Gallery of the Absurd

Janice Dickinson is The Re-Animator

Janice Dickinson stars in the Hollywood remake of the gory 1985 horror classic, Re-Animator. Janice will portray herself as the basement-dwelling mad scientist who continuously injects herself with questionable youth-preserving serums until she begins to suffer horrific side-effects. In one of the more gory scenes, Janice cuts off her own head and miraculously grows a newer, younger one. Her older, disembodied head rolls around on the floor begging for a boob job and tummy tuck until Janice grows impatient with it and kicks it across the room. Medium: acrylic on paper, digital color/text. Happy Halloween!

Guest Artist: Jason O'Malley

Guest artist Jason O'Malley recently launched DoodleWhore and it's full of all sorts of pop culture-inspired doodles that are sure to make you smile. He spends no more than an hour on each of his doodles and you can tell he has a loads of fun creating them. A working artist, Jason runs his own greeting card company, Handsome Devil Press and was recently selected as one of the "200 Best Illustrators Worldwide" by Lurzer's Archive. Oh, and speaking of Britney....

Someone went to the trouble of creating their very own Brit O'Lantern and sent a photo. The resemblance is startling and the attention to detail is superb. The Cheeto mouth, the red bull in one hand and a Starbucks big gulp in the other, the ratty wig, and the tear-stained mascara under the eyes all combine to make a perfect likeness. Thanks Nicole.

Clay Aiken Is Hungry For Blood....and Twinkies

The following spoof of this Child's Play trailer was written by Candy of Holy Candy:

It all started with a big sing-off. I was just your average, everyday college student till a little encouragement from an evil man named Simon made me what I am today: Chunky.

See, y'all, after the "Velvet Teddy Bear" robbed me of a life as an American Idol winner, I went on a rampage, killing the Bear on the Billboard charts, and stealing the hearts of housewives and men's chorus members nationwide. That's right -- my "aw, shucks" Howdy Doody exterior belies an inner savage beast. Nobody is safe in my path. Just ask Kelly Ripa, airplane passengers, teenage fans, and that snack aisle I just pillaged.

Bwahahaha!

Oh, and while I'm unleashing my beast on those pesky gossip bloggers, be sure to check out my CD, All is Well (Till You Ask Me If I'm Gay), flying off the shelves at a Wal-Mart near you! Medium: a little too much fun with my wacom tablet, movie tagline written by Candy.

A Dinner Party in the Andromeda Galaxy

One day I decided to draw my vision of what utensils from other galaxies would look like and concluded that dinner parties hosted in the Andromeda Galaxy are very different than those on Earth. If you are invited to an Andromedian dinner party, be prepared to mingle with garrulous silverware and rambunctious kitchen utensils.

You might find yourself seated next to a Fork. Forks come across as very alluring and seductive, but make no mistake, their only interest is to divert your attention so they may steal the roasted asparagus off your plate while whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

You might also find yourself seated next to a Spoon. Spoons are a bit aloof, but if you indulge them with the gossip of the day, you can be assured of an engaging conversation.

Knives show up occasionally, but never linger too long at the dinner table. Since they are amphibious creatures, Knives prefer to confine themselves to the backyard pool and often spike the pool water with large quantities of Cosmic Vodka. They often become loud and rowdy as the night wears on, and will shamelessly attempt to grope any Spoon that comes near them. medium: acrylic on board, bad French.

Beware The Creature From The Black Eyed Peas

Simply put, I saw this photo of Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson and immediately this image of the Creature From The Black Lagoon popped into my head. Medium: graphite and watercolor on paper, digital color/text.

If Montgomery Clift Were Alive Today...

(click image to enlarge)

