Jeff Polage Visits The Beach

Jeff Polage and I have collaborated once again. We couldn't make it over to Malibu for beach shots, so we settled for a hotel poolside. Jeff stood shamelessly in his underwear, fumbling and scratching his head cartoon-like as he tried to figure out how to put on the bra. Wannabe starlets teetered about in lucite stripper shoes and tiny bikinis as overly groomed CAA agents conducted power meetings over pina coladas. It was the perfect Hollywood day. Here is a hairy version of Nichole Richie stiffly running down the beach with a puckered grimace.

Wow. This one was a tough shot. I couldn't hold the camera steady because I couldn't stop collapsing into laughter. Jeff has a unique ability to transform his stomach into an enormous pot belly and he kept making funny faces and burping loudly. Simple minds are easily amused, I suppose. Jeff had a good time lampooning Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis.

Here's an outake photo of Jeff. I'm so glad he's my friend. (Jeff Polage: Actor, Grip, Craft Services 14: Photographer, Art Director, Hair and Makeup, Editor)

Comments

[beth]

I don't know why these are so hysterical to me but they are. I always get excited when I see Jeff's name. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[hope]

THAT IS THE HYSTERICALLY FUNNY THING I NEEDED TO SEE ON A SHITTY WORK DAY!!! YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!

[gilmore]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA! HA! Funny as hell! Love it.

[Rebecca]

this is amazing. XD

[Zyah]

genius...pure freakin genius!

[Timea]

*lol*The most i love the Nicole-Richiethin,thank you so much!!!Perfect,this hands,the Body is allso same XD
More please! :)

[kim]

love love love the Jeff Polage Show!!!
please, Jeff: do one of the Bravo reality shows!! Do Tom Coliccio or Tim Gunn! Do Todd Oldham! DO HEIDI....

[Blurgle]

Tell Jeff he's hilarious, and to keep taking those prenatal vitamins.

[M]

Oh, god, I want this guy to be famous!

[Linda]

The only reason there are not more comments for these brilliant photos is because no one can stop laughing long enough to type! OMG, my side hurts from laughing! You guys are too much... *wipes tears* ;-D

[mike]

Great work as always, you two. I must say I'm shocked at the degree to which Jeff can distend his stomach.

[Natasha]

Oh, Jesus! That is the funniest thing I have seen in a while. I almost crapped myself. The picture of him imitating greasy bear is just... a damn work of art. I am seriously going to print out that picture and have it blown up and then framed to put on my wall. Once again 14, you're my hero.

[14]

Yep, Jeff can really distend his stomach out far. Once we were at the mall and we walked past a maternity shop. Jeff stuck out his stomach and pointed at it while looking at the saleswomen inside. They rolled their eyes and shot him annoyed glances while I picked myself up off the floor from laughing. I tried to make him go in there and try on some maternity clothes, but he wouldn't do it. He has standards, you know.

XOXO

14

[Fairlady Z]

omg, I love Jeff. This is Jim Carrey-level face-morphing action and I love it. MORE JEFF PLZ. He is absolutely awesome and I love you both for making this happen... ahahha!

[llism]

Words cannot express how amazing that second photo is. I've looked at it, like, 20 times, and it's still hysterical. I vote for a weekly Jeff/14 collaboration in addition to your stellar art.

[Elyse]

Oh my god. I want more. You guys could have an entire website devoted to him making celebrity-face and I would check it every day.

[laila]

lol LMAO!!!! he should have poured baby oil all over his body, face, and hair for the brandon pics....would have ended up looking just like greasy bear with his "suffocating in my own rolls" facial expressions he always makes...greasy bear u need 2 stop....

[hurleygurlie2388]

this guy NEVER disappoints. F U C K I N G hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lynnster]

Please let me participate in the next one. Seriously. I need the laugh. :)

[Hell'Bells]

OMFG.

O M F G!!!!

I agree--the two of you need a website featuring The Celebrity Face.

Jeff, can you please do the Britney Batshit face? Pretty please, you sexy beast?

[midevil]

Jeff's presentation of Nicole is eerily accurate. Jeff is a star that blows away most Hollyrude fair; it is no wonder that the scene won't touch him.

[Natasha]

Somehow, our comments got mixed up. I wrote:

"Oh, Jesus! That is the funniest thing I have seen in a while. I almost crapped myself. The picture of him imitating greasy bear is just... a damn work of art. I am seriously going to print out that picture and have it blown up and then framed to put on my wall. Once again 14, you're my hero. "

Either way, I don't care because I am in love with those pictures.

[Annie Mahoney]

Oh lordy, this is just disturbing.

And funny.

