Today's post written by one of my favorite bloggers, Candy from Holy Candy. Dina Lohan, mom-ager extraordinaire, is many things: an enabler; cleavage advocate; fame-seeker; imaginary Rockette; and, of course, white people’s answer to Oprah. But don’t you dare call her Lindsay’s mother. Dina tells Harper’s Bazaar she's more like a sister to Lindsay – hitting the clubs with her and wearing her hand-me-downs – and sometimes introduces herself as her daughter's personal assistant. She even once lied about her identity to none other than George Clooney. "I don't want them to know I'm her mom," she said. "It's a whole 'nother demographic. People just go dark."
Don’t worry, Dina! It’s our little secret.
No word on whether George took the cougar bait; however, Dina continues to take Hollywood by storm. The 44-year-old (ssshhh!) hasn’t let her daughter’s li’l DUI debacle or any semblance of maternal instincts diminish her love for the spotlight. Nope, the intermittently present mother figure has courageously forged ahead, using her daughter’s time in rehab to score tabloid interviews and some young tail. You go, girl!
In her quest for the “Mother…,” er… I mean “Big Sister of the Year” award, Dina has even found a way to make use of future meal tickets/VIP pass providers/rehab guests, Ali and Cody, a.k.a. Lindsay’s youngest siblings. (Did you really think “A Lohan Holiday” would be sufficient, Ali? I DON’T THINK SO. Momma needs a fame fix!) Yes, Dina has pitched a show to E!, a network with a known soft spot for drug-addled train wrecks.
“The cameras will follow me as I make myself, er… make my kids famous,” Dina suggested. Or something to that effect. The suits were no doubt intrigued. With any luck, the network executives likely thought, Lindsay’s two younger siblings will also self-destruct before the cameras while under the tender tutelage of their Mom-Ager. Ratings gold!
To those who question her tireless, offspring-driven search of a red carpet, Dina gives the one-finger salute. "I'm living the American dream, and [those who don’t like it] can go..." Dina told Harper’s Bazaar (before leaning back to bask in the reflected glow of her daughter’s sullied star). Mother of the Year, indeed. Medium: graphite, ink on paper, digital color. Thanks Candy.
Here's Dina Lohan's newest wallet photo.
Its amazing after how bad things have gotten with Lindsey that she would want her other children involved in show business. I know the kids want to pursue it, but they shouldn't do it now. They should work on their craft/talent (whatever they call it) and figure out if they are really serious about it.
Posted by: kate | January 19, 2009 at 10:34 AM
hmm funny how theres absolutely no positive comments on this page?Newsflash, everyone makes mistakes if this were anybody else who wasn't famous would you even care?No, so leave her alone please
Posted by: sara | June 01, 2008 at 06:54 PM
Dina Lohan is the hottest MILF ever.
Posted by: Bill | May 02, 2008 at 06:18 PM
This woman is seriously the devil. It is NOT normal to have such a young daughter in rehab. Dina tries to make it seem like it's a right of passage, or "what kids do". I can honestly say that I do not know ONE person who has EVER been in rehab, and I am not a sheltered person. This woman needs to wise up and stop trying to be a fun mom. She's putting more value on fame and money than educating her kids.
Posted by: Mary | April 07, 2008 at 10:17 AM
ur right ilsa, she was really pretty and a really good actress but now she just doesnt know which way is up! plus dina just needs to get a grip and start acting her age! i feel really sorry for ali and the others, but not for lindsay coz she had the best chances for life and completely blew. i hope that dina can be happy with ruining lindsays life and her own wivout killin the others too.
Posted by: bandaid on ur booboo | February 23, 2008 at 12:00 PM
Lindsay is really stupid, almost a year ago, she was at the top of the world and really pretty and now she's shit. and her mom supports it, what a fucking whore. by the way, i love the buck teeth.
Posted by: Clozano | January 28, 2008 at 06:33 PM
LMAO at her puckery, sun-spotted old cleavage. Remind me to slather that area with SPF 60!
Posted by: ILSA | July 30, 2007 at 07:38 PM
14, you must create a "kooky hollywood moms" image of hayden panettiere's mom. she seems to be the next stagemom to totally screw up her kid. her and dakota fanning's momma as well.
Posted by: | July 30, 2007 at 11:32 AM
All the good shit hits the fan when I go out of town man!!!!!!
Poor Lindsay. I keep having sexual dreams about her. Poor me!!!
