The Truth Behind Starlet Crotch Photos

We're pleased to report that these young ladies are simply wearing Karl Lagerfeld's sizzlingly sexy new line of lingerie - Seductive Baboon. Lagerfeld noticed striking similarity between the mating behavior of the female baboon and that of certain free-wheeling Hollywood starlets and was inspired to create a line of underwear that resembles the swollen ass of a baboon.  We know, it's hard to tell the difference, but that's where Lagerfeld's genius is apparent. Sexy, no? Karl shares his insight with us:

We adore the Paris Hilton version of Seductive Baboon underwear! They even have a little pocket sewn on so that "Crabby" has a dark place to hide when there's too much sunlight disturbing him.  Folks, there's no longer any need to gouge out your eyeballs after you see yet another photo of Hilton's crotch...rest assured, she's wearing Seductive Baboon. Available at fine stores everywhere.

Comments

[shadealuv]

BRILLIANT

and disturbing...

[Michele in Michigan]

oh my ghaad, I love this!

[Jenn F.]

Oh sweet Jesus. That nasty little lumpy pink hoohoo is just the funniest thing.

[licoricepirate]

bwahahahaha!!!

xD

thx for addressing this ... i guess ... *pukes*

i want those undies.

OH MY GOD! You're a genius! I'm repulsed and yet amused all at the same time. Thank god, I learned not to eat while looking at your site a long time ago. DAMN!!!

[azuka]

Ewwwwwww.... So creepy! xD

[Miss Cellania]

I laughed. I cried. Then I made plans for where I'm going to use this link. Brilliant!

[Whitney]

LOVE the Lagerfeld portrait. Is it hot in here? He seems to be melting ...

[buzzgirl]

Ha ha...you said get to the "bottom" of this...

[Lindsay Lookoutbelowhan]

That's hot.

[DonnaJEM]

OK, now my hurl is ON DECK, and about ready to jump.
Hey I love art that actually gives me a physical reaction.
Even if it's puking.

[NY Diva]

I love it! Paris's "man hands" are hysterical!

[midevil]

Is that rash from severe body lice?

Oh, poor little crab! Somebody rescue him from that Hell! Hey, sounds like a new movie: From Smell: Cooch Crabs Croak on Hollyrude.

[Demon Kitty]

I am always amused that celebrated fashion designers like Lagerfeld have horrific tastes in clothing. Is Karl's portrait framed by engorged labia majora, minora and pubes? If Lohan and Hilton don't start wearing underwear, I am afraid I might become a heterosexual. They are putting a fucking damper on my sapphic psyche.

Demon Kitty

[Charlene]

Demon Kitty, don't you know? Nobody in Hollywood (or in America, from what I've read) has pubes any more. They tear them out by the roots, ripping the skin and causing horrible infections in the process, in order to be "clean".

Translation: 19-year-old porn freaks can't tolerate real women, so girls are forced to rip their most private hairs out by the roots to be barely acceptable these days. Disgusting.

[Crees_dahl]

Off course! Why go commando when you can pay $$$ for the same revolting look and get some "junk in your trunk".

Love the lil pimples!!!

[elizebeth]

This is just fantastic! I thought your "Hello Kitty Paris Hilton" was the best but nope....you've outdone yourself!

I have been TiVo'ing "The View" to make sure I dont miss any feuds now that Rosie is on. Anyway, last week she was mentioning seeing Llo's crotch on the internet. You KNOW that flashing the public is a problem when it makes it to "The View"!

Also you have once again captured the essence of your subject....I'm referring to Karl Lagerfeld. Dead on.

[jerkygirl]

Oh dear. I hope that's not a REAL iron cross on Herr Lagerfeld, lol. That is a perfect depiction of him, though. :)

[phlegmfatale]

You know, considering how ugly Paris Hilton's lady bits are in the flapping-in-the-wind photos, it's ironic how cruelly she laughed at that jerk talking about Lindsay's "fire crotch." Lindsay's isn't pretty by any stretch, but it's a damned sight less repugnant than Paris' hackneyed stargate.

Oh, and what a relief to know it was designer drawers and not actually deformities we were looking at. Brill illo, as per usual!

[Andrea]

14, 14, 14,
Don't you love us anymore???
Are you getting someone from MADD magazine to do your illos? This just dosn't seem like the Forteen I have come to rely on for artfully, cleverly, out do-ing the stylish fools in your satire with much more style than they could ever dream up.
Wha happun????
OK, I know you're busy...I hope you are making some serious $, and getting recognition, etc!!!
And that you come back with a vengeance.
til then, xox. Come back to us.

