Denise Richards Discusses Sperm

Denise Richards continues blathering to the press about the subject of sperm in her misguided quest to prove she's a good mother. Richards went on TV insisting to Matt Lauer that she never wanted ex Charlie Sheen to father her third child. Sheen claims to possess an email from Richards "proving" she wanted him to be her sperm donor, however Richards assures Lauer by saying, "If I wanted anybody's sperm, I would have asked for Richie's." As in Richie Sambora.

Denise doesn't stop there, she later rings up the NY Post during a hissy fit, "I don't want Charlie's prostitute-tranny-infested sperm...he's disgusting and has hit an all time low!" That's right, she's talking about the very sperm that brought her two little girls into the world. If his sperm is indeed "infested", what does that say about Richards and her children? It's also claimed that Charlie has thrown a few zingers himself, calling Richards a "[bleeping] whore" and hoping that she and her "worthless retarded father get cancer and rot in hell." At this point, their two young children are more mature and dignified than their parents. Medium: sperm sketched with graphite, Denise creature thing created 2 years ago with acrylic painted directly over page torn from Star magazine, experimental photoshop.

Comments

[Jen]

I absolutely LOVE the way your brain works and the way you 'see' things. Once again, you have made my day!

[Knox Bronson]

your site is my favorite along with icanhascheezburger.com/ ... guaranteed a good laff ...

These people are SOOOOOOO bizarre ... and you always capture them purrfectly ... xox knox

[Erik]

Not just a prostitute, a tranny prostitute. She's my kind of nutty, totally hot and oblivious to just how completely and utterly insane she is. The smirk on Sheen is perfection!

[Adam Smith]

This may sound like the insane yammerings of someone who shits in their own hallway for fun and profit;but at one time,Charlie Sheen was seen as a very gifted actor,who had the potential to become what is rather portentiously known in the trade as a screen legend.

Of course,as is usually the case for most young actors,he pissed all that away for a life style that even Hugh Hefner could concievably be jealous of.He became one of those Celebs who is considerably better known for their sybaritic Gonzo Porn shennanigans,taking trips to Spaceland on Magic Monkey Juice,and films that could be safely filed under miscellaneous,just for the money,shit.Through out it all,he never once stopped smirking at his own casual brilliance - like someone who had a million dollars stuck up his arse,just in case of emergencies.

Once the films dried up,this sleazeball charm was parlayed into a trophy wife,and
a very healthy remuneration for production line sitcom "Two And A Half Men".

Which is midly amusing when you've run out of personality,imagination or creativity for the day,making the decision to completely disengage any higher brain functions.Because if you did'nt perform this little shift of perception,the dark misogyny that lies beneath the surface of the show would grip you by the throat and head butt you senseless,making the whole affair seem somehow less charming.

As for Denise Richards she was in "Star ship Troopers".In that,she went to a futuristic high school,got good grades and got to fly a Space Ship.That's about it really.

A perfect match then.The actor who started well and ended up in the most abysmal horrific trash,(where's Tarantino when you need him),and the fembot actress who I can only remember in one decent film.

Their recent divorce is like all breakups of this kind - a tragedy.To have all these recriminations and petty disputes played out as a farce in the public arena only magnifies their suffering.We should pity them.When that period of pity has come to it's natural end,attack them with hammers.

[Peta]

I find it hard to believe that those two loved each other at one point.

14, what is Denise supposed to be?

[14]

Peta,

I have absolutely no idea what Denise is supposed to be. She just sort of came out that way while I messing around with my paints. I was hoping a reader might be able to identify it.

xxox
\14

[Demon Kitty]

I suppose taking that much jizz in the face makes you become "the creature of the black lagoon" or something like that. Too much load can turn you into an alien. It doesn't do a damn thing for your face (as seen on Nip Tuck).

If I ruled the world, all load would glow in the dark - like fireflies. Anyway,

14, is the inspiration for your sperm the medieval hermoncules? I can't spell that shit and I could not find it on the internet. You know when male faces where attached to sperm or something.. They considered the man, the giver of life. I think we were supposed to be the giver of death - really.

It looks like their combined Jizz has enabled an artichoke to start growing from her head.

I laughed so hard. This is some fucking funny ass shit! I love your bizarre perversion. Whatever happened to the portrait of Vincent Gallo selling his load to Hitler's Women over the internet?

[Adam Smith]

Looks like great minds think alike.

Because of me going all fumbly and refreshing the page by mistake,DK got in before me with something pretty similar.

Given the context of the piece, with it's attendant imagery,"Bukkake Monster" was the name that ejaculated into my mind.

What I think you're reffering to,D.K,as hermoncules,are possibly Homunculus.

These first appear to my knowledge in alchemical texts from the Third? or Fourth? Century A.D,as metals personified as men.There is no reference to these metals being used to create humans in these texts however.

