Gallery of the Absurd

Meet The Cackling Bowl Cut Chimps

The easiest way to identify this curious species is by the identical bowl cut hairstyle each family member adorns itself with or by the wide-mouthed grimace they display when cackling. Despite the fact the female towers over the male, she submits to his control and has been observed taking on his hobbies, habits and interests. The male is easily agitated, excitable and aggressive toward anyone who dares to criticize his peculiar belief system. If your car breaks down on the highway, you had better hope a Cackling Bowl Cut Chimp is nearby because they're the only ones who can help. Medium: Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Suri: liquid pencil and watercolor on paper. Palm trees: digital sketch. Original sketch shown here.

These Boots Were Made For Hopping

The Jessica Simpson Dingbat Frog can be found hopping around Hollywood in search of a suitable mate. It can be identified by its large chest spilling out of low cut tops and also by its habit of wearing silly boots. The disturbing croak of the Dingbat Frog has been recorded on CD and is available for purchase. A distinguishing characteristic of the Dingbat Frog is its enormous rubbery mouth which is often kept agape. This allows the frog to feed on cash flies buzzing around lucrative endorsement deals such as Proactive Acne Solution, Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites, clip-on hair, accessories and cosmetics. This concludes the series of "Celebimals" commissioned by Animal magazine. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper, Latin phrase by Michael K.

It occured to me that I could create a comic strip based simply on Jessica Simpson's expressive mouth.

I would never ever run out of material.

Okay, I'll stop now. (Images from strip #3 are from Getty.)

Nicole Richie: Hollywood Wildlife

Nicole Richie is reportedly seeking treatment to find out "why she can't gain weight". While we're happy she's finally taking care of her health, we wonder if she'll still make headlines once she returns to a less shocking size. If she's not a walking skeleton in a baggy size 0 bikini, will she still appear on the glossy covers of tabloids? If she's at a healthy weight, will the paparazzi still stalk her for the elusive money shot of Nicole consuming food? Will fervent speculation and scandal continue with sordid tales of drug use, eating disorders and collapsing in night clubs? Oh well, whether Nicole is skinny or not, she'll always look like a pygmy marmoset. That's not such a bad thing. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper. This illustration appeared in the Animal magazine feature "Celebimals". Concept and Latin name by dlisted's Michael K.

The Man-Eating Party Panda

The Lohan Party Panda can be found roaming the hottest clubs across New York, Las Vegas and Hollywood. Quite often, it can also be spotted in various hospital emergency rooms. This lusty little red panda has an enormous appetite for the male species and is a highly skilled predator. The Party Panda's natural enemy is the Paris Hilton Ass Ostrich and one may observe their warring behavior documented inside the pages of The Glossy Field Guide to Hollywood Animals. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper, Latin phrase by Michael K. Illustration done for Animal Magazine

George Clooney: Hollywood Monkey King

If Handsome George were a gorilla, this is what he'd look like. He's the reigning Monkey King of Hollywood and no one can push him off his pedestal. Other alpha male primates such as Russell Crowe and Bill O'Reilly have tried to knock the Georgerilla's crown off, but thus far have not succeeded.  Aggressive female primates who've attempted to domesticate the wild Georgerilla have failed, but that doesn't stop them from being lured by the Georgerilla's smoothly seductive charms. If you are approached by the Georgerilla while traveling in the jungles of Hollywood, ask about his "Best Supporting Ape" statue and kindly offer him a hotdog. You and the Georgerilla will become fast friends...especially if you're a female. Medium: Ink, acrylic on paper, Latin phrase by Michael K.

Paris Hilton is NOT a Slut

In this heart wrenching interview by TMZ's Harvey Levin, Paris Hilton emotionally declares she isn't a slut. Come on everyone, just because Paris is always spreading her legs, showing the world she doesn't wear underwear and dancing on tables DOES NOT mean she's a slut. She writhes and grunts while singing Happy Birthday to Hugh Hefner because she is a singer, okay? She writhes and grunts while biting a big juicy hamburger because she's a brand and a model, okay? Paris is a serious actress, didn't any of you people see House of Wax?!?! Paris even wrote a thought-provoking book based on exhaustive research about....herself. You may refer to Ms. Hilton as "American Royalty" and you may stand in awe at her self-proclaimed status of "Iconic Blonde", but don't you dare call her a slut. It hurts her feelings. Medium: Ink, acrylic on page from Doctor Doolittle's Post Office. Latin phrase by Michael K.

Oh, and one more interview! This one is more about art and less about celebrity. The Extra Finger interviews emerging artists from around the world and we are honored to be included. Read it here.

Celebimals: Britneyroo and the Freeloading Federline Lizard

The poor little barefoot Britneyroo (careerisoverum) is worn down and burdened from always having to lug the Freeloading Federline Lizard (paraciticus wannabeus africus reptilia) around in her pouch. The Lizard sits back, cracks open a 40 ouncer, and daydreams about one day becoming a big rap star. He never has to lift a finger to do anything other than keep the Britneyroo knocked up. What a life the slimy little Lizard has. Medium: Ink, acrylic on paper, Britneyroo Latin name by Kipling West, Lizard Latin name by Michael K.

Celebimals: The Brangelino

I couldn't figure out what animals Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt looked like....until Michael K. of Dlisted said "draw Angelina as a Rhino with Brad picking flies out of her ears". Never in a million years would I have thought of that. I took the challenge and created the Rhangelino (homeus wreckerus) and the Brird (subservius hunkus).

Animal Magazine is hitting the newstands this week and Issue 7 features ten exclusive Gallery of the Absurd illustrations with commentary written by Michael K. While Harpers Bazaar attempts to shock with a naked Britney Spears cover, Animal prefers to titillate with the tattooed and sexy-lipped Brangelino. You can get your copy here. More images from the "Celebimals" series will be posted here throughout July. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper. Latin names by Michael K.

How To Attract A Star Fish

Rumors are flying that Star Jones got canned from The View because of all the attention surrounding her shameless quest for freebies and because of the denial and controversy surrounding her dramatic weight loss. When it comes to Star Jones, I don't know what to believe...all I know is that when Animal Magazine asked Michael K and I to come up with ideas for celebrity animals, we all agreed that Ms. Jones reminded us of one of those bug-eyed goldfish.  According to popular speculation, both the Bug-Eyed Star Fish (gastrica bypassus denialus) and the Reynolds Rainbow Trout (homosexus closeta) are awash in various forms of denial.

Paris Hilton as a Proboscis Monkey

When ANIMAL magazine asked Michael K and I to come up with celebrity animals, we immediately noticed how much Paris Hilton resembles a proboscis monkey. Thing is, we found an even better animal to represent Paris....but it's a secret. You have to wait until ANIMAL no. 7 comes out to see it. For now, enjoy Paris as a primate. Proboscis monkeys are endangered, but Paris Hilton types seem to be flourishing. I wish it were the other way around. Medium: Ink, acrylic, burnt sage leaves on paper. Latin phrase by Michael K.