Rachael Ray is a Donut Pusher

Rachael Ray has agreed to shill a multi-million dollar marketing campaign designed to raise brand awareness of Dunkin' Donuts. Very soon, you'll see her perky face all over TV as she cheerfully chirps nonsense about how Dunkin' Donuts can be a "healthful" addition to a balanced diet. Our spies tell us that food-loving Rach is planning a donut-themed cookbook to hit the shelves this summer. You'll find healthy and fun donut recipes for everything from appetizers to drinks to full-course dinners....all easily prepared in only 15 minutes. Medium: acrylic on board, photoshop.

Also included with the book is a handy set of full-color recipe cards for her most popular dishes. Learn how to make Rachael's signature cocktail, the vodka Donutini. Amaze and delight your friends with Rachael's deelish Donut "Sammy"

That crafty Rachael, she's even figured out how to prepare a healthy salad using powdered donuts as an ingredient. This page scanned from her upcoming cook book shows you just how easy and delicious her recipes are. As Rachael says, "mmmmmmmmmm". Photos and food styling by 14.

Comments

[D]

"Walz alleges that the 39-year-old lawyer and musician shelled out cash for her to spit in his face, rub her bare feet on his face and other gamy rituals." According to IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com there isn't much Rachel won't do for a buck.

[Coffeegod]

Ooo...14, Rachael's gonna lay some smack on you for stealing her ideas! That sammi does look yum-o!

Good god, I simply can not stand this bimbo. I'll give her props since she clawed her way from total obscurity but seriously, does she have to be on every freakin' thing I buy at the grocery store?

[Madame M]

Oooh you are SO good!

I love that you've managed to capture the sheer evil that is Rachael Ray and her evil recipes of doom.

[Jenn F.]

I am baffled by the fact that this woman is apparently so famous in the States. She just seems so incredibly irritating. Everyone knew a girl like her in high school... a bit too chipper, a bit too loud, loved primarily by the geriatric teachers and soul mates within the cheerleading squad. Usually was the one crying in the corner at parties after getting drunk on three and a half sugary coolers. Anyone who uses terms like "Yum-O" and "deelish" on a regular basis should not be trusted.

I like the demonic squirrel-like expression that you've put on her face, 14. And I suspect that it's not a coincidence how her small furry friends have such a similar body shape to her own. "Funkin Donuts" made me laugh, as did the photos of the recipes... the obnoxious colour of the donutini is perfect, and it's easy to imagine you standing at the donut counter saying, "Oh ~ that one with the yellow and pink sprinkles... yeah that one. I'll take that one" with Rachael Ray in mind. The background behind the donutini made me laugh too... nice baby pink hearts!

I somehow forced myself to sit through the entire "Mmmm" video that you linked to. That was a true challenge. And what is this EVOO crap? I noticed it mentioned on one of her site pages that you linked to, but I just didn't have it in me to search around within her site to find out. I was starting to feel itchy and had to leave.

What the hell can she do to a donut to make it healthy and good for you? If you truly care about nutrition and health, how could you choose to promote a company like Dunkin Donuts and maintain a clear conscience? Fill your arteries and fat cells while Rachael fills her wallet! Yum-O!

[Erik]

Nice work on her Joker-grin, it will haunt my nightmares.

Rachel Ray's schtick got old months ago and it pretty well sucks that she's about to get MORE media attention.

[Diana]

I can't go to sleep... Rachael Ray will climb out of my closet and smother me with a giant donut...

(Loved this one!)

[SugarBear]

I have seen the ultimate horror.

[sly]

EVOO is extra virgin olive oil. She's constantly referencing it in her show,along with the phrase "gut buster", based on the one epsidoe of her show that I happened to see. It's quite the annoying catch phrase, if you ask me. Well, it seems that for these television chefs to become famous, they must have some sort of catch phrase. Guess it makes them stand out from the crowd. Hers just happens to suck.

[DonnaJEM]

EVOO = Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Rachel has great recipes for those of us who are married w/children. That I like.
But.....
She always sounds like she has a cold, and she is a tad too perky. The "Yum-O" thing is just idiotic.
And I also do not get the connection between Dunkin Donuts and Healthy. Those 2 things in the same sentence should only be separated by "are not."
But 14, you have read my mind, I often ask myself, "What could be better than Vodka and donuts?"

[Erik]

Nice work on her Joker-grin, it will haunt my nightmares.

Rachel Ray's schtick got old months ago and it pretty well sucks that she's about to get MORE media attention.

[Jackie]

I love the fact that you captured her newly lifted eyes; she has a perpetually surprised look from the surgery.

[WTF]

Brilliant. But my god I HATE this bitch and she's everywhere I turn.

[LP]

I have to admit, I do like donuts but know I cannot have any because they are not good for me. But wow, they are great to look at! Ditto with all comments made before me. Love the ad & recipe cards. Thank you 14!

[Letty]

SWEETJESUS I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU!!!

