Socialites Against Drunken Elephants) and will be starring in an upcoming Public Service Announcement to alert the public of the perilous dangers of boozed up pachyderms. That's right, next time you see rummy elephants pole dancing and making asses of themselves in public, you can rest assured Paris Hilton is going to put, like, an end it to. medium: ink on paper, digital color. SADE concept by Candy. thanks jessica

Hallmark Strikes Back At Paris Hilton

Hallmark has responded to Paris Hilton's lawsuit, reports TMZ. According to Hallmark attorneys, Paris "has become a household name, based in large part on her efforts to draw attention to herself. Having done so, she has subjected herself to public scrutiny and the parodist's pen. The First Amendment does not allow her to respond by welcoming the fawning and flattering, but silencing the critical and comical." I stand behind Hallmark and that's why I'm reposting the controversial crab image back onto my blog. Look at what a lovely holiday greeting card it makes! Speaking of greeting cards, please check out the Paris Hilton-inspired Hallsnark Heiress Greeting Card Collection created by my blogging buddies over at Pretty On The Outside and Holy Candy.

Paris Hilton Greeting Cards: When You Care Enough To Send the Very Best

Another day, another Paris Hilton litigation. This time, her target is Hallmark Cards. The humorless heiress wasn't pleased when she discovered this Hallmark card depicting her as a waitress and using her trademarked phrase, "That's Hot". Paris is suing the greeting card company for $500,000 and Hallmark isn't backing down. A spokeswoman for Hallmark defended the card as parody and said "These cards take a satirical look at news and gossip surrounding these public figures, including Paris Hilton, and we do not believe Hallmark has violated any of Ms. Hilton's rights.". That may be true, but can Hallmark legally use her unauthorized image for profit? I guess we'll soon find out. Pairing my illustrations with actual Paris Hilton quotes, I decided to create a parody of the parody with my own line of Paris Hilton greeting cards. Brighten up someone's day with this cheerful breezy card (pictured above) featuring one of Ms. Hilton's most inspiring revelations, I don't really think, I just walk.

Here's the perfect card to send your "Girls Night Out" pals. Designed to resemble this Hallmark card, your gal pals will be reminded just how lucky they are to be free from all the annoying fame and recognition that Paris Hilton must face each time she goes out.

Help impressionable young tweens aspire toward dignity and class with this candid, yet charming photo of Paris Hilton shamelessly flashing her undies to a crowd of photographers. Paris is a dazzling role model for your precious little daughters.

One of Hallmark's more popular greetings features a character called Little Birdy. Paris Hilton is rather bird-like, so I've created a character called Big Birdy. Big Birdy perches on its branch high in the forest while it ponders the puzzling definition of a soup kitchen.

Of all Paris Hilton's vapid blather, this quote is my all-time favorite. Commenting on Hilton's "royalty", writer Michael Bryan wrote, "Paris is perfect for elevation to the American peerage. Scion of dynastic family wealth she had no part of creating, sporting a name that functions as a brand, vain to the point of self-obsession, possessed of the moronic beauty of youth, superficially glamorous but morally and intellectually impoverished, famous mainly for public lewdness and exhibitionism, owning the mating habits of a Bonobo, and sporting a massive air of entitlement, Paris is eminently qualified to be a member of America's theoretical peerage. In fact, she is a strong candidate for America's Princess." This card honors our Princess and reminds others how important she is to our country.

Now You Can Walk in Paris Hilton's Shoes

You know you've secretly always wanted to walk a mile in Paris Hilton's shoes....and now you can! The ex-jailbird has announced she'll be designing her own line of shoes and only Gallery of the Absurd has the exclusive preview of two of the hottest styles from her collection. The Supertanker, shown above, features dainty ankle straps paired with sexy four-inch heels. You need not worry about the state of your pedicure because when you slip on these adorable shoes, your toes will look perfect every time.

Forget Jimmy Choo. Forget Manolo Blahnik. Judging from these sexy boots, Paris Hilton is sure to be the new IT shoe designer. Manufactured in China Handcrafted in Italy using only the finest leathers from the largest cows, the Paris Hilton Clodhopper is sure to become your wardrobe favorite. Don't worry about whether or not you can fit these things into your closet - the Clodhopper comes with its very own decorator storage trunk. You can use it as a coffee table and no one will ever know your Clodhoppers are stashed inside. Paris is so clever! (thanks Jessica)

Victoria Beckham's robot friends admire her new pair of Paris Hilton Supertankers.

Mary Kate Olsen tends to gravitate toward the more unusual expensive designer shoes - and that's why she simply adores her new Paris Hilton Clodhoppers.