Gallery of the Absurd

The Angelina Jolie Hands-Free Multiple Child Carrier

Angelina Jolie recently announced she has filed papers to adopt yet another exotic overseas orphan. Faced with the burden of carrying so many children while traveling the world for humanitarian reasons, Jolie commissioned a designer to create a stylish transport to fit her unique needs. The Angelina Jolie Hands-Free Multiple Baby Carrier is a sleek device that carries up to four children and features diaper storage, a bottle and sippy cup holder, an insulated snack compartment, and retractable toys. Best of all, the carrier allows Angelina to keep her hands free to pick up other orphans that might catch her eye. Available by special order only, but hurry, there's a growing wait list. Madonna has already placed her order and other celebrities are likely to follow. Medium: ink on paper, digital color.

What If.....

For months the world has been anticipating the arrival of the Brangelina baby. Tabloids and bloggers have been speculating that this baby is destined to be the Most Beautiful Child Ever. New York Magazine ruffled feathers when stating "Not since Jesus has a baby been so eagerly anticipated." What I'd like to speculate is.....what if the offspring of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt isn't as stunningly gorgeous as everyone assumes? What if she's just a regular looking baby....maybe even a little goofy looking? It could happen! Just one look at the adorable baby Kevin Federline was able to produce for Britney Spears shows just how unpredictable the genetic lottery can be. Congratulations to the growing Jolie-Pitt clan. We're happy to learn that little Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt has arrived healthy and without complication. Despite my contrary speculation, there's a high likelihood this kid is going to be a looker. Medium: Acrylic and gouache on board.

Is Brad Angie's Boy Toy?

Star magazine provides much of the inspiration for the work I post on this blog. I flip open the magazine and find endless amounts of material to fuel my absurd paintings of celebrity gossip. They were kind enough to print my Brad Pitt Pull Toy in their News of the Week feature.....so of course I had to create a painting out of it. Here we see Brad disagreeing over his portrayal as Angie's boy toy. Medium: Acrylic and ink painted directly onto page 30 of the April 24 issue of Star magazine.

If Dali Had Painted Angelina Jolie

One of my favorite Salvador Dali paintings is Sleep. I place Angelina Jolie in this painting because she's larger than life and needs several Daliesque pedestals to support her fame. Not only is she considered one of the most beautiful women in the world, she also donates time, money and energy toward the betterment of others. Her qualities of rebellious vixen combined with doting mother generate intrigue and devout fandom. Medium: Oil on board.

Angelina Jolie's Subservient Pull Toy

Brad Pitt has gone from sexiest man alive to subservient, pitiful yes-man who does whatever his girlfriend says. Ever since he met Angelina, he seems to have completely forgotten his self-identity. Don't believe us? Consider the following:

Angelina wears dark clothes, and what do you know.....Brad has started wearing dark clothes.
Angelina is a pilot....and SURPRISE! Brad wants to be a pilot.
Angelina is a Goodwill Ambassador, now Brad wants to be a Goodwill Ambassador.
AND.... the most obvious example of Brad's spineless metamorphosis can be observed in how Angelina grabs his hand and leads the way at each and every photo op. Brad is a pull toy, a handsome man on wheels who tends and entertains the kids while Angelina dazzles.

Curious about the shiny red button on the Pull Toy's back? Press it and Pull Toy happily responds:

"Yes dear."
"Whatever makes you happy, dear."
"I agree with you dear, excellent idea."
"Whatever you say dear."

Medium: Ink on paper, digital color.

Invasion of the Husband Snatchers

Angelina Jolie and Tori Spelling represent two factors that may contribute to luring a man away from his wife: Beauty and Power. That's especially true in Hollywood.  Strike fear into the hearts of your married pals when you choose to wear one of these Celebrity Halloween Masks to a Hollywood costume party.  Throw on the Angelina mask and watch the room grow silent as all eyes fall upon you in awe. Try the Tori mask (be sure to switch on the battery powered flashing Daddy's Money tiara so industry folks will really notice you) and witness how everyone stops their conversation and comes running toward you.