Investigating Nicole's Jimmy Choo Ads
If you've browsed through the latest fashion magazines, then you've likely seen Nicole Richie's beautifully photographed Jimmy Choo ads. We were curious how film director and photographer Brett Ratner was able to capture the overwrought drama displayed in the photos, so we asked our in-house photo analysis team to investigate. SCANDAL! They were able to uncover the original photograph before it was transformed with extensive airbrushing:
[PRE-AIRBRUSHED IMAGE. Click to enlarge]
The annoyed expression and exaggerated gesticulation displayed by Nicole and her companion is NOT caused by the excess of paparazzi flashbulbs, but by concerned citizens offering food. Wrongfully assuming that Nicole might be hungry as she made a late exit out of the nightclub, several bystanders gathered to offer her something to eat. "Nicole, have some of my hot fudge sundae!", "Nicole, I've roasted a whole turkey for you!", "Over here Nicole! Taste my famous carbonara!" Notice the man on the far right of the photo. He achieves his expression the moment Nicole clocks him after he offers her a slice of pizza.
Figure 1. Unknown Hollywood Fancy Boy recoils in horror after a plate of pasta is shoved in his face. Just as vampires must avoid sunlight, Hollywood types avoid refined carbohydrates.
Figure 2. Nicole Richie sneers in disgust and annoyance in the presence of food.
Figure 3. Bystander is punched in the face after innocently offering a slice of pizza.
Once all the common bystanders are erased during post production and replaced with far more glamorous images of tuxedoed paparazzi, the image is ready to be inserted into the magazines. I don't know about you, but this ad makes me want to run out and purchase an expensive handbag the size of a house. Apologies to Brett Ratner and Jimmy Choo - this is a parody.
Good one, 14; here I thought Hollywood FancyBoy's expression was from a thump in the gnarlies with that big ugly purse! Thanks for settin' me straight!
Posted by: Doris Karloff | February 27, 2006 at 03:41 PM
I think Nicole would actually fit inside of that bag!
Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) | February 27, 2006 at 03:42 PM
She is so gross to look at. She reminds me of the starving children in Bangladesh my parents used to show me to get me to finish my dinner.
If the handbag is bigger than you, you shouldn't wear it.
So Much love,
Demon Kittty
Posted by: Demon Kitty | February 27, 2006 at 08:47 PM
I think that Nicole should put that bag to better use, by eating it.
Posted by: Jazz | February 28, 2006 at 03:27 AM
"Jimmy Chew" "Hollywood Fancy Boy" -- LMAO -- love it! This ad campaign totally puts me out of the mood for shopping for Choos.
Posted by: Ilsa | February 28, 2006 at 06:14 AM
She's so little and that bag is so big that I'm surprised she can hold it up.
Posted by: Long Island Irish | February 28, 2006 at 08:58 AM
Lol! This is great, she really look like disgusted!!
Posted by: aoi | February 28, 2006 at 09:10 AM
14!
You are the queen of all media!
BTW, doesn't the guy with the Pizza slice look like Federline?
Posted by: Crees_Dahl | February 28, 2006 at 10:41 AM
ok this site sucks now, u really need to get back to your old art which drew us all in, now u are just taking your audience for granted and half assing everything...
Posted by: um truthfull | February 28, 2006 at 04:42 PM
OMG I love the re-drawn arms. Funny sh*t.
Posted by: E | February 28, 2006 at 04:48 PM
Hilarious pic. I also appreciate that it bumped the goatse down the page...I no longer throw up a little in my mouth every time I check the site for updates. You're a certifiable genius, 14!
Posted by: Bex | February 28, 2006 at 07:12 PM
Girl, imma pee my pants!! You think she sings in the shower "All night long... I'll starve myself All Night Loooong..."?
Posted by: Janine | February 28, 2006 at 09:34 PM
OMG I would totally die for arms like Nicole's. It would be so fucking hot to not be able to lift anything. You'd have to make someone do it for you. Hot.
Posted by: Brandon | March 01, 2006 at 11:34 AM
I was also wondering how little tiny Nickie could hold that bag up.
Like her stomach, it must be empty.
I've seen this ad in a few mags and I don't get it. I like your explanation though, makes sense to me now.
Posted by: DonnaJEM | March 01, 2006 at 07:15 PM
how in the world is that ad supposed to make me want to buy the bag my mother had in 1983? Will is make me anorexic?
Posted by: | March 01, 2006 at 09:25 PM
I like this blog entry alot, it was funny. I saw Nicole in a "sexy bikini celebs" article in US Magazine, she looked like a poster girl for anorexia, but evidently US magazine finds that look attracive. She was so skinny the FRONT of her bikini bottoms was sagging. now THAT'S gross!!
Posted by: Danielle | March 02, 2006 at 10:12 AM
I beleive UNICEF were going to airdrop a food parcels into Hollywood pretty soon, the site of under fed celebs has become to much to take ... donate now!
Posted by: Damien | March 02, 2006 at 03:01 PM
I remember hanging out with her a few years ago, werid girl.
Posted by: How to Get the Girl of your Dreams | March 02, 2006 at 05:43 PM
How come nobody offered me any tasty treats like that when I was posting chart topping singles?
Posted by: Elvis | March 04, 2006 at 12:14 PM
Brilliant! They might as well put a cane in her hand and it would be an ad for osteoperosis.
Posted by: Deana | March 04, 2006 at 01:09 PM
That is so funny! All the disgusted faces. At least now we know why ;-)
Posted by: Ines | March 04, 2006 at 01:34 PM
Too funny! I have to wonder, what is it about Nicole Richie that has made her famous? Her daddy? She is a no talent rake whom I suspect carries rocks in her purse so she's not blown away by the wind. Someone give the girl a hotdog........
Posted by: lola.lollipop | March 07, 2006 at 08:33 AM
I totally thought someone had made her bag look bigger than it was.
Posted by: annie | March 27, 2006 at 02:17 AM
I can't believe she can actually hold that bag! It's twice her size. I used to admire Nicole Richie so much until she bit the Hollywood fishing hook of being extremely skinny.
Posted by: kid.princess | April 01, 2006 at 04:39 PM
OMG I almost choked! I am sitting on the toilet surfing. As usual I have been at it too long and can't get up and go to bed as I know I should. Well, this is the one that allows me to wipe my ass, brush my teeth and call it a night. Finally - something entertaining enough to end the day on. Thanks a bunch!
Posted by: SpannerKit | April 06, 2006 at 10:15 PM
Maybe they'll get so skinny they'll just disappear.
Posted by: Mary | June 01, 2006 at 08:07 AM
I'm surprised they didn't choose someone a little more... well... sophisticated. Sorry. I don't mean to be rude but there are so many more very elegant women. Nicole is lots of great things but elegant isn't one of them.. Come on! Look at Kate Moss, look at Angelina Jolie! Check out the catwalk sometime for that matter. Nicole simply doesn't have that kind of elegance and presence. She's not that kind of girl. She's more the sometimes-cute-sometimes-sultry-type and rather rough around the edges for high fashion. But elegant and sophisticated? Not really.. I'm sorry. I just don't see it. I think she and Choo are a mismatch.. I had a different impression of Choo shoes. I guess THEY'RE the ones selling out.
Posted by: Quinn | July 31, 2007 at 12:27 PM