[Chantelle]

Very good :D Just great
Esp. the Nicole Richie one.

[Lindsey Bowers]

I wish Jeff was my friend. Hilarious.

[Salmonella]

That potbelly is totally scary! Especially when I've seen how it actually is flat in the Nicole picture! How is this humanly possible?

[nole]

I WANT TO SEE MORE OF JEFF!!!

[Thorne Smith]

Jeff's Greasy Bear may not be spot on -- but he captured Greasy's bloated spirit in all it's partially hydrogenated glory. Viva la Jeff!

[Jenn F.]

Oh I was SO delighted to see a return of Jeff's antics ~ I always burst out laughing out loud, every time I see this stuff. It is absolutely fucking hilarious. You know, I was thinking the same thing as what a few people mentioned above... Jeff totally needs to have a site dedicated to this stuff, imitating the weekly tabloid pictures, making fun of Hollywood's elite. Nobody else is doing anything of the sort, and nobody could touch him in ability! It's a perfect niche, just waiting to happen! Thank you, 14, for having such wonderfully warped friends.

[fanny pack]

Christ on a cracker, this is funny. Give me more.

[Chansmom]

I have a crush on Jeff! :) He's too funny and so cute! Great work you two!

Here's hoping in the very near future we can say, we knew you and Jeff when.

[Dianne]

Yikes! Viewing these photos made me sort of laugh and throw up a little at the same time.

I wish Jeff was my friend; I bet he's the life of the party!

[Heather]

Laugh out loud funny. My co-workers wanted to know what was going on...the impressions Jeff does are great!

[Katie.]

HAHAHA.

[Ruff]

he's hot

[Lia]

This made me laugh so freaking hard. Perfect.

[Sarah]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH OOOOHHHH SWEET BABY JESUS... this guy is puuuure gold AHAHA.. i'm sitting here at work and i can't stop laughing... i'm gonna get in trouble.. THANKS BUDDY!!!

[buzzgirl]

Oh, how I wish Jeff was my friend, too!

He cracks my shit up!

[Frisky]

Jeff is certainly talented and these parodies are too funny, but it's a real testament to Jeff's likability that he can't make himself as gross as greasy bear even with the greatest efforts! P.S. In the Nicole parody Jeff's banana hammock needs to be way looser - maybe tuck n tape next time.

[LegalEagle]

Absolutely Priceless......Greasy Bear is my fav!

[Melody]

that is the funniest thing I've seen in awhile. Laughed out loud for quite some time.

[deanna1104]

damn but that nicole aint the funniest thing i've seen in a long time. damn the camera, damn the lights, damn the action.

[2Loquacious]

Made my day!!! Jeff is the bomb. I would LOVE to see more of him, but it might be dangerous. Think of all the people who might die of apoplectic fits of laughter.

[DonnaJEM]

I about busted a gut looking at these pics. Jeff is hilarious. I'm a little worried about the first picture though. Is he standing in a parking lot? The drive by looks he must have gotten!!
That pic of Nicole is so so scarry. How did she even have the strength to WALK, much less jog down the beach. And the bottom of her suit is just pathetic. I guess it's hard to find a cute bikini in the toddler section of the store.

[Demon Kitty]

It just makes me want to know ... what does this man do in his spare time to contort his gut and part of his intestines???????? Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! That gay boy is fucking talented as fuck!!!! The man is a fucking genius and deserves and Oscar. I dare-say, it looks like he is digging his ass into the chair to stick out his gut!! Oh fuck it!!!

Brandon Davis has something on Donald Trump. Brandon Davis' mouth looks like a swollen anus that has taken a beating of sorts .... when I look at his picture and Jeff's, it makes me wonder if Brandon Davis is about to shoot his load. I suppose this is the face Paris and Mischa saw when they were fucking him. Ew!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too bad Jeff didn't imitate Brandon attempting to suck his own tit.

[amanda]

HAHAHAAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA THIS IS TOO FUNNY ALL 3 ARE REALLY GOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! great way to begin my day HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

[DonnaJEM]

Oh and Jeff, one more thing regarding the top picture.......nice package.

[Viper Tetsu]

I'd have given damn near anything to be poolside for this shoot. I can just imagine the sphincters of all of the glitterati in eyeshot constricting to diamond-proscessing tightness at your shenanigans.

Someone give this man his own sitcom, already!

[ILSA]

ROTF LMAO!!! Jeff is brilliant! As soon as I saw those pics of Greazy Bear, I spewed my drink across the screen! More Jeff, please! LOL!

[alloxphoenix]

omg, he's on imdb..... but DAMN that was some funny shit!!!!!!!!!