"I only want to celebrate and sing her praises. I have been down on my knees all morning, where I know she would want me to be, blessing this holy family. god bless the jolie-pitts!"
"OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG—– My life now has meaning. You guys, today is totally my birthday…. and my mom’s name is Vivian! (I know darling Vivienne is spelled differently, but still)This is the first thing I’ve been able to share with the blessed Jolie-Pitts. I am over the moon."
"The trolls are really losing it, they are dying of envy. I won’t even give a second of my time reading or posting about a person I don’t like. That’s the power of Angelina, they can’t get away from her."
"This is such exciting news and the lovely posts are a pleasure to read from you JP fans. Makes it easy to bypass the unhappy jealous hateful people who cant help but show their ugliness at such a blessed time. Nothing can take away our joy today."
"I’m really getting tired of being hated on just because I want people to be happy. Babies are a gift from God, especially from people as wonderful as Brad and Angie. All you Aniston (yuck) lovers out there are just jealous that he’s happy and successful now. I think she needs to adopt an Indian baby next or something even more exotic to add to the beauty that is their family. Maybe one from Romania?"
"I still think we should find a way to let Brangelina know that there are people out here who love them and want to wish them all the best… I wanna write a poem like some other people did but I’m not that smart. "
"By the crazy reaction from the haters, we know Jen Aniston is miserable and in pain right now. hehehe. Brad got really emotional as he cut the ambilical cords, awww. I couldn’t even imagine how thrilled they both are."
"This should be a day of celebration, yet everyone is just so MEAN. Why can’t the twins and the rest of the Jolie-Pitts have at least ONE nice day without so many people trying to ruin it? She just had TWINS for crying out loud. Angelina is such a beautiful matyr; I wish I could be more like her. Sure, she’s kinda shunning America, but I still luv, luv, LUV her!!! Anyone else want to start a petition to wish them the best luck in the world?"
The Brangeloonie Shrine is available exclusively at Babies R Us and Wal-Mart, but hurry, supplies are limited and rioting has already begun. Medium: photo composite.
Reading that was really, really scary. That people live vicariously through these two actors, whose sole purpose in life is to play pretend. And they get paid very well for it.
Yet there are these "Branjeloonie" sycophants who treat these two as America's king and queen. I'm all for being happy for someone, but take down the level of worship a notch, will you? It's scary.
My goodness, it's been a really slow news week!
Posted by: Thorne Smith | July 14, 2008 at 12:35 PM
This is the work of Satan worshipers. Remember she is the she DEVIL.
Posted by: hehe | July 14, 2008 at 02:37 PM
Jennifer could care less...Brad is so old now....She has a SEXY man now. Not bird leg brad
Posted by: hehe | July 14, 2008 at 02:41 PM
It's amazing and frankly epic that you can go through news like this all the time and manage not to lose your mind!
Posted by: Saint Splattergut | July 14, 2008 at 03:15 PM
Guuess what - if you read some of the comments on the female first forum you knew what is really scary. Devoting an entire forum to people you despise and searching the internet for every piece of info about them based on rumors and speculation. Brrr. THAT is scary.
PS: I still go there from time to time because even the most dedicated fansites don`t have new pix and articles sooner than those nutjobs.
Posted by: susi | July 14, 2008 at 03:22 PM
Those people make me sad. If this is all they have to live for, then really, just end it now.
Posted by: countmeganstien | July 14, 2008 at 03:51 PM
"Brad got really emotional as he cut the ambilical cords, awww."
I'm curious as to what exactly he was cutting.
At least these loonies can, for the most part, form coherent sentences and spell correctly.
Posted by: blargh | July 14, 2008 at 05:47 PM
Man, and I thought I had no life whatsoever.
Posted by: Peta | July 14, 2008 at 05:58 PM
"Angelina is such a beautiful matyr; I wish I could be more like her."
Martyr? Mater? Martian?
