Happy Holidays From the Vicodin Elf

Santa's bad little Vicodin Elf was pulled over and given a DUI after she was spotted driving the wrong way on a freeway. She admitted to smoking pot and taking vicodin before getting behind the wheel, but she only did it because she had menstrual cramps. I didn't know menstrual cramps gave starlets the carte blanche to climb into giant SUVs and barrel down the freeway going the opposite direction, but that's the hare-brained logic of celebrity culture for you. Nicole Richie's mug shot was a shocker. Before the photo was released, I imagined Nicole would have red-rimmed watery eyes, disheveled hair, smeared makeup and a woeful thousand yard stare. Instead, she looked like a tiny elf. Medium: graphite and acrylic on paper, narcotics added digitally.

Comments

[Kai]

I somehow want to give her a hug.. maybe it's the holiday spirits... Oh, and a lecture about directions and caring for oneself. Oh wow... pot leaf decorations around her lovely wee outfit. Part of the charm has now died. Excuse me for any incoherence of my comments, I am, well, filled with holiday spirits. Happy holidays one and all, and may you all find the right direction on the freeway! Yes, even during menstru- I can't spell that right now. Sorry for this! I shall leave before it gets worse.

Shalom,
Kai
(Your token Jewish and not fit to be driving commenter)

[overlord of D O O M]

I see the pot leaves and the vicodan pills, but is the snow supposed to be cocaine? Nicole never looked better.

[Bo$$]

That is sooo true! She kinda looked adorable too...

[Tricula]

sublime

[deanna]

Ah geez,
a mug shot sent from the north pole.... it would appear she has been cuffed, given the lovely display of the sternum and scapula protruding from her upper torso as a result of her mischievous little hands being tied tightly behind her back before she can lift the Oxycontin from the Oxycodone Hydrochloride Elf, or the Valium from the Diazepam Elf, the same elf she used to kick it with back in the day; this before the Acyclovir Sodium elf got into the game showing her raggedy icky parts hanging sloppily half out the sleigh much like "the sleeve of a wizard." Uhmm can I order this picture on gift wrap and have it sent, postage free, and received before Christmas? my professional opinion would be that you are simply brilliant. Happy 4th of July 14, and merry New Year token Jewish friend :0)

[drea]

Ha ha ha ha! Brilliant!

[Cyclops Kitten Natividad]

That is the most adorable mug shot I've ever seen. What is this world coming to?

[beanie]

That is so cute!

[SJK222]

Menstrual cramps? She's anorexic. I can't imagine she's had her period in years!

[Jillian]

She looks like an elf, and the female Spock. :P

Good job, 14!

[Lisa]

You made her look even more adorable then she already does. Happy holiday's Nicole.

[Javelin]

Oh my gosh. You are amazing, 14. I think you found her calling in life. She is a perfect, perfect little elf. Wouldn't it be awesome if her publicist was like, "Nicole doesn't like rehab so we sent her to an Elf Village where she is doing just great. She has said that it feels like home. We ask that you respect her privacy and that of the Elves." If I were a celebrity I would issue statements like that all the time.

[jerkygirl]

This is actually really cute. Seriously, I can't remember the last time she actully looked this cute in a real picture. Anyone else reminded of Gollum? Also, the trees remind me (sadly) of her hands. I agree Kai, I kind of want to give her a hug, but I know she'll just open her mouth and say something stupid and resent it anyway. It's almost hard to laugh at her anymore. Yeah right this is hilarious keep 'em coming Miss 14!!! :)

[Melanie]

Awww, she's so cute, even if she is a naughty elf! I love the hat. Maybe someone should buy her a real-life elf hat, can you imagine how awesome the real Nicole would look in one of those??

[amy]

thats the funniest fken thing i have ever seen

[WebMasterPete]

She does appear so cute and impish it's hard to loathe her as much as 14's other victims. It IS extremely funny though as always - excellent job 14. Even as the holidays aproach, you keep up the pace, filling our lives with much gleeful, malevolent chortling. Merry Christmas.

[azuka]

hahahahaha she`looks good ... cute!

Felices Fiestas 14!!

[Crees_dahl]

If looks could kill, her eyes would have burned through my moniter. Damn!!!

Love it!

[Demon Kitty]

Wow man! I totally agree with SJK222, I also doubt she has had her period in years with that anorexia diet of cocaine and bile she's been living on! Javelin, I would hire you as my publicist if I were famous. Nicole does need to be sent to "Elf Village" and hopefully she will never come back - AGAIN! I love the way you have emphasized her clavicle and those other bones - whatever the hell they are called 14! Your insight is incredible!

Demon Kitty

[Texas]

Sweet!

[Reindeer]

I love the way her sternum looks just like a reindeer even in the real photo you can see a reindeer! She is an elf!

[Chansmom]

OMG!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!! Cute, and yet so odd. I love it. Thank you, 14. Love you! LOL!!! Okay, my cats are now wondering if they should get the net.

[pun_inpendid]

Another dead-on depiction, 14, right down to the much resembles and ice skate blade clavicle. Looks a little like reindeer antler also - though suspect her collar bones are sharper : ) Using vicodin pills as accessories to her outfit (as well as to her crime) was really clever and really works with the outfit. Though I wouldn't want to be as skinny as she is, I'd like to look as good in any of my photos as she managed to look in her mug shot. Another fabulous job! Looks just like her! And great holiday fodder too! Thank you for your brilliance and your willingess to share!

[deanna]

uhmm michelle? why not post that on webmd.com instead?

[calamity]

This is so excellent. Vicodin...the new sequin. I adore what I've seen of your work. FYI. I came to this page via TMZ.

[Juno888]

eww..I'm afraid of her face ..She's like a quack doctor..Isn't she???