What If.....

For months the world has been anticipating the arrival of the Brangelina baby. Tabloids and bloggers have been speculating that this baby is destined to be the Most Beautiful Child Ever. New York Magazine ruffled feathers when stating "Not since Jesus has a baby been so eagerly anticipated." What I'd like to speculate is.....what if the offspring of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt isn't as stunningly gorgeous as everyone assumes? What if she's just a regular looking baby....maybe even a little goofy looking? It could happen! Just one look at the adorable baby Kevin Federline was able to produce for Britney Spears shows just how unpredictable the genetic lottery can be. Congratulations to the growing Jolie-Pitt clan. We're happy to learn that little Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt has arrived healthy and without complication. Despite my contrary speculation, there's a high likelihood this kid is going to be a looker. Medium: Acrylic and gouache on board.

Comments

[Morrigan]

Most newborns aren't particularly pretty, in my opinion. Then again, I've never been a parent. I loves it! Great take on all the 'Madonna and Child' paintings I had to study in high school and as an undergrad.

[Cyclops Kitten Natividad]

Despite what new parents think, most newborns are 1) hideous and 2) completely generic. But it's probably important for the continuation of the species that they aren't aware of that.

I like that Elmer Fudd got into the family tree somewhere there. Is that Angelina's side or Brad's, I wonder.

[lennox532]

Demi & Bruce...

[d. c.]

Well by her name they have a point and purpose for her if you could take time to notice what her names mean.. The One waited for to end suffering and being apart from God.. Shiloah, also pure, gentle waters of truth, that ran thru Judah, the lawgivers temple.. Neuvol.. new, to rebuild, Jolie, joy, happiness, Pitt a valley or depth of earth.. So, this child is hoped to be raised to be kind, considerate and able to help others in need, bring them down in the depths of dispair to a new happy life.

[Demon Kitty]

I was thinking about you this past Saturday when I attempted to watch "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". It was the most stupid movie I had ever seen. I was disgusted at the Hollywood spin doctors when I discovered that Vince Vaughn was in the movie.

The fact that America and maybe even the entire world are obsessed with them and their child is scary. The entire eugenics shit is still alive and well.

So much love,
Demon Kitty

[lydia]

awww, not nice to snark on the baby.I know you probably didn't mean anything bad but the baby just looks too ugly and retarded.I have a sense of humour for most things but children are a big no no for me.Sorry.

As for your examples...Kevin abd Britney have very nice features, if I can forget they're completely trashy so it's a no brainer than Sean Preston is cute. I think Demi Moore and Bruce Willis are very average looking people so their kids are average to ugly also. Although I've seen beautiful parents have not so nice looking kids and average parents have beautiful kids, I agree with you that this baby will be a looker too.I was afraid that had it been a boy, it would have giagantic lips and look like her scary brother,so I'm actually relieved it's a girl.

Love your work by the way and congrats to the Jolie-Pitts.

[Dave Hater]

Snark on babies all you want, 14. What have they done for US lately? Seriously.

[14]

Okay, just to make things clear..I'm not "snarking" on Brangelina's baby. This isn't a portrait of their actual baby..it's a speculation of what she might look like IF she's not as genetically perfect as everyone anticipates. It's a painting of a random buck-toothed kid that looks like Elmer Fudd. Besides, what's wrong with a random buck-tooth kid that looks like Elmer Fudd? NOTHING, that's what! : )

14

[Dave Hater]

My mom looks like Elmer Fudd. Just sayin'.

[Ali]

Ha ha! It's entirely possible their baby won't be beautiful.
Love it 14!!!

Angelina Jolie is not naturally beautiful; she has had plenty of plastic surgery. Who knows what her baby will look like?

[Karen Rani]

Every time I open your site, I exclaim, "Oh. My. Gawd! You gotta see this!" and IM my best friend Sassy. You peg these celebs so well. Another great one! Ugh - and that poor baby.

