What If.....

For months the world has been anticipating the arrival of the Brangelina baby. Tabloids and bloggers have been speculating that this baby is destined to be the Most Beautiful Child Ever. New York Magazine ruffled feathers when stating "Not since Jesus has a baby been so eagerly anticipated." What I'd like to speculate is.....what if the offspring of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt isn't as stunningly gorgeous as everyone assumes? What if she's just a regular looking baby....maybe even a little goofy looking? It could happen! Just one look at the adorable baby Kevin Federline was able to produce for Britney Spears shows just how unpredictable the genetic lottery can be. Congratulations to the growing Jolie-Pitt clan. We're happy to learn that little Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt has arrived healthy and without complication. Despite my contrary speculation, there's a high likelihood this kid is going to be a looker. Medium: Acrylic and gouache on board.

Comments

[Morrigan]

Most newborns aren't particularly pretty, in my opinion. Then again, I've never been a parent. I loves it! Great take on all the 'Madonna and Child' paintings I had to study in high school and as an undergrad.

[Cyclops Kitten Natividad]

Despite what new parents think, most newborns are 1) hideous and 2) completely generic. But it's probably important for the continuation of the species that they aren't aware of that.

I like that Elmer Fudd got into the family tree somewhere there. Is that Angelina's side or Brad's, I wonder.

[lennox532]

Demi & Bruce...

[d. c.]

Well by her name they have a point and purpose for her if you could take time to notice what her names mean.. The One waited for to end suffering and being apart from God.. Shiloah, also pure, gentle waters of truth, that ran thru Judah, the lawgivers temple.. Neuvol.. new, to rebuild, Jolie, joy, happiness, Pitt a valley or depth of earth.. So, this child is hoped to be raised to be kind, considerate and able to help others in need, bring them down in the depths of dispair to a new happy life.

[Demon Kitty]

I was thinking about you this past Saturday when I attempted to watch "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". It was the most stupid movie I had ever seen. I was disgusted at the Hollywood spin doctors when I discovered that Vince Vaughn was in the movie.

The fact that America and maybe even the entire world are obsessed with them and their child is scary. The entire eugenics shit is still alive and well.

So much love,
Demon Kitty

[lydia]

awww, not nice to snark on the baby.I know you probably didn't mean anything bad but the baby just looks too ugly and retarded.I have a sense of humour for most things but children are a big no no for me.Sorry.

As for your examples...Kevin abd Britney have very nice features, if I can forget they're completely trashy so it's a no brainer than Sean Preston is cute. I think Demi Moore and Bruce Willis are very average looking people so their kids are average to ugly also. Although I've seen beautiful parents have not so nice looking kids and average parents have beautiful kids, I agree with you that this baby will be a looker too.I was afraid that had it been a boy, it would have giagantic lips and look like her scary brother,so I'm actually relieved it's a girl.

Love your work by the way and congrats to the Jolie-Pitts.

[Dave Hater]

Snark on babies all you want, 14. What have they done for US lately? Seriously.

[14]

Okay, just to make things clear..I'm not "snarking" on Brangelina's baby. This isn't a portrait of their actual baby..it's a speculation of what she might look like IF she's not as genetically perfect as everyone anticipates. It's a painting of a random buck-toothed kid that looks like Elmer Fudd. Besides, what's wrong with a random buck-tooth kid that looks like Elmer Fudd? NOTHING, that's what! : )

14

[Dave Hater]

My mom looks like Elmer Fudd. Just sayin'.

[Ali]

Ha ha! It's entirely possible their baby won't be beautiful.
Love it 14!!!

Angelina Jolie is not naturally beautiful; she has had plenty of plastic surgery. Who knows what her baby will look like?

[Karen Rani]

Every time I open your site, I exclaim, "Oh. My. Gawd! You gotta see this!" and IM my best friend Sassy. You peg these celebs so well. Another great one! Ugh - and that poor baby.

[Heather]

Yeh. I don’t know they're both a bit odd to me... brad was normal with Jen now it’s just weird to see how different he looks and acts with Angelina. I saw a page dedicated to how his look has changed over the years to almost match each woman in his life... eerie!

Anyhoo... the baby possibility is hilarious! It could happen... you never know! Everyone has bad features… the poor kid could walk away with them. lol... how funny would that be! Karma baby... KARMA!!

[Viper Tetsu]

Blasphemy and Ugly Baby Painting in one brilliant piece. Beautiful.

Keep on tippin' those sacred cows, m'dear. There's no crime in any satiric speculation on the appearance of the Brangelina's Spawn.