I actually got into a loud argument at the jury duty call waiting loung with two chicks who wanted to keep the TV there on this incredibly irritating speciment of media whoredom. They were sold on her "creativity," which is simply using the "recipes" on that are to be found on the backsides of boxes of Nabisco crackers, Borden products, and other mass produced food and throwing in some seasonal gimmick UGHDLKDMFLDL!!! THANK YOU again!

[Letty]

OH my GOD and thank YOU, Jenn, for your comment which I just read -- and funny how I think I also typed in mine "incredibly irritating" she's that EXACTLY. And YES, in my high school there also was a girl EXACTLY like Rachel Rae. She was kind of dopey looking, but went out of her way to wear the latest hairstyles and fashion to "fit in" with the cheerleaders and jocks she very carefully became their best little confidant and go-for to. Fake as HELL.

[gilmore]

Rachael Ray is like a Dunkin' Donut. Both are everywhere and really bad for you. If you happen to partake of either, you'll end up ill and wishing you hadn't.
Love the look on her face! It's perfectly demented. Excellent work.

[I hate hair in my food, what can I say]

Aside from her horrid skrag voice and awful flat accent, here's another thing I hate about this woman who makes Sally Field seem positively goth: her hair. Her hair not being tied back while she cooks. UGGGGGGGH. You KNOW that hair is falling into everything she makes, she's flipping it around all the time...TIE THAT SHIT UP!!! JESUS.

[Pretty Girl]

Yea...I agree with most of the comments but just like every other fad or new celebrity..it will get old in a couple of months just you wait !

[midevil]

I've never encountered this drunken whore-nut outside of your web space. I guess I need to start watching more t.v.

[Noelegy]

I've got her 365 meals/no repeats cookbook, and I have to say, it's a pretty good cookbook and I don't find her writing style too annoying. However, it's funny that she explains "EVOO" in the beginning of the cookbook and then in EVERY SINGLE RECIPE that calls for it, she parenthetically explains it again. Think we got it the first hundred times, RR...

I don't watch her show, though. Give me Alton Brown any ol'day.

[Michelle]

I will literally tear the grocery store shelves apart to find a box of wheat thins that does not have this woman's face on them.

My grandma sent me one of her cookbooks. The first recipe I opened to was nachos with sliced up hot dogs on them. She's a JOKE!

[Arthur von Foo Foo]

The doughnut plague has begun and it is consuming all of our best celebrities.

http://www.tmz.com/2007/05/01/ah-nold-is-a-dough-nut/#comments

Lock up your children. Hide under your beds. This is the end people.

[Chansmom]

There is something about her that just makes me giggle, not laugh, but just a giggle and shake my head. *twitter*

She's one of many that hit on a great idea, but damn, forget the powdered donuts! Those are just nasty!!!!!!

Good work, 14. You rawk!!!!!

[tala]

omgawd, your donuts look so good i was inspired to go get a donut. i ended up getting two, and a half dozen donut holes. yum-O!

[Chicken]

hahahaha Donut Sammy

what a douche

[Melanie]

I love her mouth in this - you can just imagine her yelling with excitement. I actually like Rachael Ray mostly, but selling donuts doesn't endear me to her.

[Damien]

And there I was with my slow internet connection and the title 'Donut Pusher' comes up - wow I thought I was about the witness a hate crime. Ummm Donuts, well hey they complete my food chain.

[beep]

14--please do Paula Deen! Make a series of celebrity chefs whoring themselves as these two do. Paula's under fire for becoming the sponsor for Smithfield pork, even though half the employees' limbs are now apparently in the pork. And she pimps out her family. She NEEDS the 14 treatment!

[ParadigmLost]

She's loathsome. She's an idiotic, vacuous perky twit.

"EVOO" is simply "EVIL" spoken w/a speech impediment.

This creatuwe is evoo.

[ILSA]

I rarely watch TV, so I have been fortunate enough to escape Rachael Ray so far...however, what I do know about her irritates the Bejesus out of me. "EVOO" and "Yum-O" make me want to pick her up by the hair and bitch slap her back and forth!!

[Susan B.]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... that smile... priceless.

[Demon Kitty]

I have had too much tequila and need some water.

Rachael Ray is so annoying, she needs to be taught a lesson. I would write her a letter saying:

Dear Rachael, I am such a huge fan! Yummo! I prepared your Chicago dog salad for my family and they loved it! It was so quick and easy! You made my day! I would like to honor your creative genuis by giving you something special.

Love,
Demon Kitty

Then I woul chop 2 white onions and sautee them until they were "kinda" cooked, but not really. Then I would chop up 6 large cloves of garlic and sautee them with the onions until they were "kinda" cooked, but not really. Then I would chop up a motherlode of asparagus and spinach and add it to the potent onion/garlic mixture. I would shovel as much of this shit in my body as I motherfucking possibly could. Then I would drink 1 1/2 bottles of red wine.

