Mall of America Unveils Angelina Jolie Breast Feeding Fountain

A meticulously detailed, hand-carved marble fountain depicting the beloved Angelina Jolie breast feeding her twins has just been unveiled in the Enchanted Food Court nestled in the southwest wing of America's largest shopping mall. Perched atop a gilded platform between Hot Dog on a Stick and Cinnabon, the fountain has quickly become a beloved shrine to the thousands of wild-eyed pilgrims flocking to fall upon their knees and worship her Holiness.

Due to the overwhelming hysteria revolving around Jolie's recent breast feeding stunt photo on the cover of W magazine, witnesses say the pilgrims resemble a swarming plague of locusts as they amass around the milk-squirting fountain. Often called "Brangeloonies", these devoted followers have been gathering in long lines outside the Mall of America just to get a glimpse of the otherworldly statue and perhaps leave a devotional item or two. Mall authorities are thrilled with the overwhelming response and recently told local news, "Sales are through the roof now that we've debuted the Saint Angelina Fountain and merchants such as Chicos, Cinnabon and Illuminations are seeing record sales numbers." It just goes to show you that despite the fragile US economy, anything related to Angelina Jolie commands instant commerce and distraction mesmerized attention. Medium: Ink wash on paper, digital color, photoshop.

Comments

[Vern]

I love how you've captured the actual warmth she shows her babies. (You know what babies are, right Ang? The things that AREN'T cameras)

[midevil]

Love the bird legs!

[WAH]

I love it!

[Candy]

Fan-freakin-tastic, 14! Looking forward to the fountain becoming available at Home Depot.

Thanks for the laugh!

[mark]

Brilliant you evil genius!

[Karen]

Wow!!! A saint!! she is awesome but do you people have nothing better to do!! and yes i think she knows what babies are... duh she has a few... dont hate!!

[Dina]

I hate her so much, this wh8re is so full of herself. She only use Brad and the poor children for media attention.

[stella]

are you from MN? That was a pretty acurate description on the MOA.

[honey]

I guess her bony legs never close.

[Bella]

14 - you are so insanely hilarious and talented.

Joking aside though, I wish this damn fool had a semblance of dignity and/or understanding regarding the concept of "private life".

[Erick]

HA. It's actually a pretty painting of her face, though.

[14]

thanks for your comments everyone!

Nope, never been to MOA. You'd have to drag me kicking and screaming to force me to ever set foot in that place. Malls in general are kryptonite to me.

Erick - the face is half painted, half photoshopped, so I can't take 100% credit for her face. I did paint her lips though. Couldn't resist.

xoxo
14

[de Cosmos]

Hey, where's her halo?

[Becca]

The little hypocrite said that she'd never get pregnant.

Now she's a gushing dairy animal filling her precious parasites with her magical titty juice to turn them into dazzling Greek god and goddess with GIGANTIC lips to boot!

9_9

[monkeybiz]

I want one for my front yard!

[FreakyFanGirl]

I love it (although I do agree with de Cosmos - a halo would have been great). The copy underneath was so good as well, that I am waiting to see what news publication picks this up as legit (as some of your recent entries shows - it does seem to happen from time to time.)

[lizardo911]

I really can't stand AJ or Brad anymore. They both sicken me. And I am so sick of looking at her skinny, ugly bird legs and her big, milk-filled tits. She should just go away and remain permanently pregnant and barefoot in a kitchen somplace out in the woods. They are both tiring... And there is nothing special about having children. Doesn't take a high IQ to have a child...

[Ummm...]

Cinnabon is not even close to Hot Dog on a Stick. But it is next to a big girl clothing store...bet youd find a lot of brangeloonies in there. ;)

[Ummm...]

Cinnabon is not even close to Hot Dog on a Stick. But it is next to a big girl clothing store...bet youd find a lot of brangeloonies in there. ;)

[Elsie]

Amazing!! I absolutely love your tongue-in-cheek comments about it.."the fountain has quickly become a beloved shrine to the thousands of wild-eyed pilgrims flocking to fall upon their knees and worship her"..priceless!!

[Peta]

I can't wait for the hate comments to roll in. Then things ought to b very interesting! XD

[Sweet Subversion]

I just finished reading all the Brangeloonie Toones trashing Ted Casablanca for essentially saying what we all know - "Angelina is full of shit." Thanks for the Halloween present 14! I love you!

This is brilliant and you are so talented. Watching the stock market and the public's reaction to Brangelina will teach anyone the magnitude of stupidity in this fucking country.

I also think the gossip surrounding Brangelina and Jennifer Anniston has to be some of the most misogynistic shit I have seen in the media for a while.