This level of crazy marks the end of days, my friends.
Posted by: snapnhiss | July 14, 2008 at 06:06 PM
It seems as though some of the Brangeloonies have mildly commented on their own wacko bullshit.
This is their aryan wet dream. The aryan wet dream and that anti-birth control stuff. Hitler would be so proud. This eugenic/aryan/catholic wet dream.
PS 14, I really love Brad's Pitts in the picture as well as Jennifer Aniston's face above. Maddox is really growing up to be one of the most annoying people on the planet. I long for the mommie deares book yet to come! It's good to know that Angelina consulted Britney to find out about the healthiest diet for children.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | July 14, 2008 at 06:11 PM
Oh, I forgot to say, the twin on the left looks like "Lenny" of Lenny and Squiggy on Laverne and Shirley.
I also forgot to say:
Don't forget Brangeloonies, you people are a bunch of stupid c--ts. Brangelina doesn't gift a fuck if you live or die, as long as you see their movies and give them the attention they want.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | July 14, 2008 at 06:13 PM
Saint Splattergut: I HAVE lost my mind!
Demon Kitty: Thanks for noticing Brad's Pitts
Everyone: Why can't I go to the yahoo front page to log into my email without being bombarded with the latest Angelina "news"? "Experts Decode Angelina's Baby Names" "Angelina Laughs During Labor" and worst of all "Slideshow of Angie's Bump" MAKE. IT. STOP!!!
xoxo
14
Posted by: cornwall wallcorn | July 14, 2008 at 06:18 PM
I commented a year ago regarding these Emmy Award Winners who take this satire so seriously. I love satire in any form; some I agree some I disagree. Personally, I think she's just another home wrecker who interfered in a marriage and got pregnant so she can latch onto her booby prize. The difference is she's famous... big deal. I can’t wait for Madonna’s book written by her brother. @_@
Those who disagree, that's fine, you're entitled to your opinion. These people are famous, rich, pampered beyond belief, yet these obsessive delusional “fans” may be worshippers is a better word; spend hours on the net flaming anyone who has a different opinion. They spend so much time and money obsessing over people they don’t even know. I say invest that energy into… perhaps… volunteering, self or criticizing Bush’s latest blunder on global warming. However, crying over unreachable famous people who you see only via TV, movie or magazines is idiotic.
Posted by: MDF | July 14, 2008 at 06:36 PM
I cannot understand how people can give such a crap about these two. And on top of that, they condemn anyone who doesn't give a rats ass.
As for Jennifer Aniston, if I were her I'd be laughing my ass off at how ridiculous this "relationship" is that my ex husband now has. I mean it's nice, all the donations and stuff but come on...the husband luring, the heroin addiction that she probably still has, the blood fascination stuff, the kids that keep coming, it all just seems a little cuckoo.
Please don't let me see them on the friggin news anymore. Yeah! Who cares about who died in Iraq today? How about a glimpse of Brangie's Clomid babies--please!!!
Posted by: | July 14, 2008 at 06:52 PM
I like Angelina myself. The buzz around them makes me sick and tired, though. I have always felt if she did cheated with Brad she would have said it already. I don't find him all that good looking, myself. My dog is cuter.
Posted by: Psychochick | July 14, 2008 at 07:26 PM
I'm hoping that the people you've quoted are excited about Brangelina's babies because they can't reproduce.
There isn't enough wood left on the earth to make enough stakes to kill them all.
Posted by: Vern | July 14, 2008 at 07:50 PM
14: I've never met a Brangeloonie, but I have met the "Vanessa Parodies" (parodies of actual fans, who froth at the mouth if you say Vanessa and her busted teefs are anything short of immaculate) and the "Kate Whine-a-lots", who brand anyone doesn't want Kate Winslet beatified a 'hater' and whine about it at length. Thank you for reminding the sycophants that we're not obliged to grovel at the altar of base celebrity, simply because they do.
