Tom Cruise's Transmission From Outer Space
EXCLUSIVE! We were able to obtain the raw transmission of Tom Cruise. Scientologist as it beamed to Earth from the far reaches of outer space. A warning to some of you, this transmission is extremely disturbing as it contains the actual voices of evil silicon-based Xenu aliens from a distant galaxy. They appear to be dictating to Tom what to say. Behold ye, this chilling recording:
UPDATE: We now have a music video for the Tom Cruise's Alien Transmission from Outer Space thanks to Candy Kirby of Holy Candy. I'm not the only blogger who communicates with aliens...
Now that you're scared out of your wits, check out The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scary for more chills.
Vocals and musical composition by 14 via Garage Band.
Oh my, 14 ... my crush on you, now that i've heard your sexy voice, just got much bigger ... MUCH ...
But I am sure Tom gets scared by the girl-energy and does exactly as told.
Posted by: Knox Bronson | January 16, 2008 at 02:29 PM
Holy shit, that was fan-fucking-tastic. I'm sorry, but there's no other way to describe it. I had it cranked on my computer speakers (sub-woofer and all) and the whole Xenu vibe was going strong. Loves it!!!
You could have a whole bunch of transmissions from Tom on a weekly broadcast. And if the little weiner starts getting all hot under the collar, then just change it to "Cruising with Xenu". Then he can't claim it's personal.
MORE MORE MORE!!!!
Posted by: Jenn F. | January 16, 2008 at 02:51 PM
Now you've gone all multimedia on us. Does your talent know no bounds?
Posted by: Doodlewhore.com | January 16, 2008 at 03:22 PM
Oh my, I just figured it out, you're the leader of $cientology.
Posted by: midevil | January 16, 2008 at 04:46 PM
14 -- I think you captured the sounds that bounce around inside of Tommy Mapother's head perfectly!
I'm an SP and I'm proud of it.
Posted by: Thorne Smith | January 16, 2008 at 05:05 PM
Damn chilling, all right! Brava!
Will there be an animated short in the near future?
Posted by: Eize | January 16, 2008 at 05:34 PM
I think I might be converting to Scientology after hearing this. Xenu's quite persuasive.
Posted by: Dave | January 16, 2008 at 06:50 PM
Jesus tapdancing christ, I'm going to have nightmares about that track.
I think that would be the most AWESOME music for a room in a haunted house, though! Oh, the possibilities!
Posted by: Dana | January 16, 2008 at 07:12 PM
That was amazing! I need to learn Garage Band.
It reminded me of Revolution #9, some early Pink Floyd recordings, Vincent Price, and especially of an album of scary sound effects produced by Disney.
When I was a kid my older brother would lock me in a room and make me listen to such great tracks as 'Chinese Water Torture' and 'Death by Saw Blade.' When the record got me really upset my mother got mad broke it in half by stepping on it in the front yard. Who's going to save us from Tom Cruises scary dispatches from Plant $cientology? Mom?!
Posted by: Peter | January 16, 2008 at 08:12 PM
wow 14!
Posted by: Demon Kitty | January 16, 2008 at 08:14 PM
That is so bizarre. Great, but bizarre. What is the message? Can it be played backwards?
Posted by: Mr. Snrub | January 17, 2008 at 02:37 AM
What I want to know is-in this battle for world domination that is raging like a Brit-storm between Tommy-San and Oprah-Wan, who do you think will win?
Posted by: vern | January 17, 2008 at 05:10 AM
Oh! Forgot to say-Love the alien's chair!!!!
14 & Candy- better than Ben & Jerry!
Posted by: vern | January 17, 2008 at 07:23 AM
that was really really creepy. Good job!
Posted by: Noxx | January 17, 2008 at 12:01 PM
I just looked at the fucking video Candy made for you! I laughed. It was fucking brilliant! Fucking brilliant! Tom Cruise is such a fucking maniac. He is just buttfucking scary!
Posted by: Demon Kitty | January 17, 2008 at 12:37 PM
PLEASE GO TO YOU TUBE AND IN THE SEARCH TYPE IN " YAAFM SCIENTOLOGY " YOU WON'T BE SORRY =)
Posted by: isa | January 17, 2008 at 03:34 PM
LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!! Absolutely hilarious!!!! The whole Tom Cruise thing is starting up again, and it's all Tom's fault. Sometimes silence is golden, but not in his case, or his so-called church.
Who cares about what people think of his "religion?" Those that are smart enough to stay away from it, will. And those that have money to burn, will flock there in droves, and get taken for every cent they have.
You know what I find so amusing about Tom? The fact that he's been married 3 times. Why hasn't this "religion" managed to work for him when it comes to matters of the heart? Yeah, thought so, there's one born every minute. LOL!
Oh well, Katie's a happy camper dressing in the lastest and greatest, but those gawd awful wide cuffed pants have got to go! Otherwise, she's a lovely little robot.
Posted by: Chansmom | January 17, 2008 at 07:10 PM
oh dear xenu, that puppet thing is hilarious! the crooked smile nails it, like the alien hand is twitching strings in his jaw. and the slideshow-- damn, you and Candy could use your tom cruise inspired material to do a halloween haunted house, for real.
Posted by: Javelin | January 18, 2008 at 11:13 AM
Tom Cruise needs to do some serious analysis to determine what has made him a Scientology fanatic...a most talented actor, but personally, I cannot image why he is so into Scientology...simply cannot understand...
Posted by: Keith | January 18, 2008 at 01:18 PM
I like the audio. But there's a familiar sound in there, and it's driving me nuts (maybe that's the point!)... something from "Mountain of Needles" from " My Life in the Bush of Ghosts" ?
Posted by: Derwood | January 18, 2008 at 03:27 PM
"There's nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight."
Posted by: Sage | January 19, 2008 at 08:09 PM
"WOW!"
Posted by: TheReallyJamesBond | January 20, 2008 at 02:08 PM
I used to like Tom Cruise before the couch jumping, the critique of Brooke Shields and chastising Matt Lauder.
He seemed to have calmed down, but due to his bizarre behavior in the past, he has hurt his public image and movie career, I believe. Oh well...
He has his millions so I think he will be okay.
Posted by: MDF | January 20, 2008 at 10:51 PM
Tom Cruise is a sex torpedo made of man love.
He's the alphabetical soup that turns love into loathe,(if left on the boil too long).
He's The Artist Formerly Known As Alison Petticoat.
He's a rusted Soviet tank,that some East German kids made into a climbing frame.
He does a Kung Fu kick,if you press his head down.
He cries,he wanks.
He wanks,he cries.
He's the thought that remains trapped between two adjacent thoughts.
He's that thing that keeps you from letting your feet from under the duvet,even when their sweating like fuck.
He's also what made that pidgeon fly into my window last night.
It's fucking dead.
He's taller than Katie,when she's on all fours.
Jumping on sofas?
Once,he did a shit in my salad.
He's a Liquorice Nightmare.
Posted by: Adam Smith | January 24, 2008 at 07:04 PM
Oh man, I feel dumb. I was watching this and thinking, that narrator's voice is gorgeous, really smooth and lovely. Then the penny dropped and I realized it's your voice. Girl, you should go into voiceover work. Damn.
Posted by: Kipling | January 26, 2008 at 12:08 PM