Gallery of the Absurd

A Madonna Crotch Endorsement 30 Years From Now

Despite media pleas for her to "put it away", Madonna and her crotch will become the Wilford Brimley of her generation.  Medium: graphite on paper, digital color.

A Madonna Crotch Endorsement 20 Years From Now

This was the first image that came to mind after reading the Daily Mail headline, "Madonna poses for yet ANOTHER raunchy album picture, will she still be doing this at 70?"  As an avid appreciator of absurdity, I sure hope so! A provocateur in her own mind, Madonna seems to think her middle-aged crotch will "shock" us into buying her albums, attending her concerts, buying magazines, or most troubling, purchasing luxurious designer handbags in bad economic times. I say let the poor dear continue being deluded into thinking of her crotch as a commodity.  Packages of Depends adult diapers will fly off the shelves after they sponsor her 2029 Saggy & Sexy World Concert Tour. It's a win/win situation. Medium: ink on paper, digital color.

Bonus!  Tomorrow we examine Madonna's Crotch Commodity as it will appear 30 years from now.

Hollywood's Hottest Accessory?

A few months ago Cracked magazine asked me to create two illustrations to accompany a controversial article about the recent trend of celebrity overseas adoption. The illustrations can be found in the Jan/Feb 2007 issue, available at newsstands now. I've only briefly followed the Madonna adoption story so I don't know what all the brouhaha is about, but I do remember reading that Sharon Osbourne compared Madge's adoption to "getting a Louis Vuitton handbag." Angelina Jolie isn't too pleased about Madonna's "illegal" adoption either. Oprah said it was okay though. Medium: Ink on paper, digital color.

This Madonna and Child illustration leads the article. Medium: Acrylic on board.

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Madonna: Space Alien From The Future

Do you recognize this person? She graced the cover of a recent issue of Out magazine and was so heavily photoshopped it was hard to recognize that it was Madonna. Why this growing trend of transforming women on magazine covers into space aliens? Maybe it's all part of a conspiracy. An interesting theory making the rounds among UFO/Alien enthusiasts is that aliens are simply time-traveling super-evolved humans visiting Earth from the future. If that's the case, we speculate Madonna will look like this many thousands of years from now:

The standard of beauty defined by Hollywood is already starting to exhibit signs of natural selection toward classic grey alien traits - just look at all the giant heads on stick bodies showing up in the pages of the tabloids.

If this disturbing trend continues, then Esquire's annual "Sexiest Woman Alive" is going to look like this 11,000 years from now.

Celebrity Religious Icons

Madonna and Tom Cruise are two of the entertainment industry's most vocal religious zealots. According the the Drudge Report, Madonna says "we're all going to hell" if we don't change our "wicked behavior", and that we are "enslaved... by the material world."  She doesn't explain how she's going to get rid of her own trappings of the material world. What is she going to do with her expensive designer wardrobe, her luxury autos, her $500 beauty creams, or her several mansions? According to her logic, she better get rid of them all or else Crazy Old Aunt Esther is going to end up having eternal afternoon tea with Beelzebub.

The Scientologists don't like it when you talk about their secret "hidden truths" of the universe. They don't want you to know about Xenu, the evil ruler of the galaxy who kidnapped billions of unfortunate souls and transported them in DC-10 space planes for imprisonment in Earth's volcanoes about 75 million years ago. L. Ron Hubbard himself wrote of his memories of being an intergalactic walrus who fell out of a spaceship.  Science fiction or true religion? You decide.  Meanwhile, Tom Cruise is likely to go down in history as that Hollywood nutcase who jumped all over Oprah's couch instead of being known for his movie career.  HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Gallery Announcement:  If you're in Seattle on November 3, don't miss the opening of Crime Scene at SOIL Art Gallery. I'll be showing my painting of David Gest and Liza Minelli. Scandal!