The Simpleton Life, starring Paris and Nicole

We've obtained the exclusive image of the Simple Life Goes To Camp promo poster before it was heavily altered in Photoshop. According to a source, problems plagued the set. Paris Hilton kept flashing her privates because she thought the film crew was the paparazzi. Originally, Brandon Greasy Bear Davis was hired to carry the boat over the water, but a pack of orphaned bear cubs kept following him and he had to be removed from the photo. Tinkerbell threw herself overboard in a final attempt to escape from Paris's clutches. Paris didn't notice her dog was missing until several days later. Medium: ink on paper, digital color. Yes, there's an uncensored version of this illustration and it's painted in horrifying detail.

Photo retouchers had to smooth over Nicole Richie's gaunt face and worked long hours fixing Paris Hilton's "wonky eye"

Brandon Davis sweated profusely during the photoshoot giving him a slippery grasp. Thinking Brandon was their long lost mother, hungry bear cub orphans followed and suckled at him as he carried the boat through the water. The EPA had to be called because a strange oil slick was found in the lake after Mr. Davis emerged from the water.

Comments

[thatgirlshines]

you, my dear, are a FUKN genius! i don't paris has ever looked this god before... and i love how you captured Nicole's near death look and knobby joints. genius!

[Tim Chase]

oh man this is hilarious! valtrex-- you know the princess of media has got herpes, there's no doubt. i work for NBC, and everyone should totally check out Triumph the Insult Dog rag on Paris at http://video.dotcomedy.com/player/?id=85232 (he totally rags on Carrot Top, DiCaprio, etc). Loads of fun, and if you're lucky he just might give you a pooper mustache!

[nicki]

wow, i really needed to laugh hard today, i feel so much better. thank you...thank you..
ps- the crabs scurrying from (or is it away?) from paris' vag, genius... bravo!

you, madam, are a genius! keep up the good work. those horrid excuses for human beings need to be taken down. you've nailed paris' wonky eye and goon nose. love it!

[Knox Bronson]

Please, 14, you are KILLING me.

Amazing!

[Pablo Vazquez]

Great-one, valtrex!! haha

[wow]

brilliant

[Frank Furtive]

The sites you linked to say that her droopy lid is due to damage that occurred during plastic surgery. Poor girl! What a shallow life. Mine is no great shakes, but I certainly wouldn't trade places.

[Chansmom]

*Snort!* That is awesome!!!!!!!!!!! I need to calm down from laughing! Thanks for the big smile.

[Shalom Raviv (Kai)]

Ah! The penis nose! The appealing fuzzy thing Nicole is holding! The crabs! The nipples! The armpits! The cubs! The nearly vertical eye! Huge toes! Blessedly obscured "special spot"! You have nearly rendered me speechless! But why oh why does Nicole have to be grouped with such unpleasant people? And that skeleton, too? Please someone put it back in a science classroom. Thanks.

[Jackie]

This is great! Your hilarious!!

[Wes]

Welcome back 14. Great stuff!

[Janina]

Brilliant. Absolutely Brilliant.

[CreesDahl]

Oh My Goodness. That is hilarious!

[Bohemian Chick]

14 keep carrying on in the grand satirial tradition of Johnathan Swift and of course MAD MAGAZINE!!!
You funny heffa, are you Mort Druckers (MM's top cover artist) long lost granddaughter?

The cubs sucking the tit is beyond funny.

[LegalEagle]

Brilliant!! Just Brilliant!!

[nicole]

this is the most awesome thing ever. you are a god among men.

[14]

thank you!! It made me laugh while I sketched it, so I'm glad the laughter passed on to you.

Oh and yes, Mort Drucker is my Art God. Drew Friedman too.

xoxo
14

[Barbs]

Long-time lurker, 1st-time commenter. 14, I am a huge admirer of your work, but this is an honest-to-God masterpiece. The LV junkyard bag! Nicole's yellow eyes! Paris's waxing sores! You see all. And your Greasy Bear is beginning to look more like Brandon Davis than actual photos of Brandon Davis look like Brandon Davis. The soggy armpits and sad moobs are too, too perfect.

I salute your genius. Incidentally, I also adore Mort Drucker. If MAD was still at its full 80s satirical strength, you'd be its art director. If you felt like it. You rule, this blog rules; thank you for making the internet yet more wonderful by the post. xxxB

[Jen]

OH MY GOD!!!

*dies laughing*

What can I say that hasn't been said? Masterpiece, Genius...

Nice product placement of the Urban Satchel.

[ally oop]

love love LOVE it ! keep up the good work!!

[Demon Kitty]

You are a genius 14! A fucking genius! You capture everything about them. This portrait is so true! Hopefully one day they will see it. I am never going to stop saying this, "Paris Hilton's cooter is the bogeyman! It never goes away. It always threatens to pop out and scare the shit out of us!" I love how her birth canal is a big black hole. I am surprised that it is not trapping matter, with the exceptions of the crabs. Now I am going to puke!

[Nina Alvarez]

FINALLY!!
I've been waiting for this fix!
Genius!

[krissypoo]

You are profoundly talented. I am in awe. Everything you create is pure magic. The botany paintings are exquisite.