Gallery of the Absurd

White House Mug Shots Deemed "Political Attack Art"

It's no secret that I'm partial to the genre of narrative art, but I was unaware of the genre of "political attack art" until I read the New York Daily News today. Reporting on the White House mug shots currently being shown as part of a printmaking exhibit at the New York Public Library, the newspaper seemed more interested in creating political hysteria than explaining the artistic intent behind the exhibit. Created by artists Nora Ligorano and Marshall Reese as a response in part to "the overreaching powers of the Patriot Act, coupled with the explosion of the internet and monopolization of private media [that] threaten the very fabric and foundations of our country and way of life", the images are generating both outrage and applause. When reporting the "controversy", Fox News (monopolized media) expressed concern that the mug shots might "confuse little kids" who might gaze upon the photos during a field trip and think, "Oh, is that a picture of my president?" Yeah kid, it's a picture of your president. Images from FOX News.

Strange Sea Creature Found Washed Up On Beach

Authorities reported finding a strange sea creature washed up on the shores of Malibu yesterday. Found by a local surfer, the elf-like creature appeared bloated, and authorites say it might even be pregnant. The surfer told authorities, "Dude, like I've never seen anything like it. It totally looked like a hot little sea nymph crossed with, like, the Buddha, dude. Or maybe one of those seamonkeys I had when I was a kid." Local Malibu Sheriff witnessed the creature get up and walk away with an equally strange looking large-eared creature that appeared to be the elf creature's companion. No arrests were made. Marie Claire has confirmed the creature was really Christina Aquilera and that the performer was simply posing for the January issue of the popular women's magazine. To see how the naked Christina Aquilera could have made her Marie Claire cover even more shocking, look here. Medium: graphite on paper, digital color. Original sketch can be seen here.

If Francis Bacon Had Painted CoCo

Francis Bacon's (1909-1992) figurative paintings were among the most original, controversial and deliberately disturbing of the 20th century. That's why I'm so fond of his work. His human figures were often greatly distorted, with body parts swirling into swollen fleshy spheres or melding into strange new forms. How astounded would Bacon be if he were to see Coco, Ice-T's exaggeratedly curvy blonde wife, walking past him on the street. Had he been drinking a bit too much of his beloved champange, he might have thought she was a distorted figure who had just stepped out of one of his paintings. Medium: pastel and gouache on board. Much thanks to Basho for reminding me. Happy Birthday Gilmore.

Guest Artist: Charles Frazier Draws Kim Kardashian

Today's guest artist is a comic book illustrator who recently launched a new blog featuring some of his celebrity-inspired caricatures. Kim Kardashian ought to seriously consider the tricks profit she could turn if she started renting her butt out to advertisers. She's always thrusting that perky caboose toward the camera or squating on sidewalks and poking it out at the paparazzi, so why not make a buck or two off it? Several advertising industry concepts may be applied here:

Advertising Page Exposure - a measure of the opportunity for readers to see a particular print advertisement, whether or not they actually look at the ad.
Billboard - An outdoor sign or poster.
Eye Tracking - A research method that determines what part of an advertisement consumers look at by tracking the pattern of their eye movements.
Frequency - The number of times an average person or household is exposed to a media vehicle within a given time frame.
Reach - The estimated number of individuals in the audience of broadcast that is reached at least once during a specific period of time.

Other advertising terms that come to mind are Spread, End-user, Horizontal Discount, Insertion, Puffery and Teaser Campaign. Kim Kardashian's arse is an advertiser's bonanza!

Tom Cruise's Thetan Thanksgiving

As we Americans gorge ourselves on turkey (or tofurky) today, let's take a moment to reflect on the Scientologist version of Thanksgiving. After a fleet of space ships commanded by an intergalactic walrus landed on Xenu Rock, Tom Cruise and his band of pilgrim aliens emerged from the L. Ron Mayflower to greet the volcano-dwelling Thetans. Tom immediately began jumping up and down in excitement as soon as he laid eyes on the feast the Thetans had prepared for him - read the full story here. Since we're giving thanks today, I'd just like to express my gratitude to my readers, commenters, fellow bloggers and certain celebrities for contributing so much to Gallery of the Absurd. Without YOU, my blog wouldn't be possible. Thank you for all your inspiration and entertainment and special thanks to my all-time favorite targets: Tom Cruise, Britney Spears, Puff Doodles, Donald Trump, Paris Hilton, Rachael Ray, and Lindsay Lohan. Love, 14.

