Gallery of the Absurd

Something a Little Different

I'm still on temporary sabbatical working on my new mystery website, but I missed posting and thought I'd update with some new paintings. NO, these aren't portraits of Britney Spears or Tom Cruise, but I guess they could be if you look at them right wrong way. And no, I'm not planning on ceasing to paint celebrity gossip and pop-culture...I just wanted to post something a little different. These paintings were created without intent of outcome and are meant to be viewed multi-dimensionally and from all 4 sides. This is the sort of work I do to balance out the fetid flotsam of celebrity gossip. Back soon. Medium: oil, ink, stain, clay, enamel, tar on paper.

Tom Cruise Is Having a Bad Week

Tom Cruise and Scientology are at the center of a publicity nightmare this week after Gawker posted a leaked Scientologist video that made the infamous Oprah couch-jumping video look sane. The video is so oddly disturbing that it's made the news around the world. On top of that, he's angry as a hornet about an upcoming unauthorized biography promising shocking Scientology claims and secret details about his bizarre life. And it certainly can't help matters when Tom is accused of "battling middle-aged spread in recent years and looked 'distinctly jowly" on the red carpet last week."

Katie Holmes hasn't escaped controversy either. Much speculation has been swirling regarding the possibility that Tom Cruise might have transformed an unsuspecting Katie into his own personal Stepford Wife. Poor dear has gone through a dramatic metamorphosis since marrying Tom. Medium: Digital composite, Katie photo from Getty Images via A Socialite's Life. Much thanks to Kimberly and Circus Hour Media.

Tom Cruise's Transmission From Outer Space

EXCLUSIVE! We were able to obtain the raw transmission of Tom Cruise. Scientologist as it beamed to Earth from the far reaches of outer space. A warning to some of you, this transmission is extremely disturbing as it contains the actual voices of evil silicon-based Xenu aliens from a distant galaxy. They appear to be dictating to Tom what to say. Behold ye, this chilling recording:

UPDATE: We now have a music video for the Tom Cruise's Alien Transmission from Outer Space thanks to Candy Kirby of Holy Candy. I'm not the only blogger who communicates with aliens...

Now that you're scared out of your wits, check out The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scary for more chills.

Vocals and musical composition by 14 via Garage Band.

A Portrait of Amy Winehouse

I took a quick break from the project I'm working on and whipped up a painting of Amy Winehouse. There's some filthy gossip going around that Amy's husband "Blaaaaake" might be filing for divorce. While the rumor may or may not be true, my gut tells me it's just a matter of time. By sawing off her beehive and dying her locks blonde, Amy is exhibiting Level I warning signs of a looming Celebrity Meltdown. As demonstrated by Britney, the wearing of the same accessory (dirty pink ballet slippers have been replaced with a yellow scarf) every day is another indication that this train's next stop is Crazy Town. The next step, of course, is the head shaving - once that occurs, we'll all be assualted with non-stop "entertainment news" coverage on The Associated Press, FOX News and CNN. Get ready for the coming onslaught. Medium: acrylic and ink on board.

Have You Ever Noticed....

how much dog food and people food seem to resemble each other these days?

DOG FOOD

PEOPLE FOOD

Sitting in my local coffee shop, I began flipping through the savings coupon section of the Sunday newspaper. I noticed several coupons for dog food and dog treats mixed in with the typical junk food offerings for humans: Hungry Man, Toaster Strudels, Lunchables, and Campbell's Chunky Soup....shudder.

DOG TREATS

PEOPLE TREATS

Really, it all becomes a blur if you start taking notice of it. I bet you could give the cashier a coupon for Cesar Canine Cuisine and they'd take 50 cents off your Van De Kamp's Fish Sticks without even batting an eye.

Observe how disconcerting these ads become when a dog is added to the image.

I think the point has been made. Medium: Scanned Sunday coupons, doggy models General Otis and Abigail Bunny Rocket.

New Tabloid! Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol Weekly

A glossy new celebrity tabloid is scheduled to hit the stands this spring – because the world doesn’t have nearly enough of them – and the editors were kind enough to send a few preview issues for exclusive promotion on Gallery of the Absurd and Holy Candy.

Published by Circus Hour Media*, Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol Weekly explores the saturated world of celebrity substance abuse and other fun topics! The rag is projected to outsell both Star and US Weekly combined, just based on the amount of stories celebrities generate for the magazine each week. Regular features will include “Mug Shot Makeovers,” “Jailbirds: Just Like Us!,” “DUI Fashion Police” and “Who Snorted It Best?” as well as interviews with Jack Daniels fans such as Tara Reid, Vince Vaughn, Amy Winehouse and Mel Gibson. Best of all, Courtney Love has agreed to write a weekly unsolicited advice column called "Ask Courtney". This, I believe, is the best feature in the magazine (see below).

Keep an eye on newsstands because you won’t want to miss the premier issue of Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol Weekly featuring a bevy of blonde boozehounds, as you can see above. Celebrity substance abuse: it’s never been hotter!
*More exciting details to follow

Tara Reid photo by Pacific Post News via PageSix.com

Medium: photo composite, digital text, graphics created by 14 in collaboration with Holy Candy. Courtney's advice and post written by Candy Kirby. Much thanks to Holly.

Exquisite Corpse: Madonna

I just finished another round of Exquisite Corpse with some of my blogger pals. Jason from Doodle Whore completed Madge's midsection and gave careful attention to her sinewy arms and exotic accessory orphan. Handsome Gilmore from Pretty on the Outside captured one of Madonna's iconic poses: thrusting her spandex-clad pelvis in the faces of her worshipping fans. I did her head.

Medium: ink and colored pencil in sketchbook with spilled wine from the other night.

Dr. Phil Swoops in on Britney Spears

Hollywood Predator is the only magazine devoted to the various predators living in Hollywood. Each issue is jam packed with educational features and stunning photos of common predatory species such as the Dr. Phil Fool, Paparazzi Wolves, and creepy "producers". An excerpt from the latest issue:

Lurking on the pristine streets of Beverly Hills is the most annoying predator known to celebrities: the paparazzi. They hunt incessantly for lucrative shots, even if it means scaling fences at daycares – or, most recently, following Britney Spears into an ambulance as she suffered a nervous breakdown and recklessly chasing down her two young sons, just so they could capture that “money shot” of their tear-stained faces looking out the car window.

Britney is certainly not the only celebrity to be preyed upon by this Hollywood predator. Fellow target Sean Penn has fought back, both physically and verbally, saying that:

“The [paparazzi] should be put in a cage where you can poke them with a stick for a quarter. But not in a hostile way, just for giggles. They really are on the attack against mankind; it's a disease. They should be helped somewhere. But I'd still like to poke them with a stick.”

Experts say that while stick-poking is one option for dealing with the intrusive predator, moving out of Los Angeles or getting another job is an even more effective solution.

A page from the latest issue of Hollywood Predator. Marvel at the sharp talons and quick speed of Dr. Phil Fool as he swoops down to grab the sick, disoriented bunny. Medium: photo collage, ink on paper, text written by Candy Kirby, concept created in collaboration with Holy Candy.

more at twiigs.com...