Don't be surprised if Angelina starts wearing blue baggy robe like shit to mimic the Virgin Mary.

[Sweet Subversion]

I forgot to say that I love the way the twins' profiles match Brad's perfectly. She really is milking his ass, isn't she?

Whoever took notice of her spread, bony legs is right on! Perfect 14!

[WhoJAckie]

Loves it! you people are freakin Genius! (quoted by the late great Anna nicole. )

[DeAunn]

Hoooooooly crap. Wow.

Well done!

[Liv]

Angelina rocks because of all the charity work she's done, and how much she and Brad have helped those in need. Most of the stories printed about Angelina and Brad (about most celebrities, really) are ridiculous, outlandish, contrived drivel made up by tabloids, and reported as fact. Sadly, this will probably become one of those stories.

[MovieBuffy]

Well, the way I look at it, she could be full of sh*t, and spending her millions getting her vajajay waxed and going on trips to the Girls Gone Wild Compound...laying out, smoking and making bad romcoms, and making you sick of the constant overexposure that THAT kind behavior brings.

Or, she could be giving really great performances, starring in hit films, saving children's lives and rebuilding homes in NOLA when your govt won't.

I would tend to think that should make you LESS 'sick,' than the Heidi Montags, Anistons and Dancing w/ the Stars D-listers who we're constantly assaulted with.

I mean, come on...rebuilding NOLA neighborhoods, giving millions to Drs Without Borders, Darfur and HIV clinics in Africa & SE Asia....is enough to have you rail on and on about how sick you are, and how full of sh*t she is?? Um...okay. Now's the time I remind you, that she's actually not even been in the public eye since May (before she gave birth), and a week after that when her movies released they've gone on to make about 400 MILLION worldwide.

Obviously, your sick, but not sick enough.

Either way, the facts are she does more than some of you bitter hag haters ever will in life - so whether or not she's 'full of sh*t' is of no concern to me...

I don't know her, don't have to spend holidays with her, or work for her...ALL I KNOW is that bottomline: those facts mean she is of far more quantitative VALUE than bullsh*t fake asss superficial do-nothing celebrities and the bitter jealous message board haters who bizarrely speak of her like they knew her in highschool (yeah, girl, all I know is Angie's full of sh*t...blah blah blah).

Yeah and how many lives have YOU saved today? How many schools have you sustained today? How many Oscars, Golden Globes, and SAG Awards have YOUR silly assses won today? STFU you dumb hater b*tch motherf*ckers, bow to your betters.

[sillyhaters]

I don't get it...why is Angelina Jolie called a 'saint?' Would it have something to do with her UN work? Or all that charitable and philanthropic stuff she does? Helping Katrina Victims? Bringing attention to refugees in Darfur, or AIDS afflicted children in Ethiopia, or SE Asia where she has medical facilities? Maybe it has to do with the bill she moved through Congress, and got signed, funded with her own money, that enables minors fleeing death and persecution in their countries with legal assistance??

Yeah, I totally get the HATE for this woman.

Damn her. She should just stop all that f**king HELPING mankind and sh*t, and keep her asss on the beach and spend her own millions on her OWN millionaire family.

Why the f*ck does she have to throw her millions at like, people that actually might die and sh*t, when that money could go to hundreds of starving stylists, and colorists in the impoverished village of Beverly Hills?!

Damn that b*tch - keep swinging that hammer and kicking her in the head. She deserves it.

I hope she gets to a point where she just says, 'F*ck all you evil hater motherf*ckers!' and takes that 1/3rd that she gives AWAY to the world's poor and disadvantaged, and goes and buys an island that she and Brad can just f*ck themselves silly on, and populate it with more perfect looking children and drape themselves in diamonds and gold. Then maybe, MAYBE she'll come in for LESS criticism.

Afterall, The HILLS people don't get this kind of trashing from haters, yet they are actually DESTROYING brain cells of tweens everywhere, along with what's left of our culture. I would think THEIR statue belongs in MOA, not a young actress who actually is a member of the UN and sits on the Council on Foreign Relations.

Or do you think a lot of MOA folk can relate to b*tches who tour Iraq, Darfur and hang with Kofi Annan, rather than those who just LOVE their 'lucky jeans,' and hair extensions??

[Cassie]

I love Angie (please don't hate me) but I very much like this painting. 14, this is one of your best ones yet. :) Satire's never killed anyone.