We can still worship YOU though, right?
Posted by: MandyPandy | July 14, 2008 at 08:14 PM
*snicker* Am I the only one who thinks that Jen Aniston thinks she dodged a bullet? I thought that she didn't really want kids? And by the way, while I will never watch a single epsiode of Friends if I can help it, Brangeloonies, at last Jen Jen isn't a heroin and kid addict.
Posted by: Selenite | July 14, 2008 at 10:01 PM
"...we know Jen Aniston is miserable and in pain right now. hehehe..."
Why can't people spell 'hee hee?!' Argh!
Posted by: Michael Ian | July 14, 2008 at 10:32 PM
I have no beef with Brangelina. At least they give back and contribute something. It's just as obsessive to post one hundred pictures of them so you're no better then the "loonies" so STFU
Posted by: mk | July 15, 2008 at 01:14 AM
Appropo,the situation regarding my ex wife and I.
All I can say is,WE WERE ON A BREAK!
Posted by: Bradley Armpit | July 15, 2008 at 04:47 AM
I think the Brangeloonies are hellbent on putting Jennifier Aniston down because they know deep down that she was the innocent party way back when. She has since held herself with grace and decorum as tabloids went into overdrive trying to paint her as some tragic, obsessive wreck of a woman who obsesses over Brad and Angelina and has nothing worthwhile in her own life; Someone who pines for the cherry picked superfamily Angelina is collecting together. Last thing I heard she doesn't even want kids! They say it's misogynistic to demonise Angelina as a home wrecker, and to an extent I agree, because Brad was a jerk as well. But it's also pretty sexist to assume all every woman wants is a squadron of children and a hunky empty vessel like Brad. Jen looks like she's having fun, I'd rather be in her place than Angelina and Brad. They reek of ennui and cynicism.
Like one of the posters above, I too think Jennifer is well out of it. She seems happy where she is right now, and at least her life isn't a parade of carefully calculated publicity stunts. Brangelina have to orchestrate all this hype about them being saintly because they're two very mediocre actors who really only have their looks. Everything about them seems hollow to me, they may as well be animatronic.
Posted by: Cici | July 15, 2008 at 06:05 AM
She's just all mad that the Duggars are winning. Her next pregnancy will be triplets at the very least, you watch.
Posted by: Cyclops Kitten Natividad | July 15, 2008 at 06:46 AM
Clearly, we all need someone or somebody to look up to. I prefer cockroaches over Brangelina.
Posted by: midevil | July 15, 2008 at 08:49 AM
Wow, I think reading all those comments made me crap my pants in horror. The best is "Angelina is such a beautiful matyr". Indeed!
Posted by: Kamala | July 15, 2008 at 09:44 AM
"I have no beef with Brangelina. At least they give back and contribute something. It's just as obsessive to post one hundred pictures of them so you're no better then the "loonies" so STFU"
So they give to charity! Guess what? So does Oprah, Don Cheadle, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet who gave around 36 Billion to charity. With the exception of Oprah, they're lucky to get even a fraction of the publicity these two receive.
Btw, I wasn't blaming her solely, but what she did was typical. ...and this is her second doing time doing that. What he did was more reprehensible; parading his mistress around in that infamous W magazine spread; and using the media to change their image.
In the end, it does it matter anyway, it’s how you look that counts.
Posted by: MDF | July 15, 2008 at 09:46 AM
Wow, that's some scary stuff. I just don't get why anyone cares. News flash: They're human beings just like you and me and having twins isn't exactly a miracle.
Posted by: Jade | July 15, 2008 at 10:45 AM
More musings on the existential agony of man,by Bradley Armpit:
Presently residing in the Fortress of Solitude.
Somewhere in the Realm of Celestial Contemplation,as a vestigial thought in the Node Of Unconsciously Realised Myths:
When I see the acres of verbiage devoted to the familial peregrinations of my kith and kin only to witness the cynical ramblings of those who fail to believe in the sanctity of my divine union,I look on and despair.
