The Princess Sits Upon Her Royal Throne

I had just formally declared a moratorium on posting anything else about Paris Hilton and then a few hours later, I saw this article in the New York Daily News about how Paris refused food and drink because she feared the evil prison guards would snap a photo of her as she sat on the toilet and then they'd post it all over the internet. Miss Hilton's vapid logic never ceases to amaze me. Tens of millions of people all over the planet have already been exposed to her "gnarly bits". Numerous times. So what's the harm of an innocent little potty photo? I spent at least an hour debating with myself, "no, you can't draw Paris again" and then "yes, I must paint Paris! I get to sketch her sitting on a prison toilet" and then, "people will think I'm obsessed with her, they'll think I'm 8 years old...besides, my site is saturated with Hilton and it's getting redundant and predictable", and then "who cares what anyone thinks, go for it. It will be my last Paris for a long time." My dark side won. If there's going to be a potential image of Princess Paris squatting on a cold steel prison toilet, then I wanted to be the one responsible for it. Medium: Ink on paper, digital color.

Here's the proof: I hereby sign a formal declaration stating I shall not paint Paris Hilton for at least 2 months.

Comments

[NY Diva]

Please 14, reconsider...that skank is too easy a target not to snark on! She deseves every mean comment she gets from you and the rest of the world. I love it! She once said she was "Amerca's Princess Diana". Now we finally see our "princess" on her throne LOL.

[Salmonella]

Oh, c'mon, 14! If your aim for this website is to make paintings about gossip and entertainment news, and let's face it, any Paris news *is* entertainment news, then why not?

[mamasan]

Haha. So glad you caved in.

[fan of 14]

Respectfully 14 I must disagree with your decision. This is simply not the time to be strong against wealthy spoiled attention whores. Sheriff Lee Baca agrees with me. Paris just used her get out of jail free card a bit too early, is all.

Today Barbara Walters reports Paris has found God and is undergoing a spiritual rebirth.

After you quit gagging, 14, you have to admit that's an idea that can be worked.

[buzzgirl]

Promises, promises... but a really funny picture!

[el duende]

lol, i had a friend that was twice divorced with three kids sign a similar note stating that he would no get remarried. well, he got married again and now i'm just waiting for the next baby shower : ) you did say "paint" though.............

[Loulou]

Getting her picture taken while taking a piss isn't new to Paris Hilton, see proof:

http://www.clubdutch.com/wp-content/uploads/paparazzi/paris_hilton_toilet_nude_.jpg

[midevil]

Whoa... I hope she stays out of the papers for two months. heh heh

[Tim]

Dear 14: I'm proud of you for the decision. Paris is too easy (rimshot), and so many others are begging for your pigmented treatments by their goofy foibles. I'm compelled to add that I'm more in love with you than ever after another peek at your comely visage.

[Emma]

Pink panties = brilliant.

[shaky weasel]

The roach on the wall is probably thinking, "MY EYES! MY EYES"!!!!

[Mr. Besilly]

Brilliant potty humor! I love that you have signed off for two months. That really shows mature restraint but leaves the door open for even greater fodder. Darth Vader is still a hugely popular character from the "dark side". Two months... is 58 days too many in my opinion. (in a Vader voice) 14... you cannot resist the dark side.

[Thorne Smith]

Isn't there a clause out there that says you can terminate a contract within 3 days? I would certainly forgive you.

Now Paris has found God. Man! What an easy target she is. Franky, I would have been more impressed if she found Islam. Now THAT would have been something.

[Chansmom]

OOOOOHHHH, all right. I respect your feelings, and am still a fan.

I loved what I read this morning regarding Paris saying, "she would no longer act dumb." That was an act?

There's always something going on with these celebrity types. So bring on the next scandal.

[DonnaJEM]

She appears to be quite constipated while sitting IN the potty. Gross.

[Elizebeth]

I love you 14.

And while I hate Paris as much as the next sane person, and I hate how much time is spent on her in the media......I never get tired of your take on her.

[Damien]

Yeah its kind of like a twelve step program, "its been 14 weeks since I last drew Paris ...". It least she'll pick up some new skills by the time she gets out, you know, how to make a stabbing weapons from everyday items etc.

[Melanie Cipher]

Honestly, I love all your Paris pictures, so I don't mind if you paint her every day -they are always so funny and spot-on true.

[Cyclops Kitten Natividad]

Hey...why no cute little crab design on those panties?????

I'd totally buy pink panties with little crabs on them. Is that wrong?

[Adam Smith]

It's interesting that the declaration only mentions painting and not any other form of depiction...

There's a lot of room for manoeuvre in that one.

[14]

Like any good trickster, I always leave room for maneuver.
14

[leah]

shes a ho. when she ends up doing no difference when she is out of the slammer then will you harp on her even more? i hope so

[Toe!]

Is there a way to e-mail images to people in prison? :P

[Demon Kitty]

Good luck 14. Good luck! This is going to be hard. It really is. This is all a vicious circle you know? This is a pure Schadenfreude addiction. We love seeing her humiliated and made fun of, yet we are disgusted at the same time. It's kind of like the time my friend Jennifer drank 16 beers, vomited, and then opened up another bottle of Budweiser.

Oh, and this "I've learned a bitter hard lesson and have found jesus" is 100% pure bullshit. A leopard doesn't change its spots. Her cooter will be back, scaring the shit out of all of us in no time

[Stick Person]

Thanks, 14. As always, excellent work. And to think that I can only draw stick people. Could you do one of Dina Lohan - Mom of the year? That'd be snarkily delicious.