Posted by: Demon Kitty | July 30, 2007 at 01:50 AM
Peta, you're right ~ that was utterly laughable and pathetically transparent of Lindsay. "I was wearing someone else's pants." HA! Nice attempt there... and only wound up making herself look even dumber. Who the fuck trades pants with their friends, not even clean unworn pants, but pants that someone was apparently wearing with crap in the pockets? What the fuck?! I couldn't stop laughing when I heard that one.
Posted by: Jenn F. | July 27, 2007 at 06:34 PM
Blech! Dina has no sense. Living the American Dream? She sure is, right off the backs of her kids.
Dina is,nasty and skanky, sadly enough, so is Lindsey.
Posted by: Chansmom | July 27, 2007 at 11:08 AM
I think you are going to be busy in the coming weeks. I love the boobs on D. Starlet China syndrome on it's way.
Posted by: Ethan | July 27, 2007 at 10:31 AM
White trash, all of the Lohan clan. Dina is a disgusting whore and a poor excuse for a mother. She is not attractive in the least. Since she's mooching off her daughter, why not get those horrible chicklet teeth fixed? While she's at it, do something w/ that chicken fried looking hair and for goodness sakes, shut the pie hole!
Posted by: Courtney | July 27, 2007 at 05:11 AM
What gets me is that, when the first sign of Lindsay's dance with the bottle popped up, Miss Mummy Big Sister here brushed it off as an 'adult' having fun. Well, now that it looks like her meal ticket's life is spiraling down the U-Bend, do you think she'll finally reconnect with whatever maternal instincts she had and actually be a parent?
What the hell am I saying. She has two other children she can milk! Silly me!
Slightly off topic, but was I the only one who followed Lindsay's "The drugs aren't mine" with "I'm just holding them for a friend."?
Posted by: Peta | July 26, 2007 at 09:19 PM
I especially like the way you captured her tired vegas waitress cleavage.
Posted by: | July 26, 2007 at 07:51 PM
"You don't know what it's like, your Honour, my mother steals all of my boyfriends before I can get to first base with them!" Lindsay exclaimed before they dragged her away to yet another stint in rehab.
Posted by: midevil | July 26, 2007 at 05:51 AM
I guess that when Linsay finally goes to court she could actually use that in her defense, you know the whole 'overbearing cougar mom drove me off the rails bit',
Posted by: Damien | July 25, 2007 at 10:17 PM
Love the buck teeth
Posted by: tiffani | July 25, 2007 at 09:20 PM
The Shelley Duvall overbite on Mama Lohan is just ickalicious. Your wallet photo of LiLo, meanwhile, is one of the cruelest (and funniest) things you've ever committed to this here site. Bullseye as usual, chica.
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | July 25, 2007 at 04:39 PM
LUV the spotty,sun damaged chest!
Posted by: Plobes | July 25, 2007 at 01:36 PM
Is it Armageddon yet? This is very, very bad. And yet, why am I so thrilled?
Train wreck syndrome, to be sure.
My theory about these youngsters with all their money, fame, attention, power, etc. is that it's like a car going 100 mph.
We all know you can't make something that is going that fast slow down to 20 mph that quickly. It takes time to gear down. A stint in rehab=a tap on the breaks. AND
we all think she is bottomning out, and ripe and ready for rehab, but maybe she is not at HER bottom. She still wants the car to go 90-100 mph....for a while longer...it's so much more fun than having to actually stop and find out Who The Hell You Are. Liz Taylor, where are you? Liz actually went on to do some very loving things for humanity. She amounted to more than a pretty face, juicy carrer and gossip fodder. LL is not ready yet.
Posted by: andrea | July 25, 2007 at 01:21 PM
Great job!!! You two should collaborate more often.
Posted by: Elaine | July 25, 2007 at 10:27 AM
Brilliant!
Posted by: Melinda | July 25, 2007 at 09:58 AM
i've totally been waiting for this one!
Posted by: | July 25, 2007 at 01:34 AM
It's sad that that drawing ACTUALLY looks like her.. no parody needed!
And as for Lindsay, oh nevermind, I'm not going to waste my breath on that idiot..
Love the post!
Posted by: Nina | July 25, 2007 at 12:43 AM
Wow, this is great. 14 and Candy are like the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of celebrity blogs. Two great tastes that taste great together!
Posted by: Courtney E. | July 24, 2007 at 10:54 PM
I love how you got the squirrelishness of her teeth so perfectly. This is amazingly good.
