Gossip Trading Cards: Wanton Starlet

Lindsay Lohan's swinging love life could easily be mistaken for one of those trashy pulp fiction novels from the 50's and 60's. With her come-hither, yet dazed eyes, she's the perfect model of man eating temptress typically shown on the covers of lurid vintage paperbacks. Consider these actual titles...Born For Sin, Man Bait, or Lust is a Woman and imagine how natural Lindsay would look pictured on the cover. One can hardly keep up with reports of who she's dating, one week it's Brett Ratner and the next it's Bruce Willis.  The most recent report claims she's moving to Europe because she's dating "several men over there." Once she's ravanged Europe, the little kitten on the prowl is sure to relocate to other continents in search of fresh prey. Medium: Acrylic on board, digital text.

To further my point, I scanned a random page from Lust in Orbit, a 1963 title from my own collection of trashy vintage novels. After reading this excerpt, one can easily picture Lindsay as the narrator.

Comments

[Mallory]

Your painting never cease to amaze me. You captured her glazed-over look perfectly.

I love it.

[Morrigan]

I hate to say it 14, but you almost made her too pretty. Maybe I'm jealous in that I'm a redhead with freckles who can't tan. Okay, I could spray on the orange stuff, but yikes.

Very creative with the 'pulp fiction' dime novel of the 50's and 60's look.

tip o' me hat to you.

[china blue]

"I just needed a man, any man." Story of her life. Must be like throwing a hot dog into the Grand Canyon by now...

[Madame M]

Just. Perfect.

As much as her busty assets are well-documented on the piece, I think you *really* captured the dazed look with which she's ambling these days. Wtf? Is Linds drugged these days?

[BrnEyedGirl676]

That's great - I can also see Lindsay on a moor, the wind whipping through her hair, clutching her torn bodice that was ripped as she was ravished by a plundering Highlander. Smut novel cover art.
BTW "...Once she's ravanged Europe..." - ravaged??

[Candice]

Love it as usual, 14. You are the perfect mix of talent and creativity. I adore how you see pop culture.

[d.c.]

You need a life.. Lindsay's so amateur compared to Paris 'I kill what I touch' Hilton..

[DonnaJEM]

It's still so hard to believe that this is the cute little girl from The Parent Trap remake (which my daughters still love to watch!)
And could someone please tell me, what the hell is a "fire crotch"?!?!

Beautiful work 14. As usual.

[nunzia]

that is awesome.

[Hugh G.]

Awesome concept and execution 14! I even love your font choices. Not only are you an amazing painter, but you've got a great eye for graphic design.

It's a shame someone as hot as Lindsay is such a whore. But...maybe that's what I like about her? Eep!

[Demon Kitty]

So fabulous 14! So fabulous! Brandon Davis' nom de guerre ("firecrotch") for her still gives me the creeps and unfortunately he started something that will never end.

I would love it if Lindsay turned out to be a big lesbian .... there is something about her.

Demon Kitty

[Javelin]

Tear all the pages out of a trashy romance novel and all the pages from a druggie memoir novel and shuffeled them up: voila! lindsay lohan's biography.

I wonder which addiction will send her to rehab first hehe

the skin tone is fantastic, really right on. awesome

[Fred]

I'll always think of her as the cute little girl in The Parent Trap! I don't care who she's banging!

[skyviewsatellite]

I was more than happy to pile on the negative commments that Brandon Davis' video and your caricature of it invited. But now you use HIS slur in putting down Lohan? Even adding little flames in the background ("Fire - get it? Like fire crotch! Get it?") Were you one of the minority of of folks who thought Davis was hilarious? Why not go further and portray Lohan with a distended pudenda sprawled in her pathetic NY hotel? It was funny when Davis said it.

Here's a proposal; How about caricaturing Tucker Carlson for calling the alleged Duke rape victime a "crypto-hooker" and then you can do a crypto-hooker caricature of her! Hilarious.

[Nell]

I love the pulp fiction idea! Great job...my only comment is you made Lindsay too pretty. She hasn't looked so good in years!

[Le Petite Chaperon Rouge]

hey you skyviewsatellite person, lighten up you crusty old grandpa. Fire Crotch is what all the kids are saying today and it's a term meaning sexy. You need to find your own fire crotch and get laid dude. The magic of the fire crotch just might rekindle your lost sense of humor.

[14]

Yes it's true, I can't spell. Plus, I always leave my misspelled words uncorrected to further add to my humiliation.

Thanks for all your comments!

love.
14

[Ali]

You captured her face perfectly. I love the assymetry. This is dead on!!

[Viper Tetsu]

Another cute little kid gets chewed up by the Fame Monster, then spit out in a viscous pulp of skeeze, makeup,and booze. Bet the film noir adaptation of your mock-pulp novel would beat the crap outta anything LiLo has appeared in since she was, well, too young to drive.

Again, at the risk of broken-record-dom, this one's fucking brilliant. Is there any art style or sub-genre you DON'T excel at? Christ on a Ritz with pimento.

[midevil]

Brilliant!

[Long Island Irish]

OOO I love how you painted her hair 14! She actually looks pretty here although the eyes are those of a true nympho. The only way you could have made this better was if you drew residue of white powder under her nose.

[John Dixon]

Essential. I wish I owned it.

[Bettie Page]

to china blue:

Agree on the drugged out Dazed and Confused look. Her "bedroom eyes" are the epitoome of an H user, or at the very least, Valium popping chick...

[Art Griego]

Has anyone here ever heard her songs? Her song "Confessions of a Broken Heart" is INTENSE. That's some serious WAILING. I'm serious, You can hear it on music.aol.com (the whole song, no less) Hey, I like to pile on like the rest, but I can't believe no one ever mentions it. And no, I'm not a shill, my email there is for real.