Have I not proved myself the ultimate channel for the creative Dionysian muse,in films such as Ocean's Eleven through to Thirteen?
The Zenith of Male Beauty (voted as Sexiest Man Alive twice by People magazine).
A fount of immeasurable charitable beneficence,to a (very small proportion)of the poor and dispossesed.
In short,the man all men wish they were and all women wish they had.
Look up the word Avatar.
Study it's origins in Hindu mythology,look in the dictionary then see a picture of me.
Then slap yourself round the face for having a picture dictionary,instead of a normal text based one.
Foolish Mortal!
Also,has my woman not performed great feats of acrobatics to entertain you lumbering oafs?
Flying through the air,firing two guns simultaneously,then landing back on the motorbike she launched herself from.
None of this is C.G.I or digital trickery by the way.The pelvic floor exercises she uses to facillitate her landing back on the motorcycle have me throbbing like an untamed stallion,all night every night.
The harmonic consonance of our physical love is like watching two Angels fucking to the music of Bach,in an Elysian field untainted by the presence of your disbelief.
The shrewish harridan that you call Jennifer Anniston,could not rouse me in the way that my new found inamorata does.
At first this Anniston woman seemed like a worthy recepticle for my teeming hordes of Hommonculi.But in the end,she was only a shortlived paradigm shift in women's hairstyles back in the mid nineties,unworthy of the my abundant Gentlemen's Gel.
Thankfully,I have found suitable ground to sow my essence.This ground is both fecund,fertile and undying in it's maternal love for all of humanity.
When you stand on top of Mount Olympus as I and my betrothed do;the simple musings of these peasants,I mean fans,that you in your ignorance choose to mock,move my heart in ways unimaginable to souls as bitter and twisted as yours.At the inception of my thousand year Reich,I mean reign,their Souls will be filled with the eternal inner sunshine that flows through out my and my beloved's entire beings,moving all those with a simple spirit and mind.Unbelievers such as you will perish,through lack of hope,in places that make Stalin's Gulags look like Anarchy.
You have all been warned.
Bradley (The Magnificent) Armpit.
Posted by: Bradley Armpit | July 15, 2008 at 11:22 AM
(looks up at Bradley Armpit post)
Make the bad man go away, mommy 14.
Posted by: Charlene | July 15, 2008 at 01:03 PM
So, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie seem like an alright enough pair of people, and I'm glad they're using their fame to promote global issues.
But "blessed", "martyr", really? That's scary because 1) the whole living vicariously through celebrities thing and 2) I'm genuinely afraid that the inappropriate word choice and creepy phrasing is a product of a sub-standard understanding of the English language rather than outlandish celeb-worship.
Posted by: WWTP | July 15, 2008 at 02:56 PM
I agree with Charlene.
That Bradley Armpit is a cunt.
He's just a persona that Brad Pitt adopts when he's imitating me.
You know,erudition,juxtaposition of the fantastic alongside the mundane,wierdness for wierdness' sake,esoteric references;my usual shtick.
Well Brad it's not big and it's not clever.
Your grandiose verbosity and ill disguised will to power,have been seen by all now.
Being a chameleon in whatever power coupling you found yourself in may have worked,in a sub Clark Kent way in the past,but now we have all witnessed the inner workings of your warped psyche.
You may have subtly crafted it to look like my writing,but your description of the haircut sported by Jennifer Anniston back in the nineties as a paradigm shift is simply not in keeping with what I would have written.
Using the concept of a paradigm shift in hairstyling is passé Brad.
For me the Rachel cut of the Nineties was a form cognitive dissonance expressed through hair.Which was eventually resolved when the character of Rachel went from the life script of Future Suburban Handmaiden to Dazzling Urbanite and Fashionista signifying a change in her inner conceptualization.
