Tom Cruise is The Messiah

According to a report in the UK Sun, some Scientology leaders believe Tom Cruise is the "Christ of Scientology". Flabbergasted after reading such a claim, we decided to send a group of undercover agents to investigate the dark recesses of the Los Angeles Church of Scientology in order to seek clues. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence and we obtained it! Our wily agents gained entrance into the fortress by feigning interest in being "audited" and were quickly able to escape unnoticed into the darkness of the church basement. Prying open the safe, our agents were shocked to discover Leopold Da Vinnie's famous painting, "The Scientologist's Last Supper". It clearly shows Tom Cruise as Christ, but leaves several other questions unanswered. For instance, who is the mysterious woman seated to His left and why is she smiling like that? Could she be his...gasp...wife? Is that a Jenny Craig-approved cupcake Kirstie Alley is grabbing? John Travolta is wearing loafers and he's floating - what does this mean? How did Will Smith get mixed up with this bunch? So many questions, so few answers. Medium: Acrylic on board, unfinished. Thanks Holly for the brainstorm.

While snooping through the safe, our investigators also obtained this photo of what appears to be an image of Christ burned into a piece of toast. It's a miracle!

Based on our dangerous, yet thorough investigation, we conclude that Tom Cruise is indeed the Scientology Christ. Just take a look at these t-shirts we found in the basement.

Comments

[Kitchen]

Seems like Tom the Messiah paintings are all the rage. I like this one.
http://www.payallin.com/media/tomchrist.jpg

[Demon Kitty]

Sigh ...... in the words of Dr. Hannibal Lecter, "I am taking the chocolate." I can't believe I am going to do this, but I am going through PMS and well, I feel like being a fucking bitch.

Vincent, don't you realize the gossip always has a bit of truth to it? "Oh to hell with it!!!! Fuck it!!!!! Look, you smug little twat, if you are so above "shit" like the "fucking Sun paper shit" then how the fuck did you find this goddamn site? This, like the "fucking Sun paper shit" is gossip and apparently it has some appeal to you otherwise you wouldn't have come here. So you know Tom Cruise personally and know for a fact that all the hype surrounding his insane couch jumping- alien- misogynistic drama is nothing more than a bunch of stories fabricated by us dumbass crazies? Eat merde Vincent! Gloat over your pseudo- superiority in hell bitch! I hope someone shoves "The Sun" so far up your ass that you can never get it out.

[Hippo]

I'm afraid that "Vincent" may be my fault. I pointed this picture out to my fellow posters at FreeKatie.com, one of whom posts under another name, Zohelene. She is a huge Tom Cruise fan and sometimes attacks the Cruise-haters on FreeKatie. When I mentioned Gallery of the Absurd, some of the posters came over to take a look. I believe that Zohelene and Vincent are the same person and that I may have inadvertently caused this problem. I apologize. You might want to consider removing my post as well as Vincent's.

[deanna]

For crying out loud demon kitty you're going to scare off all the crazies if you don't settle down. :0)
what's a gossip site without the normal run of the mill crazies who every monday forget to take their olanzapine? cnn? headline news maybe?
it's so darling to see how sir 666 teeny tiny feet dangle so mightily from his booster seat. a real symbol of power and awesomeness.
and the monkey brains for dinner... so 14, you're a fan of the hit series faces of death? only the crazies know about faces of death...sorry vincent. you may need to sell reality checks elsewhere cause this bunch ain't got the closet space for it.
and for the love of crazy is as crazy does, what is up with the toes on mrs. sir 666? I think the only thing wider than her crazy grin is gap in her flippers. now see, rachael ray would've fit in perfectly next to mrs. sir 666 to offset her self inflicted crazy grin. maybe two crazy grins would've been too over powering and thus distract from sir 666 superior and almighty crazy grin, thus creating a danger for post traumatic stress disorder for the viewer not expecting this amount of crazy grinning all at once from this outfit. see, see this is why i'm not the artist. zenu bless 14 for guading our fragile mental status from these damn grining fools.
geez i must say i love the crazy grinning toast in the cheesy brown fame. priceless.

