I've saved the most delightfully depraved photos for last. Jeff Polage shamelessly pranced and skipped around the swanky hotel pool while wearing a pink bikini with dark socks as puzzled CAA agents stopped their important pool-side meetings in mid-sentence to gape in bewilderment at the jarring sight.
Jeff easily adopts her lanky, awkward and hurky jerky gesticulations as I shout, "I need you to open your mouth more!"
That Heidi Montag, always sticking her ass up in the air. More photos here.
I took a little time this holiday weekend to practice digital painting techniques using my Wacom tablet. I still need many hours of practice, but here's what I worked on today. More celeb nonsense coming soon - look for Jeff Polage doing his Heidi Montag impression tomorrow, and then later in the week, a fresh look at Jack Nicholson. Medium: wacom tablet, photoshop.
If you're in Los Angeles on May 23, be sure and make a beeline to the Dial M for Madonna show at the World of Wonder Storefront Gallery located in Hollywood. They always host the most fun-filled art shows and who knows, maybe even Bobby Trendy will show up. Errr, don't let that last part deter you. Anyway, I'll have 2 pieces in the show along with over 40 other artists. The LA Times even gave the show a Best Bet rating.
This painting was originally printed in Cracked magazine to accompany an article about fashionable celebrity adoption. It has a little secret too. The image you see above is the print version. I had to make it perfect for the client...however, the original painting was purposefully created to include a crooked and asymmetrical arch. Underneath her perfect facade lies imperfect truths the public never sees, so I wanted her icon to reflect that.
I ripped this one out of my sketchbook, trimmed it, and placed it in a frame. Originally, this illustration was created as part of an Exquisite Corpse I did with Doodle Whore and Pretty on the Outside. While sketching it, I spilled wine on it which should increase its value. It was an expensive wine, you see.
"Dial M for Madonna," curated by James St James and Steven Corfe and opening with a gala reception on May 23, is a 40-artist-strong group show of all things Madge, from a conical bra made entirely of chocolate to a photograph of the Village Voice’s Michael Musto spoofing Madonna’s Sex book, “standing naked in a Jersey street with nothing but a wig and a cig to distract from my painfully tucked penis.” Opening night will also feature a video tribute to the late great 400lb Madonna impersonator, Queerdonna.
World of Wonder Storefront Gallery
6650 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028
8pm to midnight
Celebrities, drugs and booze is a winning combination. When the glossy new tabloid Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol launched a few months ago, newsstands couldn't keep them in stock and subscription rates went through the roof. The success of Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol is no-brainer because there's never an end to the gushing wellspring of material. The magazine is such a huge success that a UK version has been launched for our friends across the pond. Get the latest dish on Kimberly Stewart's lusty groping of boozy Jude Law's knickers. What caused a full-scale health panic across London? Learn how Lily Allen spends quality time with her dad, and find out what gave Kelly Osbourne such unsteady trotters ...all in sensational vivid detail!
The UK version of Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol includes a delightful British humor-infused advice column written by Pete Doherty's cat. As you might remember, Pete was photographed giving his cat a few puffs off his filthy crack pipe. Thankfully the troubled feline has recovered and turned his life around. He now works as a lifestyle guru and devotes himself to helping other troubled citizens. Medium: Photoshop composite. Done in collaboration with Candy Kirby. Dear Dinger column written by Candy Kirby.<
I always get a kick out celebrities who publicly declare themselves "icons". Tori Spelling recently informed the public that gay men can't get enough of her and that she's a bonafide "gay icon". Silly me, I thought in order to be considered an icon, people other than yourself were the ones to bestow that sort honor upon you. I asked a few of my gay friends if Tori was their icon. "We like our icons to have talent," sniffed my friend Brad, "so that would be a no." Meow.