I'm participating in The Montgomery Clift Blog-a-thon over at Film Experience today. To honor what would have been Monty's 87th birthday, several bloggers are posting various perspectives on this legendary, yet tragic actor. Montgomery Clift was nominated for 4 Academy Awards and was considered a screen idol of his time. He was also a closeted homosexual. At first, he kept his lifestyle discreet. He knew if the studios and the public knew the truth, his leading-man image would be forever tarnished. I wondered how Montgomery Clift's homosexuality would be handled in today's celeb-obsessed world. Even if he had chosen to remain "in the closet", would Perez Hilton out him on his blog? Would he write "gay" over Montgomery's photo and add the ubiquitous drips of white coming out of his mouth? One reason Perez generates so much controversy is his insistence on outing gay celebrities. He was instrumental in outing Neil Patrick Harris and Lance Bass and has appointed himself to pulpit status by loudly preaching "The closet no longer exists if you are a celebrity or a politician!...Society will no longer be able to marginalize us!...Please stand up! We are talking to you Anderson Cooper, Jodie Foster, Kevin Spacey, Clay Aiken, Queen Latifah....and the rest of you!" Yep, I think if Montgomery Clift were alive today, he'd be roped into Perez Hilton's crusade whether he wanted it or not. I made this parody of Hilton's website to show how it might play out.

Guest Artist: Erick Moore

Erick Moore's recent series of paintings showcase images inspired by Hollywood's quest for perfection. He's especially captivated with the plastic, sugar-coated, drug-induced euphoria that is mistaken for reality in Hollywood. This portrait of Lindsay Lohan is titled Dare to Love Her! and features swirling mounds of coke ice cream, gum drops and cupcakes. Erick's work was included in the WOW Report's recent art show, Just Britney. You may view more of his celeb-inspired work here.

Carrot Top Lurks in Your Nightmares

I'm not quite sure what Carrot Top does other than terrify the wits out of people. He obviously lifts weights, wears heavy pancake and eye makeup, and seems to have willingly embraced the Evil Clown look for his personae. Good for him, I say. Because I have an appreciation for nonconformists, I'd like to see him push his creepy clown look even further. Perhaps he should consider starring as Pennywise, the sewer-lurking murderous clown from Stephen King's made-for-TV movie, IT. Medium: graphite and pastel on paper, digital color/text/photos. See original sketch here.

The Enticing Odor of Celebrity

Introducing Celebrity Stench, the first all-purpose celebrity fragrance for the masses. Created by pouring every single bottle of celebrity fragrance ever created into a giant vat, Celebrity Stench is an amalgamation of all the celebrity traits you desire. Do you want the sexy sensuality of Jennifer Lopez, Usher, or Celine Dion? Do you yearn for the power and wealth of Donald Trump or Diddy? Do you wish to appear as attractive and alluring as Britney Spears and Paris Hilton? Now you can have it all and more with just one squirt of this amazing new fragrance breakthrough. Celebrity Stench is packaged in an economical 128 ounce plastic container and fitted with a convenient adjustable spray nozzle. Find Celebrity Stench at fine retail establishments such as Wal-Mart, Sam's Club and Costco, and if you act now, you'll receive two bottles for the price of one. That's 256 ounces of scented liquified celebrity for the low price of only $19.99! Medium: ink on paper, digital color.

UPDATE: We've just learned Celebrity Stench has been recalled back to China due to dangerous levels of lead. We are sorry for the inconvenience.

I'm Sick of Celebrity Fragrances and I'm Not Going To Take it Anymore, Part 3

A $250 million contract with the LA Galaxy isn't enough cash for David Beckham. I can just hear Posh griping at him, "But dahling, you don't understand...I need a different Hermes bag for every outfit I wear! You wouldn't want me being seen carrying the same bloody old $12,000 bag for two days in row now would you dear?" Industry experts predict the Beckham fragrance franchise will generate $100 million in sales this year. I was especially intrigued by Instinct, Beck's fragrance for men. A dark, mysterious image of Beckham appears in the print ad. He stares deep into your eyes with his icy come-hither gaze while holding a ring that looks like it came from the International Male catalog. I think the ad would have been more inviting had they used a real photo of Becks - perhaps this would have been a better fit. The Beckham Fragrances website makes a laughable attempt to distinguish Instict from all the other celebrity fragrances crowding the market. Instead of focusing on the scent, they tout the bottle: ...engraved within the carefully proportioned flacon's base is a sparkling "diamond"; a discreet reminder of Beckham's sophisticated personal style. What?!?! A fake "diamond" on the made-in-China "flacon" represents "style"? ha haaaaaaaa! It gets better: The innovative metallic cap brings a surprising twist and sense of modernity to this fragrance... I wasn't going to buy it, but I'm sold now that I've learned the cap is so innovative and...metallic. Medium: acrylic on board, digital color/text. Photo of in-process painting here.