Gallery of the Absurd

Gossip Trading Cards: Jack Nicholson, Geriatric Gigolo

Hollywood is filled with wealthy old coots who still manage to lure lovely young women to their bedrooms, but none come close to the effortless endearing cool embodied by Jack Nicholson, Geriatric Gigolo. Most Hollywood studs of advanced age attempt to maintain their youth by going under the knife, recieving hair transplants and maintaining their waistlines with heart-healthy diets low in carbs, high in fiber...but not Jack.  He lives life by his own standards and gives not a care what anyone thinks about it. On any given day, he might choose to wear swim trunks and let his quivering pendulous belly flap in the breeze as he chows down on a huge submarine sandwich while knocking back beer and cigarettes as doting young females throw themselves at him. Keep an eye on Jack this summer. You'll see plenty of paparazzi photos of him on yachts, eating steaks, drinking wine and whispering cigarette smoke-infused sweet nothings into the tender young ears of giggling bikini-clad women eager to follow him back to his bedroom. Medium: graphite drawing, digital color. Much thanks to Lynn for the alliteration.

The back of Jack's Gossip Trading Card contains fascinating information regarding career highlights and vital statistics written by film geek enthusiast, Viper Tetsu.

Gossip Trading Cards: Deranged Lunatic

Whenever Gary Busey shows up to an event or agrees to an interview, you can expect an erratic tempest of nonsensical utterances, unsettling glares, unpredictable outbursts followed by bear hugs and then more unpredictable outbursts, and best of all, the spewing forth of didactic gibberish through a mouthful of clattering teeth. How can you not love (from a distance, of course) the crazy that is Gary Busey? I've decided to get back to work on my Gossip Trading Cards series, a collection of trading cards based on the diverse archetypes found in the world of celebrity gossip. I've already completed cards for Lindsay Lohan and Papa Joe Simpson, and many more are to come. Medium: Colored pencil and ink scrawled in sketchbook while riding in car hurtling down I-5 toward Los Angeles.

The back of the card includes one of my favorite Gary quotes. Find more of his wisdom here.

Gossip Trading Cards: Wanton Starlet

Lindsay Lohan's swinging love life could easily be mistaken for one of those trashy pulp fiction novels from the 50's and 60's. With her come-hither, yet dazed eyes, she's the perfect model of man eating temptress typically shown on the covers of lurid vintage paperbacks. Consider these actual titles...Born For Sin, Man Bait, or Lust is a Woman and imagine how natural Lindsay would look pictured on the cover. One can hardly keep up with reports of who she's dating, one week it's Brett Ratner and the next it's Bruce Willis.  The most recent report claims she's moving to Europe because she's dating "several men over there." Once she's ravanged Europe, the little kitten on the prowl is sure to relocate to other continents in search of fresh prey. Medium: Acrylic on board, digital text.

To further my point, I scanned a random page from Lust in Orbit, a 1963 title from my own collection of trashy vintage novels. After reading this excerpt, one can easily picture Lindsay as the narrator.

Gossip Trading Cards: Creepy Dad

Viewing Joe Simpson through the filthy looking glass of celebrity gossip, he appears as the Creepiest Dad in Hollywood.  You won't find this term printed in the tabloids, but bloggers have no problems pointing out their perception of Jessica and Ashlee's daddy/manager. Papa Simpson elevated his own level of creep straight into the stratosphere a few years ago while speaking of daughter Jessisca's ample assets. This little gem came a'tumbling out of his mouth: "If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both. She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!" Not the words you'd expect from a former Baptist minister.  Shudder.

On top of that, Joe has adopted the slick (and often hilarious) fashion sense typically seen on aging men in Hollywood. This means wearing expensive silk shirts with bold images of fire breathing dragons and hotrod flames, oversized jewelry, and complicated jeans purchased from hip youthful boutiques. If you're going to ogle boobs, you may as well be dressed like a clownish strutting peacock.

This is first of my collection of trading cards based on Hollywood archetypes created from gossip-inspired folk tales.  I'm doing a set of 25 and all will be posted as soon as I finish each one. Medium: graphite and ink on board, digital color.

Nathaniel R from The Film Experience was kind enough to post an interview with me and you can read it here. His cinematic musings are much more interesting than my blathering nonsense, so do be sure and check out his blog. Also many thanks to TMZ.