Gossip-Created Monsters?

Perez Hilton and Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis have gained notoriety simply because the celebrity gossip machine exists. Perez gained infamy soon after he launched "Hollywood's Most Hated Blog" back in 2005. His puerile, and often cruel approach to celebrity gossip reporting began to attract millions of visitors a day, and within months, Perez was rolling in cash and being invited to star-studded Hollywood events. Simply because he scribbles juvenile captions across celebrity photos and makes snarky comments about them, he is now a millionaire and will soon star in his very own TV show on VH1. Although Perez has made countless enemies and is involved in all sorts of celebrity feuds, the one that seems most appropriate for him is the schoolyard taunts he's exchanged with Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis via TMZ video. Back in the old days, kids used to settle their differences out in the playground sandbox....now they use TMZ. Medium: graphite, acrylic on paper, digital color.

If you have no idea who this Jason Davis/Gummi Bear person is, then you haven't been reading TMZ. Jason Davis is an uneducated, uninteresting layabout set to inherit billions in oil money from his late grandfather. His only, and I mean ONLY claim to fame is because TMZ has so much damn fun teasing him. TMZ cameramen delight in filming the "portly pontificator" as he gets denied from nightclubs or waddles about on dark Hollywood sidewalks. They are single-handedly responsible for knighting him with his Gummi Bear moniker, thus creating a cartoon gossip monster who will soon likely get his own TV show. Medium: ink on paper, digital color.

Gallery of the Absurd has been nominated for Best Gossip Blog, Best Entertainment Blog, Best Pop Culture Blog, and Freakiest Blogger. Of course I'm most fond of the Freaky Blogger category, but all votes are welcome. At the time of this writing, the Best Gossip Blog is being led by, yep you guessed it, Perez Hilton, but the girls over at Go Fug Yourself are quickly gaining. On a different note, posts have been slow due to the large amount of freelance work I've been assigned, but I'm almost done with it all and will be back to regular posting soon. Thank you for your support and encouragement.

Comments

[Knox Bronson]

Oh, 14 ... remember when Perez was unknown, broke, and starving ... and still a nice guy?

My life would be just empty without celebrity feuds.

Great work, as always, darling.

[Pablo Vazquez]

hahaahah just like a perez' picture. 14 youre truly amazing keep working your awesome talent maybe you should paint something about nicole richie pregnant

[Michelle Z]

Go P. HIL!!!

[LoRenE]

the only reason perez is famous...is because he is gay! and you know who runs Hollywood...the gays! so he must be giving some pretty good blowjobs to someone! i wonder if he is a giver or a taker?

[cxc]

rlol

[14]

I know Perez is controversial, but he's always been really nice to me. I'm still going to draw him though!

xoxo
14

[Addie]

Heh! I loooove it! Perez is PISSED about the painting.

[timtom]

To the person that said Perez Hilton is only famous because he is gay, I must disagree for two obvious reasons. Perez is fat and ugly! And gay people worship youth and beauty and would never ever reward an unfortunate and unattractive gay like Perez, with fame, the ultimate representation. That's right, nobody loathes the fat and seriously fugs like gay people. If you had to ask, I bet 99.9% of our fabulous friends would agree they would rather have sex with a hot homophobe than with Perez. Have you seen this chubby queen's fraudulent manhunt profile? A dweeby pic of her when, long ago, she was still a size seven and a crotch shot that, let's hope, is not real. I mean, it's a decent sized sausage but just imagining what it is attatched to makes me feel all kinds of sick. And I just had my gall bladder removed so I know it's not that. God, irony of ironies, one of the world's grossest looking pork rinds gets rich off of telling us Lance Bass is a sister and that Rumer Willis is fugs. It's a perfect fit for today's world. Good for her (vomit).

[Helena]

LOL! WTF!? Why are you so pissed? Just because he is more famous than you? Hahaha. Perez will ALWAYS be better than you, bitch.

[14]

Helena,

I'm not pissed at Perez, you LOL WTF nut! In fact, I'm not pissed at any celebrity.

But yes, you are correct - Perez will ALWAYS be better than me. Oh well, I guess I'll go on living my sad pathetic life.

xoxo
14

[Yulechka]

Helena...shut up.