Still, it's always amusing (in a pathetic way) to watch any variety of attention-starved actors get up on their soap boxes and blather about themselves so to attract a few crumbs of media attention. Tory took it a step further and also declared herself a MILF. Her shamelessness is impressive, I must say. My hope is that in her next ploy for attention, she'll pull a Paris Hilton and anoint herself the title of American Royalty. I would love an excuse to paint Tori as a Queen. Medium: photoshop composite.
Jeff Polage has issued an apology to his fans for his racy photos in Insanity Fair magazine. "I was like, forced by Annie Leibovitz to pose this skanky way and now I am like, so embarrassed. She like, assured me that my back hair wouldn't show up in the photo, but you can totally see it," said the unemployed actor. "My career is over thanks to Annie and her manipulative web of lies and deceit!"
Whenever Gary Buseyshows up to an event or agrees to an interview, you can expect an erratic tempest of nonsensical utterances, unsettling glares, unpredictable outbursts followed by bear hugs and then more unpredictable outbursts, and best of all, the spewing forth of didactic gibberish through a mouthful of clattering teeth. How can you not love (from a distance, of course) the crazy that is Gary Busey? I've decided to get back to work on my Gossip Trading Cards series, a collection of trading cards based on the diverse archetypes found in the world of celebrity gossip. I've already completed cards for Lindsay Lohan and Papa Joe Simpson, and many more are to come. Medium: Colored pencil and ink scrawled in sketchbook while riding in car hurtling down I-5 toward Los Angeles.
The back of the card includes one of my favorite Gary quotes. Find more of his wisdom here.
When I saw the photo of Rose McGowan squatting on the sidewalk to pick up her goofy-looking dog, I felt a kinship. I've been there. Like Rose, I have a bug-eyed boston terrier...and like Rose, I've often found myself in regrettable positions while walking my dog on the city sidewalks. All I can say is thank goodness the paparazzi doesn't follow me around. I asked Jeff Polage to throw on a wig and stuff his feet into a pair of pink high heels while picking up my dog, Abigail. Poor Jeff couldn't quite squat as impressively as the lovely Rose was photographed doing, but then he's not used to wearing high heels either.
You asked for it. I've been in Los Angeles all week with my camera, my laptop and my actor pal Jeff Polage. He's getting more work these days and even made an appearance in Iron Man. Sure, he only appears on screen for two seconds, but it's clear he's giving Robert Downey Jr. a run for his money.
In order to achieve the full Carrot Top effect as shown above, we used a ratty old wig, cheap eyeliner and scotch tape to pull Jeff's eyebrows skyward.
We've got another photo shoot scheduled today and our props include a blonde wig, a hot pink bikini, and a couple of cantaloupes. Can you guess who our victim might be?
When I spotted the "Scientology BOOT CAMP FOR KATIE!" headline on a recent copy of Star magazine, I knew I had to investigate. I called in favors from an underground cartel of international spies I associate with and demanded they secure a copy of the Scientology Boot Camp Handbook to share with my readers. While they were only able to scan four pages of the handbook before being ambushed by the SSSS (Secret Scientology Surveillance Squad), it's enough to give us a glimpse inside the secretive compound where Katie Holmes and countless others have been held. Below are the other scans in no particular order:
Star magazine claims Scientology Boot Camp consists of "grueling lie detector tests, 36-hour auditing sessions, and constant surveillance", but the magazine never mentioned the entertaining recreational activities participants enjoy during their stay. Despite the barbed wire fences and forced interrogation, Scientology boot camp can be barrels of fun. For more recreational activities, such as Wig-Making with John Travolta, take a look here.
Okay, now I'm jealous. Scientology Boot Camp victims participants get to fly in vintage DC-8 Interstellar Space Planes! Not only that, they'll sleep in a realistic-looking Mothership Dormitory. Hold me back, I'm this close to signing up!
Each handbook features a special introductory letter from Tom Cruise welcoming PCs to clear their engrams and avoid SP influence during RPF telepathic regeneration ORC assignments. Medium: Digital collage. Created in collaboration with Candy Kirby. Letter from Tom Cruise written by Candy.