[14]

Hippo,

Nah, I'll keep "Vincent's" post up. It provides fodder for the social experiment I've been conducting here on GoTA and is a real gem of a comment. My favorite part is at the end: Crazies!!! God, I loved that.

xoxo
14

[Chantelle]

I seriously want one of these shirts...and one of those "Scientology is gay, reall gay!"

14, I can never express my love for thee!
:-)

[Chapatikid]

That's not a cupcake! It's an icecream cone! I love the random alien hands coming in from different sides of the canvas.

[mm]

Social experiment haha….I’d like to see a painting of Demon Kitty shoving The Sun up Vincent’s arse…that might be something to marvel at…you could have fun making up the faces. We are all ‘crazies!!!’ and I find no end to the fascination with our celebridom fascination. I guess there is a paradox contained in everything. I for one loathe myself a bit for succumbing to the delicious satisfaction of celebrity deprecation, but man, it’s fun… But I must say there is a side of me which grieves for my dashing, oh so sane looking Top Gun Tom and somewhere deep down I hope…faintly….that it’s all a media fabricated circus, and that TomKat is truly, genuinely in love…Ahhh…it’s harder to believe it every day.
Brilliant job 14.

[hollywood hater]

You nailed it!! I can't stop laughing,so true

Thanks ;)

[dude]

Instead of WWJD? - maybe we'll start seeing WWTCD? shirts.

[lmj]

love the monkey brains!

[Fred]

A great picture! I love it and represents so well what those nuts actually believe!

I've been reading a thread on a forum which has pages of pictures and write up about this that is listed as my url you have got to see also! There are so many places on the internet a buzz about this that the scientologist can't keep up with them all and they never will. Oh what fun we lowly wogs are having at belief of a deluded rich midget who wont come out of the closet

Keep up the great work!

[Zol]

why is Robin Hood looking at Him like that?

[Blurgle]

Zol, it's because he is a merry man.

[Yetused]

Haha!

I lurve the vulcano in the window!

[Hippo]

Maybe it's just me, but the Katie Holmes character looks more like Melissa Rivers than she does Katie. I'm thinking it's the forehead or the eyes, I can't put my finger on it.

[fragglegirl]

i want to get one of those t-shirts and wear it everywhere! it is perfection.

[Fritz]

Great stuff!

[Jenn F.]

Oh Demon Kitty, I just love you to bits. There's nothing better than when you go on a good PMS rant at some idiot. I wish you lots of chocolatey goodness.

[Karen]

Awesome, it's just great. Thanks to you, whenever I see Cruises strained, forced, over exaggerated grin, I just start cracking up. I really love the flying saucer.

Katie Holmes, in this picture anyways, looks a lot like Katie Couric... but I think that's just me. Great Job on the entire thing.

[Viper Tetsu]

Thou sayest mine Lord's propensitee to smite--ahem, sue--unbelievers such as thyself smacks of non-messianic behaviour, Sinner Girle?

Thee Holy One's Sacred Suits of Law are but ye olde moderne equivalents of overturning thee tables and huts of ye olde treacherous usurerererses (thou try spelling that word) and merchants running roughshod in Ye House of Thee Lord in yon New Testament Days. This be Tom's Galaxy, wench: Ye just liveth in it.

[Mz. Mercury]

I've started visiting Gallery of the Absurd not long after it first appeared. I'm never disappointed, and I think your art is fantastic.

[Victoria]

Check out Tom's cloven hooves!!!

[Viper Tetsu]

Ah, Tom Cruise and Monkey Brains go together like a NASCAR Rally and chili-cheese Fritos.

[Viper Tetsu]

And, hey, everyone quit picking on Vincent! He used an umlaut in his comment so he must be real smart-like.

Hey, I never actually told you how fucking amazing this piece is. This piece is fucking amazing. There, I feel better now.