Are we worried that your illo'll hurt the li'l imp's feelings? It might make her burst into tears. Oh, wait. Of COURSE she'll burst into tears. And not because someone painted a fucking satirical picture of her. She's an infant, for the love of Baby Jesus in a Prada Bag. Incessant mewling is part of the job description.

[TheIdleReceptionist]

HAAA!!! My friends and I discuss all the time how handsome couples always have fugly kids.

This picture is gold. That baby looks like the tard from Goonies. And Brad looks like such a tool! Hah!

[Teresa]

You know, I have noticed that the most 'attractive' couples seem to have the non-cutest babies, while a lot of couples that aren't lookers have beautiful children. Sometimes their celebrity status makes people thing that their kid has to be cute just because the parents are easy on the eyes, even if the kid isn't anywhere near adorable.

Bravo 14 for exploring the possibility of their offspring not being the perfect creature everyone seems to be expecting. Like someone said above, look at Demi & Bruce. Those girls got the goofiest features of both their parents-poor things.

[chuckawucka]

That kid looks like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks.

[TheIdleReceptionist]

P.S. Lydia, you claim to put a moratorium on making fun of children and then you go on to discuss the less-than-supermodel look of the Moore/Willis children...what gives?

[DonnaJEM]

This is funny!! I think whom ever compared this childs birth with the birth of Jesus is suffering from a serious break from reality. A few phototogs trying to get into Namibia does not an emmaculate conception make.
Get over it folks! We'll see this kid soon enough!!

[Scout Finch]

My sister is a child advocacy lawyer and she keeps a list of her client's names that strike her as odd -- people have named their kids after liquor, Jell-O, body parts, personal lubricant, you name it.

Shiloh Nouvel sounds like a cheap bottle of wine to me. "I'll have the Shiloh Nouvel with the toasted cheese poppers, please. Oh, and let me smell the bottle cap."

I always thought that Brad Pitt looked like he woke up in a trailer park next to a bong. You know, he's the good-looking redneck that you'd never actually go out with, but you'd secretly think he was hot. Angelina has a similar slutty trashy look about her. I mean, goddamn she's hot, but she scares the hell out of me.

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt will have all the breeding and manners of these two. What that means, I have no idea.

[midevil]

You are a genius!

[grumpy]

Jesus so did not have this amount of pre-publicity ,,,

I dont think Joe could have lived up to all the "Who's the REAL Baby Daddy?" drama from Jerusalem Jossip or Gallilee Gawker ---

Did you all see the BBC contest ... to see how many people would figure out that Shiloh Nouvel could be translated as 'New Messiah' Children we are living through the End of Days :)

[arb]

it's sad and disturbing. my interest is just as peaked as the next person about what the baby loks like. hideous or dazzling, i hope they love her and keep her safe from all the insanity that is their life.

[Crees_dahl]

OH MY GAWD!!! Your shit is too funny and that baby is hideous it looks like Verne Troyer!

Soooo wicked 14...But I love it!!!

[cowlick Deann]

I was really looking forward to seeing your take on the 2nd coming... you did not disappoint! Half of the fun also comes from reading the comments. I immediatley thought of the Willis kids when I started reading the comments and someone beat me to it. Look at the unions where one of the parents are good looking and the other is not too hot (model + rock star) and the poor child gets the worst genes. For example: Billy Joel kid, any of Mick Jaggers kids, Tori Spelling, etc.

[Lizzy]

What is the baby holding? Is that a biblical thing? I don' get it.

[14]

It's the pink soap from Fight Club!

14
not really, but it should have been. Actually it's a scroll of some sort - doesn't show up to well.

(thx kdk)

[Rix]

Freaky...but those baby's ears look exactly like mine!

[Nicole]

Congrats to the illegitimate love child. What a family to be born into. Mom-one who told the world she just screwed in the limo to the awards with a dumpster diving look-a-like and Dad-was married, but fell for the crotch of co-star and couldn't keep pants zipped.

[Dirty Diapers]

Newborn babies are great inspiration for Hollywood
monster movies - those squished faces are so horrifying. People
who get hopped up because someone is making fun of
"helpless children" are just egotistical assholes.
What, baby humans are so holier than thou that they
can't be teased? Meanwhile, we club baby seals with
abandon. Humans are no different from any other
living organism, it's only our pitiful little ego that
makes us believe we're better than every other living
thing.

[Demon Kitty]

I couldn't help it. I came back and it is really interesting to see how these comments have evolved. Thank God for the anonymous poster who said that Angelina Jolie had plastic surgery. I am so glad I am not the only one who noticed!!!! Kisses to that person! And God Bless Scout Finch for the acurate description of Brad Pitt who "looks like he woke up in a trailer park next to a bong" not to mention introducing the idea of naming your child after a personal lubricant. Brad Pitt always reminded me of my redneck cousin Jim anyway ... and I have to agree with Scout Finch that Shilo Nouvel does sound like a bottle of cheap vino; it could also be the name of a drag queen or a porn star. I always thought that Bradgelina were a bit pretentious with their Goodwill stuff.

