Gallery of the Absurd

Exclusive: First Look at Jennifer Lopez & Babies on Cover of People

Max and Emme are ready for their six-million-dollar close-up: We have your first look at Jennifer Lopez and her bundles of joy. Remove your shoes, put on a surgical mask, and go inside their home as the 38-year-old star and husband Marc Anthony, 39, talk about parenthood and break out their finest bling for an exclusive family photo album. Plus Lopez opens up about her sleepless nights waiting for the wet nurse to feed the babies, the benefits of using diamond chip-laden baby lotion and why babies named “Max” have become as common in Hollywood as former Disney stars in rehab.

Says Lopez of motherhood: “I couldn’t be more proud. These guys are the first good thing I’ve made since ‘Out of Sight.’”

Be sure to check out the entire article in the new issue of PEOPLE, which we’re rushing onto newsstands as soon as possible to recoup our exorbitant investment, as well as our loss on the Aguilera cover. (We knew we should have let OK! have it.) Medium: graphite on paper, digital color. Text written by Candy Kirby.

The Voluptous Horror of Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony star in the blood curdling new horror biopic, El Corpse. The story follows the tragic journey of a woman who wakes up one day and realizes the man she married has been hiding a dark secret. Believing she wed a sexy, hot-blooded Latin American singer, her life is shattered when she learns the creature sleeping next to her has embalming fluid pumping through his veins. Little does she know he's planning to whisk her away and imprison her in his subterranean love nest deep within the chambers of Hades. Will she escape his evil clutch? Expected to be a boffo hit at the B.O., El Corpse is sure to be a thoroughly terrifying movie experience. We even have a few exclusive stills from the movie:

In this riveting scene, El Corpse collapses into death throes as he performs during a concert in Germany. J-Lo looks on from the audience, but she thinks he's just singing passionately about her.

El Corpse uses his microphone stand to beat away a group of morticians who have jumped on stage in an attempt to drag him back to the mortuary. Again, J-Lo looks on and believes it's all part of the act. She has no idea the horrors in store for her later.

Okay, so I was joking...but J-Lo and Marc did make a movie together and you can watch the trailer here.

DON'T MISS the Vampire Blog-a-Thon over at Film Experience Blog. Gallery of the Absurd is one of several participating blogs. 14 doesn't drink....wine.

Booty and The Beast

Of all the gossip flying around about Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, the most pervasive is 1.) J.Lo has a sizable caboose and 2.) Marc Anthony is scary looking.  There is also speculation Marc is a "control freak". Tabloids publish the observations of "body language experts" who claim that because Jen follows behind him, he is showing the world he's the one in control.  Apparently, he also tells her what to wear and flies into a jealous rage when she speaks to her leading men between shooting scenes on her movie set. Antonio Banderas beware!

We sent our reporters from Slander Magazine to find out if Marc really is a control freak. We're not sure how they were able to acquire this touching love letter that Marc wrote to J.Lo, but we are publishing it and asking questions later.