The Uninteresting Blob of Flesh

Why all the hype surrounding this Uninteresting Blob of Flesh? The Blob hasn't done anything significant, doesn't have anything interesting to say...and yet, it appears on the covers of magazines and on primetime TV. People magazine has scored the exclusive post prison interview with the Uninteresting Blob of Flesh. I'm sure folks are eagerly lining up at the newsstands.

There was much hype surrounding the Uninteresting Blob of Flesh's interview with Larry King, and yet...

The interview was so mind-numbingly boring. The Uninteresting Blob of Flesh attempted to display its vast intelligence by speaking in controlled monotone, cocking its head to the side to feign interest, shuffling papers around, and furrowing its brow when deep thought was being called upon. The most interesting part of the interview was the blatant lie it told when asked if it had ever used drugs. Another highlight was when Larry asked the Uninteresting Blob of Flesh what its favorite bible passage was. A reasonable question since the Blob claims to have found God and was recently photographed strategically clutching a bible. The question caused the Blob a brief moment of panic, but it was able to formulate a cover-your-ass answer: "I don't have a favorite". If you'd like to see a really entertaining TV news story about the Uninteresting Blob of Flesh, look no further than here. Medium: IllustratorCS and photo collage.

Comments

[seahag]

I am not renewing my People subscription because of this. I am sick to death of PH & refuse to give anymore money to magazines that continue to force her face into my home.

Not that it will make much of a differnce to the higher ups at the mag; but it made me feel better telling them to basically take their renewal & shove it.

Keep it up 14; love your snark & your art.

[Chansmom]

Bravo!!!!!!!!!! Yes, she is a blob of flesh, and you are very clever to stick to your promise. ;)

[Adam Smith]

Who could you possibly be reffering to?
I'm perplexed.

[Adam Smith]

Another description could of course be:
essentially on a day to day basis - An Oxygen Thief.

[viki]

lol this is killing me!

[Michael]

Hah, what a cover-your-ass way to get around your promise ;)
So, why all the hype surrounding the uninteresting blob of flesh from your own person?

[DonnaJEM]

I could give a rats fat ass about the uninteresting blob of flesh.

It's Rosie's giant gaping maw, Brit's be-thonged cellulite, and Crazy Cruise's Pavoratti immitation that has my day.
It's perfect!

[gilmore]

Brilliant! I remember those creature feature blob movies when I was a kid. Whole towns would get consumed by this slow moving mound of mess. I never understood how a lazy blob could be so destructive. I had all but forgotten about those movies until your posting. A perfect connection. The heiress blob. Love it! Or do I hate it? :)
I know I love you 14.

[Fairlady Z]

AHAHAHA, that "Peeple" magazine cover renews my will to live. Rosie's face usually makes me want to punch the wall; now everyone can appreciate it in all its glory. Nice work :)

[14]

Michael,

Good question. Since I work as a scribe, observing, illustrating and recording the stories exchanged about celebrity gossip, it is my duty to include over-hyped Uninteresting Blobs of Flesh in my repertoire. It's one of the more difficult aspects of my job, for sure.

14
Gossipologist

[deanna1104]

that girl knows how to get right down into the crack of your a** like a lesion and irritate you all day long. i love the fact the blob lives as i notice the hairy spots move about aimlessly. also i must comment that i did take notice of the fact the blob and britney's butt cheeks look alot alike. the only thing i'm left to ponder is whether both the blob and the butt cheeks could fit into tom or rosie's gaping mouthpieces.

[jerkygirl]

HA!!! I love how you had to photoshop Rosie to make her look more scary, but left Brit's bum and Tom Cruise's crazy to their own frightening devices!!! They're as scary as they're going to get. :) That's awesome. And yeah, I agree with gilmore about "The Blob" reference. I'm so tired of Poopis Hilton that I think I'm just going to think of this picture from now on when I hear her name a million times a day. It will be a refreshing change!!! Thanks, 14!!!

[carol]

I used to love People but it is getting more and more like a tabloid every day.

[biggie]

blob+ph=win

[gigi3]

Awsome 14! I entirely avoided the interview, yet while I was trying to watch the "real" news this morning, clips of the blob kept sneaking into the news lineup. I could feel my brain cells withering and dying from the sound of that "monotone", "I have the IQ of a tic tac" voice. God help us if this is the best our country has to offer....

[Hippo]

I'm actually more interested in the story about Tom Cruise being thrown into an insane asylum.