Later on though the narrative does get a bit weird.In the Middle ages,popular belief held for instance that the ejaculate expelled by men into the ground as they were being hung caused the hallucinogenic plant Mandrake to grow.If the plant was picked by a black dog on a Friday and fed blood and milk,a small man would form that would defend it's owner.What possible use a tiny man would be in defending you is beyond me.Perhaps it was just meant to freak a potential assailant out.

The Great Alchemist Paracelsus (1491-1543) also claims to have created a tiny man (or Homuculus),no more than 12 inches tall,who was at first his servant,but later turned on him (again don't ask me how).One sees in these stories the nucleus for stories like Frankenstein.

After that,in the early Modern Period (Late Seventeenth Century),the new science of microscospy revealed the world of Micro-organisms.By studying the cells of animals and humans,in particular sperm,Scientists came up with the idea of Animalcules.Sperm was used by Scientists to promulagate the theory of Spermism,that took up the earlier folklore of the Homonculus to state that sperm were in fact tiny men implanted in a woman,that grew through time into a child.Of course this did'nt really explain the existence of women,or why children generally resemble their mothers more than their fathers.

Tell me Fourteen,is the fact that the sperm in the picture resemble the two male protagonists in this saga a reference to Spermist theories or just happenstance?I love to see what makes people's brains tick,especially when involved in a creative endeavour.

Also is Denise Richards some sort of throwback believer in the discredited theories of the Spermists? The statement that she does'nt want Charlie's "Tranny infested sperm" would seem to indicate this.As if his louche dissipated life choices had become an actual tangible part of him,which could be transmitted through him in the form of tiny Charlie Sheen/ Rupaul hybrids.
What a strange woman.
Funny to see how these old ideas still persist even in a modern (mostly) secular culture.

[Parker Worth]

She is a cum-kwhat. Thank you for finally bringing some dignity to this fruit.

[Demon Kitty]

Yes, Adam! I was referring to Homonculus I could not remember the spelling for the life of me. I had seen images of Homonculi (correct Latin plural??) before I heard of the actual name. A friend of mine had named her cat "Homonculus", but pronounced it "hermonculeez". I was like "what the fuck???" The she described it for me. I don't recall where I saw the images.

Anyway, I do have a question for you Adam and I am curious as fuck!

From Islamic jurisprudence, to Bukkake to Paracelsus and everything else you've mentioned on this site - how many books do you read a week when you are not watching Fox news? You are beginning to remind me of my friend Bill who reads, God only knows how many books a week.

[psychochick]

Looks like you drawing of Fergie.

[Stanley]

Denise just cant keep her mouth shut about sperm! Guess thats a good thing!
great artwork!

[Adam Smith]

Thanks D.K.

My family are pretty well read,so I always took it for granted that that's the way you should be.Going into the average office after leaving school soon disabused me of that misguided notion.

I can remember in my first job at age seventeen as an Administration Assistant/Trainee Finance Consultant for a large investment firm,making a casual reference to Freud (I can't remember the specifics of why I made this reference),and getting blank looks all around.Finally,someone asked who Freud was.Perhaps it was not the wisest thing to say,since everyone there was senior to me in both age and title,but I looked around me and said incredulously "You lot have got to be fucking with me.Woody Allen's films must be a fucking mystery to you".My days there were pretty much numbered after that.

Thankfully this was the worst experience
I had.In my days as a wage slave I've met numerous people who shared my arcane interests,who all remain good friends to this day.I enjoy myself more when self employed though,whether it be as a D.J,Film Extra,Club Promoter,or running a market stall.
Generally you meet more interesting people that way.

Presently I'm making a somewhat meagre living as a sound designer/musician.
The money ain't great but it beats working for a living.My specialty is beat/groove programming.You'd be surprised at the number of rhythmically challenged producers out there,so I keep myself ticking over.

Finally,in answer to your question,I suppose
the fact that my working life consists of short periods of working flat out interspersed with periods of very little activity affords me the luxury of pursuing whatever interests me at the moment.

So when I'm not clubbing or socializing with friends,I like to read a good book or watch an interesting documentary.One of my favourite programs is the BBC radio series,"In our Time",which is a discussion series featuring some of the world's leading Academics,discussing particular areas of
Art,Science,Culture,History,Religion,Philosophy and all points in between.

Here's the Url:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/history/inourtime/inourtime_current.shtml

Fourteen might also be interested in taking a look,since her list of interests indicate she is quite the polymath.

Here is a list of past programs culled from their Archives.
This is just the list for philosophy

Materialism - are we living in a material world?.

Søren Kierkegaard - fear and trembling in Copenhagen

The Social Contract - Hobbes, Locke, Rousseau and the Origins of Society

Albert Camus - Rebel with a Cause

Avicenna - wine, women and philosophy

Guilt - what is it good for?

Socrates - the man and the myth

Common Sense Philosophy - "There is no statement so absurd that no philosopher will make it"

Ockham's Razor - cutting medieval philosophy down to size

Spinoza - believed that God and Nature were the same thing

Karl Popper - his ideas challenged our approach to the philosophy of science

Anarchism - a question of authority?