Sheesh Brad, could'nt you even form a coherent critique of "Friends" without referencing Thomas Kuhn? I mean how lazy is that?
P.S
Brad,I know that you and George Clooney are the ones rattling the metal railings and making ominous owl noises outside my window at night.I will deal with this in the same manner I dealt with Tom Cruise persistently throwing dead pidgeons at my windows earlier this year;through strict recourse to the law.The local Police are well aware of Hollywood Stars coming around to my house and harrassing me,as a perverse form of payback for the papparazi.This is bizzare because I have absolutely no control over the mass media.I told a seething Uma Thurman this,only the other day.Of course she did'nt believe me,(she's actually very agressive and dogmatic in real life).
I would also like to ask for those revealing beach shots that Angelina has of me back.She really broke the boundaries with that little stunt.
Posted by: Adam Smith | July 15, 2008 at 03:16 PM
"I think she needs to adopt an Indian baby next or something even more exotic to add to the beauty that is their family. Maybe one from Romania?"
Wow. I cant help but keep reading the word "flavor" instead of beauty. Perhaps becuase it sounds like you can just walk into Walmart and take a look at the selection of "exotic" babies.
Posted by: Manderbee | July 15, 2008 at 03:39 PM
Aw, I actually like Brad and Angelina (not as much as some of the "brangeloonies," though). I actually think their family is cute. And they do good charity work (as do many other celebrities) and since they're so famous, I really do think it helps raise some awareness. Maybe it can help inspire the brangeloonies to get involved in some kind of volunteer work as well :)
I do get sick of seeing them all over the place, though.
Posted by: | July 15, 2008 at 05:13 PM
Exotic just means foreign to the country that an object or subject finds itself in.
We're all exotic when we travel abroad.
How can a Romanian be more exotic than an Indian?
Surely when Brangelina travel to the countries they go baby hunting in,they are (for a short while at least) exotic.
I could go on for ages finding logical inconsistencies in the examples provided,however I think I'll leave it there.The task is fun,but fundamentally pointless,since it's all a bit too easy.
Posted by: Adam Smith | July 15, 2008 at 05:31 PM
Wow, I feel so much better about my life right now.
Posted by: austin | July 15, 2008 at 07:50 PM
The psychological profile of the Brangeloonies:
Definitely female, I would say.
> Age range 14 - late 60's
> Very religious
> lack of sexual experience, unless you are a dyke (I'll
> explain that one later)
> provincial or very isolated from society
> lack of relationship experience
> adhering to macho attitudes of a woman's place
> associating love with mass reproduction
> thinks Jesus is beautiful, the perfect beautiful couple
> makes them godly
> lives in the cinderella fantasy world
> very immature
> unrealistic ideas about love, sex and relationships oh and
> just life in general
> unable to think critically
> easily influenced
> cognitively challenged
> deluded
>
>
> can I say enough?
Posted by: Lucrezia Borgia | July 15, 2008 at 07:59 PM
The babies have her lips. How charming. Usually, I am not so good at telling what features come from what parent. . .
Posted by: CPT Willy | July 15, 2008 at 09:57 PM
Dear Mr. Adam Smith,
Please get your panties out of their "bunch" and get over yourself.
No one mistook dick-less wonder Bradley Armpit for you because, while flamboyantly windy, he was never clever or witty as you are.
You do yourself a disservice with the comparison.
And you are so right about "exotic" being a matter of location. It also works in reverse. While in Boston recently, it must have been "Mick Outing Day" as I blended right in with all the red hair and freckles! Ususally I'm the snowball one sees in July.
Stay strong with all the celebrity thugs haunting you, but whatever you do, steer clear of Cruise's friend Jamie Foxx, he can be a real bitch.
Kisses!
Posted by: Vern | July 16, 2008 at 03:40 AM
Off topic--is it just me, or is Katie Holmes' makeup always done in neutral, brownish, beige, tones? She rarely ever presents with any colour? Am I wrong, or is there a painting in the works here about her bland look?