The next morning I would wake up and knock back the strongest motherfucking cup of coffee I could concoct. I would immediately feel my bowels start to move. I would get out one of those snap tupperware bowls and shit the dinner from the last night into it. I would snap is shut as fast as I could, because the mixture of everything I ate and drank the night before could knock out an entire city with the methane gas it produced in my colon alone. I would also have a clothespin on my nose as I did this. I would put a note on the bowl of shit that said "Yummo!!! I am giving you back your Chicago Dog Salad." and put it in a box with the letter and send it to Rachael Ray.

[Iris Fleat]

I think she drank more than she put into her recipes.

[Bea]

I love the powdered donuts with the umbrellas in them. They look like the coke this idiot eats for breakfast.

PS I am still laughing at Demon Kitty's post. I love poop humor!

[WebMasterPete]

Holy Smokin' Jesus Jammin' in Heaven with Hendrix! Demon Kitty is aptly named. Yum-o indeed. Rachael is an annoying perky-twit 'personality' who deserves a good bitch-slapping - but My God - death by Demon Kitty Shit? (I'm assuming a fatal build up of fumes by the time the package is received)

[Nina]

Who gives a crap about Rachel Ray... c'mon 14, give us the good stuff.

[Demon Kitty]

Don't mind me, I am just stressed to the max.

PS Rachael Ray has the kind of face you just want to slap.

[Viper Tetsu]

I motion that everyone hitting the GOTA website chip in to fly Demon Kitty to the next Rachael Ray autograph signing with a camcorder and a Tupperware container of, um, freshly-recycled Chicago Dog Salad. It'd make the finale of PINK FLAMINGOS look like fucking STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE.

[Shes_No_Martha_Stewart]

OmGz!! AWESOME!

You're getting closer and closer to capturing The Awful Gaping Maw of Rachael Ray: (Part Joker, part Ichi the Killer.)

You're almost there, just add a huge space inside her mouth between the cheeks and her teeth. Look closer at some photos of her (if you dare) and you'll see this inexplicable space on either side... like 2 caves on opposite sides of a toothy forrest. (Yes, I do have nightmares about this!)

I used to like her recipies when she was on '30 minute meals,' I could somewhat tolerate her, but now she's being over-sold as the Manic Hyperactive Spaz Martha Stewart Replacement 2.0, and I cringe at the mere sight of her. And really... Donuts? I blame Oprah for this entire mess.

[cherise]

actually, i dont even know who rachel ray is, and i consider myself quite informed. heh! but perfect illustration work as always!

[madison]

To JennF: EVOO is her way of saying Extra Virgin Olive Oil. LOL! I do watch her show, she does make simple dishes. I do agree she is a bit too bubbly, and talks too much sometimes, when she tells stories. But you know, you have to agree, watching someone cook and narrate what they're doing might get boring after a while so she feels she has to "spice" it up. :P

[Larson]

this is awesome. The art work is excellent. You have captured the true smelly essence of the Roach. I wonder if she plans to fry the donuts in EVOO. ICK, just like the rest of her garbage bowl crap.

[Tom]

Get this last week on Real Time with Bill Maher, his segment New Rules had some good shit on Raytard.

"New Rule: The women of the Food Network have to stop faking orgasms when they taste their food. Half of that programming consists of cute, spunky women putting things in their mouth and giving us their "O" face. Which is why I can recite 23 different pasta recipes from memory, and I don't even cook. Rachael Ray makes a 30-minute meal, and I'm finished in 15." Bill Maher

Man, I thought that was perfect when I saw that last week. I mean, unlike Bill here, I'll probably throw up seeing Rachael Ray's nasty hands again.
5/5/07

[steve]

This "hate Rachael" society reminds me of the Star Trek groups that can't find life.

[It's Me... Maven]

I'm actually disappointed the "Sammy" wasn't more like a Luther Burger.

Rachel Ray is an idiot.
Soon, she will be a rich idiot.

[BustyBoots]

I don’t want to wait till the end of Summer :( , I want it now. Who with me?
save your time and join me. ;)

[Eize]

Talk about a bull's-eye!

You know what would really kick off this Dunkin donuts thing? Make a Rachel Ray carnival game, where you try to put hoops through things so that you win a prize. Except that the hoops will be made of donuts and you toss them through Rachael's big fat mouth. With the size of that mouth, everybody's a winner!!!

[mary ann chinellato]

I cannot watch her on tv - she is the most annoying person I have ever seen. I can't stand her voice and her stupidity. She needs to tone it down and grow up. For crying out loud = she is a married woman - she just act like one. CALM DOWN RACHEL - people may like you better.

[Mims]

I used to like Rachel Ray when she first hosted her cooking show, but now her over confident nature is simply annoying...it's like she is the Miss Knowall of cooking. Well, maybe she does know how to cook but her attitudes and facial expressions are simply intolerable...someone needs to tell her...on her face...she is so damn over-smart...the media has made her one...talks way too much...just shut the hell up!!

[Dee]

It enrages me that this bitch thinks she's Italian. She's a half-breed wannabe that is plagued by an Electra complex. I fantasize about hurting her.