Why Are We So Interested in Jamie-Lynn Spears?

It's an objective inquiry to which I'm seeking answers. What's so compelling about this person? How has she managed to captivate the nation simply by being the younger sister of America's Tragic Clown and also for being knocked-up at 16 after spoon feeding the media such a wholesome and squeaky clean image? How was this person's mother able to sell the story to the media for one million dollars? I'll give away one of my original paintings to the person who provides me the most original and enlightening answer. Poster created by guest artist, graphic designer Wendyann Pope.

Comments

[claire]

It's like the second part of Wuthering Heights with the other Cathy. The story of Britney was getting redundant in its tragedy. Soon either she will be dead, imprisoned, or better, but the pattern is kind of boring at this point. Jamie is a second chance, like Cathy II she can overcome her situation, or it gives us another trainwreck to watch instead of focusing on real news. The pregnancy leads towards the Britney-route, but it also has the possibility of overcoming odds. Plus, America is in the thrall of baby news. Any pregnant celebrity gets photographed because it allows us to think that they are just like us, at least biologically. Jamie's is a bonus because there is drama involved.

[Poppa Daddy]

If I didn't tune in to Jamie-Lynn, then I'd actually have to give an opinion on or think about issues such as militant religious extremists or the fear and angst I feel over the assassination of Bhutto in Pakistan.

At least here I get to have a heated opinion and express disbelief and outrage over a girl who just don't realize how good - and easy - she had it. Let's me vent steam on an issue that, in all reality, is a non-issue. And no one gets hurt, and no one fears for their life or the future of the world. And if that is the last I hear of JL, so be it; it was a good plotline while it lasted.

Not like the damn Britney show, that seems to be repeating last season's plot lines - even the new twists seem stale - and hasn't bothered to spring for a new wardrobe in ages.

Much like Frasier to Cheers, I'm enjoying the spin-off more than the original right now.

[Demon Kitty]

I want the Spears family to go away. They make me sick.

[Kristina]

Schadenfreude. Plain and simple. For being the country that coined "America's Sweetheart", we always want to see them fall. Hard.

We bastards!

[D]

1) What's so compelling about this person?

Nothing

2) How has she managed to captivate the nation simply by being the younger sister of America's Tragic Clown and also for being knocked-up at 16 after spoon feeding the media such a wholesome and squeaky clean image?

You've answered your own question, although I don't know if she's really "captivated the nation". She's only captivated the media, who in turn spoon-feeds us more of this nonsense. It's smoke-and-mirrors; they're trying to create/conjure up some kind of collective American mindset that doesn't exist. At most, news about people like Jamie Lynn offers a mild form of temporary entertainment and escapism. But in reality, nobody cares about these people. We have our own lives and problems.

3) How was this person's mother able to sell the story to the media for one million dollars?

I don't know... but if OK! magazine has that much money to piss away, then I need to either work for them (thought I doubt they pay their staff anything close to that) or become a D-list celeb and sell them an equally mundane story.

[Knox Bronson]

The media, such as it is, is now wholly owned by what President Dwight D. Eisenhower referred to (and warned us about) as the "military-industrial complex" and, as such, no longer serves to illuminate and reveal, but rather to conceal and distract.
Pornography is defined as having "no redeeming social value," therefore celebrity gossip can be construed as being a subset of pornography.
The celebrity porn noise-machine serves one and only one function: to distract our overfed, complacent, prozac-calmed populace into a false sense of security, and the inherent servitude, while a small percentage of our country loots the treasury (billions in cash missing in Iraq), loots the economy (the sub-prime swindle, the savings and loan collapse, which taxpayers bailed out), has renewed the assault on the environment for quick and easy profit, has destroyed manufacturing in this country and imports a million container loads of shit from China, has devalued the dollar to hide inflation in this country ... oh the list goes on.
Believe me, the toilet-traders known as the Republican Party (and be sure: they are all homosexual or some kind of pervert) fellate the power and money of their corporate and criminal masters happily and enthusiastically.
We are in the middle of five, at least, constitutional crises at the hand of the criminal Bush and Cheney administration ... but what's on the cover of the magazines at the checkout stand? Jamie-Lynn is preggers!
The celebrity-porn noise-machine in action.
I do believe all is lost.