It's about time.

[midevil]

Well, at least Titney's ass is looking better these days.

[tiffy]

HAHAHHAHAHA!!! you are so clever :) this portrays *her* perfectly

[Salmonella]

Love the "other" stories on the right hand side!

[Elizebeth]

Made my day, thanks again 14

[Demon Kitty]

Larry King was never high on my list of respectable people, but now he just sucks ass. Crabis Hilton is a genital wart on the anus of American culture. Oh, and to change the subject, last week's Blind vice in Ted Casablanca's column is Angelina Jolie. She is supposedly addicted to heroin.

[LJ]

The only reason anyone has ever paid attention to this indeed uninteresting, vapid blob of flesh, is because everyone's been waiting to see it take a steady and definite route into either one of its chosen personas: the lady, or the whore (the latter being the truth). It portrays both on a regular basis and people are just waiting for the ultimate tag so they may conclude and move to the next page of junk.

People are being juggled, but for how much longer will they see it for what it is?

In the meantime, a hotel chain enjoys the free promotion.

There is nothing in that head, nothing. It can't even pretend or try to make us believe there is something, because even that would require a certain level of intelligence that just isn't there.

Just how many cunning individuals are pulling those loose strings? Where money is involved, plenty will stand up to it..

People of the world, see it for what it is, let's move to the next page, thank you.

[Tully Boy]

Best article ever.

[Disappointed Deliah]

It has been two months already?

[Hiltron]

Nice one 14! I see you found a way to get around your contract!

Can you believe Larry King bumped Michael Moore's interview for Paris? Its the end of the world.

[andrea]

OooOoooo, thanks Demon Kitty, THAT explains why Angie is so so so skinny. Not because she has adjusted her portions to be more in keeping with the starving people in the places she visits.
And yeah, P-heiress is so boring. And still dumb. If she really wanted to win people over, she could have been realer. Like say, yeah, man, I fucked UP. Not, I am firing my lawyer, it was only .08, blah, blah, blaaaaahh. (Blob!!) You are such a bright spot in the whole mess. They exisit so you can shine.
Love ya!!

[kathleencain]

Love ya, love ya, LOVE YA, darling! With all the beautiful, interesting things in this world, everyone is hypnotized by this vapid beanpole and her ridiculous follies?? Here's mud in her wonky eye, keep it up!

[Mireille]

This is a huge improvement in her general appearance.

[Emily]

HAHAH definately one of the best posts Ive seen .... keep up the awesome blogging!

-Emily from Dotspotter

[Hells Bells]

call it like it is, sistah!

do you love how said blob kept her natural eye color in order to convey integrity and "realness"?

At least you didn't paint crabs with this piece. Don't need to hear from The Law, y' know. :P

but Valtrex is okay.

[alicia]

Clever!

[Viper Tetsu]

God, I love when you stuff all of those extra details into your mock magazine/newspaper covers. It's like finding a big ol' smack of sour Pixy Stix dust in the middle of a jawbreaker.

[MJ]

Lol I guess some think it's a well shaped blob. I get annoyed 2. finally thinking every-1 was over it but in Belgium, it is the nr 1 hit on the news sites "paris in a bikin" sigh

[Demon Kitty]

Larry King cancelled Michael Moore for Paris. God help this fucking country.

[Noelegy]

I flipped through the "People" article, I'll admit it. I noticed that Paris was conservatively and modestly dressed, posed demurely, and said all the right things (although I would argue with her that a breakfast of wheat toast, a boiled egg, and an an orange really isn't the orphanage-grade swill she made it out to be). I saw how she said she was changed, a different person. I looked all through the article for the note that said she was doing the interview for free...and I guess I must have missed that detail.

[aka R'acquel]

Thanks. This gave me a great lift!

[Peta]

The Blob will act like a lady for about 2 weeks before its true nature reappears. After all, the Blob did the same thing after its sex tape got out.

[kellie]

that's too funny!!

[me 2 say whatever]

you say ur not gonna comment on her, yet u make one... lol... she is hot as hell, not as a blob, but as a human. flaws all humans have, so i guess u do ur job flaunting them. doesnt everyone??? i am here, reading huh... avidly??? aint that the damn truth, its a life i dont have... the one paris has.... fuck it

[cherise]

hahaaaa!! "uninteresting blob of flesh"!!! great work! and i LOVE the side panel!! "britney buys a thong" *collapses of laughter* sooner or later that butt IS gonna get gangrenous!!