[Liz]

Laugh out loud fun! Thanks 14!

[theidlereceptionist]

After scraping the life out of my corneas Post Lindsay's Clam Viewing, I managed to see your brilliant draw-rings through the tears of horror.

1. LOVE your Lagerfeld. I'd say it's so caricatured BUT IT'S NOT. That's his spitting image. Delishe.

2. Paris' man hands strike autre fois!! I love.

3. Those Babboon Panties are SOME kind of evil. Can I be a fly on the wall in your brain for like, twenty minutes some day?

[Morrigan]

Just adding my voice to the rally of cheers! Thanks for making me laugh. Once again, I love crabby and Paris' man-hands (and feet) are always shudder-worthy.

I'm caught between laughter and tossing my cookies, and I love it!

[Texas]

Another masterpiece!!! Bravo!!! So very curious what Paris would say if she see this. She would die from embarassment! ROFL

[Anne]

ICK!!

[XXX]

Haha, this is great.

But has anyone paid attention to the fact that those lindsay lohan photos were quickly debunked as photoshopped?

[renfield]

Brilliant!First time I had to really laugh out loud this month, thankx!

[Bambino]

Your imagination is wild.....
Keep it running!

[carina]

seriously, what the hell is going on with their vags??

[slinkybender]

So, where I can buy these?

[La BellaDonna]

What's really scary is that the baboon bottom in the linked picture looks like an upside-down human face. More particularly, it looks like Herr Lagerfeld. Which may make the "human" part of my description a bit questionable, of course.

Just. EEK.

[Annie]

This is great!! But didn't someone prove that the pictures of Lindsey were photoshopped?

[Noelegy]

That's the problem with the "bare" look that you mentioned, Charlene: sometimes pulling out the hair reveals flesh better left unseen. Or to put it another way, not every woman's lady parts need to go commando.

14, this is funny! And queasy. I love the crab-in-a-pocket.

[Marie]

You're killing me!!! Perfect depiction of those gross little girls...

[ccc]

Love the freckles strewn all over the body of the first "Lindsay" model. The man hands on the "Paris" model are insanely hysterical. Your drawing has channeled my inner thoughts..Hollyweird starlet lady-bits look like pink droopy, melted candle waxy, dripping flesh. At least grow back a landing strip, ladies! Cover up those aging coochies...Please!
Carry on 14. You rock.

[Free the Crustaceans]

I have to admit I'm developing quite the fondness for Mr. Crabby. I think he deserves more back story. Where did he come from? Who did he used to be on before he was passed to Paris "Man Hands?" What are his goals and aspirations, and what does he see from his unique vantage point as he looks out at Hollyweird?

Inquiring minds want more crabby!

[DonnaJEM]

Another horrifying thought occured to me when I saw the pic of Linds and her exposed lady bits getting out of that car.

How many other people have sat in the seat of that very car, that had just sat on a groady park bench or hadn't showered, or had some crabbies of their own?
Makes me want to call Linds' OB-GYN and schedule a serious sit-down.

[deanna]

so now, would that be the fire crotch's fire crotch that langerfeld designs for in his portrait background, or is that just a hairy fire crotch coincidence in the background? love the cross blocking the yucky fire crotch gateway to the yuck zone.

[Ilsa]

LMAO at the Karl Lagerfeld portrait! A perfect likeness.

[Viper Tetsu]

The 'Bleaurrrulgh...' sound you will soon hear will be emanating from me the instant I stop laughing (which could be awhile). Disturbing to the core of my being, AND funny as hell. Nice combo.

Christ in a fiber-rich bran coating, this topic could be Graphic-Novel-worthy in your hands.

[Lichidogirl]

I've always heard the term "peed my pants laughing" but I'd never actually experienced it till now. That is just genius!

[Long Island Irish]

"striking similarity between the mating behavior of the female baboon and that of certain free-wheeling Hollywood starlets and was inspired to create a line of underwear that resembles the swollen ass of a baboon."

LOL LMAO! There is something really wrong with Paris though, it looks totally desiesed. Not normal looking at all.

[Damien]

Oh man its Friday and my Mojo just hauled ass out of town!!!

[mellen]

LOL I don't know - this site cracks me the heck up!!! Baboon looking crotch...heh

[cherise]

first off i love those freckles. there is no mistaking whose body THAT is. and secondly that's a perfect resemblance to that weirdo who goes by the name "lagerfeld". thirdly, hilarious

[michael may]

Lindsay shot is confirm faked.
but Paris is so real

[Rosa]

This is the hardest I've ever laughed. Well done.

[fart]

this is so funny i want some of that