[Mel]

You people are so frakkin jealous it's unreal. Quit acting like a bunch of frakkin high school kids. If you don't like Angelina or what she stands for that's one thing, but to be hateful and call her a whore is incredibly childish and unnecessary. Do you know her? No you don't. Obviously you believe everything you read in the media which is beyond stupid. Yeah she said (at an earlier age) that she didn't want children of her own. She NEVER said that she didn't want children. I'm a 33 year old female and until I met the man that I am currently with, I didn't want children of my own. She loves Brad, she loves her kids and she has done more for various charities than any other celebrity. You bash her for that? You people really need to get a life and quit bashing people who are trying to make a difference in the world. I certainly don't see any of you doing anything to make this world a better place. Grow the frak up!!!!!!!

[Kaytee,]

<3 you.

[midevil]

After reading comments about the fountain only being a parody, I wonder, will the Brangelinafreaks travel to that mall anyway, to check it out themselves?

[curtrock]

Jealous? Really? Of what? A bug-eyed, wafer thin, gigantic headed, freakish looking millionaire who's been forced down the collective throats of the world at large as being the epitome of beauty and ambassador of goodness? Please! Those who believe that are nothing but targets for ridicule.

[Vern]

It's like my friend's Aunt Connie used to say: "There's an ass for every seat!"

[Lisa B]

Posted by: Kaytee, | October 16, 2008 at 07:43 AM

After reading comments about the fountain only being a parody, I wonder, will the Brangelinafreaks travel to that mall anyway, to check it out themselves?

I don't think there is any stupid act that could not be performed by anyone who admires this awful woman. I love the statue and abhor the brageloonies.

[Esther]

This is genius, all your Brangelina-art is spot-on.
Also the Paris-Valtrex.

I think you deserve to have your art to be shown in MoMa.
And I bet Brad Pitt would even pay a couple of millions for it. He´s kind of eager to prove he´s so cultural and intellectual, isn he....

But apart from my contempt for Brangelina and Paris, I really like your art , the other wstuff to.

And to all those Brangeloons like that Liv , Movie Buff or wtf their nick is...wake up, get real and get a life.
If Brangelina is so goody goody they won scream to the whole world how much they gave to this and that. Other wealthy people do it discrete and without the photo op.

And in the end it´s all a tax cut to them.

[14]

THANK YOU for all your comments. Many of you are so kind and I thank you for your encouragement. Even those of you who feel negatively about the Breast Feeding Fountain, thanks for adding your opinion.

Just a friendly reminder to the frothing Brangeloonies: I don't hate anyone and these silly cartoons are only made for fun. Lighten up!

xoxo
14

[Natasha]

I almost always love the artwork on here, including all the past Angelina and Brad stuff, but I find this one to be disgusting. 14, you are a brilliant artist, and I appreciate your love of social parody, but although I'm not a Brangeloonie, I do think they're doing good things and drawing attention to important issues. I agree wholeheartedly with the statements above made by Moviebuffy, Sillyhaters and Mel. I do think there is a lot of envy in the hateful emails here, and a LOT to be envious of- talent,beauty, kindness, generosity, wealth, success. Please, people, stop channeling your energy into envy and hate, and start channeling it into something positive, be it for yourself or something/someone else.

[14]

okay Natasha, sounds like a plan!

14

[Sweet Subversion]

I really think you should start a compendium of all these Brangeloonie rants 14! They are hysterical.

[Linny]

Angelina has made 17 movies since she adopted Maddox who is 7 years old. She's also adopted or given birth to 5 children. The family is in a constant state of flux, never staying in one place long enough to make friends. Children this young are not independent, thrive on routine and take comfort in the familiar. It might be time to let the 6 children gel into a family unit before adding more and it might be time to put down some roots.

[PeachPie]

Love it!

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of her.

And I won't go to any movie she's in. Why should I fork over my hard earned money so that she can rent out a 40k per month mansion in Germany or rent that high end pad in France?

It's the little people who made her so rich. I think we should ask for our money back.

[africanwoman]

Thanks Natasha!! you are 100% correct!!

[OMG]

It is a really funny piece of work. And Ange is too, come to think of it. But really, she does give back to some of those who need it and there is no reason to hate her. Turn off your TV, end your Cosmo subscription and get off the computer if you are sick of her.
and, questions to the public:
1. why is it so appalling that she would breastfeed her children? I'm going to.
2. if you could make millions of dollars by letting someone take a couple of snapshots of you and your kids, would you?

[Psychochick]

I love this even as a fan of Miss Jolie. I think she would appreciate the humor in it because she's cool like that. I do find the media attention tiresome, but I think she is a nice lady who is eccentric like me.

