Photoshop in a Can: Perez Hilton Edition

Photoshop in a Can is potent enough to transform these images (be sure to click the link, it's worth it) of Perez Hilton into the vision of beckoning, hard-bodied male perfection you see above. Employees of the Sunset Boulevard Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (Perez's "office") claimed they hadn't seen Perez the past few days, but they did notice a gorgeous male model sitting where Perez usually sits. Apparently this guy sprays himself with Photoshop in a Can while eating muffins and working on his laptop - could it be Perez himself?

Medium: oil pastel, acrylic on paper.

Medium: Photoshop chop up of images consisting of Google image search terms "hot gay male model in swimsuit" and "Perez Hilton".

Comments

[Lynnster]

It was very nice of you to not illustrate the insane camel toe he sports in the real photos.

Perez... don't be mad at 14. She showed restraint! I wouldn't have.

[Vanny]

Ha! I think Perez used some of that stuff on his cartoon on his site's logo -- it looks nothing like him anymore!

[DonnaJEM]

I didnt take the time to read, but why was he walking around in the idiotic outfit in public? Did he lose a bet?
The fat/drag/be-wigged pic is really awful, but so is the rawhide tanned/roided up version. Maybe it's just because his face is on both.
Really scarry 14, really scarry.

[Cate]

Perez Hilton has a small dick!
My friend Michael had gay sex with him and said his dick is the sick of a peanut!
Gross!

[sean]

perez hilton?? gay sex??? no, it couldnt be real... he has to be straight, i mean hes so mainly... (god who cares if hes had sex)

i dont really care about the size of his penis, those pics are awesome and so is perez

[Rachelle]

this is too too funny, 14. Isnt that one of Britney wigs? All by himself, he has totally changed the gay stereotype. He has enough money for all kinds of plastic surgery now. If you are gonna be a gaygirl, atleast be a goodlooking, sexy one.

[jessica]

Why don't you all learn how to spell before you get on here to talk bad about other people? That would be nice...

[shelli]

Why doesn't that fat cow "Perez" learn to spell? He's the one with the friggin' blog. Misspellings and bad grammar are one thing when they are informal--but to publish such offensives on a highly trafficked blog is something else completely. Not only is Perez illiterate, but he's also so dumb he thinks that when we see him lampooned, like he is here, on his own website, we will think he has a sense of humor about himself--when in reality he headed to the toilet to puke out his frozen flavored coffee drink and cinnamon bun right after he saw this! He's such a douche!

[hurleygurlie2388]

go jessica! jeeze when i read stuff, if the spelling and/or grammar is wrong, i see THAT first instead of what they are saying! anyway, perez looks disgusting lol nice job. i laughed out loud when i saw the close-ups where you wrote on them and put the "white stuff" on his mouth : ) i hope he sees this!

[deanna1104]

well jessica, why you wants two be hay-ting on folks who talk bad bout other folks on a web page? jus cuz somebody dont no how two spell stuff do'nt give you the write too say we kant say what we wants ta say bout how we feels bouts dem people we talks bout.

oh lawd and you got the white dot dot dot..coke coke coke dribble by the mouth. damn but that isn't classic observation. i luz da picture wit him in da pink wig and yella flowa to the side that is so off da chain. ooh ooh and talk bout booty shawts!!

now cate, i aints one to talks bout peoples privates, but i done seen a man when he gets a chilly willy, you know afta a showa and da a/c is on and he steps out da tub an you be like oh no what da hell hap end?
so now alls i'ms saying is dat wit dem shawty shawts and knowings it was cold on dat day i would venture to say it might be a result of scrotal chill; in addition to the fact natural lighting probably made his family jewel shine in a very unflattering way of sorts. i guess.

[Fairlady Z]

Holy crap, he is a walking pile of lard. It's so offensive to my eyes that any comic value of the whole Britney parody thing is pretty much negated. Sick :|

[Cindy]

I dont think I will ever look at the color pink in the same way again!

[hurleygurlie2388]

OMG PEREZ POSTED THIS ON HIS SITE!!! LMAO HE IS SHAMELESS!!!

[Viper Tetsu]

Maybe it's just hindsight, or maybe it's me being older than the fucking hills, but weren't cheesy celebs from the seventies and eighties WAYY more fun than today's crop? Gimme Rip Taylor or Nipsey Russell over Perez Hilton any day of the CENTURY.

Now we enable Perez Hilton even more by giving him TV time on VH1. Christ on ciabatta bread with tapenade...

Oh, tasty photoshopping by the way, m'dear.

[sean]

Btw, its a blog, his blog, he pays for it no one else, just like no one forced anyone to view these images, people choose too, so why don't you all stop bitching about his blog, so what if it is not spelt correctly, he probably has to type fast, i mean howmany other gossip columns/blogs are updated as regularly as his.

I too hope he reads this, your great Perez, keep up the good work!!

[Cypress]

Absolutely perfection on his blindness. If he did not look like a old lazy hipo who heard a sad story but dressed in party clothes, happy he could berate someone to feel superior about himself.. you would feel sorry for him.

[Lee]

Delicious! I love Perez - I am into peanuts too. OH yumminess!

[midevil]

Good job. Still waiting for the t-shit...

[Joe Momma]

http://www.current.tv/pods/supernews/PD06076

[deanna1104]

he's not grate sean, he's toetally grate!!

[alisa]

lol. I can't believe you made his face look that good and it's still his face. I'm sure he loves this (thrives off any attention) but you did an awesome job. The stupid white doodling is the perfect finishing touch. Man I hate those...