Posted by: midevil | July 16, 2008 at 07:26 AM
Wow, you guys were right on the mark with the Brangeloonie shrine. These nuts are like a cult. Someone posted this pic over on a Brangieloonie hang out and they went nuts saying anyone who makes fun of Brangelina are going to hell!! Now tell me that's not cult like.
http://jjb.yuku.com/topic/350818?page=2
oh and of course all while cursing Jennifer Aniston and saying she's going to hell! LOL
Posted by: honey | July 16, 2008 at 01:01 PM
As others have stated, I'm a fan of Angelina, but I too find the constant coverage way too obsessive and tiring. However, the "Brangeloonies" might be LUNATICS (hence the name I suppose ;) but the people who are anti-Brangelina...anti-brangeloonie...f*ck it, those who DON'T like the couple are JUST AS BAD. I have read some of the NASTIEST stuff ever from that side, too. Their first line of defense is how insane & obsessive the Brange's are, but they're just as obsessed (and just as in love with CAPS LOCK, I might add...)
If you ask me (which you didn't but what the hell) if you like them, good for you. If you don't, good for you. Just do what you do, and recognize the other person's right to exist, even if they DON'T agree that Angelina's the greatest thing ever to happen to the planet, OR they think she's the second coming of Satan.
F*ck. ;)
Posted by: jenner | July 17, 2008 at 05:42 AM
OH, I FORGOT TO SAY - FANTASTIC pic, 14. As always - hilarious LOL
Posted by: jenner | July 17, 2008 at 05:44 AM
Wow, that is some crazy shit. Amazing how beauty blinds people... just because they're both extremely good looking they're now somehow elevated to the level of saints and martyrs. And for the birth (and naming) of their twins to give someone's life meaning? That is sad.
Adam, as soon as I started reading the Bradley Armpit piece I knew it was you. Too funny. Your comments are always fun to read.
Posted by: Jenn F. | July 17, 2008 at 09:08 AM
Hey 14, why is that when I posted a comment it was posted by the screen name MDF and then unfortunately "Bradley Armpit"s" comment was posted under my screen name Jade?
Posted by: Jade | July 17, 2008 at 09:45 AM
I have not learned a moral lesson from any of this and neither has my filthy mouth.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | July 17, 2008 at 06:01 PM
...and I thought my Hugh Laurie obsession was bad.
*hugs House doll*
Posted by: Eize | July 18, 2008 at 01:37 AM
Those quotes were really frightful! I have had the same experience being hassled by Madonnaloonies in the gay world. Apparently, they think if you're gay and dislike Madonna, you're old, fat and a fan of Liza. I maintain that I am none of the three. But I have found it useless to argue over the internet. I have started telling these lunatics that I only enjoy brunette Madonna. They're cool with that.
Posted by: GayAl | July 18, 2008 at 05:03 AM
LOL. I cant wait to see what these kids look and act like when they hit their teens.
Primarily, is it Maddox, with the 'go to ' photo with him in full mohawk, sticking out his tounge.
This NEW generation of all these stars havibng babies (Ange, Brits sis, Ash Sims, nicole ritchie to name a few)
Posted by: mellen | July 18, 2008 at 06:53 AM
1. Fans like that scare the living hell out of me.
2. Yeah, I like Angelina (but not Brad), and I'm happy for her and all, but I also like Jen Aniston. Yes, it's possible to like both of them.
Posted by: Laura | July 18, 2008 at 06:30 PM
ha, nice pic!
5 crazy Brangeloonies out of 5!
Ive never met people like that, but maybe thats because i dont usually read comments (unless its for your site, because you generally have sane people visiting) and I dont have any insane friends (maybe in secret they are crazy like this, but i dont know).
I cant believe people live through their lives. Im a fan of artists, but im a fan of their work not their personal lives...
Posted by: Jules | July 18, 2008 at 10:54 PM