Gallery of the Absurd

For The Brangelooney on Your Christmas List: Touched By A BrANGELina Decorative Collector Plates

Confused about what to buy the obsessed Brangelooney on your Christmas list? Look no further, get them the Touched by a BrANGELina Decorative Collectible Plates and they'll be foaming at the mouth in an uncontrollable frenzy. Each handcrafted porcelain plate in this collection is shaped in a circle to reflect their beautiful family circle of love. Because the Jolie-Pitt clan is more than just a family, they truly are angels sent from heaven. Honor their blessed impact on our lives and choose your favorite offspring from a wide selection of children in Brad and Angelina's enchanting rainbow family, including Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh and the Holy Twins, Knox and Vivienne - with many, many more to come!

Display this Touched by a BrANGELina collector plate collection proudly in your home, or choose to throw them with delicious force at pictures of Jennifer "Maniston!" Don't miss this chance to celebrate the most blessed of families. Frighteningly strong, obsessive-like demand is expected for this beautiful plates, so order today.

Get Your Barack Obama and John McCain Talking Dolls Today!

 

Talking Presidential Candidate Dolls: So Truly Real

Available for Express Ship
Available in 2 installments of $30.00 US

Now this is definitely the most adorable talking presidential candidate doll collection around this election season! Sure to bring a giddy smile to the faces of both liberals and conservatives – at least until November 4 – this first-ever collection of Talking Presidential Candidate Dolls® features lifelike vinyl replicas of Democratic candidate Senator Barack Obama and Republican candidate Senator John McCain.   You’ll be amazed by their expressive little faces, animated limbs and so much more.

They ramble and mislead like a real politician!

Pull Barack Obama’s string, and he will awe and inspire you with his heaven-sent baritone voice, which makes his vague, oft-repeated promises of “hope” and “change” sound like angels singing in divine harmony.  And watch as Obama politely, yet frequently, raises his hand to interrupt his opponent!   Just don’t pull the string too hard, or Obama doll will hem and haw with unintelligible fillers such as “uh” or confuse you by encoding his promises in the inviolable language of math. Sample mind-numbing mathematical phrases include:

"Fifty percent tax credit!”

"Cut taxes for 95 percent of workers!”

"If you make $250,000 a year or less..."

“Ninety-eight make less than $250,000…”

Don’t bother shaking the lanky, lovable doll to make him stop.  The Barack Obama doll is so unflappable, you can throw him against the wall and he still smiles from ear to ear! 

When you pull the McCain doll’s string, watch out for the cloud of dust!  He will pump his adorable fists of fury as he spends more time bashing his opponent than trumpeting his own ideas.  Listen as McCain growls eye-roll-worthy rhetoric over and over again:

"Who is the real Barack Obama?"

"The fundamentals of our economy are strong!"

"My friends…"

"I know how to fix the entire world!"

Handcrafted by master artisans and available exclusively from the U.S. Department of Toys and Doll Services, each of the collectible dolls in this Talking Presidential Candidate® collection is more appealing than the puppet currently in the White House. Don't delay! Intense demand is expected for these little charmers, so order now.

Medium: ink on paper, digital color. Concept created by GOTA and Holy Candy. Text and post written by Candy Kirby.

 

Clay Aiken Fans Swoon Over His Latest Collectible

After posting the Shine of the Brangeloonie, a few GOTA readers requested a shrine for the Claymate species. I thought about what the average Claymate might appreciate and after careful study, concluded that most are likely to be collectors of the sort of trinkets seen advertised in the back of Ladies Home Journal. There's a good chance many of them own unicorn figurines, music boxes, frightening dolls, Disney trinkets, or something atrocious by Thomas Kinkade. I realize it's a gross generalization, but I'm sticking to my instincts after examining several Claymate fan sites. I believe I've created a dazzling Clay Aiken tribute they won't be able to resist: The Clay Aiken Singing Angel Music Box.

I was right. Look at the happy faces and joyous camaraderie of the Claymates as they show off their Clay Aiken Singing Angel Music Box during their Claymate-themed pizza party in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Kidding aside, please do visit the most amazing Claymate site I've ever come across. They bring a plastic bunny named Ms. Bucky to the Claymate parties and feed it wine and make it watch Clay Aiken videos. Genius. Medium: Photo composite, digital paint, Clay's head courtesy of Wenn, this post directly inspired by this dlisted entry.

Thomas Kinkade's Newest Collectible

An article in the Sunday Edition of the NY Post reports Thomas Kinkade, America's Most Successful Living Artist, urinated on a Winnie the Pooh figure outside the Disneyland Hotel in Anaheim. Kinkade might be known for his paintings of wholesome candy-colored blobs of heavenly "light", but he'll go down in history as more of a "lifestyle marketer" than "artist". He's a rock star in the eyes of his collectors (which are mostly female) and he knows exactly how to seduce his rapt audience into buying the useless landfill trinkets his company spews out regularly. He's such a marketing genius that he'll even take his urinating on Winnie the Pooh fiasco and turn it into a profitable endeavor. The Thomas Kink-Aid Cuddle Bear Urinal is my vision of what this product might look like.

To see a more R-rated version of a Thomas Kinkade trinket I did a while back, click here.
Read more about Kinkade's empire here.
Thank you Holly for the tip.

UPDATE: Winnie the Pooh was just awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Don't tell Thomas Kinkade!