Donald Trump's Super Ultra Premium Steaks of Distinction

A few weeks ago, I was blissfully walking down the street and thought I saw Donald Trump. It didn't really register and I walked a few more steps until I stopped in my tracks and decided to go back. Cautiously I approached The Sharper Image and peered in the window. It was true - I DID see Donald Trump! There was a large image of Trump in the front window and a video featuring him boasting about his "super premium Trump Steaks". Even though my eyes saw it, my mind couldn't get around what I was looking at. Trump is offering his steaks exclusively through The Sharper Image. A retailer better known for selling items such as turbo nose hair clippers, talking chimp heads, and remote control robotic sharks, they are now proudly offering mail-order Trump Steaks. How fitting, no? I had to pick up the brochure and highly suggest you do the same. The cover features a heavily retouched image of Trump hunched over a big plate of meat. If you stare long enough, the Trump Steaks start to look like some sort of glistening beef creature. Trumps leers as he gesticulates his carefully rehearsed "you're fired" hand toward artfully arranged steaks on a silver platter. His stubby little hand is dwarfed by the enormous steaks and his cotton-candy hair is the same color as his skin. Overall, a chilling Dante-esque vision of Hell. Medium: acrylic, ink on board, digital text.

If you can't get to a Sharper Image to pick up the Trump Steaks brochure, no worries. I've boiled it down and reinterpreted it here for you. Medium: digital paint and collage.

Comments

[Claudia]

Great as usual!!!Good work 14!

[Hell' Bells]

Holy shit, 14. You've outdone yourself with this one. BRAVO.
The Donald and his meat. You are a fucking genius.

[mellen]

Lurve the "stumpy little hands"! He is gross looking. And the whisps of hair shaped like horns. Heh.

[Jenn F.]

Cotton candy hair! That's it! And you're right, it kind of blends right into his skin. I've always thought it's a bit odd that he's the only person on the face of the earth that doesn't find his hair to be completely bizarre looking. Your three images of the meat, in particular the Filet Mignon, had me laughing my ass off. And the eyes on the Rib-Eye. Fucking hilarious. I also like your choice of Trump photos to put at the top... instead of smiling you've got him pulling his signature sneer. Why do I get the chilling idea that he thinks that his two expressions (the sneer and the "you're fired" open-mouthed biting look) make him look sexy?

Trump has turned into an absolute cartoon of himself. Once upon a time he was an admirable businessman. He still obviously makes a ton of money, but he's getting so carried away with the ego that he seems to be losing respect from the general public all over the place. Recently Perez Hilton was on some show (not Larry King live, but something like that... can't remember) and Trump was on the phone. The host had Perez offer his opinion on Trump, and he did so without being particularly harsh or judgemental, although he was straight-forward enough with his comments. Trump responded by telling Perez that he's "obviously a very weak person" and then quickly switched his attention back to the host, said a fast goodbye, and hung up in order to offer Perez no chance to get a word in after Trump's insult. This is the kind of behaviour that's so typically childish as of late... pick a fight publicly, then throw in a "touched ya last!" slap and run off the playground.

[DonnaJEM]

Good God Almighty.
How absolutely hideous and frightening and hilarious. The skinned goat heads, the potatos with the hairy eyes still on them, and the pig/octopus thing actually made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Yikes.
Showing the true pig/devilishness that is the Donald.

Oh and the "fuck you" face in the second picture is really fabulous.

[coffeegod]

Why, with all the ready cash this arsehole has, does he not get a good rug or hair transplant? That combover (if you can call taking your back hair and putting it on your head a combover) is gawd awful.

It is no wonder he hates Rosie so much. She is just about the only New Yorker who hasn't backed down from Da Donald. He is a horror.

Has his lawyer contacted you yet? Keep up the most excellent work! You rule!

[XYZ]

Too bad that one of the steaks was not made to look like the recently-departed member of The View. Now that would have been witty.

[Viper Tetsu]

Only you would be demented enough to have Donald Trump pimping carcasses of creatures straight outta the Cthulhu Mythos.

Then there's the text. Oh, Mother Mary outed on INSIDE EDITION, there's the fucking text. "I understand meat, it's my favorite food." I'm on perma-snort right now. Brava!

[A reader]

Trump and the Sharper Image: a marriage made in heaven. Get your Donald Trump's Ozone-treated Hand-fired Ionic Beef today!

[trafficgurl]

The last few lines about people who flush their income down the toilet was awesome! Made me laugh out loud, and I rarely laugh out loud! trump as a whole does something to my insides, I think in the same way meat would to a vegetarian...lots of diarrhea! :P

[LP]

I am now a Vegan! Is there anything that yuck of that "man" (used loosely) won't hock? Head-Rugs excluded ofcourse.
Great work 14!

[Kipling]

Am I the only one who thinks the "Bone-In Rib Eye" looks like Andy Dick?
Yes?
Ok. I accept that. Carry on.

[Peter D.]

Not only are you a great artist (do you ever get tired of fans heaping praise on you?) your writing style is great too! The satirical copy making a mockery of America's obsession with conspicuous consumption, status, and wealth through the medium of packaged meats is pure genius. I love it!

[Mr. Besilly]

Trump "meat-in-the-mail" is a brilliant idea. How much money can be made on meat? Apparently $499 for 10 steaks and 12 burgers. May I suggest 11x14 original, signed limited edition meat paintings sold by mail. There's a lot of money in selling meat. Cash in now and make a video (like Trump) on the exclusive nature of the meat art. The best life has to offer.

[shaky weasel]

I loves the googly eyes on the ribeye guy!

[Bubbles53]

The filet mignon looks like my mother (a.k.a. Madam Evil).

Fantastic satire as always, 14! Rock on.

[Pamela]

HEE fucking HAW!
Clog our landfills, already!

[Bebonyc]

The only thing wrong with Trump Steaks is that they're not made of real Trump.......

[Gene]

I wonder if any of those pictures are Trump's "O-face"

[Tom]

Too funny! Thank god my daughter turned me into a vegetarian!

[Siduri]

Oh my god, the nightmare fuel! What is the filet mignon? An anglerfish head? Sweet jesus! That was fantastic.

...The idea of mail-order meat sounds very, very bad.

[Emma]

These might be some of the most horrifying images I have ever seen. And that, my dear 14, is meant to be a compliment.

[Demon Kitty]

I am so fucking sick of this fucking bastard and his egomaniacal bullshit. His mouth is an anus.

I agree with trafficgurl, your text about people flushing their disposable income down the toilet was hilarious. It kinda makes me want to get rid of everything I own.

The sight of an overweight, older man with a big tie in front of a plate of dead cow makes me so fucking angry.

[robin]

Lovely!!! I own a liquor/wine store, and trump has also introduced his own premium vodka as well!! Vodka business must be failing miserably in order for him to break into the steak business.....

[midevil]

It's too late for him. He needs to sit back behind the corporate desk where he belongs; out of sight, out of mind. At least other fat rich businessmen have enough sense (I think) to do so.