Over the past few weeks, Dolly Parton has been a prominent character in my work. While scrambling to finish my portrait of Dolly Parton for the Dollywood show in LA, a random editorial illustration job came across my desk -- and what was the subject? Dolly Parton, of course. Coincidence?
Knoxville's Metro Pulse wanted me to illustrate their cover and create a few smaller black and white illustrations of the bubbly country star. In addition to Dolly, other clients emerged at the same time, giving credence to that old maxim -- when it rains, it pours. I have nothing new to post since clients have demanded my time, so I thought I'd post a few artifacts of my Dollyfication over the past few weeks:
Because Dolly feels she looked like Miss Piggy in Nine to Five, the art director asked that I draw her that way. He also wanted me to add a mysterious male figure in the background to suggest her reclusive husband the public rarely sees.
In addition to her sweet natured temperament, Dolly is also known for her bawdy humor. She often jokes that she looks and dresses like a prostitute. Medium: Ink, graphite, liquid pencil on paper.
I get my fair share of hate mail, but the most vile is sent to me by the species of fan known as the Brangeloonie or the Claymate. I find them quite amusing because I picture what they must look like hunched over their keyboard, reddened with anger, frothing at the mouth while banging on the caps lock key. Below is my favorite hate mail ever. It was sent by "Donna", a Claymate who took great offense at my Clay Aiken trinket because it put me "in the ranks of the entire gay community."
If your intent was to demonstrate some 'slap-stick' type of humour at the expense of Clay Aiken and Clay's fans, you blew it, IMHO. You have now put yourself in the ranks of Perez Hilton, John Paulus, the National Enquirer ..and, that 'dlister' of infamy, Kathy Griffin...as well as the entire gay community. Congratulations. Not bad for a representative of the New York Times [huh?] I'm sure your paper is happy to share this exciting image with those wondrous personages mentioned above. [my paper? what is she talking about??]
If you based this story on 'this dlisted entry', as you claimed at the end of your article..and which is very obvious...you've contributed to inciting hate and perversity and directly, quite likely, to the traumatization of young teens who could very likely be attracted to this article...innocently linked to your spoof. Again, I must congratulate you. You must feel really clean inside exposing them to the mechanics of 'gay sex' as the responders to your 'article of inspiration' so explicitly described.
Poor Donna, she must be shocked and awed over Clay's coming out as gay. I really wanted to draw what she must look like, but am buried in client work this week and couldn't get around to it. I bet she's sitting in her trinket-cluttered living room, gazing up at her Thomas Kinkade painting as she angrily tears up her Clay Aiken ticket stubs and memorabilia while muttering "what has this world come to". A half eaten box of Keebler Fudge cookies are her only comfort on this sad dark day.
Much to my delight, an alert reader has informed me that the NY Edition of The Metro has used my Urban Satchel in a fluff article about women's handbags. When I first saw it, I thought it was an Onion-type parody newspaper -- but it's real. Not only did they use my image as an illustration, they included my fakery under "Purse Facts". Unbelievable! I created that bag after gluing collected trash (including a shrimp tail and a used band-aid) onto an old purse AND I deliberately misspelled "Louie Vuitton" - which they printed. That's almost as bad as the German TV show that featured our images of the Stella McCartney Heather Mills Jewelry Collection on their morning show as the real thing. Makes you wonder what other trickery the media publicizes as fact. Thanks Laura.
The WOW Storefront Gallery folks put on some of the most entertaining and fun pop culture-themed art shows in Los Angeles and I'm pleased to be included in their latest - Dollypop, a celebration of beloved country star Dolly Parton. Opening this Friday, Sept. 12 in conjunction with with the premiere of the Broadway adaptation of Parton's 9 to 5: The Musical, at the Ahmanson Theater in downtown Los Angeles. I hear they're transforming the gallery into a country barn jamboree, complete with bales of hay and chickens. Oh my, I think I may have to attend this show. My painting appears above, but all the sparkling, glittery, iridescent paint I used doesn't show up on the monitor. It's very sparkly, just like Dolly. Medium: acrylic, iridescent ink and glitter on paper. Size 11 x 14 framed.
