Haiku Movie Review: Sex And The City
Manolo Blahniks
come in eight different shades of
I don't give a sh*t
I came across Viper Tetsu's haiku movie review of Sex And The City on his blog "In The Future, Everyone Will Be Haik'ud For 15 Minutes" and had to post it here because it fits my sentiment exactly. I know since I'm female, I'm supposed to be salivating over the movie's opening and calling all my girlfriends to meet for cosmos before we teeter over to the theater in our Manolos...but it's not happening. I might have considered seeing the film had it included a few heart-pumping car chase scenes, huge fiery explosions, hundreds of wild chimps set loose in the city, or maybe a few scenes including Godzilla or Mothra, but no such luck.
I am not ashamed to admit I love their show and it makes me laugh so hard. I think Cynthia Nixon resembles Chucky. Especially those teeth. She has Chucky teeth. Wanna play?
Posted by: | May 30, 2008 at 07:07 PM
There once were four broads from the city, who used to be thought of as witty,
But now it appears,
that the tired old dears,
have a movie that isn't a hit-ty.
Posted by: Vern | May 30, 2008 at 07:10 PM
I always figure SJP's "beauty" and "fashion sense" is a joke I don't get. I keep waiting to get it, and I'm willing to get it, but I just don't get it.
By the way, Godzilla's ass totally looks fat in those scales. Just sayin'.
Posted by: Cyclops Kitten Natividad | May 30, 2008 at 07:40 PM
Which one is gay again? Is she gay on the show? (totally clueless about the City. Watches medical reality shows instead. The ones with blood and intubations and xrays.)
Posted by: Dr. L. | May 30, 2008 at 08:08 PM
Anyone with a fat ass shouldn't wear scales. Especially this late in the season.
Posted by: Dr. L. | May 31, 2008 at 04:29 AM
The red head is gay Dr. L, in real life but not on the show.
I never got Sex and the City either. What little I knew of it did not seen to be real at all. How could anyone do Carrie's job and still afford Manolos?
The straight female bonding was also 1000% unrealistic. But then look who is writing this.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | May 31, 2008 at 04:29 AM
A proper haiku contains 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second, and 5 syllables in the third and final line.
Your last line has 6 syllables.
But since this is regarding the mountain of feces that is the Sex and the City juggernaut, who gives a shit?
Posted by: Jason | May 31, 2008 at 08:03 AM
Jason,
Thanks for pointing out the syllable problem. Viper's version was correct, but I messed it up because my mind was clogged in excited anticipation over teetering in my Manolos to the theater to finally, after all these years, find out if Carrie really ended up marrying Mr. Large. Fixed it, thank you dear.
xoxo 14
Posted by: 14 | May 31, 2008 at 08:21 AM
My favorite thing ever said about SatC is a line from "Family Guy" where Brian asks after seeing the show for the first time:
"So ... it's a show about three hookers and their Mom?"
Posted by: Feng | May 31, 2008 at 09:34 AM
I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't care about this.
Posted by: MandyPandy | May 31, 2008 at 10:21 AM
You haven't seen the flick? You missed a fun movie...and all the laughter, tears, betrayal, poignancy and just fabulous friendship that the movie portrays.
Posted by: lil' k | May 31, 2008 at 10:42 AM
Mr. Large. Hahahaha.
Thanks, DK ;)
Posted by: Dr. L. | May 31, 2008 at 11:19 AM
Woman who gathers
Godzilla and Mothra to
stomp SJP rules.
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | May 31, 2008 at 11:37 AM
You're right, Demon Kitty... how could she afford the Manolos AND a New York apartment?!
I like the giant moth-thing flying next to Godzilla's head.
Posted by: Jenn F. | May 31, 2008 at 02:03 PM
first time i saw the show was on a requisitioned monitor at work. i thought it was unrealistic crap. kept watching. got sucked into the world of it. now i love it. love the characters. love the clothes. loved the movie. euthanize me if you must, but i stand by my questionable taste ...
Posted by: scunglli | May 31, 2008 at 05:55 PM
it's a pretty dream
four girls in costly high heels
please do not wake me ...
Posted by: scunglli | May 31, 2008 at 05:58 PM
Glad to see I'm not the only female who doesn't like this. My mum wants to drag me to see it, even though she didn't watch the series. I think the advertising has brain washed her.
And I really don't get how My Little Pony Parker is supposed to be a beautiful fashion icon.
Godzilla is totally hotter.
Posted by: Chantelle | May 31, 2008 at 09:45 PM
I thought hai ku had 16 syllables.
Posted by: Parker Worth | May 31, 2008 at 10:53 PM
I found this site called Sarah
Jessica Parker Looks Like A Horse
If she were a bitch, I would find it funny. Someone needs to create a site that says "Madonna Looks Like A Flounder". That would help humanity. I also realize it would start a nasty war with the queens.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | June 01, 2008 at 06:02 AM
DK, the first time I saw a picture of Madonna, way back in 1984, I thought, "that girl looks like a flounder!"