14..keep it up!!! love your art :))) i dont hate perez, i read his site...but you speak the truth..the guy is chubbs and silly :)))

perez is not better than you...i HIGHLY respect your desire for privacy and i DESPISE bloggers who are effing hypocrites (i.e. bitch about celebrities and then lick their assholes in order to be in a rag mag)....

love your site 14 :)))))

[Jujupiter]

I enjoy reading Perez Hilton, even when it's cruel. Okay, especially when it's cruel. I feel guilty about it, but not that much since HE is saying it.

Anyway, really like your work 14, keep going!

(And your feed has been added to my Netvibes looooooong before Perez')

[Demon Kitty]

Holy shit! Motherfuck! 14!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought Jason Davis' mouth was his nose and his double chin was his mouth!

"Lance Bass was a sister".... god, timtom you made me laugh. The last time I heard queens referring to each other as sisters, I was at the University of Southern Mississippi 20 years ago. Ha ha ha!!! I can just here it now, "He's a ssssssister." "Joe is a ssssister, Harry is a ssssister, Scott is a sisssssster. Billy Bob is a sssssister. Bubba is a sssister. " Emphasis put on the "S". They would all hiss.

Perez Hilton's blog is like cheap ass crank. I suppose my teeth will fall out eventually if I keep reading it.

[Alia]

Great work, however, Perez apprently can't take what he dishes out he's already crying like a baby...

[Dianne]

Wonderful job, 14!

I remember when Perez was just catty and silly, and reading his blog was sort of like having coffee with your best snarky girlfriend.

Those days sure seem to be gone.

[WTF]

Gummi isn't this cute. AT. ALL.

I read Perez' post and I didn't get that he was pissed. I think he enjoys any coverage he gets.

[HautieMae]

Just brilliant! I find it all funny as hell that Perez can be baited by TMZ to run his mouth.

What I can't wait for is the day Perez gets punched in the face by someone's husband and/or boyfriend.

I just hope that TMZ is there the moment it happens so we can all see it.

[Chansmom]

LOL! I read Perez every morning for something to talk about on my show. The only gripe I have with his page is the little drips he puts on the pictures, while the other embellishments crack me up, the drips make me caaaaaarrrraaaazzzzy!

As for the person bringing up his being gay, who cares? That shouldn't even be a factor on whether or not one thinks he's famous. Puhleez!

Good job, 14.

And I can't get over what a waste of space Jason Davis is. He's what a friend of mine calls, "trash with cash." LOL! Those are the worst kind of human beings.

[distressedjeans]

14, I must tell you my Perez story about when he was down and out and depressed and a measly field reporter for Star magazine, email me and I will fill you in.

And Ive seen Jason Davis a few times up in LA and have had conversations with him too. He is always wearing drawstring pants and sweating profusely. I think he lives at the Polo Lounge in Bev Hills.

Hope you are doing well!

xoxo

lol at him posting ur paintings

[Emma]

As always, 14, done with an impeccably impish sense of humor. However, methinks Perez would do better being friends with Mr. Gummi, seeing as he might need all that $$$ to settle his growing number of lawsuits...Oh, wait!! That would require restraint and foresight!

[Emma]

OMG, I just realized that "Gummi" looks freakishly similar to a bleached-blonde Kim Jong Il:
http://tinyurl.com/ytznzy

[timtom]

I'm not sure what it means when someone says they're better than you. But, 14 is outrageously talented in the artistic department as well as in delivering good snark in all of his posts. When it comes to celebrity blogging, I want to be cracked up. And that's why I prefer Michael K., at D-Listed, to Perez. Perez is just dull. He is the mainstream, low-quality content, best-selling, diluted and substandard version of this popular form of entertainment. He is the McDonald's of the celebrity bloggers. Just look at him. He looks like he smells like McDonald's.

[timtom]

Oh and to Demon Kitty: There is a new generation of gay boys out there, coming up. And we spend alot of time overusing the ridiculous gay slang and rhetoric of long ago. I love it. Every other conversation starts with : "GIIRRRL..." It's like there is a backlash against "straight-acting".

[sugarbear]

HA HA HA HA HA so perfect thank you! :)

[Gross Boss]

Fuck Perez. We love you!