[Frank]

It's easy she F...d the Nickelodeon Exec who could have been her dad.
At least this way she can have a lover/boyfriend/friend/dad maybe even granddad all in one ;o)
Cheers
Frank
Distortrait

[Basho]

These answers don't smack of the conspiracy theory we need to explain the phenomena in question. Fox News would be better suited reporting this as the very simple answer:

Nematode worms, boring holes of mindless passivity into our already media-engorged minds...what else?

The fact (as everyone knows) that the Spears family are all shape-shifting super villains, capable of transforming into mudskippers at any given moment, seems to have helped things along.

[ASterling]

Jamie-Lynn Spears is in every American's thoughts because there is no "Borat" movie out right now. Also, people realize that no matter how much they might wish and hope, Hillary Clinton is not going to give birth to Chelsea II any time soon. So Jamie-Lynn's special bundle of joy has to be the next, best hope for our country.

In the past, Americans were forced to be entertained by child stars like Shirley Temple, Patty Duke and Tatum O'Neal. All they could do was sing, dance, or act.

Jamie-Lynn is showing true creativity, with an actual "product" in development. I think that's the kind of behavior every real American can applaud, and you can see them doing it all the time. Right now. I guess. Maybe she should shave her head. Or something.

[Jenn F.]

1) What's so compelling about this person?

The only thing compelling about Jamie Lynn Spears is her relation to Ms. American Disappointment (once known as Ms. American Dream) and the natural tendency to gamble/bet on a) how quickly she'll follow in her sister's footsteps and b) whether she's as stupid or more stupid.

2) How has she managed to captivate the nation?

It's Xenu's doing. After administering Tom Cruise's daily sodomization, Xenu shape-shifted into a young, relatively good looking empty-headed young man with a penchant for dumb-assed hicks in trailers with no appreciation for their bought-and-paid-for ticket to the All American Free Ride (provided courteously by Ms. American Disappointment). Having found a suitable host for its gooey florescent seed, Xenu impregnated the natural space cadet and returned to his favourite past-time of probing Tom Cruise's anus. (sodomization after breakfast, anal probing in the afternoon).

3) How was this person's mother able to sell the story to the media for one million dollars?

Lynn Spears recruited the sizeable talents of Dina Lohan and together they tag-teamed the staff at OK! magazine by performing bathroom stall blowjobs until the contract was signed. Dina turned down Lynn's offer of a cut... she's in it for the fame, not the fortune.

[midevil]

The Spears family gets paid big bucks to blah blah blah.

[Randi]

Does anyone else think its interesting that as soon as this Jamie Lynn story broke the tabloids stopped printing the stories about Britney's possible new pregnancy?
Anyway, its a good photoshop.

[ashl3igh]

well, I WAS going to go for the original artwork prize...but Knox Bronson stole the words right outta my mouth.

...though, technically, I don't know if that'd be considered "original," as I'm pretty sure those words are more TRUTH than Knox's original creation.

[Fairlady Z]

Knox Bronson, if the evil Republicans are so interested in making sure that their evil actions are being ignored by getting the public to focus on the retard circus known as the Spears family, then why are these idiotic events such as Jamie Lynn's pregnancy receiving any coverage at all on more left-leaning news outlets such as CNN?

http://search.cnn.com/search?query=jamie%20lynn%20spears&type=news&sortBy=date&intl=false

As for 14's question, I think that highly publicized scandals such as Jamie Lynn's pregnancy are welcomed by the public who despise the entire family and are delighted to see them fall. This response was accurately summed up in the "schadenfreude" response provided earlier. Same deal as Paris Hilton going to jail. Big news? Not really, in fact it was to be expected given her vapid party lifestyle, but you can bet I was personally celebrating when it happened just because she's a colossal slut and really had it coming. The Jamie Lynn thing just saddens me though because it means that even more of their hick genes are being passed on to the next unsuspecting generation, and I'd put money on Jamie Lynn being just as much of an unfit parent as Britney "I feed my kids a steady diet of Cheetohs and Crest White Strips" Spears.

