Panic Ensues As Terror Alert Heightened to Donut Level

The Department of Homeland Security has raised the U.S. Terror Alert to Donut Level after TV food terrorist Rachael Ray was shown threatening weapons of mass consumption while wearing a paisley scarf in an undated video obtained by the CIA. Rachael is seen violently shaking her finger while urging Americans to eat more sugary, deep fried Dunkin Donuts. The weapons of mass consumption can be seen stocked inside Rach's secret underground bunker, a clear sign she's planning an attack. The FBI is warning all Americans to be on heightened alert and exercise caution if spotting a person wearing the dreaded paisley scarf or if encountering anyone who recommends serving Hot Dog Mac and Cheese at a dinner party. Medium: photo collage, much thanks to Lynn and Dr. L for the tip.

Comments

[Jessica]

I JUST saw this on the news - fucking ridiculous. You are brilliant!

[Eize]

Sodium and sugar overload. That insidious rabid chipmunk!!!

Good job, 14!!!

[seabiscuit]

Dunkin Donuts pulled the ad! The fundamentalist scarf is scary in it's own right but Rachel Ray's mouth is large and stretched and is also scary. It would also scare me to have her gaping maw near me declaring large chunks of stewed beef as "yumm-o".

[MandyPandy]

I remember reading about that and wondering what kind of morons would actually sit through a Rachel Ray/Dunkin Donuts commercial. Have they no standards? No remotes?!?

Moreover, why the #$%@ are they protesting Rachel's kiffiyah when they sat by and did nothing about Fred the Baker's Hitler mustache? Never again!

[Jlinert]

I don't think wearing a black and white scarf is a sign of supporting terrorism.

I do know that buying gasoline and wasting electricity is giving money directly to terrorists. Most of the hefty petroleum profits go to Saudi Arabia (Bush’s dear friends) which sponsors terrorist and anti Israel activities. But other than using bio diesel, solar, wind & geothermal power research and investing in other green technologies, I don’t know any solution to this mess. Guess what happens when Saudi Arabia stops getting oil money. The world will suddenly become much safer (of course there is still the problem of the Iranian government and the madcap that rules that country.) Although it’s probably not going to happen.

Michelle Malkin is in dire need of psychiatric help. People should just ignore the steaming pile of fertilizer that comes out of her mouth. Her digestive system is reversed.

[mk]

I love it!! The economy is in shambles, gas prices sky high, natural disasters all over the world, people losing their home and house values actually on the decline, the endless war and these weirdos are worried about rachel ray's scarf? They're crazy, they really are!!!

[Demon Kitty]

You know the fucking world is coming to a goddamn end when You see Rachael Ray's chipmunk face on a bottle of olive oil that says EVOO in the fucking grocery.

[Salmonella]

Oh, brilliant as always, 14.

[karen b]

Your comments are so clever, so biting!

[Vern]

Cheerist! I've been scammed again!

I was so angry yesterday while traveling: EVERY airport changed their "don't let people put shit in your bag" schpeel to:
"Threat level is now ORANGE-don't let strangers put shit in your shit"

I originally thought it was just a piss poor PR attempt to discredit the Mc Klellan BushBashingBook (should be one word) that states this is a bullshit war. Trying to imply-
"See! Told you so! The War is justified because we are being threatened by orange!"

But now I learn, (excellent reporting 14)
That it's true! We ARE being threatened by Rabid Ray's ORANGE VELVEETA CHEEZIT FACE!!!!
Thank you 14,
I feel safe again.

Weapons of Mass Consumption! Terrorist alert level "Donut"!!! Hilarious!

[Dr. L.]

That's brilliant: Weapons of Mass Consumption"

DK, you are welcome to rrsux.com anytime!

[Erik]

I read about this silliness yesterday and have got to say that I now understand the danger that scarf posed. I really needed the visual help to understand things more clearly. Rachel Ray wants to kill us all slowly and painfully with donuts and Easy Cheese (Yummo!). The Relentlessly Perky One could use some time off or maybe its us that could use some time off from the Relentlessly Perky One.

On a side note, maybe ShrubCo should have hired her as the new press secretary? Hey, how about a series of jobs they should have? Like Dick Cheney's real job should be Darth Vader and Britney Spears' real job should be fry girl at McD's, etc.

[Molly]

I am SO GLAD! you did this. I thought of your site the minute I heard about that nonsense yesterday, and I was very much hoping you'd skewer it. Michelle Malkin is an idiot pathetically trying to distract us from the obvious fact that the administration she supports is running our country into the ground. Thank you!

[Peta]

All this hoopla over a flipping scarf makes me seriously question people's intelligence. It's a fricking SCARF!It reminds me of the time when they shut down a whole city because they thought a blinking cartoon character was a bomb. OY!