[Savannah]

Dianne, I must agree with you, I miss the Perez of old....long before he met Ms. Hilton in person...the blog changed so much after that :(
Good job 14, Perez loves the attention and the cartoon or he wouldn't have posted it.
Luv it!

[LoRenE]

for the person who commented about my comment about perez being famous for being gay...
you are right...he is fat queen..but hey there are people that are chubby chasers.. including gays. he could be considered a hot babe in the "Bear" community.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bear_community

[Christine]

Oh 14! Thank you.You never cease to entertain. I think you are a true arteest and that you have a fabulous and smart view of the unimportant- yet focus of so many live lives- celebrity gossip.

Of course I love Perez for the low-brow & sophomoric humor. The white drips coming out of celeb orifices- too funny.

[BrendaDC]

I read Perez every day, but prefer this site much more! He does get annoying sometimes. I did find this attack on Perez from another blogger - pretty funny!

http://rocklandusa.com/blog/2007/06/22/attention-whore-perez-hilton-is-a-fat-idiot/

Keep up the drawings - they're AWESOME!!!

[Adam Smith]

I've come late to the phenomenem that is Perez Hilton,so I must admit I'm really confused.Exactly what is all the fuss and bother about?
The man is incredibly mundane.

The slightly slow fat kid,who no one could even be bothered to bully,has got
hold of some Celeb Tat,some crayons,along with loads of pink goo,then
parlayed it into a multi million dollar career.
He looks to be in his late twenties to early thirties,yet he writes with the
breathless idiot prose of a fourteen year old girl,high on fizzy sugarry drinks and Teen Mags.
I bet he snorts Valtrex.

All of his reports come verbatim from other sources,with the only journalistic
input from him being some arch catty remark at the end.I'm as much a fan of
the witty gay man as anybody else, but he is'nt even vaguely amusing or remotely funny.
Gore Vidal could bring forth,more eloquent,witty,incisive,insightful,
observations of modern day folly than this fool,even after suffering major blunt force trauma to the head.
The exhumed corpses of Christopher Isherwood and Truman Capote would make for more entertaining dinner companions any day.
Having a seance that brought Oscar Wilde back into the world of the living,would be infinitely more chuckle worthy than this,especially if it was all just slight of hand and trickery.

One can be sure though,that he has deluded himself into believing that he is
some sort of Swiftian raconteur,exacting rapier like thrusts of wit into the soft
underbelly of showbiz sleaze.In reality,an attack from him is like being softly
mauled by an incontinent Labrador that's just about to be - "put to sleep".
How anybody can even be bothered by him,let alone consider him worthy of a lawsuit, beggars belief.
Honestly,what a prize cunt.
Did I miss something astoundingly subtle and clever here? I think not.

Andy Warhol once said something about,blah,blah,blah "famous","everybody",
"fifteen minutes".A trite banal statement,that the idiot heir to Duchamp dined out on for decades.
A much more accurate appraisal would be:"In the future,a large number of people will be like Andy Warhol.Hollowed eyed money making con men,driven by avarice and the blind pursuit of profit for it's own sake.An army soulless automata with the moral compass of an Arms dealer".

Sentiments like this have a psychoanalyst friend of mine call me,"Slightly bipolar",(believe me our relationship is in no way professional).To which I reply,A)"Don't use your pseudo-scientific system of shamanic classification on me";B)"Is'nt it very clear by now,that the idiots are winning? Stupidity is the cultural vanguard.";and C)"It would be a joy for me to bypass the cynical,twisted,jaded side of my brain.Most of the time this feat can be achieved,but seeing an Empire of nothing built on an Empire of nothing,makes this very hard".

Fourteen,you at least chart this Empire of nothing with no small degree of wit,style and elan.
You do yourself a serious disservice by even appearing to consider this imbecile as dealing in the same game.

P.S

Jason,Ugly,Stupid,Worthless,Pathetic,Waste of several of several hundred pounds of perfectly good Carbon,Hydrogen,Oxygen and some trace minerals,Fuckface,er...Bear.
Is just,(I can't even be bothered to finish this se

[Dianne]

As the wonderful Laurence Olivier would have said:

Adam, my dear boy, take a breath.

