Worst Celebrity Beach Bodies, Part 1
You can always tell the summer months are upon us as soon as Star magazine's Best and Worst Beach Bodies issue hits the newsstands. The cover features a collection of celebrity bodies coupled with prominent yellow tags stating either "Best" or "Worst" depending on the amount of flab, the diameter of the waistline, or the presence of "moobs". Lucky photogs with cameras handy the moment they spot celebrity cellulite are rewarded handsomely for their catch. Once the sale is made (usually to a UK tabloid newspaper), the photo is seen by millions around the world after being posted on countless blogs, commented upon by the masses, and deemed newsworthy enough to appear on Fox News. The humiliated celebrity then issues a statement claiming the photo is "doctored" and reassures the public they're happy with their bodies. The body drama continues as Star slaps the photo in the Worst section of their beach bodies feature and includes a catty description. It's said the Best and Worst Bodies issue is one of Star's best sellers. Attention-hungry Phoebe Price was caught in the cross hairs and made the cover of Star as this season's best Worst body...probably not the kind of attention she wanted. Medium: ink, watercolor in sketchbook.
David Hasselhoff was deemed a Worst beast beach body because of his "seriously scary chest" and was chided for going "way downhill since his beach-ruling TV heyday." He looks fine to me, although there is something about him that reminds me of the infamous Patterson photo of Bigfoot. Medium: exactly one hour spent smearing oil pastel and charcoal around on paper.
Poor old Janice Dickinson, Star magazine claims "nothing short of a burlap sack could disguise the world's mouthiest supermodel's beauty problems, from a crumply rear to her cups, which runneth under." Medium: pastel and pen on paper.
I think the celebs who cry "doctored photo" have it backwards, every other photo of them is airbrushed and doctored so much that it barely looks like the real them. That said, who is Phoebe Price? I've never heard of her, not that I'm complaining.
Posted by: Erik | June 09, 2008 at 11:25 AM
Such beautiful works with fantastic colours! Too bad the Hoff ruins an otherwise smashing piece of art!
Posted by: midevil | June 09, 2008 at 02:27 PM
A picture of Chicken Cutlets! No way! PP Claims that the original picture wasn't of her, or that it was photoshopped. I think you've captured her ginger-cheese essence in all its obscene glory.
Posted by: Thorne Smith | June 09, 2008 at 06:33 PM
haha. I love the phoebe price one. she has some weird cheeks on her. (the ones on her face). ...too lazy for caps
Posted by: Psychochick | June 09, 2008 at 09:32 PM
The pics are so funny. He's so hairy LOL.
Posted by: Social Network Web Design | June 09, 2008 at 09:32 PM
What's scaring me is that Big Hoff's suit seems to be slipping off and it looks even pelty-er down by the little hoff.
Posted by: Vern | June 10, 2008 at 11:18 AM
I'm always checking out your site for new work. absolutely one of my faves. Thanks for this post. The Hoffster in particular made me laugh!
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Posted by: manuel | June 11, 2008 at 10:37 PM
I absolutely ADORE your version of Janice!!! The WORST beach bod - that would be Jack Nicholson :P
Posted by: Rebecca | June 13, 2008 at 05:35 AM
Uh oh, how long before PP shows up here yelling DOCTORED PHOTO every second comment :P
Posted by: fulgora77 | June 13, 2008 at 09:37 AM
I LOVE the top two paintings. Wonderful work.
Posted by: hotchacha | June 13, 2008 at 09:51 AM
I would love to see some of Wino (Amy Winehouse) she provides such alarming material! Also I would love to see something of that freak Carrot Top. He looks like claymation in real life! He would transfer well to canvas.
Love your work!
Thank you!~
Freckles
Posted by: Freckles | June 13, 2008 at 04:20 PM
The sad thing is that PP doesn't even mind showing up here b/c she's desperate for attention anywhere from anyone.
Janice Dickinson-no one would care except she's so full of herself on atm.
Posted by: Kim | June 13, 2008 at 09:27 PM
The skin tones on PP's legs ae so real looking. So shadowed, gray, and fleshy. Wow.
Posted by: Trillian | June 14, 2008 at 06:05 AM
Fantastic! So unbelievably well done. It's amazing how you can take something hideous and reproduce it so beautifully in all its horrid glory. The PP one made me laugh the most... something about her slumped posture. And you really caught the essence of Janice's attitude in her face.
Posted by: Jenn F. | June 17, 2008 at 06:01 PM
When I saw Phoebe Price at first I thought it was Linsay Lohan. I thought Oh. My. God> What happened to her??? I am relieved that those legs belong to an older woman.
Posted by: Psychochick | June 18, 2008 at 09:25 PM
About Janice Dickinson...ewww. I hated her since she said a bitchy comment about a plus sized cotestant of ATM. She said she "wanted to throw up" when she saw the girl . It makes me wonder how she is able to look at herself in the mirror. Perhaps that's why she is so skinny. She pukes every time she sees herself.
Posted by: | June 18, 2008 at 09:28 PM
It's interesting how serene these "bad bodies" become when you re-create them in watercolor and ink. Makes the screaming headlines seem very foolish.
Posted by: javelin | June 28, 2008 at 09:17 AM
ahhhh Javelin, you always understand. You always get it. Thanks for that, hon!
xoxo
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Posted by: Joyce Tan | November 01, 2008 at 06:55 PM