So Much Love,
Demon Kitty

[Sweet]

Finally someone gets it right!

[Kimmy]

Loved the painting!

Maybe it's just me, but I never found Pitt or Jolie that attractive. Angelina looks like a Bratz doll come to life while Pitt always struck me as average at best.

[pawleysgirl]

Brills...you've done it again! The little baby buckteeth, the elvish ears and glazed eyes...I love it all. Keep 'em coming 14!

[alexi]

You know, Sean Preston Federline is actually pretty hideous. Poor kid. Born into a family where not one person is sane. Much like the Jolie-Pitts. What are these kids goinjg to think when they view all the video footage and press of their parents? "Having sex with Angelina Jolie is like having sex with a couch?" Shiloh is never going to hear the average Yo Mama jokes. What about when Sean Preston sees "Chaotic?" Holy shit.
Hopefully, the money and material goods will ease their pain.

[Teena]

With everything else going on in the world, why is everyone so obsessed with the Jolie-Pitts, or any other so-called celebrity? They are just people who are no more special than the rest of us. They eat....sleep....and have to use the restroom like everyone else. GET OVER IT!!

[Jackie]

I love the absolutely vacant look on Brad's face. Besides, let's face it, they BOTH have been under the knife. Who knows what that kid will look like?

[Long Island Irish]

LOL I love this, I bet the kid will be cute though.

[Neighbor]

Their features should blend together for a good looking kid, but what a funny painting! I like what Dirty Diapers wrote. It's okay to kid about babies. Really. There's nothing dangerous or threatening. Seriously, I think most babies are overrated anyway. I never get excited seeing someone's kid. It's only a thrill for the family & friends. Anyway, Brad and Jen would have had good looking offspring... kids with shiny blue eyes and healthy, glowing complexions. Oh well. We've got the Jolie-Pitt menagerie to clog up the magazines for another year or two.

[Emily]

Shiloh is a dog's name.

[Jill]

Would it have been too much for them to get married to make this coveted child legit? No, it's much better that THEY APPEAR cool, and hip, and not bothered by things like licenses to give their off spring legality. Their children won't suffer---they're rich and special. Let's hope this child is BEAUTIFUL or it will suffer from all the snide remarks and put downs all it's rich little life. Love you 14! Keep em coming!

[bernie]

Can someone explain this - a family with different surnames or are they stage names?
John Voight...Father
Marcheline Betrand...mother
Angelina Jolie....daughter & sister of James Haven
James Haven....son and brother of Angelina Jolie

[Nia]

Ouch Nicole!
That's just one sliding slope into Brandon Davis speak there!

Very good likeness of the parentals, excellent work, and lovely Byzantine style.

Also Ugly Babies! Blashpemy! Some of my favourite things!

[Jess]

All newborns are actually ugly, but their parents think they're beautiful regardless. Some are easier to look at than others I'll admit, but this particular baby better be BEAUTIFUL, or the world will never forgive her.

[Fug.]

Gorgeous picture! You draw Angelina and Brad really well!

Heh, I do hope Shiloh doesn't end up looking like that :P

[HOPE]

DOESN'T ANGELINA HAVE BROWN EYES?

[emma kate]

If I hear this sort of blabber one more time I swear I'll kill someone:

"LYKE OMGZ DID U HEAR BRANGELEENAS NEW BEBEH`S NAME MEANS NEW SAVIOR THAT IS SO PRESUMPTIOUS/CUTE/APOCALYPTIC OF THEM!"

Just shut up. Shut up. I wasn't given my name because of it's meaning. I was named because my parents liked the name. Now, I know this sounds crazy, but just go with me on this, maybe, JUST MAYBE, parents name their kids certain names they like, REGARDLESS OF MEANING.

Wow. Imagine that.

Anyway great job 14. You're so talented!

[Pepper]

Dead on. My experience has always been that really attractive couples always manage to have really ugly children (ever notice that?). I think it must be the universe's way of balancing itself out.

[Angelinahastheclap]

Am I the only one who finds Angelina to look completely freakish? She looks like a comic book drawing come to life. Brad went from a chick with a lumberjack chin to a chick that would scare me in a dark alley at night. And right on... he is the guy next to the bong in the trailer that I would do but not date.

[Cyclops Kitten Natividad]

Is it true that Jennifer Aniston calls Jolie "Gollum" to her friends? She certainly has something with that comparison. Who knew Aniston had enough of a sense of humor to come up with something like that!