Gossip Trading Cards: Jack Nicholson, Geriatric Gigolo
Hollywood is filled with wealthy old coots who still manage to lure lovely young women to their bedrooms, but none come close to the effortless endearing cool embodied by Jack Nicholson, Geriatric Gigolo. Most Hollywood studs of advanced age attempt to maintain their youth by going under the knife, recieving hair transplants and maintaining their waistlines with heart-healthy diets low in carbs, high in fiber...but not Jack. He lives life by his own standards and gives not a care what anyone thinks about it. On any given day, he might choose to wear swim trunks and let his quivering pendulous belly flap in the breeze as he chows down on a huge submarine sandwich while knocking back beer and cigarettes as doting young females throw themselves at him. Keep an eye on Jack this summer. You'll see plenty of paparazzi photos of him on yachts, eating steaks, drinking wine and whispering cigarette smoke-infused sweet nothings into the tender young ears of giggling bikini-clad women eager to follow him back to his bedroom. Medium: graphite drawing, digital color. Much thanks to Lynn for the alliteration.
The back of Jack's Gossip Trading Card contains fascinating information regarding career highlights and vital statistics written by film geek enthusiast, Viper Tetsu.
Jack is my IDOL.
I read a story about him a few years back. A beautiful young french [female] journalist was interviewing him and he said,"If I were younger, I'd try to fuck you."
And she replied,"Twenty-five years ago, my mother interviewed you and you tried to fuck her."
Never say die!
Posted by: Knox Bronson | June 03, 2008 at 11:24 AM
Totally unrepentant. Kinda cool that way.
Posted by: Dr. L. | June 03, 2008 at 02:23 PM
I am glad that Jack N. is an inspiration to straight men everywhere. Seriously ...
Joan Collins is an inspiration to me, Jack has nothing on her. Just my opinion.
But ....
But ....
I will never understand why women will fuck him. The man is disgusting and so screamingly horny.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | June 03, 2008 at 05:55 PM
Great story Knox. Excellent work 14. I would add however:
Film: About Schmidt 2002
Played: Himself, in the real world.
Posted by: frewt | June 03, 2008 at 06:14 PM
Smirking real and raw.
No apologies for fat.
Fuck me as I am.
Posted by: Vern | June 03, 2008 at 07:09 PM
Great work as always, 14!
Even though Jack is an old fart I still think he's hot as a mummy with a colon bag!
Posted by: Texas | June 03, 2008 at 09:37 PM
Hey, I believe Easy Rider was a big enough movie to be considered a career highlight, no?
Posted by: off2oz | June 04, 2008 at 05:10 AM
This is just perfect, as a woman, I've never understood the 'awe' that this man inspires in some. If he inspires straight men...beware, this guy would never get laid without paying first, if he hadn't been in a movie. Yuk.
Posted by: zoey | June 04, 2008 at 07:37 AM
Brilliant!
Posted by: midevil | June 04, 2008 at 09:52 AM
This has earned a true laugh out loud! I love Jack but I can live without ever seeing him without his shirt on again, the man boobs, the fur, the paunch. Dude! Love this, 14, and I love the babe on the left with her hand just grazing his paunch. Superb!
Posted by: Erik | June 04, 2008 at 10:18 AM
"Fuck Me As I Am." I died laughing. Vern, that was fucking brilliant.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | June 04, 2008 at 10:52 AM
This series is great.
I remember as a kid collecting comic cards... these are far better.
Ahhhh....Jack.
I will admit, his personality is a lot better to play over and over again than other actors/actresses that only play themselves (Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney - all of which played unfortunate Batman rolls...)
Posted by: David Poe | June 04, 2008 at 01:02 PM
Jack's got it. You can't tell by looking at him on the beach, but he's got it. Busty young tramps in bikinis know he's got it.
I don't have it.
I wish I had it.
Great work 14!!!
Posted by: CPTWilly | June 04, 2008 at 04:54 PM
If he's got it, I don't want it.
Posted by: Charlene | June 04, 2008 at 09:10 PM
It was pathetic the way Hollywood was looking for any excuse to give Nicholson an academy award, robbing Robert Duvall the 1997 best actor award for The Apostle, a movie he wrote, financed, and acted.
Posted by: Double Flush | June 04, 2008 at 09:43 PM
CPTWilly,
I have never met you or seen you, but I am quite fucking sure you have got "IT" far more than this overbloated raisin skinned, horny, douche bag named Jack.
That being said, the only things I ever liked him in were "One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest" and "The Shining".
I am convinced these big titted bitches just want to get into the acting business and they will blow anything for it. He has also probably hired them.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | June 05, 2008 at 10:03 AM
Ahhh, how I wish you would make a Brit Brit series. Endless possibilities!
I want a personalized one with Cheeto stains on it. Possible?
You could come out with a scratch 'n sniff version of each card in such smells as frap, cheeto, cigarettes, fried chicken, and old over worn boots. What do you think?
:-) Great work as always!
Posted by: EVA | June 05, 2008 at 11:45 AM
i spproved about aggrement this program..and i support all commment.
Posted by: ronald | June 05, 2008 at 08:18 PM
I love this one! Everything you do makes me laugh! Just the look on his face that you gave him is PERFECT!
Ooohhh yes, Demon Kitty, The Shining is one of my favorite movies especially when it's snowing out. He's sooo creepy!
Posted by: Lucy | June 27, 2008 at 08:16 PM
The ladies just can't resist the man-boobies! Ha...great job, 14!
Posted by: Devin | June 30, 2008 at 10:04 PM