Great minds DO think alike!
Posted by: Cyclops Kitten Natividad | June 01, 2008 at 09:49 AM
Never saw the show on tv, so won't on the big screen either. Maybe in the sequel, Godzilla will eat them.
p.s. And the Godzilla movie stuff at Universal went up in smoke--SJP revenge?
Posted by: midevil | June 01, 2008 at 10:52 AM
I really hate Madonna. She is such an idiotic hypocrite. I'd love to see someone create a website making fun of her. I think they have one, but it isn't as funny as the horse site. It's not that SJP doens't know she's ugly. She admits it herself. I like that about her.
Posted by: | June 01, 2008 at 01:47 PM
Have to disagree with you. SATC is one of the most cleverly written and progressive shows to have ever been on TV. Have you ever even watched it? I'm not ashamed to say I can't wait to put on my high heels, drink a cosmo and see this movie with my friends.
In this day of catty reality shows like "The Hills" it's refreshing to see a movie that encourages female friendship.
BTW the movie made more than "Mission Impossible" did in its opening weekend so it's a good thing you're not a movie producer.
Posted by: Wendy H. | June 01, 2008 at 04:55 PM
Ha...SATC is not clever...its just PUNS..."and then i noticed that we didnt just hit a dead end in a road to new york, i noticed that we hit a dead end on a road to our happiness" There...I just wrote an effing brilliant line for a script )))) they just pull it out of their butts, cover it up with gorgeous styles (its not SJP's, its Patricia's BTW)and sell it to females as if its freaking Citizen Kane of "female empowerment" tv shows...
btw Im going to see it in a cheap theatre, if at all..Maybe when im hung over and its already downloaded online :))) Oh and I'm quite into fashion, I just dont want to see it on ugly chicks with emotional issues. Ill buy a fresh Vogue instead.
Posted by: Jules B | June 01, 2008 at 06:23 PM
Feng - Here's another gem (and my personal fave) from Peter Griffin regarding SJP:
..."They let Sarah Jessica Parker on tv - and she looks like a foot!"
So true.
Posted by: zenflower | June 02, 2008 at 04:25 PM
Cyclops, I think I got Flounder Faced Ciccone from you!
Did Viper refer to Sex And the City as a "steaming column of feces?"
I'm sorry, I thought the female bonding over Cosmopolitans was unrealistic as hell.
Now, Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton would meet at the Ritz Carlton (I think it was THAT fancy hotel) and talk about who was more likely to commit suicide FIRST over martinis - now that, that was real!!!!
- and those bitches drank REAL martinis, not that froo froo martini spinoff called a Cosmopolitan.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | June 02, 2008 at 05:05 PM
Yeah, i'm with you, 14. Glad i'm not the only supposed 'gender traitor.' Never seen an episode of SATC and don't give a shit.
Not surprised you're not a cosmo girl. Red wine all the way, eh?
Posted by: Miss Mezza | June 02, 2008 at 07:42 PM
sleeping with as many men as you can get away with=female empowerment
wearing high-end fashion=female empowerment
being self conscious of female empowerment=female empowerment
wow, you go girl!...gag me. I find this show degrading and stupid, yet boring as well. I wish women were smart enough in America to realize they are being brain washed by this kind of crap. That Godzilla in the background reminds me of an art project I did in college where there was a different, horrific demise for specific cultural 'sins,' ie. kinkos...hahah...
Posted by: SlumNobility | June 02, 2008 at 09:10 PM
i hate to be picky but the middle line is wrong-it should be 7 syllables, not 8. it's "diff-er-ent", not the "diff-rent" as we all say.
Posted by: deb | June 04, 2008 at 09:34 PM
Want to guarantee I won't watch something? Cast Horseface Jessica Parker in it. You can put mascara, rouge and lipstick on a horse and all you get is a horse that looks like a cheap hooker.
Posted by: Erik | June 05, 2008 at 09:02 PM
I actually really like SATC (the tv show), even taking into account how ridiculous it is that Carrie buys those shoes on her salary, that she has no other income besides her column, and frankly, i thought most of the clothes she wore were HORRIBLE. But there had to be an element of fantasy in it. But I am not really interested in the movie. It just seems to be more like an ad for fashion than anything else and all the marketing has turned me off. Maybe i'll see it on DVD.
Posted by: Leebossa | June 10, 2008 at 01:45 PM
I feel the same way, it needed a fat Elvis as well.
Posted by: william | June 23, 2008 at 12:42 PM
i hope southpark creators will parode this stupid monkey movie one day.
i fell asleep at the end. but my gf enjoyed it, woo, i will never get to understand women
Posted by: livejasmin | October 29, 2008 at 10:19 AM
It such a stupid movie.. I don t know how girls expend their money on this shit.... but well..... everybody likes capitalism in our days... ''' material people.. girls... etc....'' everything is material in north america
Posted by: Ben G. | October 31, 2008 at 06:03 PM
Funny picture
Posted by: live jasmin | May 30, 2009 at 05:42 PM