Gallery of the Absurd

Paris Hilton Strikes a Pose

A few weeks ago, I asked my friend (and one of my favorite artists) Robert Hardgrave to be a guest artist on Gallery of the Absurd.  He's not obsessed or corrupted with celebrity gossip like the rest of us, so he had no idea what to do. Robert innocently said "I guess I'll have to go buy a tabloid so I can see what's going on out there".  !!!!! Oh, how I wish I was still as innocent as he!!!  He's one of those people who when you ask him about Kevin Federline, he says "who's that?"  That is why I love Robert. Here is his version of Paris Hilton.... I think he captured her beautifully.

I'll be back with regular postings starting in April.  I'm working on a super secret celeb project with a HOT gossip blogger right now. Soon, very soon we'll unveil our madness.

A Chimpanzee Hall of Mirrors

Yes it's true, whenever I get too busy to produce new art for this blog, I drag out my trusty old Jeff Polage photos. Quite frankly, I can't tell which is the chimp and which is Andy Dick...or which is Mr. Polage for that matter.  New art coming soon, but in the meantime, do check out this crazy gossip I found in the UK tabloids. Those Brits really know how to dish the dirt:

• More evidence Angelina Jolie is directly contributing to Brad Pitt's chewed up appearance.
• Christina Aguilera and her giant red lips ogle sexy undies while her hubby sits there and tries to act like he's not paying any attention to the gorgeous scantily clad women who are slinking past him.
• As if Paris Hilton isn't enough of a cartoon character already, now she and sister Nikki are planning on creating a Simpsons-style autobiographical cartoon of their lives. I wonder if they'll be contacting me to create the characters? Doubt it.
• Donald Trump and his hair are not big fans of Kevin Federline.
• UK reporter uses Larry Wachowski as unfortunate poster child demonstrating how "Hollywood is renowned as the world capital of excessive, freakish behaviour". If you ask me, this reporter could have found dozens, no, hundreds of far better examples to illustrate his point.

If Lichtenstein Had Painted Britney Spears

Some of Roy Lichtenstein's best known paintings are those inspired by comic book panels. Many of the female subjects Lichtenstein portrayed appeared to be in distress, so I wondered how he might paint Britney Spears.  Poor Brits, bloggers and tabloids are having a field day pointing out the fact her tummy is protruding...could she be pregnant again?  Britney's drama never ceases, just yesterday she stepped on a hypodermic needle while walking around barefoot and had to be rushed to the hospital. Add that to the stress of being married to a no talent Neanderthal who is draining her bank account with his incessant spending and partying.... and you just KNOW Britney is in distress. Medium: Acrylic on paper, digital color.

A Shocking Night at the Grocery Store

I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store watching the man in front of me pull his wallet from out of his pants (not his pocket, his PANTS) and then I started giggling because the cashier didn't want to touch his money and she started lecturing him about how it's unsanitary to keep money near one's "personal area" and he kept saying "I am shocked, absolutely SHOCKED you are talking to me like this!!" and she screams "I NOT touch you money!!!!" I had to look away, so as to not burst out laughing...so I turn my attention to the tabloid rack and am SHOCKED to see an angry Jessica Simpson snarling at me from the cover of OK! Magazine with the headline, "Jessica Gets Her Revenge!!!" I'm used to seeing Jessica looking like a goofy cotton candy airhead, mouth open wide, clueless deer in the headlight eyes, skin a cheery shade of orange...but this photo hints she might be changing her image from Fluffy Blonde Boob Bimbo to Scorned Bad Girl on a Mission for Revenge. oooooh, I hope so!!! Medium: Ink and watercolor on paper.

If Picasso Had Painted Shannen Doherty

This is my vision of Shannen Doherty and her little dog if Picasso were to paint her, and is first in my series of "What if Important Artists of the 20th Century Were to Paint the Portraits of Today's Tabloid Celebrities?"  I've been planning this series for a while, but hadn't considered painting Ms. Doherty until I received a timely and mysterious email from a reader who sent the image below along with the message, "Shannen Doherty/Picasso...remarkable!"  Oh, how I love when synchronicity and coincidence occurs. Many thanks to Henway for the suggestion. If you'd like to create your own Picasso painting, go here.  Medium: Acrylic and oil pastel on panel.

Angelina Jolie's Subservient Pull Toy

Brad Pitt has gone from sexiest man alive to subservient, pitiful yes-man who does whatever his girlfriend says. Ever since he met Angelina, he seems to have completely forgotten his self-identity. Don't believe us? Consider the following:

Angelina wears dark clothes, and what do you know.....Brad has started wearing dark clothes.
Angelina is a pilot....and SURPRISE! Brad wants to be a pilot.
Angelina is a Goodwill Ambassador, now Brad wants to be a Goodwill Ambassador.
AND.... the most obvious example of Brad's spineless metamorphosis can be observed in how Angelina grabs his hand and leads the way at each and every photo op. Brad is a pull toy, a handsome man on wheels who tends and entertains the kids while Angelina dazzles.

Curious about the shiny red button on the Pull Toy's back? Press it and Pull Toy happily responds:

"Yes dear."
"Whatever makes you happy, dear."
"I agree with you dear, excellent idea."
"Whatever you say dear."

Medium: Ink on paper, digital color.