Gallery of the Absurd

Celebimals: Britneyroo and the Freeloading Federline Lizard

The poor little barefoot Britneyroo (careerisoverum) is worn down and burdened from always having to lug the Freeloading Federline Lizard (paraciticus wannabeus africus reptilia) around in her pouch. The Lizard sits back, cracks open a 40 ouncer, and daydreams about one day becoming a big rap star. He never has to lift a finger to do anything other than keep the Britneyroo knocked up. What a life the slimy little Lizard has. Medium: Ink, acrylic on paper, Britneyroo Latin name by Kipling West, Lizard Latin name by Michael K.

Celebimals: The Brangelino

I couldn't figure out what animals Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt looked like....until Michael K. of Dlisted said "draw Angelina as a Rhino with Brad picking flies out of her ears". Never in a million years would I have thought of that. I took the challenge and created the Rhangelino (homeus wreckerus) and the Brird (subservius hunkus).

Animal Magazine is hitting the newstands this week and Issue 7 features ten exclusive Gallery of the Absurd illustrations with commentary written by Michael K. While Harpers Bazaar attempts to shock with a naked Britney Spears cover, Animal prefers to titillate with the tattooed and sexy-lipped Brangelino. You can get your copy here. More images from the "Celebimals" series will be posted here throughout July. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper. Latin names by Michael K.

Star's Circus Atmosphere

I rarely watch television, but was compelled to sit in front of the TV last night and watch Star Jones on Larry King. I painted three portraits during the interview and burst into laughter when Star said The View was a "circus atmosphere". It was fun night. Medium: Acrylic, gouache, pastel, paper, a few glasses of wine and a television set.

How To Attract A Star Fish

Rumors are flying that Star Jones got canned from The View because of all the attention surrounding her shameless quest for freebies and because of the denial and controversy surrounding her dramatic weight loss. When it comes to Star Jones, I don't know what to believe...all I know is that when Animal Magazine asked Michael K and I to come up with ideas for celebrity animals, we all agreed that Ms. Jones reminded us of one of those bug-eyed goldfish.  According to popular speculation, both the Bug-Eyed Star Fish (gastrica bypassus denialus) and the Reynolds Rainbow Trout (homosexus closeta) are awash in various forms of denial.

Gossip Trading Cards: Wanton Starlet

Lindsay Lohan's swinging love life could easily be mistaken for one of those trashy pulp fiction novels from the 50's and 60's. With her come-hither, yet dazed eyes, she's the perfect model of man eating temptress typically shown on the covers of lurid vintage paperbacks. Consider these actual titles...Born For Sin, Man Bait, or Lust is a Woman and imagine how natural Lindsay would look pictured on the cover. One can hardly keep up with reports of who she's dating, one week it's Brett Ratner and the next it's Bruce Willis.  The most recent report claims she's moving to Europe because she's dating "several men over there." Once she's ravanged Europe, the little kitten on the prowl is sure to relocate to other continents in search of fresh prey. Medium: Acrylic on board, digital text.

To further my point, I scanned a random page from Lust in Orbit, a 1963 title from my own collection of trashy vintage novels. After reading this excerpt, one can easily picture Lindsay as the narrator.

Gossip Trading Cards: Creepy Dad

Viewing Joe Simpson through the filthy looking glass of celebrity gossip, he appears as the Creepiest Dad in Hollywood.  You won't find this term printed in the tabloids, but bloggers have no problems pointing out their perception of Jessica and Ashlee's daddy/manager. Papa Simpson elevated his own level of creep straight into the stratosphere a few years ago while speaking of daughter Jessisca's ample assets. This little gem came a'tumbling out of his mouth: "If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both. She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!" Not the words you'd expect from a former Baptist minister.  Shudder.

On top of that, Joe has adopted the slick (and often hilarious) fashion sense typically seen on aging men in Hollywood. This means wearing expensive silk shirts with bold images of fire breathing dragons and hotrod flames, oversized jewelry, and complicated jeans purchased from hip youthful boutiques. If you're going to ogle boobs, you may as well be dressed like a clownish strutting peacock.

This is first of my collection of trading cards based on Hollywood archetypes created from gossip-inspired folk tales.  I'm doing a set of 25 and all will be posted as soon as I finish each one. Medium: graphite and ink on board, digital color.

Nathaniel R from The Film Experience was kind enough to post an interview with me and you can read it here. His cinematic musings are much more interesting than my blathering nonsense, so do be sure and check out his blog. Also many thanks to TMZ.

Bai Ling's Fashion Show

(click to enlarge)

Guest artist Charles Frazier created this illustration of Bai Ling's many interesting outfits. I like how Bai Ling always seems to create an outfit out of bits of old tire, string and duct tape. Charles is a celebrity cartoonist and has been published in all sorts of magazines, but he doesn't yet have a website.  All that is changing and we'll let you know as soon as he launches "Startoonz", his showcase of celebrity and pop culture cartoons.

Shiloh Nouvel's First Scandal

Adorable little Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt is just over a week old and she's already at the center of gossip tabloid scandal. Seems the first public photo of Shiloh was leaked and posted to some our favorite gossip blogs. Since People magazine paid $4.1 million for exclusive rights for the photos, this did not sit well with the legal department over at Time Inc. Bloggers were demanded to remove the photos immediately or they would face the consequences. Gawker posts the legal exchanges and the scandal makes national headlines. Personally, I think posting the image to the Internet a few days before the magazine hits the stands will only serve to generate interest thus increasing sales....but what do I know? I never buy People magazine, but I'm buying 3 copies of the Shiloh Nouvel issue and that's an extra $12 for Time Inc. Medium: Graphite and ink on paper with digital color.