Gallery of the Absurd

Boo!

A little blood curdling Halloween fright brought to you by Italian lovelies, Michaela Romanini and Donamelta Versace. Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint.

Lehman Brothers CEO to Star in Nosferatu Remake

With his icy death glare, Richard Fuld, CEO of the bankrupt Lehman Brothers could easily fill the role of Count Orlock, the fearsome blood thirsty vampire in Nosferatu. Recently vilified as a "Culprit of the Collapse" on Anderson Cooper's 360, the Richard Fuld version of the vampire is a money-hungry vulture corrupted by insatiable greed. Normally one needs a wooden stake to shoo off vampires, but as one angry investor learned, the Fuld Vampire can be punched in the face and easily knocked out cold while working out at the gym. Medium: ink wash on paper, digital color.

Celebrity Halloween Portraits: Pamela Anderson

During the month of October, I'll be working on a series of Celebrity Halloween Portraits using a variety of different mediums and styles.  First up is Pamela Anderson as a Tired Medusa Zombie.  Because some of my readers have often asked about my digital paintings, I thought I'd discuss technique in this post instead of poking fun at Pam. Besides, I like that Pamela is embracing her aging sex symbol status.  I say pile on even more makeup, wear even more revealing outfits and go for even larger implants as she glides into her golden years.  Pretty soon, they'll make stripper shoes with convenient velcro straps and adult diapers with sexy lace-up details . Oops, I digress.  Using a Wacom pen tablet in Photoshop, I began painting multiple transparent layers of color over a scanned pencil sketch. Later, I added bits of texture for visual interest, spent way too many hours on her hair, and finally added a manipulated photo of a snake to the ends of her tresses, of which I then painted over.   While I enjoy using real paint and canvas for most of my work, using technology allows for nearly endless experimentation....and a much neater art studio.

Janice Dickinson is The Re-Animator

Janice Dickinson stars in the Hollywood remake of the gory 1985 horror classic, Re-Animator. Janice will portray herself as the basement-dwelling mad scientist who continuously injects herself with questionable youth-preserving serums until she begins to suffer horrific side-effects. In one of the more gory scenes, Janice cuts off her own head and miraculously grows a newer, younger one. Her older, disembodied head rolls around on the floor begging for a boob job and tummy tuck until Janice grows impatient with it and kicks it across the room. Medium: acrylic on paper, digital color/text. Happy Halloween!

Clay Aiken Is Hungry For Blood....and Twinkies

The following spoof of this Child's Play trailer was written by Candy of Holy Candy:

It all started with a big sing-off. I was just your average, everyday college student till a little encouragement from an evil man named Simon made me what I am today: Chunky.

See, y'all, after the "Velvet Teddy Bear" robbed me of a life as an American Idol winner, I went on a rampage, killing the Bear on the Billboard charts, and stealing the hearts of housewives and men's chorus members nationwide. That's right -- my "aw, shucks" Howdy Doody exterior belies an inner savage beast. Nobody is safe in my path. Just ask Kelly Ripa, airplane passengers, teenage fans, and that snack aisle I just pillaged.

Bwahahaha!

Oh, and while I'm unleashing my beast on those pesky gossip bloggers, be sure to check out my CD, All is Well (Till You Ask Me If I'm Gay), flying off the shelves at a Wal-Mart near you! Medium: a little too much fun with my wacom tablet, movie tagline written by Candy.

Beware The Creature From The Black Eyed Peas

Simply put, I saw this photo of Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson and immediately this image of the Creature From The Black Lagoon popped into my head. Medium: graphite and watercolor on paper, digital color/text.

Carrot Top Lurks in Your Nightmares

I'm not quite sure what Carrot Top does other than terrify the wits out of people. He obviously lifts weights, wears heavy pancake and eye makeup, and seems to have willingly embraced the Evil Clown look for his personae. Good for him, I say. Because I have an appreciation for nonconformists, I'd like to see him push his creepy clown look even further. Perhaps he should consider starring as Pennywise, the sewer-lurking murderous clown from Stephen King's made-for-TV movie, IT. Medium: graphite and pastel on paper, digital color/text/photos. See original sketch here.

Jackie Stallone Stars in Halloween 10

I saw a recent photo of Jackie Stallone and for the first few seconds, I thought I was looking at Michael Myers, the villian from the Halloween movies. After seeing her, I had to do a little research on what's she's been up to. I was delighted to learn that "she says her dogs channel messages from the spirt world and sends them to her telepathically".  In addition to giving birth to her "deformed son" Sylvester, she has also been a trapeze artist, a psychic, a dermatologist, and a rumpologist (a form of fortune telling using a person's....rump). Jackie doesn't hold back - she recently called Britney Spears a "tramp" and "trailer trash". Sylvester is planning a movie about his eccentric mother and Jackie insists that Angelina Jolie play the part.  Please do it Angelina!!! PLEASE!! I will SO be first in line to see that!  But first I'm going to watch Halloween 10, in which Jackie's dogs tell her to destroy the planet after she returns home from getting her lips injected with more collagen.

David Gest: Scary Celebrity Extraordinaire

One of my favorite celebrity gossip stories is the one about David Gest claiming Liza Minelli beat him to a pulp after she got drunk and went into a rage.  Powder, blush and lipstick-wearing Gest tried to sue tiny little Minelli for $10 million. This painting was inspired by a photograph and story I found in Star Magazine. The headline is actual, and was cut out of the magazine and added to the painting. I'm not too sure about the validity of Gest's claim, but if I woke up next to that thing in my bed, I'd try and swat it away too.  SCARY!!!