[Lydia]

I'm with Cassie. I love Angelina and I think she'a awesome, but I also love 14 and the painting of her.

By the way, it would be great if 14 made a painting of Jennifer Aniston just to keep things in balance.

[Psychochick]

How does the nickname Chinnifer Maniston not inspire you to parody it? Come on 14!Play fair! :)

[Sweet Subversion]

To All You Brangeloonie maniacs, you women, you know who you are:

I can't even believe I am going to do this because God, knows, I really should be doing something else, but I am fascinated and disgusted by people who are so willing to turn a blind eye and allow themselves to duped.

There is a difference between being charitable and being sincere. The Merriam Webster dictionary defines sincere as

1 a: free of dissimulation : honest b: free from adulteration : pure

ADULTERATION is the key word here. This word and all its variants describe Jolie perfectly. I have read plenty of interviews with her, back when she first appeared on the A list and started drinking Billy Bob's blood. This woman is as manipulative and as slippery as any greased up two faced politician. She has ways of telling people what they want to hear and making them imagine they are connected to her.

Yes, Jolie is charitable. She demonstrates love, goodwill, and generosity towards other especially when they are someone else's significant other. Billy Bob's ex, Laura Dern was once quoted as saying, "I came home and my boyfriend was getting married." Jolie spoke out both sides of her mouth when questioned about her alleged affair with a married Bradly armpit. After he was divorced, she contradicted herself. She attempted to downplay this in Vanity Fair (or which ever rag it was) by spouting a bunch of pseudo integrity-like bullshit, trying to convince the public that her adulterous ways with a married man were completely innocent. Even more nauseating was her flagrant kick in the mouth to Jennifer Aniston by saying she would welcome a "sit down" with her. Does anyone really believe this? I thought I would vomit.

As an ADULT, you don't just play tonsil hockey with your brother while dressed like Morticia, drink the blood of a redneck, tell the american public you fucked him in the back seat of a limo, not to mention the " padded sex room and the his and hers grave site" to becoming this wifey/mommy saint queen of integrity who wears virginal gowns with little sewn flowers on them. If she were a teenager when the former took place, maybe I would take her a lot more seriously.

Yes, it is great that she gives so much to charity, but that doesn't excuse her behavior. She never displayed an ounce of charity or rather empathy to the women whose boyfriends/husbands she fucked. The world is not perfect and these things happen but apparently this kind of happiness was not a hard choice for Angelina Jolie. She doesn't seem to have lost much sleep over it. Do you think she imagined herself in their shoes? I don't.

Billy Bob and Bradly Armpit are not off the fucking hook either.

I really don't give a flying fuck about all this, but at the end of the day, what really fascinates and nauseates me is the fact that this woman has people eating out the palm of her hand. She really knows how to engage the fantasies and stroke the soft spots of the FEMALE population. The ever increasing brood, not to mention the fact she bought her small son A FUCKING KNIFE/DAGGER or whatever the hell it was and FED HIM CRICKETS, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF IT IS A CULINARY DELIGHT IN HIS NATIVE CAMBODIA - that is just fucked up!!!!! Drinking blood is excessive and so is having 40 kids! When Matt Lauer interviewed her and asked her what is was like to witness such horrific poverty and the bask in the lap of luxury, it caught her ass off guard. Honest as she supposedly is, she really didn't have a answer for that. Does it bother her???? It would me. Witnessing that much brutality and horror to the human body/psyche would make me question a lot about material items and a opulent lifestyle. When horrible things happen, you really begin to wonder what things are worth. That is something you would expect someone in her position to have struggled with, much less thought about. You'd think she'd have a ready response.

If this woman would just say, "I am a pig for heroin and I love to fuck people who are in committed relationships," then I would probably take her a lot more seriously. All her insane monkey business would fall by the wayside. Her quest to save the world would become a lot more meaningful.

This woman is so brilliant at manipulating people, she should have been a dictator.

I just have one question for all you Brangeloonie women (i think very few of you are male): Would you rush to this woman's defense is she were what society deems as "ugly"?

[Jenn F.]

Wow. I think everyone needs to remember that satire is intended to provoke, and clearly 14's work has done just that. Nice work, 14.

The heightened emotions on either side are so predictable. I just don't care enough to take a side. Or perhaps it's because both are right.

[Letty Cruz]

This is how I imagine people who feel Sarah Palin is "one of us" think that all women should fight to be: Ooozing tittie milk and cranking out babies for their man, no matter how eerily Barbie-ish he is, because DABGUMMIT! HE said he wanted baybeez! Yuck. These psycho "career woman"-hating celebrity worshipers are disgusting.