[Trillian]

Celebrity interest has always been to me a way of conveying ones moral standards without having to get involved with ones own family and friends.

However someone feels about Jamie-Lynn would reflect their own attitudes concerning teen pregnancy (for example she should have learned something about sex education from school, but teens these days under the Bush administration have really shit sex-ed so it is up to the parents to fill in the blanks and so many of them don't). Any small bit from the lives of celebrities could be used to example how you feel about something without having to reveal something about someone you know personally.

Plus with the lives of stars being everywhere, everyone is on the same page. There is no guilt or shame about revealing family secrets about divorces and rehab. It is gossip without any emotional attachment or worry about repercussions concerning what you say about someone.

[AmyD]

Oh, my, D (no relation) wins. Hands down, without a doubt. Wow, well put.

[mike]

Scary as it may seem, I'm equally sick of hearing about "Juno" and Spears The Younger.

[fitz]

Shes not interesting; shes easy. On so many levels.

Free painting please!

[Glorious Karl]

Jamie-Lynn is not saggy. She is not a rind from which we can press only a few more drops of juice. She is sweet, not vindictive. Her vulva hides from the camera; we fancy it to be sequestered in a burqa of pink granny drawer.

Now we know she has the taint; why else the pregnancy PR? She intuits that she can trade on the dying hopes of the aging, potbellied male, and the unbearable backpressure of the adolescent. She can trade on the bitter fixation of the middle-aged woman who desperately seeks one more fix for her aged hair, and she can trade on girls who are casting about for an image.

Smart money says there will be wind in her sails for a time. Then she and her sister will live out the hand dealt them: a circus of dysfunctionality, drugs, court, and so forth. This we may think of as 'last bitter drops of juice' stage, wherein Britney now wallows. Even odds one of them will associate with Jacko inside five years.

[MK]

We're obsessing over Jamie-Lynn Spears because she is the younger sister of our Jesus, namely Britney Spears. Britney is Jesus who is slowly dying for all of our sins: sloth, envy, pride, gluttony, lust for fame, greed, and a fascination with the lives of others who we direct our wrath at. In a world in which our own privacy is increasingly violated, we delight in seeing those who have even less privacy than we do. However, Britney's virginal status, both literal and figurative, have long been destroyed, and the public is nothing if not bloodthirsty. The media are just vultures, picking flesh off the bones of those too weak to fight them off.

[Knox Bronson]

well, ashl3igh, thank you so much for the props! believe me, i think about this stuff every day as I scrutinize Perez Hilton for clues. :)

I don't quite understand you second sentence ... what words are more TRUTH than my "original creation" ... what creation? i'm lost.

thanks! -knox

[Knox Bronson]

Fairlayz - CNN left-leaning? You must be sucking on the FOX teat 24 hrs. a day.
In the middle of the Gonzales scandal including his perjury - all part of the plan to stack the Justice Dept. with "lawyers" from the Christian Regent diploma mill ... thereby to avoid prosecution for crimes against the state & ensure the easy stealing of future elections ... CNN had Tammy Faye Baker's death on for three days straight.
As I said, we are in the middle of a number of constitutional crises, if the Dems get any balls, anyway ... but the celebrity porn noise machine is cranking 24 hrs a day to keep YOU distracted.
Turn off the tube. Stop taking prozac. Read something. Start with the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. They are being shredded.