Posted by: Melanie | July 24, 2007 at 08:13 PM
At least Brittney had the presence of mind to place most, if not all of the blame for her alleged addictions and screw-ups on her mother and manager. If La Lohan had not got drunk maybe she too would have delivered some childlike, hand scribbled letter to her mother warning her to stay away from her girl/boy friend. Shout out to the Paps!!
I thought the chin and cheek implants worked fabulously against the beckham like chest implants. The teeth... so classy. I enjoy the very fake feeling I get when I look at that picture.
Posted by: deanna1104 | July 24, 2007 at 07:42 PM
Ooooooh my. That is too perfect. Dina Lohan is a big honking joke, and Candy's write-up pretty much covered it perfectly. I'd be horrified to have a mother like that. But then, clearly I don't, because I'm not a complete fuck-up like her eldest.
You know what I find most annoying about this whole thing with Lindsay's non-stop screw-ups, and the constant whining from the parents about how they just need time to help get her on track? It's the fact that she's not a child (remember, there's a different between child and childish), she's an adult. She's getting a bit long in the tooth for all of this "needing guidance" bullshit. You can't play it both ways... one day it's "look at how grown up I am with my hooker clothes, drinking and snorting binges, driving around in my Mercedes convertible" and then "oooooh boohoo I'm so lost and young and impressionable please help me". And all of the "I grew up very quickly in this industry" crap. Oh please.
How is it that Lindsay Lohan has actually managed to become about ten times more irritating than Paris Hilton? They've both been cushioned by money and fame for so long now that they're both completely separated from reality.
All of this DUI crap is really stupid, really ignorant, and really bo-ring. Lindsay is a complete fucking idiot, and her mother even more so for all the reasons so cleverly outlined above.
Well that's about it for my rant. Beautiful work, 14. As always.
Posted by: Jenn F. | July 24, 2007 at 07:20 PM
Wow! This is really, really good. I love the hands.
Posted by: Joyananda | July 24, 2007 at 07:01 PM
Fantastic job, yet again 14.
Love the chicklet teeth and grapefruit boobies.
I sure hope Linds gets some tough love. She's LOOOOOOONG overdue.
Anyone else, except in Hollyweird, arrested for DUI, suspended license AND coke possession, would still be in the slammer getting pissed on by a 300lb woman name Shaniqua who constantly asks "whatchew lookin at beotch?!"
Posted by: DonnaJEM | July 24, 2007 at 01:31 PM
The kooky mom series is among your best 14. And that is saying a lot because everything you do here is bang on.
The apple has not fallen far from the tree with the Lohan clan. Very pathetic. Maybe mom and dad will finally come to the realization they need to do something about their pitiful lost child.
Posted by: Jenn | July 24, 2007 at 01:25 PM
What a great team you and Candy make! Awesome work all around.
Posted by: Britney's Bald Head | July 24, 2007 at 12:20 PM
What a great combination of talent! I love your work 14 and Candy's writing from HolyCandy. Absolutely excellent! The illustration has such a beautiful vintage circus poster feel which adds perfectly to the point of this piece. I also enjoy Dinah's collapsing sun damaged chest and veneers!
Well done you two.
xoxo
Gilmore
Posted by: gilmore | July 24, 2007 at 12:17 PM
14, you never fail to amaze me! It seems as if teen Hollywood is starting to tailspin at an accelerated pace…and I'm getting a perverse amount of joy from it all.
The vacant stare from the "Mommy's Little Angel" photo is priceless.
Posted by: Thorne Smith | July 24, 2007 at 11:43 AM
Again, 14, love the work! When you announced your Hollywood Moms line, I was WAITING for this one!
Dina is the absolute worst excuse for a mom. Any mother who has a thing about trying on her daughter's clothes and then posing as her sister seriously needs to grow up. I'd blame her for how her daughter turned out and that's sad because out of all those stupid girls (i.e., Paris, Britney, Nicole...) Lindsay actually has talent. What a waste.
Posted by: LittleOracle | July 24, 2007 at 11:31 AM
I love your work 14! You're the best.
This woman is crazy. So is her ex. Lindsay never had a chance in hell...
Posted by: Jen | July 24, 2007 at 11:02 AM
Wow, what a day to post this one......was it by accident or did you here the news and load it up?
Either way its great, but she's such a sad person and her family is suffering for it.
Posted by: Elizebeth | July 24, 2007 at 10:22 AM
That's fantastic!
:)
Posted by: Alex | July 24, 2007 at 10:09 AM