Gallery of the Absurd

The Prison Art of Katie Holmes

Did anyone catch the heartfelt editorial cartoon Lindsay Lohan's father sketched while sitting in jail? Click here to view it so that you may understand the importance of the editorial cartoon we've posted below. As we were chuckling over Defamer's revised version of the Lohan cartoon, our assistant burst into our plush office and handed us a mysterious hand-delivered letter marked "urgent". We hastily tore it open and were shocked to discover a hand-written note from Katie Holmes! "Please publish this editorial cartoon on Gallery of the Absurd so the public will be aware of my plight. I have no contact with the outside world and am being held prisoner in Tom's gilded brainwash palace. I've sketched this cartoon as a final and desperate cry for help!"

(click to engorge...uh, I mean enlarge)

Poor Katie has portrayed herself as being ruthlessly torn from her family. A bat wielding Tom Cruise battles Katie's father while Xenu and the Scientologists restrain her distraught mother. Sumner Redstone looms ominously in the sky above while baby Suri seems to have been abandoned on the steps of the Scientology Center. I had no idea Katie could draw so well! If she ever manages to escape from Tom's iron grip, she could make a nice little art career for herself.

Ashlee Simpson Has Horse Mouth

How does Ashlee Simpson get her mouth to stretch like that? No wait, DO NOT answer that. I stumbled across these two photos and there was no way I couldn't put them side by side for your amusement (or indifference).

Heavily medicated, I grabbed my sketchbook and oil pastels and produced this freakish amalgamation while in a state of delerium. I've been quite sick the past few weeks and have had to spend lots of time recovering with bed rest, so this is all I have to post today. I'm almost fully recovered and will be posting new, more coherent frivolities soon.

Japanese Paris Hilton Doll For You!

The following announcement is written in Engrish:
Sanrio gracefully announce in a recently a Paris Hilton version of Hello Kitty doll. Only available in Japan. Makes the hoards of U.S. Paris Hilton fans filled with sadness and regret...until now. Gallery of Absurdly make Paris Hilton Doll for American fans today because your heart are thirsting for wishness to be like Paris. She realistically created with dress pulled up to show scary parts underneath when dancing in nightclub or showing offness to paparazzi of camera. Plincess Paris comes with two friends: Crabby and Tinklebell. Tinklebell pup having sadness because she used as fashion accessory instead of like other dogs. Her wishness is to frolicsome in breezy meadow with refresh, but Paris not let her. Crabby live under dress of Paris Hilton and enjoy happy time with plenty of air and sunshine. Paris like to shamelessly show Crabby off and one sees photos of him all over internet if one should look closely with braveness. Wishness of careful feeling of satisfaction beauty? Please buy doll after acknowledgement of scornful. Your dreams come true in spirit of happy vapid.

Illustration created using design concepts inspired by Japanese product packaging and design principles of "Engrish".

Chicago Gallery Show Announcement

Gallery of the Absurd will be showing a collection of original paintings and prints at the DVA Gallery in Chicago. "Alter Ego: Sordid Celebrity Gossip and Impossible Botanical Curiousities" showcases the gossip-inspired work of 14 along with the unusual botanical paintings of Aaron Norlan (14's studio mate). The show opens on August 25 and runs through mid-September. Some of 14's original paintings availabe for sale include "What If..", "If Lautrec Had Painted Keira Knightley", "The Disturbingly Cute Little Forest Mushroom", "Happy Monkeys Swinging in a Money Tree", "I Love Me", "If Schiele Had Painted Nicole Richie" and more. Contact the DVA Gallery for details. Below is an example from Aaron's collection of paintings.

George Clooney: Hollywood Monkey King

If Handsome George were a gorilla, this is what he'd look like. He's the reigning Monkey King of Hollywood and no one can push him off his pedestal. Other alpha male primates such as Russell Crowe and Bill O'Reilly have tried to knock the Georgerilla's crown off, but thus far have not succeeded.  Aggressive female primates who've attempted to domesticate the wild Georgerilla have failed, but that doesn't stop them from being lured by the Georgerilla's smoothly seductive charms. If you are approached by the Georgerilla while traveling in the jungles of Hollywood, ask about his "Best Supporting Ape" statue and kindly offer him a hotdog. You and the Georgerilla will become fast friends...especially if you're a female. Medium: Ink, acrylic on paper, Latin phrase by Michael K.

Mel Gibson's Bumper Sticker

(click to enlarge)
I checked my email this morning and a friend had forwarded me some Mel Gibson drunk driving jokes written by someone named Reese L. Here are a few of the jokes and I hope they don't offend:

Joke #1: I thought Mel Gibson was worried about the End Times, but it's the Early Times that have got that guy messed up!

Joke #2: I saw this bumper-sticker on Mel Gibson's car: Swerve If You Love Jesus.

I read the jokes and was inpired to create a bumper sticker - thanks Reese! Additionally, there are others on the blogosphere who are having a similar good time with Mel's predicament. Medium: Ink on paper, photoshop.

Here's a delightful pic of a drunken Mel with two blondes clinging to him as he leaves a bar. A classic.

This press release was just sent to me regarding Mel and his "Vodka Filled Water Bottle". No doubt you'll see this all over the internet, so I'm including only the best parts:

The National Enquirer has exclusively uncovered new details from the night Mel Gibson got arrested and the events that led up to his unraveling. “Mel grabbed a bottle of vodka from behind the bar, poured himself a drink – and filled an empty water bottle with the clear booze,” said an eyewitness. “Then he started sipping out the water bottle. Everyone thought it was just water. It was straight vodka!” ...the immense pressures of filming “Apocalypto” in sweltering Mexico, reduced Mel to a pathetic drunk, who talked to himself, fought with his crew and developed a disturbing nervous tic....
“The bottom line is that Mel went crazy in the jungle,” an insider told the Enquirer. “ He showed up on the set disheveled, confused and talking to himself. He was drinking heavily at night. They’d find him hours later dancing the mambo at local cafes – drunk as a skunk.”