[midevil]

Fairlady Z

I'm sorry, but nobody that is left leaning has ever taken CNN seriously--it is just a right wing vehicle for non-news. Wow, left-leaning my ass.

[midevil]

Titney certainly is the new Jeebus--and she works quite well, because she exemplifies the virtues that most average redneck Americans hold. Truth is, rednecks are in power and they are going to stay that way for a long long time, until somebody on the outside (China?) takes away the monster truck and shotguns.

[Charlene]

There's another reason which is probably glaringly obvious from some of the comments above.

At this time when women are beginning to be seen at the highest levels of government, industry, and science, the middle and upper echelons of the mainstream media (which are almost wholly staffed by former silver-spooned fratboys with enormous senses of entitlement and self-worth) need to show that women really are idiotically stupid, inferior, and even malevolent. They *hate* women. They see us as little better than money-grubbing, shallow, ultra-stupid Fleshlights with extra orifices and a tendency to "oops" men so we can "take their stuff". Girls like Jamie Lynn and Britney are nothing more to them than ammunition in their battle to make sure men are always considered as superior in every way to women.

What better example of the ultimate inferiority of women than to show a) a mother who can't even keep custody of her own small children, b) a sixteen-year-old pregnant girl, and c) their mother, who just wrote a book on parenting.

Notice the words the commenters above have used. Slut. Redneck. Mudskipper. Do you hear anyone saying one word about the father of Jamie's child? Oh, no. He's a man: he's allowed to fuck a million women without being called any names at all (except maybe "playa"). But a girl who has sex once is a slut. Do you hear anyone saying one word about Britney and Jamie's FATHER? No. Her mother is the mudskipper and idiot, oh no not the father: he's just another male victim of female greed and stupidity.

[JP]

As Pogo once said--we've met the enemy and it is us!

[lynda]

i think the fascination with jamie lynn spear's pregnancy has everything to do with timing; both the time of year, and the current state of her older sister's singular, peculiar celebrity.
on one hand, this time of year, when families get to together and all our old habits resurface (you think YOU know how to screw up? as your younger sibling, let me show you how it's done) it has some resonance and definite family conversation fodder when no one's baby is in the room to distract everyone.
so be thankful if no one's need for attention in your family required them to bring someone else into it.
i still think it's a mix of one sibling getting attention when the other one's in trouble (think of what michael jackson was going through when janet flashed nipple at the superbowl last year), who knows if they're helping steer the media away or hijacking the media?

[vernice]

Every now and then the "fuck up-move up" principle is so blatant we have to stare at it slackjawed, in disbelief.
If you've done one of the worst things a teen can do and manage to get not only parental approval but DR. PHIL'S blessing, well, than shit, I imagine all you can do is pinch yourself and say-"Oh I guess we DO live in a capitalist society!"

[Elizebeth]

Anybody who cares about this crap is DUMB.

Is that clever enough for a painting, probably not.

We love her because she is better looking than Rosie. We hate her cause we are all just as much trailer trash as she is but she made it out of the heap.

We all want a mother like hers so we can overstay our curfew without having to hear about how it makes us look like tramps. In other words moving him in is better than us being yelled at for arriving home 30 minutes late. The gate at the Mobile Home estates closes early on standard time.
She makes us have to talk sex with out kids and we weren't ready for that. And it's fairly sick to see a 6 year old worship that skank. Okay see what she's made me type out already. I am obessed.

[Rebecca]

I think this is just a modern trashy take on a very old tradition. These are self-described country folk who come from a part of the U.S. that still has coming-out parties on its social calendars. Getting knocked up at 16 is long white gloves and a gown for li'l miss Spears. Jamie Lynn is void of the X factor her sis had as a teen; she needed some...extra finishing school to make her entrance. With this move, Jamie Lynn's graduated from Nickelodeon tween no-man's-land to our radar, her debut on the cover of OK. Why do we care? She's been presented for our consideration, in a manner, and what are we supposed to do but watch her spin around the room a few times and ask her to dance, if we're interested. Any takers?