Celebrities are well-known for gracing their babies with highly unusual and potentially embarrassing names. According to the New York Times, "If celebrities are the new American aristocracy, the exotic baby name can sometimes function as the equivalent of a royal title, a way for a privileged caste to bestow the power of its legacy on future generations."
You've probably wondered how our American aristocracy dreams up such memorable monikers as Pilot Inspektor or Moxie Crimefighter - but wonder no more! The Celebrity Baby Names book is now available to the masses. No longer must you name your baby with such common, downright proletariat names such as Steven or Ashley. Give your babies titles of royalty! Glistening Reptile or Cerulean Cosmonaut are names you can be proud of as you bestow your legacy of power upon future generations. Medium: ink on paper, digital color, photoshop.
The book is so easy to use, even a monkey could do it! Just open to a random page, close your eyes and point! Over 100,000 names to choose from. Medium: photoshop illustration.
I find it increasingly difficult to distinguish between real products and product parodies these days. For instance, I keep getting promotional emails from a woman named Jessica Goon. Ms. Goon wants me to promote a line of pubic hair dye called "Betty" on my blog, and perhaps mention the clever stencils available for transforming "the hair down there" into a charming topiary of peace signs and lightening bolts. It took me several moments to realize that this woman named Goon was serious and that the products really existed. There ya go Jessica, I mentioned it on my blog. I digress...
When I saw the promotional website for Christina Aguilera's new fragrance Inspire, I figured it was a Mad Magazine parody. Inspire?? The perfect cheesy name for a celebrity fragrance. I noticed the photoshopped imagery and silly concept of the perfume bottle enclosed inside ethereal bubbles of pink froth. Ha, good one. After reading the product description, I had a nice hearty chuckle over how Engrish-like it came across - The fragrance will remind you not to drift along with the crowd, but will inspire you to stand up for what you believe in and strive for your dreams. Duped again, it soon became clear that Inspire is the real deal. Frustrated, I made my own parody. Medium: Classy photo of Christina found on google, photoshop, digital paint.
You and your baby will love Jenna's tasteful "twosies" from her baby apparel collection, "I'm a Porn Star, Baby." Made from 100% cozy nylon and polyester, each piece features an adorable lace top with plunging neckline and matching lace-up panties with attached thigh-high booties. Medium: ink on paper, digital color.
Jenna's favorite item from her collection is the Dual Action Feeding Bottle made with genuine lifelike silicone. "It's going to be a big hit in Los Angeles because the bottle is designed to more closely resemble the body type of the average Beverly Hills woman", says Jenna. "It's also a smart solution for all the twins being born these days. I've already sent a case to Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, and the countless other celebrities with twins." Medium: digital illustration.
Jenna's official commissioned portrait. Medium: Digital illustration. Idea for nursery collection came from a witty GOTA commenter.UPDATE:Gallery of the Absurd and It's Candy TV will collaborate occasionally on the newly launched Celebrity Crap Network (CCN), the leading interactive multi-channel peddler of useless merchandise endorsed by already-rich celebrities. We guarantee that all items sold on CCN are unoriginal and of shoddy construction -- and that the associated celebrities have little to nothing to do with the actual planning, design or creation of these items. First up, the Olsen Twins Jewelry Collection.
After posting the Shine of the Brangeloonie, a few GOTA readers requested a shrine for the Claymate species. I thought about what the average Claymate might appreciate and after careful study, concluded that most are likely to be collectors of the sort of trinkets seen advertised in the back of Ladies Home Journal. There's a good chance many of them own unicorn figurines, music boxes, frightening dolls, Disney trinkets, or somethingatrocious by Thomas Kinkade. I realize it's a gross generalization, but I'm sticking to my instincts after examining severalClaymatefansites. I believe I've created a dazzling Clay Aiken tribute they won't be able to resist: The Clay Aiken Singing Angel Music Box.
I was right. Look at the happy faces and joyous camaraderie of the Claymates as they show off their Clay Aiken Singing Angel Music Box during their Claymate-themed pizza party in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Kidding aside, please do visit the most amazing Claymate site I've ever come across. They bring a plastic bunny named Ms. Bucky to the Claymate parties and feed it wine and make it watch Clay Aiken videos. Genius. Medium: Photo composite, digital paint, Clay's head courtesy of Wenn, this post directly inspired by this dlisted entry.