Have You Seen the November Issue of Rachael Ray's Magazine?

The November issue of Rachael Ray's chirpy little magazine is cornucopia of delish Thanksgiving recipes, clever crafty ideas, and in-depth features such as "Celebrity Fridge". In this issue, Victoria Beckham gives Rach a look inside her Beverly Hills refrigerator. Oh the thrills! You'll also discover the heartwarming story of the Scientologist pilgrims' first landing on Xenu Rock , and will find plenty of celebrity recipes for your Thanksgiving dinner. Rach shares Britney Spears' recipe for Convenience Store Casserole and Mel Gibson reveals the secret ingredient (tequila!) for his special holiday dessert.

Exquisite Corpse: Pamela Anderson

The collaborative game of Exquisite Corpse was invented by the Surrealists in 1925. In this email version of the game, three participants agree upon a subject to be illustrated. In this case, we chose the lovely Pamela Anderson as our inspiration. Next, each participant is assigned either the head, torso or legs and is given a 1/3 of a page to complete their drawing. None of the artists have any idea what the others are drawing - and this is where the fun comes in. Hiltron of Planet Hiltron was assigned Pammy's head and when he finished his creation, he sent only a glimpse of her neck to Gilmore over at Pretty On The Outside. Once Gilmore finished having his way with Anderson's torso, he sent the tiniest sliver of his drawing over to me so I could get busy on her lower half. The Exquisite Corpse experiment is said to tap into the collective unconsciousness of the participants, and, well, it appears we all tapped into variations of Pamela's fleshy protuberances.

Paris Hilton Involved in Drunk Elephant Scandal

It was reported Paris Hilton made a heart-wrenching plea to save the drunken elephants of India, but Hilton claims she never said such a thing and the story was quickly retracted. That's too bad, because Candy and I refuse to accept the retraction and began working diligently to immortalize this gem of a story. First Paris tells us she's going to visit Rwanda to corrupt help the starving children, but that ended up not happening. Paris did say she wanted to devote more time to charity, so she's founded SADE (Socialites Against Drunken Elephants) and will be starring in an upcoming Public Service Announcement to alert the public of the perilous dangers of boozed up pachyderms. That's right, next time you see rummy elephants pole dancing and making asses of themselves in public, you can rest assured Paris Hilton is going to put, like, an end it to. medium: ink on paper, digital color. SADE concept by Candy. thanks jessica

If Diddy Was a Contestant on Project Runway

On last night's season premiere of Project Runway, contestants were given the challenge to create an outfit expressing "who you are as a designer" using their choice of premium fabrics. While the other contestants were excited about the challenge, Diddy turned his nose up because there wasn't any mink, artic fox or terry cloth to choose from. He stormed over to Heidi and Tim and screamed "Diddy can't use this cheap crap to make Diddy an outfit!! Diddy has impeccable personal style, exquisite taste and Diddy won't settle for anything less!!!" He stormed off the set while demanding his assistants go fetch Diddy-approved fine materials so he could create his design. Later, Diddy returns to compete in the runway challenge. Heidi asks where his model is and Diddy replies, " She and her lady friends are waiting for me back at the hotel, so let's make this quick - I've got champange chilling." Diddy's turn comes to walk down the runway. He's wearing a mink-accented, hand-stiched terry cloth bathrobe made from rare cotton imported from the South of France, a bejeweled golden crown rigged with spotlights to illuminate Diddy's face, and just in case no one can tell it's Diddy, a hand-crafted sign featuring his name in neon, attached to a fat 24K gold chain around his neck. Heidi screams at Diddy, "Auf Wiedersehen! You are eliminated...go home now!" and Diddy saunters off the stage, snaps his fingers, and all the models follow him out the door and back to his hotel. Britney Spears was a contestant last night too. You won't believe your eyes when you see the creation she and Pretty on the Outside came up with. Medium: photoshop and diamonds.

Jack Nicholson: Believe It or Not

Welcome to my newest feature: 14's Behold It or Not! Based on Robert Ripley's cartoon panels documenting stories of the strange and unusual, this new feature will highlight the most bizarre claims seen in the twisted world of celebrity gossip. I always loved the Believe It or Not comics and the campy museums are fun to visit on rainy days. Marvel at the raw sexuality of Jack Nicholson in his swim trunks. Be amazed at the amount of oil Brandon Davis produces while visiting a fancy New York hair salon. Does Lisa Rinna purposely make herself look like a duck or are her lips just naturally that way? Behold it or not! Medium: ink on paper, digital text.