(I could really go with this - if we're supposed to accept Paris Hilton as a "socialite" - this corner of our world is pretty much high society. Perez Hilton is the Truman Capote of his generation.)

[Lily]

Damn, I've got to say -- the comments here, and I've read them for a while, but particularly on this one -- are scarily good. 14's work is the best; but sh*t, I'd come back for the comments alone.

[14]

These are fantastic comments and exactly what I was looking for. My blog would be so boring without your clever, thought provoking and entertaining comments. I'll look over all of these on January 1, 2008 and will decide which comment I gravite toward the most. Thank you so much!

love,
14

[Hannibal the Canineball]

PERHAPS ...VERY PROBABLY.....MOST PROBABLY !! BECAUSE people's lives are incredibly empty and inspiration has run out for the media so why not have the second worst choice... after all people are unable to use their very 'complicated' built brains .... a second guess could be that..... we no longer have brains but 'plastic sensors'...LOL!

[Chris]

We secretly love to see people with lives more messed up than ours. We are quietly jealous of Spears money, fame and career which was basically a product of her sister's breast size. We enjoy seeing Jamie Lynn being brought back to earth almost as much as people would crowd the streets to watch supposed criminals get hung. It's the same concept. Spears is now an example for parents all over America. They have an example which they can use to tell their kids, "See I told you so!" It makes us feel good about ourselves to see this princess with the silver spoon fall from grace. We want to see her squirm, and be forced to live in the same reality we all deal with everyday. Now we collectively turn our heads towards the television to watch the rest of this "reality show" unfold.

[ChaosbyDesign]

The answer to this question can be found in the January 2008 issue of Scientific American...page 24
NEUTRON ODDBALL
A newly discovered neutron star (Jamie-Lynn)doesn't behave like it's supposed to
The article starts like this
"Our galaxy is littered with the corpses of dead stars". (While Britney is not litterally dead, her career is well on its way)At the end of their useful lives, the vast majority of the stars in the Milky Way shrink to white dwarfs, dense spheres about the size of Brittneys head. But very massive stars explode in supernovae (Britney Meltdown)and leeave behind even denser relatives (Jamie-Lynn), called neutron stars. (The most massive stars of all become black holes)(Britney is coming extrodinarily close to becoming the first known white hole)
Scientist have long been fascinated in neutron stars because their physics are so extreme. (Physical activity leading to pregnancy)
Scientists postulated that the new neutron star (Jamie) instead might be a millisecond (Time of fertilization)pulsar, a neutron star who's rotation (rise to stardom)has been wildly accelerated by the accretion of material from a companion star (Britney.

I have added the short explanations for the non scientific reader

Loius

[Psychochick]

I think she is an idiot to have sex at all at 16 and I feel sad for her. I think the father should get his ass in prison. He is a child molester as far as I'm concerned. And she may be a slut, but he is by far a bigger one.

[Ted Haggard]

Man, devout Christian chicks are easy. Did she even take an abstinence pledge before bedding the entire state of Louisiana and the Nickelodeon sound crew? What a whore.

[Thorne Smith]

Never underestimate the stupidity of the American public. I console myself with the fact that there are those of us that are brilliant enough to read Gallery of the Absurd for therapy -- so it's not all bleak!

The recent stories regarding the likes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears should never be making the national news. This isn't news, it's gossip. The various news media outlets are having a field day promoting it as news, facilitating the devolution of the species. Jamie Lynn is yet another turd in that never-ending-ever-spinning flush we call "entertainment news" that will eventually result in that oh-so-dreaded overflow. It's sites like this that give me hope, reassuring me there's someone with a mighty plunger, clearing these corn-laden-christmas-nut-loaves out of the way.

[Charlie Bronson]

I have the feeling Knox blames the admin when he gets constipated. (btw Jamie Lynn is a ho!)