[midevil]

You could always say you had these "visions" about what Paris would do in the summer of '07.

[bitch]

isnt the wonk eye on the other side???

[Naj]

I couldn't help but paint the Paris story too! (Check out my blog). Great stuff, very inspiring site!

[Tina]

Here's to the 8 year old in all of us!

[Laura]

she wears panties?

[Jenn F.]

Hey "bitch", my guess is that it's not 14's rendition of the wonky eye... she's illustrated Paris' face showing the strain of passing the latest bologna sandwich.

You know, 14, I find comments like Matthew's to be very odd... I can never understand why someone would assume or expect you to be male... and then marvel at the fact that you're actually a female and that is SO COOL! Is it so surprising that you're female and you're talented and you're funny? Imagine such a marvel!

Anyways, there's no need for you to make such crazy promises like not painting Paris for two months. There's no likely end in sight of her circus antics, and you must remember that you're entitled to post whatever you damn well please... seeing as this is your own site. If people don't like what you post, we'll have Demon Kitty send them one of her special Rachael Ray "deliveries". HA!

[JennieBoo]

HA!

You are my HERO! Too much Paris, no, as long as she's being "knocked down a few pegs"!

p.s. I LOVE how you have the picture of Jesus (like she knows who HE is), the pink "panties" and the HUGE nose....PERFECT!

[midevil]

Of course Paris knows who Jesus; he's gonna be her new agent!

[andrea]

When my son spent the night in the county lock-up jsut a few months ago, he told me it was so dirty and atrocious. They were crowded into one small, airless room, around 25 men. One man decided it was time to take a dump, and, much to the protestations of the others, proceeded to take a bologna sandwich, and using the american cheese slice to clean the seat, shat, and used the bread to wipe. His ass.
It is enough to make anyone go mental. Not just a spoiled socialite airhead. Still, though, it may be the best thing that has ever happened to her. Wake her up to the glorious bounty that is her life. All that she has to do is respect other people with her own actions, and she will be golden. If, per chance, she wants to widen her world to include some altruism, aside from helping other girls get dressed to go out whorin',(as I saw on some show where she told the camera earnestly that she has "been doing Charity all my life", while this girl thought she was an actual equal to her, i.e. girl, friend, PERSON!!!!) hallelujah. Or maybe this is all just a huge P.R. op, bullshit thing. Who knows.
One thing for sure, 14, you always make it easier to swallow this culture we live in.
Thank you and bless your hands, eyes, and mind.

[bitch]

jenn thanks for clearing that up

[linda]

Hey, just wanted to mention that you're pretty. Just thought I'd throw that in.

[littledragongirl]

14, have you seen the Paris in Jail music video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k66epna2Sss

The first seconds had crabs scuttling along the beach together with paris and it totally cracked me up.

Love all your work btw, they're excellent:)

[DonnaJEM]

Paris is so far removed from the "the gross, bologna shitting, general population" of the jail, that she doesn't even know they exist.
Her parents don't even have to stand in line to see their jail bird like everyone else does.
So boo frickety hoo for poor little rich girl.

[Steve]

Paris on CNN--give me a break. Paris in entertainment news--why not. "The Throne" is the Paris Portrait we have been Pining for, and it is perfectly appropriate for the Gallery of the Absurd.
Maybe you could ammend your declaration to not allow yourself to paint two parises in a row. For every Paris pot shot, you will paint at least one other celebridiot. . .

[Steve]

So does your declaration include a moratorium (spelling?) on her family too? I watched an interview with her Aunt last night that was just pathetic.

[Joe]

14, you look super cute!

[Viper Tetsu]

The look of somber resolve on your face as you brandish your Two Month Moratorium Contract is as funny as your Paris toilet portrait. And the toilet portrait is, naturally, frickin' hysterical.

[Lynnster]

Be strong, my friend. (We ALL need to pretend Paris doesn't exist if you ask me.) Besides, I know for a fact that you CAN resist Darth Vader... I have seen it with my own eyes.

[H]

As a foreigner, I have a question: L.A. being in California, does the "three strikes and you're out" law apply to that "woman" ? That would be a good way to either make her go away for good or have that crazy law removed.

[sushibananas]

I sooooo wish you could have painted a few crabs desperately trying to crawl outta that toilet! But we know that would only bring you more trouble! Love the painting, 14! Good luck with the promise, but we won't hate you if you break it!

[35mmflm]

Yay! for your dark side. So happy it won!

[buggey]

why not Jennife Aniston? Why don't you pick on her?

[xq]

haha i've been checking out your blog for the past year or so, never ceases to amuse! you are an amazing artist, i wish i had your skills!

14, your blog is extraordinary. The quotes from major newspapers that you posted on the top left all seem to signify that you "skewer" "annoying" celebrities, and indeed you do, but that's not a complete description of what you do. There's a kind of sad poignancy in what you draw, and a familiarity too, as if I'm looking into a funhouse mirror. You're doing beautiful work.

[Tee]

Thank you for including her pathetic attempt to gain dignity (per use of the Bible and Self-Help books) as her 'bathroom' reading material. I hate it when people that are photoged often take the public's common sense for granted. I hope she will finally see herself as the trash that she is.
Great work girl..
Love it.
Tee