[Karen]

I just thought you might like to see that Perez is now challenging Gummi to a mile run & hot dog eating contest.
http://perezhilton.com/?p=1743

[Adam Smith]

I just saw the speech made by,
Jason,Ugly,Stupid,Worthless,Pathetic,Waste of several of several hundred pounds of perfectly good Carbon,Hydrogen,Oxygen and some trace minerals,Fuckface,er...Bear,on the vicissitudes of race.

Jason,you are not a bright or intellectually astute man are you?
My advice.Never speak again.The best thing you can contribute to any debate,on any subject - is silence,or better still absence.

While it's good to see the that you are at least aware of the army of brown and black people,sweeping up after you;mowing the lawns at your palatial homes;wiping your huge backside;and giving you c.p.r after a particularly rough coke binge,(the most onerous task of all),the worst way of being thankful is being fucking patronising.Grabbing the nearest person of colour,then suffocating them,is also not the best way of expressing your message of peace and understanding between all men.
Infact with the sound turned down it could easily be mistaken for a racial attack using crushing.

The most depressing thing about all this is,that this is the man who will eventually lead the 2023 war against China and North Korea.Mark my words words on that one.
He's reaching out for the ethnic vote already.To all the Americans reading this, leave while you can.

[Adam Smith]

Dianne wrote:

As the wonderful Laurence Olivier would have said:

Adam, my dear boy, take a breath.

I like that one.

[Demon Kitty]

Perez Hilton does remind me of one of those queens who have spent too much time watching Ricky Lake while gorging themselves on Taco Hell or Kentucky Fried and god only knows what else. His occasional lapses into ghetto make me nauseous "yo stank feet" although I love his filth.

He is no Rupert Everett.

[Laura]

The fat pig already stole your pics!

http://perezhilton.com/?p=1743

[Jenn F.]

Adam if you have a website on which you post musings similar to yours here, you really must share the address. And if you haven't a website of the sort, then you really must get one going.

Timtom, 14 is in fact a female.

I must admit that I've found Perez's site hard to resist at times... the content is updated so often, you have to give him points for that. Sometimes the comments are ridiculously juvenile, but sometimes that's exactly what makes them so funny... the ridiculousness of it all can put a smile on your face. The only thing I'm not fond of is how harsh of a critic he can be in terms of beauty, weight, and such... it's not a very positive message for the young and impressionable.

And 14, my friend, you will always be nothing less than the best.

[Peta]

How the hell did I miss all of this drama? Also, a big fat 'LOL!WTF?' to Helena for saying Perez is better than you. The day MS Paint-overs of semen on photographs beats actual artistic talent is the day I toss my pencils and brushes.

[Jenn]

I had to go to the perez hilton website to see who he is and what he is up to - the cariacture used on his site looks about 50lbs thinner than yours. Then I am channel surfing and who do I see on that D list show - Perez. Your drawing is spot on. The one used on his site must be from 10 years ago or his imagination.

[timtom]

My apologies. I am embarassed to admit that I assumed 14 was a dude. And I think it's because I expect this style of hilarious, dead-on and crude caricature to come from a guy. Maybe it comes from reading Mad magazine as a kid. Or going to art school and observing art throughout my life and thinking I'd put the aesthetics of female artists in a neat identifiable catalogue. My bad. I was wrong.

[DonnaJEM]

I love the video showing Gummi not getting into the club.
But, what makes it hilarious, are the 2 a-holes working the door. One looks like my next door neightbors son who kept getting cautht smoking pot before school, and the other like just some hanger-on enjoying being on camera turning away a rich, sweaty mook.

[Noelegy]

The cartoon at the top of PH's website...is that really what he thinks he looks like? And was Gummi wearing a Halloween costume (The Pimp King?) or was that really how he was dressed to go out clubbing?

Vapid wastes of skin, both the Davis brothers. Feh.

[Ashley]

Congrats on your nomination! Best of luck to you, and hope you can make it to Vegas for the distribution of the awards!

[Damien]

Will the celebrity snowball ever stop or at least melt a little.

[dick]

as tablogs go, id just as soon tour the gallery than suck ass at perez' place. im a fan of dlisted as well, and those dark room digitals at planethiltron crack me so consistently up.

xxoo
dick