[Bndgk4L]

1. What's so compelling about this person?
She is compelling because she, as opposed to her crazy sister, has become the girl next door. Take away the TV show and fame, and she could be any 16 yr old girl in America. In addition she is now going to become the face of teen preganacy and I even think she will become an advocate on this growing problem. For a while our nation's teen pregenancy rate was decreasing, but now it has been jumping back up. She is not compeling because of her TV show or big sis, it is that she is the face a growing problem.
2. How has she managed to captivate the nation simply by being the younger sister of America's Tragic Clown and also for being knocked-up at 16 after spoon feeding the media such a wholesome and squeaky clean image?
The spoon feeding the media is an issue because we all want to believe that young people are not sexually active, although it is just an illusion that makes parents sleep better at night. People have always had sex, it is in our nature, to think otherwise is niave. Her "captivation" of the nation is not so much about her big sis, or her image, but that she has just been added to the long list of kids having kids. She is a disappointment, not a roll model, or a person to admire. She had it all and has not so much thrown it away, but has spit on all of those people who gave it to her. She will still be privileged and will have mom raising her baby while she makes more money. If your going to have sex birth control and condoms are a must, no matter your age.
3. How was this person's mother able to sell the story to the media for one million dollars? Actually the truth is that Mama Spears tried to sell the rights to raise the baby, you know ala "the truman show", but was rejected because people believe that the baby will be genetically defective and may have a strong likelyhood of carrying the dominant "paparazzi-attention-whore-talentless-media-slut-ism" gene which appears to run in the family. the next best thing was to sell the baby pictures and all funds will go to the "No child left behind, sex ed classes of the State of desperation"- aka a trustfund/legal fund for the Spears.

[smaile]

Cause peoples are stupid ya'll.
Do I win?

[BJ_is_famous]

Because everyone is giving the story attention.Nobody really cares except the fact that if everyone's talking about it more and more people will and soon it seems that people are interested. When people stop making such a big deal about it, it will go away.

[UrbanRube]

Because she's only one click away from Britney, that's why.

[Lisa]

My personal shot at the painting is the theory of HUMAN SACARIFICE: Since ancient times, when we began to think for our selves as a society, we believed we could alter our lives for the better through sacrifice. If what we grew and harvested wasn't enough for our gods, then human sacrifice must be even better at getting the god's attention. So my theory is that we lift up willing participants (Namely FAME WHORES seeking the chance to be plucked from obscurity and thus be remembered and talked about after thier death. And in the case of Brit-Brit & Jamie Lynn glammed up hillbillies, woo hooo, even better to pluck them from BELOW the levels of obscurity) and lifted into the stratosphere of pseudo fame. Only when we tire of them to eventually, gleefully fling them into, or watch them walk willingly into the sacrificial volcano, thus making all our lives better somehow. If only by being able to say "Whew! Better them than me!" Thus thinking our own world is somehow not falling apart.

Can I pick the painting now?

By the Way, the commenter, Ted Haggard, put it so well I was laughing even though it was visually disgusting when he wrote.." Jamie Lynn is yet another turd in that never-ending-ever-spinning flush we call "entertainment news" that will eventually result in that oh-so-dreaded overflow. It's sites like this that give me hope, reassuring me there's someone with a mighty plunger, clearing these corn-laden-christmas-nut-loaves out of the way."

[Knox Bronson]

I don't get constipation, Charles. But I do blame the administration when the Bill of Rights is gutted, the dollar devalued, billions of dollars in CASH disappearing in Iraq, the middle-class begins disappearing in this country, the sub-prime mortgage collapse create world-wide tremors through world financial systems, and the obscenely rich keep getting LOTS richer ... oh the list goes on. Are you rich? Or just a deeply closeted toilet-trader, like the leadership of the Republican party? If you are neither, maybe you need to get your meds adjusted.