Gallery of the Absurd

Happy New Year From Paris Hilton

I'd like to wish everyone a very healthy, happy, inspired, and successful 2008. Be careful when celebrating your New Years Eve festivities - don't drink too much of that Paris Hilton champagne in a can or else you might find yourself naked, covered in gold paint, and slithering across an arid Martian landscape as you pine for your lost inheritance. Not a good way to start the year. Medium: graphite, watercolor and gouache in sketchbook.

UPDATE: Posting will resume on January 7. I'll also be announcing the Jamie Lynn Spears contest winner next week. There's more exciting news to share with you, but I must keep mum for now...and it's driving me crazy. Enjoy your weekend!

Britney Spears Sits For Her Digital Portrait

I messed around on ArtPad's digital canvas today while having my morning coffee and this is the monstrosity I created. Similar to a dumbed down wacom tablet, the digital canvas allows you to paint your masterpiece as it records your brushstrokes. Once you've completed your magnum opus, save and send the link to your pals and they can watch in awe as your masterpiece unfolds before their eyes. Or they can press "delete". Watch my painting process here. Be sure and move the speed control to "fast" or else you might fall asleep.

Stuff I Saw Today

I spent the entire day today walking all over San Francisco taking photos of early winter. Heading up the steep streets toward The Presidio, the damp mist intensified the wafting scent of eucalyptus and juniper. Tender fresh green added vivid color to the diffused shades of grey enveloping the city. As you can tell, I'm taking a small break from celebrity gossip, but I'll be back soon. More of today's photos can be viewed here.

Laughing Over Spilled Milk, part THREE

One moment I'm posting my Laughing Over Spilled Milk series....and the next moment I spill my entire glass of red wine all over my carpet. This happened just over an hour ago (6:19 pm PST) and I firmly believe a trickster is somehow involved. Red wine is exceedingly difficult to clean out of light carpets. I hope my landlords aren't reading this. gulp.

Oh well, it didn't happen in vain. I transformed it into a random work of art and will soon paint this in oils onto a canvas. Medium: Argentine malbec on rented beige carpet, digital paint.

Laughing Over Spilled Milk, part TWO

I carelessly spilled coffee onto my sketchbook and within moments it transformed into a kind-faced English chap with a generous proboscis and a hair-trigger sense of olfactory perspicuity. Medium: coffee, pastel, ink, and graphite on paper.

Laughing Over Spilled Milk, part ONE

I spilled some white ink on my desk after knocking it over a few days ago. Neglecting to wipe it clean, the ink hardened and stained the wood. A painting was born. Over the years I've transformed several of my numerous spills and stains (wine, paint, juice, wine, etc.) into random works of art and decided to post a few. Welcome to my Laughing Over Spilled Milk series. Medium: acrylic ink on dark wood table, graphite.

Why Are We So Interested in Jamie-Lynn Spears?

It's an objective inquiry to which I'm seeking answers. What's so compelling about this person? How has she managed to captivate the nation simply by being the younger sister of America's Tragic Clown and also for being knocked-up at 16 after spoon feeding the media such a wholesome and squeaky clean image? How was this person's mother able to sell the story to the media for one million dollars? I'll give away one of my original paintings to the person who provides me the most original and enlightening answer. Poster created by guest artist, graphic designer Wendyann Pope.

On The Ninth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent To Me...

 

Nine Weaves a Tangling

Jason O'Malley from over at DoodleWhore has been having a little too much fun creating his Twelve Days Of Britney collection. Grab some eggnog and take a look.

The Amy Winehouse Snow Globe Has Been Recalled

Amy Winehouse Singing Snow Globe Recalled Due to Constant Malfunction

LONDON -- - The U.K. Department for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform and Amy Winehouse's parents today announced an involuntary recall of one of the worst celebrity-endorsed holiday gifts in history: the singing Amy Winehouse Snow Globe. Despite initial high demand from music fans and celebrities such as Pete Doherty, who was spotted trying to break open a Snow Globe, the product's constant malfunctions have prompted an onslaught of returns to stores and an immediate recall.

The snow globe has a number of defects. The more snow it inhales, the more magnified they become, including: slurring the words to "White Christmas"; spitting and swearing at onlookers; forgetting its shirt; and failing to perform altogether, even when wound up.

Amy's parents demand that consumers stop purchasing the recalled product immediately-- and are more than happy to talk to any and all media outlets about their "devastation" over the product's malfunctions.

Medium: graphite and digital composite, idea came to us after drinking a generous wellspring of free wine in a SF hotel lobby. Text written by Candy Kirby.

Cisco Adler's Christmas Balls Aren't Selling

Adding to our list of the Worst Celebrity Endorsed Gift Items of the Season are these festive holiday tree ornaments. Cisco Adler (who? I know, I didn't know who he was either) gained notoriety the Hollywood way when a nude photograph of him and his, ahem...certain pendulous body parts were posted all over the internet. As every scandal-torn celeb knows, cashing in on your notoriety will only make you more famous - especially if nudity is involved. I have to hand it to him, the Christmas balls were a good idea..however, people found them too heavy. Who wants tree ornaments that drag on the floor? Not me. Medium: graphite and ink on paper, digital color, and a wily imp.