[Heather]

Yeh. I don’t know they're both a bit odd to me... brad was normal with Jen now it’s just weird to see how different he looks and acts with Angelina. I saw a page dedicated to how his look has changed over the years to almost match each woman in his life... eerie!

Anyhoo... the baby possibility is hilarious! It could happen... you never know! Everyone has bad features… the poor kid could walk away with them. lol... how funny would that be! Karma baby... KARMA!!

[Viper Tetsu]

Blasphemy and Ugly Baby Painting in one brilliant piece. Beautiful.

Keep on tippin' those sacred cows, m'dear. There's no crime in any satiric speculation on the appearance of the Brangelina's Spawn.

Are we worried that your illo'll hurt the li'l imp's feelings? It might make her burst into tears. Oh, wait. Of COURSE she'll burst into tears. And not because someone painted a fucking satirical picture of her. She's an infant, for the love of Baby Jesus in a Prada Bag. Incessant mewling is part of the job description.

[TheIdleReceptionist]

HAAA!!! My friends and I discuss all the time how handsome couples always have fugly kids.

This picture is gold. That baby looks like the tard from Goonies. And Brad looks like such a tool! Hah!

[Teresa]

You know, I have noticed that the most 'attractive' couples seem to have the non-cutest babies, while a lot of couples that aren't lookers have beautiful children. Sometimes their celebrity status makes people thing that their kid has to be cute just because the parents are easy on the eyes, even if the kid isn't anywhere near adorable.

Bravo 14 for exploring the possibility of their offspring not being the perfect creature everyone seems to be expecting. Like someone said above, look at Demi & Bruce. Those girls got the goofiest features of both their parents-poor things.

[chuckawucka]

That kid looks like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks.

[TheIdleReceptionist]

P.S. Lydia, you claim to put a moratorium on making fun of children and then you go on to discuss the less-than-supermodel look of the Moore/Willis children...what gives?

[DonnaJEM]

This is funny!! I think whom ever compared this childs birth with the birth of Jesus is suffering from a serious break from reality. A few phototogs trying to get into Namibia does not an emmaculate conception make.
Get over it folks! We'll see this kid soon enough!!

[Scout Finch]

My sister is a child advocacy lawyer and she keeps a list of her client's names that strike her as odd -- people have named their kids after liquor, Jell-O, body parts, personal lubricant, you name it.

Shiloh Nouvel sounds like a cheap bottle of wine to me. "I'll have the Shiloh Nouvel with the toasted cheese poppers, please. Oh, and let me smell the bottle cap."

I always thought that Brad Pitt looked like he woke up in a trailer park next to a bong. You know, he's the good-looking redneck that you'd never actually go out with, but you'd secretly think he was hot. Angelina has a similar slutty trashy look about her. I mean, goddamn she's hot, but she scares the hell out of me.

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt will have all the breeding and manners of these two. What that means, I have no idea.

[midevil]

You are a genius!

[grumpy]

Jesus so did not have this amount of pre-publicity ,,,

I dont think Joe could have lived up to all the "Who's the REAL Baby Daddy?" drama from Jerusalem Jossip or Gallilee Gawker ---

Did you all see the BBC contest ... to see how many people would figure out that Shiloh Nouvel could be translated as 'New Messiah' Children we are living through the End of Days :)

[arb]

it's sad and disturbing. my interest is just as peaked as the next person about what the baby loks like. hideous or dazzling, i hope they love her and keep her safe from all the insanity that is their life.

[Crees_dahl]

OH MY GAWD!!! Your shit is too funny and that baby is hideous it looks like Verne Troyer!

Soooo wicked 14...But I love it!!!

[cowlick Deann]

I was really looking forward to seeing your take on the 2nd coming... you did not disappoint! Half of the fun also comes from reading the comments. I immediatley thought of the Willis kids when I started reading the comments and someone beat me to it. Look at the unions where one of the parents are good looking and the other is not too hot (model + rock star) and the poor child gets the worst genes. For example: Billy Joel kid, any of Mick Jaggers kids, Tori Spelling, etc.