Love the crazy squirrel 14, but the bull that inspired it gave me a headache.

[raymi]

blahaha oh rachel ray you fucking lunatic

[jerms]

mahahahahah!

awesome. i think i need that picture on a mug.

[Cyn]

DD's number is 800-859-5339 ... in case anyone wants to flood their phonelines with complaints about pussy pandering to right-wing racist nutbags....

[Psychochick]

Everytime I see her face with the wide grin smiling so hard,I feel like her face is going to rip open and little green men with the same wide grins pop out laughing "Ehehee hee" crawling all over her shoulders as her body falls to the floor. Then as soon as all of them come out of her head they all turn around and eat her headless body. PLEASE DRAW THAT!!! PLEAAAAAASSSSEEEE!!!!!

[Dr. L.]

Thanks, Cyn! I plan to flood their phone lines with complaints about them using Rachael freakin' Ray as a spokes-person!

[BORED KIDZ!!!!]

How the hell does wearing a Keffiyeh make you a terrorist? In fact, how the hell does being pro-Palestine make anyone a terrorist?

Oh riiight, we live in a pro-Israel nation. nevermind.

[Demon Kitty]

I am back goddamn it and I agree with Psycho Chick!!!!

What the hell is wrong with this goddamn country anyway????? This terrorist bullshit has turned into a goddamn racist orgy!

One of my best friends is Muslim and he is one of the most compassionate and loving people I have ever known!!!!

I want to don a fucking burka and carry a huge ass water gun that somewhat resembles an AKA-47, fill it with urine and unload it into Michelle Malkin's face. Oh and everyone else at Fox News!!!!

Michelle Malkin should be forced to eat Rachel Ray'sHot Dog Salad for the rest of her goddamn ridiculous life.

What the fuck did she think Rachael Ray was doing anyway??

[Phourteen Phan & wearer of scarves]

When I first heard about this kerfuffle, I vowed to wear the fringiest of my scarves out in public ASAP. I'm about the same color, size and shape as Rachael Ray (IOW, not very Arabic-looking) and wanted to see what kind of crazies would see fit to comment or run away from me.

14 saved me from such a course of action by creating this entry. 14's commentary will go infinitely farther and wider than would my own.

Personal note: I already gave up Dunkin's donuts in favor of Krispy Kreme ... now I'll be able to forego DD's really pretty good coffee, too.

Back on-topic: 14? You. Are. The. Woman!

[Jenn F.]

Jlinert is right on the mark.

As much as I detest Rachel Ray, it was ludicrous to claim that her scarf was symbolic of terrorism. How completely ignorant and racist. That's like saying that anyone who wears Nike running shoes is a serial rapist because Ted Bundy wore Nike running shoes.

Michelle Malkin proved herself to be a complete fucking idiot. She'd best educate herself a little before making assinine comments like that.

[Centurian]

Let's be truthful. Cameron was called out for carrying a red star purse in Peru and the words “Serve the People” printed in Chinese that insulted the country she was visiting by overlooking the war that was devasting to the population there. The loose strings and type of material is a terrorist scarf on Rachael Ray. The stylist knew it, designers ripped off the design, mass producted this symbol of terror for a whim of defiance and gave to her to wear as a symbol of how hip and liberal rich man's fashion has become.. It's very rude and hateful to many people worldwide who have lost loved ones.. Next time she should wear a swastika in Germany and Poland commericals and no one will care?

[Psychochick]

I don't hate Rachel Ray, but that smile just annoys me. The terrorist crap is more annoying. Republican'ts talk about liberals having to be "politically correct". Turns out I am a Liberal and possibly one of the most politically incorrect people you will ever meet. I tell it like it is, but sometimes you need to use some sensitivity and be respectful on situations that are sore spots for some people.Osama Bin Laden shouldn't be called Muslim any more than the monkey in the whitehouse should be called a Christian. It's an ugly scarf, but no reason to get all pissy about it.

[Jane]

***slow clap***

[Demon Kitty]

I agree with psycho chick.

[Larry Schloss]

Your satirization of Rachel Ray, replete with crazed, sugar-high grin, is exactly why you are one of the top pop-culture satirists within memory. In addition to your talented art, I admire your writing as well. Satire is one of the most intelligent forms of humor. You are brilliant.

[SugarLump]

OMG! This is pee.in.your.pants.funny!
Not that I did, though. :D

[Lucy]

SO SAD! Conservatives will do and say ANYTHING these days to distract from the truth.

I don't mind Rachael Ray too much, but she does totally have that hyper chipmunkness about her. You created such a great screencap!

Oh and I have that scarf in peach with gold thread running through it. I love it, best $5 I ever spent.