Gallery of the Absurd

If Diddy Was a Contestant on Project Runway

On last night's season premiere of Project Runway, contestants were given the challenge to create an outfit expressing "who you are as a designer" using their choice of premium fabrics. While the other contestants were excited about the challenge, Diddy turned his nose up because there wasn't any mink, artic fox or terry cloth to choose from. He stormed over to Heidi and Tim and screamed "Diddy can't use this cheap crap to make Diddy an outfit!! Diddy has impeccable personal style, exquisite taste and Diddy won't settle for anything less!!!" He stormed off the set while demanding his assistants go fetch Diddy-approved fine materials so he could create his design. Later, Diddy returns to compete in the runway challenge. Heidi asks where his model is and Diddy replies, " She and her lady friends are waiting for me back at the hotel, so let's make this quick - I've got champange chilling." Diddy's turn comes to walk down the runway. He's wearing a mink-accented, hand-stiched terry cloth bathrobe made from rare cotton imported from the South of France, a bejeweled golden crown rigged with spotlights to illuminate Diddy's face, and just in case no one can tell it's Diddy, a hand-crafted sign featuring his name in neon, attached to a fat 24K gold chain around his neck. Heidi screams at Diddy, "Auf Wiedersehen! You are eliminated...go home now!" and Diddy saunters off the stage, snaps his fingers, and all the models follow him out the door and back to his hotel. Britney Spears was a contestant last night too. You won't believe your eyes when you see the creation she and Pretty on the Outside came up with. Medium: photoshop and diamonds.

I'm Sick of Celebrity Fragrances and I'm Not Going To Take it Anymore, Part 1

Diddy recently launched Unforgivable, his new fragrance for women. Ads featuring Doodles Diddy biting, pawing and groping attractive young women caused so much controversy that even MTV refused to air the racy TV commercial unless Diddy agreed to make edits to tone it down. Of course, Diddy refused. No one tells Diddy what to do. The toothy mogul mumbled something about the type of women he had in mind when he "created" the fragrance. "She's strong, she's into fashion, a woman who's sensual and passionate, and a quiet woman. A woman who picks the words she chooses carefully, and when she speaks she says what she means." Interesting how Diddy goes to so much trouble describing the way he prefers women to communicate. I can just hear him, "Shhh, quiet down 'lil lady. Here's some money, why don't you go shopping for something sexy and when you come home, I'll grope you in the hallway. Run along now, and don't come home until you've piped down." Diddy has built his empire around one main thing: Diddy. I've reworked his print ad to better reflect his sensibilities. Medium: photoshop collage, digital paint.

Puff Doodles the Clown

The ostentatious and egotistical media clown appears in public dripping in diamonds and wearing custom-made suits while inexplicably wearing a ridiculous plastic crown on his head and a fur coat.  He's also been spotted jet skiing around his yacht in Cannes while wearing a fluffy white bathrobe.  Are we supposed to take him seriously?

All that showing off..... and yet the mouth will not close.

Star magazine recently ran this photo of P. Dingles pouring $300 bottles of Cristal champange all over the floor. I altered it a little bit because I heard the Diddy gets angry as a snake when anyone dares to point out his folly.