Altruism - how can evolutionary biology explain it?

Averroes - the battle between faith and reason

John Stuart Mill - one of the most influential philosophers of the 19th Century

Friendship - thinking philosophically about our close companions

Relativism - the battle against transcendent knowledge

Thomas Hobbes and the political philosophy of 'Leviathan'

Pragmatism - a practical philosophy fit for 20th century America

Cynicism - bold and populist, the history of a shocking philosophy

Karl Marx - In Our Time's Greatest Philosopher

Beauty - the philosophy of beauty

Stoicism - the search for inner calm

The Mind/Body Problem - does the mind rule the body or the body rule the mind?

Rhetoric - from the original sophists to latter-day demagogues

Jean-Paul Sartre - a man condemned to be free

Empiricism - the English philosophy?

Heroism - do we live in an heroic age?

Wittgenstein - a philosophy of linguistics

Duty - concepts of obligation.

Human Nature - innate or nurtured?

Imagination - just what is it?

Freedom - a principle worth fighting and dying for?

The Soul - the key to our individuality as humans?

The Examined Life - is an unexamined life worth living?

Virtue - is it derived from reason?

I could not recommend it more.It's almost as good as the "Daily Ten" on the E Channel.

As for the Fox News thing,well,I have a strange attraction for things and people that piss me off.Shouting at Right wing pundits while hoovering is really quite invigorating.Though MTV's "My Sweet Sixteen"
has replaced this of late.Spoilt teenage brats bawling "LET'S PARTY!" at the top of their stupid lungs,have me hoping for armageddon like a mad Evangelist Christian.

[Adam Smith]

By the way I like your idea for luminous jizz.

Celebrations and national holidays could have a whole different dimension added to them.

Imagine a chorus of randy sailors expelling their silken thread skyward in order to celebrate July The Fourth.Fuck Fireworks, what greater expression of national virility could you have than that?

Although like Fireworks,standing at a safe distance would be advisable.

[Demon Kitty]

Adam,
Thanks for responding.

There is nothing on this planet that is more soul sucking, emotionally draining, and mind numbing as the 40 hour work week.

I was an academic burnout who decided to go into Library Science, since my chosen speciality did not make me employable. I thought the books and quiet would be perfect for my curiosity and fucked up brain chemistry. Ha! Ha! ha!

Jesus Fucking Christ, how I was wrong.

I worked for and with people my friend Bill described as "the Jesuits of tedium". I always thought boredom portended depression or violence - anyway - I found myself working in a public library and started loosing my shit. People told me I was condescending. I thought they had a "Fuck you, I'm ignorant, I'm lazy, you have the fancy degree, come wipe my ass!" attitude. I wanted to empower them by showing them HOW to use the dictionary ... never mind. You would think you'd meet interesting people in a library ... you would think.

This, in addition to the hellish tedium and a psychotic boss from England who I was convinced escaped from the criminally insane ward at the Priory and was living as a fugitive in the US (We used to call her "Attila the Cunt") -helped me to embrace unemployment with open arms. Now I am a fucking student. AGAIN.

For the past four years I have just been reading fiction since it calms my nerves. I like being around people who have read different things. It makes the conversation a hell of a lot more interesting. Please keep posting. We like it

Thanks for the URL. I look forward to listening to the one about Camus. We have similar things on National Public Radio.

I admire you for being able to watch Fox news without throwing the vacuum cleaner into the television set. My brother watches Fox News constantly, it's almost like the word of god for him and his wife. This puts limits on our visits. It doesn't help that his gun case isn't too far from the TV.

[Erik]

I didn't see it mentioned but isn't Denise the Creature from the Black Lagoon? At least that was my first thought.

[Demon Kitty]

You must admit Adam, the idea of a bunch of US military men simultaneously jerking off for patriotic reasons is fucking scary.

[Adam Smith]

With my little American Military Spunky antics scenario I think I may have imagined Andrea Dworkin's worst nightmare.If the poor woman was'nt dead already,I'm sure the sight of the Navy demonstrating their patriotic zeal in the most emphatic way possible would certainly kill her.I'm not even sure I'd be quite the same after a demonstration like that.

Noam Chomsky would write a cogent rigorously argued critique of the whole jingoistic affair.
The Nation would be divided over the whole issue.And Fox News would just lap it up, both metaphorically and probably literally
(when no one was looking).

When it comes to comes to ribald tasteless
humour about sexual effluvia I could scat and be-bop for days,like Charlie Parker at his peak.

It's an English thing.I think we're programmed from birth.

[Demon Kitty]

Well, I will freely admit, I am obsessed with bodily secretions. Male and female. I have no idea why. Our military scares the shit out of me. Their jizz probably contains napalm. Why do I get the feeling someone will attack me for saying that?

I like it when the British talk dirty. It helps me recover from the vague trauma I experienced when an English guy told me I was pornographic. I don't think I was talking about load then. I think I may have said something about shit.