[Jenn F.]

deer deanna, yoo always mayk me laff a lot cus yor reely funny and yor speling is grate.

Actually, the one thing that made me laugh my ass off the most was Cate's reference to two guys having "gay sex" ~ the need to specify the type of sex was pretty amusing.

The camel toe in those photos is rather disturbing, especially because it's a big nasty scrotum. Why it's nasty I can't say... perhaps when testicles cause a camel toe effect, they automatically move into the nasty category. He's not a bad looking guy, but the outfit certainly isn't doing him any favours. I'm curious about the story behind that outfit. I mean, you don't usually see him kitted out quite like that.

Ah, Perez will always be controversial. People love him, people hate him. I've always seen a lot of his "nastiness" to be very tongue in cheek, and never took it to be all that serious or truly vicious. The only thing I'm not fond of, though, is how he seems to be a bit harsh at time in the judgement of beauty and appearance in relation to age. Unfortunately it reinforces the growing fear of aging, which is pretty shallow and entirely unavoidable for us all.

[UndecidedPerfect]

I love this illustration 14 - but I have to agree with the first poster - where the heck is the "camel toe" that he's seriously sporting in the original version of that pic! ;)

Anyways, you people that are ranting about Perez amuse me, if you think he's such a pompous ass then why the hell do you read his blog? Nobody is going all Clockwork Orange on your asses and forcing you to read his blog. If you hate him so much and think he's such a jerk stop reading what he has to say. He pays for it, if you don't like it - avert your eyes.

[Voice of Reason]

I love when people complain about people who complain about Perez Hilton. We have a right to badmouth him just like he badmouths other people. It's karma. Get real.

[Knox Bronson]

Perez forgot the first rule of Hollywood: Don't believe the hype, esp. when it is your own hype. But such is our culture that he will probably do well for some time to come.
His column has none of the true bite and clever humor it did two and a half years ago, now it's just rude, snide, and mean most of the time.
When one plays to the lowest common denominator, one can be quite successful in this non-culture of ours. Which is why the success of GOTA here is an ongoing source of joy for this old fart.
Oh ... about his horrible spelling ... if you read his comment sections, it will be apparent that the vast majority of his readership wouldn't know loser from looser if they tripped over it.
BTW, 14 - funny as hell, as usual! thank you! thank you also for leaving off Perez's peanut-package. -kb

[trilbynhiss]

MichaelK at DListed frequently misspells on his site, but I can forgive him that because I love him.

Perez? I don't bother.

Great job once again, 14. Any chance we could see that friend of yours do some parodies of this?

[Moi]

Of cause some of Perez's dumb ass fans had to post here and make them selves look just as stupid as him.

[Adam Smith]

Cate Wrote:

"My friend Michael had gay sex with him."

Don't you mean,joyless depressing felching in an alleyway?
There was nothing gay,(in the old sense of the word),about it at all.
Your friend must have been pretty out of his box to co-mingle man yoghurt with that Fraggle

Unless he was paid well for his services he really should keep quite about it.Being a well paid stud hustler with that oaf,now,that makes sense.
Anything else would appear to be mind rottingly misguided.Perez has absolutely nothing going for him.

At all.

Not even dress sense or a nice hairstyle.
And those can be purchased,he certainly has the money for it.

If he was a member of my minority I would be frantically searching for a clause to get him ejected and re-classified.

[Adam Smith]

UndecidedPerfect Wrote:

"Nobody is going all Clockwork Orange on your asses and forcing you to read his blog."

Somebody went all Clockwork Orange on my arse once.It was probably my most unpleasant experience ever.
It was'nt even sexual,just unspeakably perverse.

Still,better than having to wipe a thousand million little Perez Hilton's off your face and mouth though.

[LJ]

I used to enjoy reading Perez Hilton's site. The only way I can enjoy celebrity culture is by seeing it exposed for what it really is, instead of the candy-coated glitter everyone gets fed.

At this point he's become yet another fake celebrity with a cartoon of himself and everything. In the end we all know that's all he wanted, to join the glitter candy land society. Now he got his wish, his tv show, his magazine articles and even his very own photoshopped shoots.

Time to move to another site.

[ashl3igh]

oh. my. goddard.

MAMELTOE.

*shudders*

You've captured his likeness brilliantly, and with an exquisite use of color...though I dare say you were too kind in your depiction of his genital region.

[Demon Kitty]

"Don't you mean,joyless depressing felching in an alleyway?" - That sounds like what Senator Larry Craig of Idaho has been doing for years. That denial was one of the most fucked up tirades I have ever heard in my life!!!

I am addicted to Perez's trashy and tasteless site. He does come across as a queen whose knowledge of popular culture has been acquired by watching hours of Ricki Lake while gorging himself on Kentucky fried chicken. His dress code is a lot like Shitney's. If I had the money these bitches had I would be at the fucking spa at least twice a week.

[cherise]

hahahahahah!!! brlliant

[paula]

Perez is disgusting and file. He's not funny, he's sick and demented. Why, oh why do some celebs kiss his fat rear? Are they afraid of becoming a potential target for his nastiness?

The guy/girl/whatever is an idiot and can't even spell.

[paula]

Perez is disgusting and file. He's not funny, he's sick and demented. Why, oh why do some celebs kiss his fat rear? Are they afraid of becoming a potential target for his nastiness?

The guy/girl/whatever is an idiot and can't even spell.